THE END TIMES
VOLUME IV || ISSUE 2 || FEBRUARY 8, 2007
Non-Discussion Clouds the Topic of Female Toe-Sucking
Talent Show Cancelled for 2007
Non-Discussion Clouds the Topic of Female Toe-Sucking
Saturday, February 24 promises
to be a ground-shaking day at John Brown
University. Why is that? Because for the
first time since its inception, the JBU Talent
Show will not take place. Gone are the guitars,
dance numbers, and musical reenactments;
instead, JBU, say hello to Marilyn
Manson and Alice Cooper!
That�s right, the founder of shockrock is teaming up with the Antichrist of Rock �n� Roll for one extraordinary night of teeth-gnashing, head-snapping excitement. When asked about the concert, University spokespeople were unavailable for comment; however, one faculty member did state that, �JBU is trying to move into the new century; students deal with all kinds of things on a daily basis�like toe-sucking. Along with our new policies on dancing and gambling, [the administration] figured that this would just be another way we could tell everyone, �Hey. We�re not your daddy�s Christian College.��
Not everyone is happy about the development. Several talent show hopefuls burned by the decision have started protesting. Student Minds for Liberating Talent (SMLT) told the End Times, �It isn�t right that we should not be allowed to have a voice in these decisions. Let the students decide!�
Nevertheless, the concert is expected to be a big seller. According to the committee overseeing the project, �This is gonna be huge. And we�re not even charging money at the door! Admission is just one stray animal.�
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