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THE END TIMES VOLUME III || ISSUE 2 || DECEMBER 5, 2005 |
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JBU Used Car Lot To Be Constucted! Siloam 2nd Graders Replaced With Elven Entertainers Defending the Dollar: Greenspan to be Replaced by Schwarzenegger |
Siloam 2nd Graders Replaced With Elven EntertainersEvery December used to bring a cherished tradition to the hallowed halls of the Cathedral as the Siloam Springs second graders sang melodious Christmas carols to the JBU community. This year, however, the tiny people were replaced by other, slightly tinnier people. "It just makes sense," reasons one administrator, "The second graders were always showing up with whinny voices and sniffling noses. It just didn't fit with our vision of chapel, so we decided to go with the pros who really know what Christmas is about." The administrator reported that the elves had first been contacted about the performance around October and that they had been more than willing to make a little extra cash and fly down. "We were kinda apprehensive about everything, but we've been going through some labor difficulties lately up at the North Pole, so we thought about it and decided "Heck, why not?" states Elven lead man Horace Mistletoe. And while no one on campus is disputing the Elves abilities, several students felt that it cheapened the whole experience. "They didn't even spring for the real thing," decried sophomore Billy Twinkle, "They brought in a bunch of overweight and smelly elves who had been laid off by Santa. I mean, come on, who really wants to listen to a half hour long rendition of "99 Bottles of Eggnog on the Wall." |
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