THE END TIMES

VOLUME III || ISSUE 2 || DECEMBER 5, 2005

Wal-Mart Buys Out Santa!

Light Up Siloam 2005

JBU Used Car Lot To Be Constucted!

Siloam 2nd Graders Replaced With Elven Entertainers

C.S. Lewis To Speak In Chapel

Defending the Dollar: Greenspan to be Replaced by Schwarzenegger

The SOAPBOX: Glacier Water and the Japanese

Dear Phrank

To the Little Man

Other Little Things...

END TIMES HOME

Defending the Dollar:
Greenspan to be Replaced by Schwarzenegger

With the announced retirement of Federal Reserve Chairman Allen Greenspan coming into effect this January, the powers that be must decide on his replacement. Preliminary leanings were originally toward promoting someone within the Bank or at least choosing someone with a degree in economics, but a recent press release from the Federal Reserve Board of Directors seems to indicate a contrary position. At a press release on Monday, the Bank announced that it has selected California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger as the next Chairman of the Federal Reserve upon Greenspan's retirement. When interviewed, Board of Directors member Charlie Winfield said, "The Federal Reserve wants to take a more aggressive approach to our economy and we've liked what we've seen in his movies, so we figured he would be the perfect figurehead to the new Federal Reserve. Interest rates in one hand, double-barreled shotgun in the other."

"This definitely will be a new arena for me", admits Schwarzenegger, "But I'm confident that my rippling biceps will overcome the opposition." In an exclusive ET interview, the chairman-to-be said that he would be focusing on making the dollar "strong like me."

News of this decision has left the nation in a state of disbelief. When asked his reaction to the decision, JBU Professor and concerned citizen Dr. Jim Blankenship said, "Economics is a multi-faceted subject." In response to the opposition facing the news of the press release, Director Winfield spoke in the Federal Reserve's defense by saying, "At least he's not an Economic Girly Man."

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