|
Swamp Thing Plagues Campus!
Existance of JBU Bubble Proven!
Dogwood Festival Splintered!
Obituary:
Robert Matthew Fraser
Budget Forces Computer Downgrades!
Threefold Unmasked!
News Bites
Optical Intercourse Story Tells It Like It Is
To The Little Man
END TIMES HOME
|
OBITUARY
Robert Matthew Fraser
The End Times is mourning the loss of one of its founders. Yesterday, senior Matt Fraser was killed while playing his bagpipes in downtown Siloam Springs. A bus filled with nuns and small children was attacked by twenty ninjas as it stopped at the four-way stop on Main Street. Fraser beat off the attackers using his cat-like reflexes and superior mental agility. He took control of the bus, the driver having been knocked unconscious, and steered the nuns and children away from the ninjas. As they turned onto Mount Olive, an 8.5 magnitude (on the Richter Scale) earthquake destroyed the Sager Creek bridge and the bus plunged into the treacherous waters. Fraser successfully swam all the nuns and children to safety before the bus was eaten by a gaggle of rabid geese. As they waited for the police to arrive, Fraser helped an old lady cross the road by the Siloam Library and was hit by a rhinoceros that had escaped from the Gentry Wildlife Safari. He died from subsequent injuries. Fraser was graduating and his absence will weigh heavy on our hearts.
|