THE END TIMES

VOLUME II || ISSUE 3 || APRIL 20, 2005

Swamp Thing Plagues Campus!

Existance of JBU Bubble Proven!

Dogwood Festival Splintered!

Obituary:
Robert Matthew Fraser

Budget Forces Computer Downgrades!

Threefold Unmasked!

News Bites

Optical Intercourse Story Tells It Like It Is

To The Little Man

END TIMES HOME

Dogwood Festival Splintered!

Due to lack of corporate funding, the Dogwood Festival has been cancelled by the Chamber of Commerce. "We're really disappointed," said the mayor (who wished to remain anonymous). "The Dogwood Festival has been the highlight of this town for years!"

Efforts were made to salvage the lost event, including a new campaign to secure additional funding. Smiles were passed around yesterday evening, and then frowns when a donation of $100,000 arrived from Alpo for use in the Siloam Springs Dogfood Festival. The Chamber of Commerce tried to correct the misunderstanding, but Alpo held their ground.

After reluctantly agreeing to accept Alpo's donation, the Chamber of Commerce announced the First Annual Siloam Springs Dogfood Festival. Unlike the Dogwood Festival's usual events, the Dogfood Festival shall feature Paper Fetching, Obedience Competitions, and Barking Idol.

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