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Page 2 �I is heard, that Tony Blair�s missus, is preggers. Don�t you think it�s sending a bad message to young people, �im getting his wife up the duff. I mean you�d think as president he�d have more taste and be getting some quality muff like Mariah Carey� Ali G �Do you wanna be the master? PO KE MON. Do you wanna catch them�.alllllll� Emma A (What she believed to be the Pokemon song) �Bottoms, I thought I did� Emma Ar �Funny, he he he� Mark �They shouldn�t wear tights� Emma S (Discussing some very obese people) �Rachel is hapu to warrior� Emma An (hapu: Maori for pregnant, Warrior is code for a person�s name, i.e. Mark) �Munch� Constable �Pam� (Constable �Pam� talking about what the Police dogs do to you if you are being naughty) Page 3 �I farted� Emma, Kate, Hayley etc (In �Independent Women�, by Destiny�s Child, Hayley thought that the lyrics were �I farted� instead of �I bought it�) �Hi� What Women Want �Ballet?� Billy Elliot �Yikes, bikes, ha ha it rhymes� Never Been Kissed �Well chosen briefs I�d say, chick love grey. Nice, tight, buttocks� Notting Hill �What do you say?� Three to Tango �Look at my package� 28 Days �Hey� She�s All That �I�m Dead Sexy� Austin Powers (Fat Bastard) �What the fuck?� Alana �Did you say ice-cream?� Alana �Whhhaaaatt?� Emma S �The world is going to self-destruct in exactly 2.89 seconds� Bang?? �Oh no, not again� Loaded Fitness Water �These too� 10 Things I Hate About You �So now we know. Spiders conduct electricity� Hamish, physics (You probably don�t need to know) �It�s all green and magical� Cath (on Ryan�s Pen) �How you�ve turned my world, you precious thing� Labyrinth �Well, laugh!� Labyrinth Page 4 �Wassup� Seventeen Again �Wait! Come back� Cinderella �You pasty faced cretin� Men in Black �I wanna hold your hand� Beatles �I wanna shag you baby� Lenny Kravitz �Emma, can you lick your back� Amy (Emma is extremely flexible, it was only a matter of time before this question was asked) �I can put my legs behind my back� Emma S (Proving her flexibility) �Hell no� Emma S (Asked a question of dubious nature about her flexibility) �Romeo� Romeo and Juliet �Juliet� Romeo and Juliet �Max� Roswell �Your, one of them� Roswell �Ha ha ha� Friends �Well Maria Elena, I�m gonna marry you� Buddy Holly �Hot dog, they�ve done it again� Buddy Holly �It�s a GJ, it�s a GJ, it�s gotta be a GJ Gardener Home� GJ Gardener Home �Was me� Leigh (Trying to be clever, about Shaggy song) �Number sixty nine!� Buddy Holly �The bigbigbigbig bopper� Buddy Holly �Wait for it baby� Buddy Holly Page 5 �I SAW LOGAN� Guess who Kate! (i.e. Leigh) �Clock TV Kim� Emma, Kate, Becca (Funny trick � saying someone�s name even if they across the room, does not matter in which context, they will turn around. It has also been proven that they get really pissed off with you, shown here) �I�m eating it� Big Daddy �Ahhhh� Deep Blue Sea �Make it so� Start Trek Next Gen �Billy will kill me� Temptation Island �I have something to say� Highlander �Jackass� Happy Gilmore� �I need a big, long, fat, meaty, juicy, salty�steak� Anna �hybrid theory� Alana (Reached this conclusion in English � came out of the blue) �Keep the change you filthy animal� Home Alone �Hate put me in here � loves gonna bust me out� The Hurricane (Kim being rather clever � putting twink in a pencil case, using the same kind of sentence) ��.said Maurice Gee� Alana (Clever way of making Mrs Robertson think that we actually were discussing English � Alana would tack this on to the end of any random sentence she said) �Hey! Nude men don�t wear pants!� Rebecca �Wait right here� Emmanuelle 2000 �Life is like a piece of cheese� Mafia �Hey� �Hey yourself� Out of Sight �You shouldn�t wear hairties around your wrist. I�ve learnt my lesson� Emma Ar (Watching UK Popstars � Myleene had a hairtie around her wrist. Emma looks up, totally dead serious, says that statement, with her wrist hanging limply) �I tried to fall asleep in the garden, but then it started to rain� Becca (Got home, her Mum wasn�t there, and she had no keys) �Pretty, pretty, crayon colouring purple� Kim �Wait!� Antz Page 6 �I would thou couldst!� Alana (One of the best lines in our Macbeth presentation � although it was not a statement that was meant to be yelled, Alana felt it necessary to raise her hand to the sky and scream this. Becca almost wet her pants, as did I) �Ok dress warm!� Becca�s mum (Becca�s Mum�s reply to Becca asking if she could come home from the afterball at about 5) �Why is it broken?� Becca (after dropped something on floor) �My doctor said I wouldn�t get as many nose bleeds if I kept my finger out of there� Ralph �I put a lolly up my nose and now one nostril is bigger� Becca �Can I poke out your eye with this extra large, novelty paper clip?� Kim �Emma, you ginger haired temptress� Kim �I�m not a brick game!� Emma S (Obviously not listening � thought she said Tetris) �The river Ganges is the place to be� �What are you doing on Friday? I�m going down to the river� Kim (After Miss Lathams� explanation about how much the Indians value the Ganges river) �Anthropology �it�s the study of anthris� Becca �I want to be Darth Vader� Alana �Sinuses clearing. Acne, remains� Becca �Ratio�s the ugliest word� Becca Page 7 �I can�t go in there!� Kate (Going to toilets at lunchtime) �Sorry there�s no lemonade left, I had to get you sprite� Kimbee (She was serious) �She�s feeble and old. Let�s just say we�ve already done it� (Tried to get out of doing work in English) �Why isn�t she being feeble and old?� Kim (Mrs Roberston was not impressed with us getting out of doing work) �I don�t have a quote in the quote book� Andii �A man walks into this anchovy pizza place, and he�s like, �Why are there no anchovies on my pizza?� And they�re like, �We don�t actually have anchovies, it�s just a name. We don�t do it all the time or anything� Kim (I asked Kim � Do you have a joke for me? And this creation came out) �What do all sexy men have? Clean teeth!� Kim (Talking about Oded Fehr � guy from The Mummy with black markings on face, I said he had very clean teeth) �I bring you love� Kim (being Mr Burns) (We think that Emma looks like Mr Burns in the episode where everyone thinks he�s an alien. No offense or anything, Bushfire) �He my little Hercules� BAGP (Mark � This was a weird thing he came up with, I can�t remember what the letters stood for though) �Sex without Moro� Mark �Thanks, little girl� Dr Nick � Simpsons �Is that even a word?� Becca (Listening to Mrs Robertson) Page 8 �I begat my weiner, then my weiner begat me� Hayley (After doing Oedipus in Classics) �You guys, it�s my brothers 21st, and it only happens once� Alana (Oh dear God � she said this four hundred times during the night) �I�m going to have an alcohol induced sleep� Emma S �Love will set you free, but the handcuffs will keep you there� Naughty But Nice (Shop) �And slowly, very slowly, I saut�ed� Kim (Trying to make cooking erotic) �Jason�cooks?� Kim (After Sam talking about her boyfriend�s hundreds of wonderful things, Kim came up with this) �It�s this heater � it makes me want to dance� Kim �Smile Kim � it�s the second best thing you can do with your mouth� Becca (using someone else�s saying, but doing it very well) �Pardon?� Corisha (Corisha didn�t have a quote) Page 9 �Mmm...glucose� Becca (Giving blood � we were trying to figure out why we had to drink Orange Juice before we did it. Someone suggested to refuel the glucose levels in blood) �I gotta get me some sticky bandage� Becca (After giving blood � bandages that required no safety pins) �That�s crazy talk! You can�t cut that meat with a card� Kim (Kim doing an infomercial � at the time she was dissecting an eraser with her ruler) �Whos ya daddy� Stables �Respect� Ali G �Aight� Ali G �Whoa Nelly� Nelly Furtado �Mark doesn�t understand the concept of the quote book� Kate �Yes I do� Me �You, and me, and her, religious discussion, you, and me, and her and her and her, religious discussion baby, two or three�� Kim (To the tune of Simultaneous by Chef) �Man who eats bracelet loses boyfriend� Kate (After Deb swallowed a bracelet given to her by her boyfriend � I don�t know how she managed it) Page 10 �Lovebeads, what more can I say� Hayley �Penis� Hayley �Whoz ya daddy? I�m ya daddy, coz I did this to your mumma **Hump**Hump**� Superfly �Go Kate� Emma An �Whatever spins your propeller� Steph �Ticket men don�t suck� Steph and Kate (We decided that the ticket sticking out of a guys shirt was a phallic symbol) �Blue tack?� Kim (Offering it around the circle) �Moist� Hayley �ha ha ha HA HA HA� Kate �diddle� Kate �I am sore because I gave blood� Alana �Carefully, gently, gently now� Kim �He sits there playing with his taps� Hayley (On Mr Macown � who when he teaches in Bio, sometimes fondles the gas taps with his fingertips) Page 11 �Tushfire, Tush for short� Kate (Bushfire�s new nickname) �Emma�s hitting on me. She likes my curves� Kim �If you touch me, I�ll kill you� Alana �Emin of Yemin� Kim (Another nickname for Bushfire) �Simplistic, yet perfect� Kate �Something or other the enquiry� Mrs Robertson (Reading Potiki � the line was �Fuck the enquiry�. We saw it on the next page and we were sitting on the edge of our seats, waiting for her to say it � and she says this. It was hell) �He�s a rebel�� Kim, Leigh, Hayley (They would not shut up for days) �Yippie Kai Aye, Mutha Fucker� Bruce Willis � Die Hard �Fucken Wicked Movie� Dylan (on Die Hard) �Oww, wait up guys, I landed on my key� Wayne�s World �Zang!� Wayne�s World �I�ll make him a wife� Kate (Talking about Mark�s Kinder Surprise gnome) �I like people that try hard and still suck� Alana �Ok, so I can�t feel my bum now� Leigh Page 12 �I ban you from the Springfield Historical Centre. I ban you, and your children, and your children�s children. For two months� The Simpsons (via Becca) �Excuse me�my microwave Johnny Cakes are ready� Kim �I wagged for the first time last week� Kate �Ears are the windows to the soul� Kim �Ears, physics, ahhhhh (orgasmic cry) � That dude that looks like the dude off the ad (You know the one!!!) (Weird relief teacher, that sat and read a physics manual, rubbing his ears, with what appeared to be an erection. Did I mention his fly was down? And he looked like the guy off the ad for the Bank where the gross orange haired guy with sideburns has to find $2 for the collection thing) �You can�t bring pens into the library. It�s bad karma� Kim �Beauty can�t be traded off as a pen� Alana (As her excuse for not drawing a picture of me) �There you go� Alana (Giving out refill to everyone, like in Dumb and Dumber � her favourite movie. She gave away seriously almost all of her refill) Page 13 �The seagulls cried above the land. What a beautiful start to a chapter. My immediate thought is�why� (nods intelligently) Mrs Robertson (Trying to make Potiki interesting � mmno. Maybe the seagulls were just making noise cause that what they do) �I�m going to eat your insides with chopsticks and fry them in the microwave for 2 minutes on Grill� Alana (Trying to get the attention of the class � unsuccessfully � no one reacted at all) �Katie, Katie, pudding and lard, kissed the boys and made them hard� Kim �Do you want to use my twink� Rachel �Shut up� Rachel to Mark �You hate her� Mark �I�m in a happy mood� Rachel (understatement of the year �I swear she is a cartoon) �Girls have the devil within, who ever that doesn�t mean they�re bad� Mark Page 14 �Got wrinkles? Go bra-less!� Mark �Why don�t you get a litre of milk?� Alana (Hayley said she was thirsty) ��sparked a wave of rebellion� Miss Latham (Says this almost every day) �Did he say Tae Bo?� Rebecca H (In Bio � I would have liked to say what Mr Macown actually said, but I wasn�t listening either) �Colourful� Rachel to Guy (wink wink � if you mouth �Colourful� and �I Love You� they look identical) �Your eyes can be so cruellllll� Cath (Singing from Labyrinth) �Pointless movie� Mark (Talking about The Animal) �I�m a little tea pot� Mark �Can I have a photo of you for my paedophile?� Sam (Weird discussion, can�t remember who this comment was directed to) �Books Suck� Screen Saver � Library computer (Obviously it was changed by a student, and it is still there � has been for 3 days so far) �Shit�librarian!� Kate (After me and Becca were hugging in the library � a librarian walked around the corner) �mmmm...morepork� Alana �Miss, could you not pause mid-board?� Kim (Miss Latham stopped in the middle of the board, Kim felt she was responsible for her removal) �I love the smell of pasture� Kimberley (Seriously � walking past a field, she breathes in, and sighs. Apparently cow poop and dead grass is a wonderful smell) �Where�s my pen, let me think. The last time I saw it was in July 1959�� Becca Page 15 �I�m going to marry Alana, she�s so funny� Becca �I would get collagen implants just to be the man with ju-ju lips� Becca (To tune of �I would walk 500 miles�) �Couldn�t she just say...I want another intestine� Kim �Ah ha, she�s got a weird uniform� Alana (reading Bio book) �I�ll see you tomorrow, Mrs Keam� Becca �You naughty little lesbian!� Kim �R 34 Skyline, Ditty Dit Dit� Alana �She�s the colour of a Simpson� Alana (on Andii�s hands � they�re really yellow) �Is it just me or are my knuckles, like, green� Andii �Motley Wrong� Kim (on her hands) �Why did this Halina chick do like 7 posters� Kim (Halina was the first name of the author of a book, that about 20 students had done a poster on, and Kim seemed to think that Halina was a third former who had drawn many of the posters) Page 16 �What, I was laughing at the� wall� Kate (Laughing at Becca, I felt that I had to cover up when she looked sad) �Damn that cursed wall� Kim �I�ll have a vodka on the rocks, no ice� Stupid man (that Becca met) �Don�t leave next year, I need wrinkled poos for breakfast� Kim (quote written by Becca) �It�s not poos, its prunes� Kim �Oh I thought you said poos that�s why it was so funny� Becca �We should have a save the pen fund� Kim (Because I chew on all my pens) �It�s really hard to blow if you�re laughing� Alana (Not what you think) �If I go down, I�m taking someone with me� Becca being the heater �Must have heater� Becca being Kim �Alana�s my friend, she�s in the Navy, give me cookies� Kim �Hey you should come up to Auckland and hold hands down Victoria, I mean um�Auckland Street!� Alana Page 17 �So Becca, how old are you, in precise milliseconds?� Kate �Um�Yes?� Becca �You know, you could poke out someone�s eye with that thing� Ace Ventura �Yeah, it�s in I block now. Intelligent block� Alana �No, unintelligent block� Kimberley (discussing the new SNU block � maybe Kimberley didn�t realise that �I� stood for Intelligent block) �I�m starting today. Virtually� Nigel (Talking about his Bio project) �Katie is a sexy beast� Cath �I�m not, not partial to�I�d eat it if she threw it at me� Kim about Chocolates �I�ll turn around, and pretend I�m kissing the chocolate�did you believe me?� Kim (put chocolate in her mouth, and wrapped her arms around herself, turned to the wall, and made kissing noises) Page 18 �Mmmmm�fat� Becca (After we heard that a Big Mac had a golf-ball sized ball of fat in it) �Oh, far out, this has everything! Wicked!� Nigel (He found a book in Bio to use for his project. He was being serious, by the way) �I smell. The cooking room gives me yuck smells� Emma T �I smell like burnt candles, beat that� Cath �You got a B minus! Worst blow job I�ve ever had!� Nigel (If I explained this, there are some people that may be offended � but who cares! Rachel and Mark had just begun their relationship, and they were lying on the floor together. Everyone at the table was analysing their conversation, trying to make it sexual. The �you got a b minus� thing was said somewhere in the Rachel and Mark conversation, and Nigel added his own perspective) �He�s just toying with your mind Emma�thank your lucky stars that�s all he�s toying with� Cath (on Nigel) �Hey hey hey don�t touch that� Nigel (on the wrongness of Doctors) �It scared the crappers out of me� Phoebe �She called me Phoebus Concharta� Phoebe (on Alana) Page 19 �Angina!� (laughs hysterically) Gem �Would you happen to have a jar of paprika on you?� Kim (She was dead serious) �My brother�s fucked MSN. Not literally, though� Hayley �How can you fit like three screwdrivers in a credit card?� Amy (Amy�s a strange one) �Alana at navy dot com� Kate (On how we would email Alana after she started work in the Navy) �You�re my�smorgasbord of love� Alana �I love the Kiwi Careers website. It makes you feel so much better about being a loser� Emma An �You�re not good for me Rebecca, you make me do funny things� Kim �Happy Marks-gonna-ask-out-Rachel-day, to you� Kim (This one is fairly obvious � Mark was planning to ask out Rachel on this day, and me and Kim were going around saying it to everyone � including Rachel � which kind of ruined the surprise) �Sir, are you dating Miss Parlane?� Hayley �Dating? Ha ha ha, etc� Mr Dixon (Hayley asked this in Classics, totally out of the blue) Page 20 �Man I hate sitting down� Nigel �Why?� Cath �Because my testicles get caught up in my boxer shorts� Nigel (She had to ask) �Austria Sucks� Miss Latham �Sir?� Corisha �Nigel likes Mr Macown�s legs� Kate �You should wear boxer briefs. More masculine� Kate �Satin irratates me. It slides too easily� Nigel �She doesn�t take down anything I say. I say dumb stuff� Corisha (on Cath) �Please contact your doctor if you have a black furry tongue� Rebecca H (On the back of a bottle of pills � but you�d think it would be kind of obvious) �I get stroppy� Nigel (on communication) �Rude people suck. Dicks.� Nigel �Geographical� The whiteboard in the Library Page 21 �Swan lake, must be sponsored by Playboy� Nigel (Did you know that ballet dancers wear VERY tight tights? Nigel was flicking through some ballet book and found it very interesting) �Look up Nigel� Corisha �You don�t have a monobrow� Corisha on Nigel�s eyebrows �And so the pancreas�� Rebecca H (Trying to cover up that we were not doing work in Bio when Mr Macown walked past) �You remind me of Tom Cruise � with the things, on the thing� Kate (On Nigel�s sunglasses � I really did have a point) �You know what�s cool? Leprechauns� Nigel �We are trying to teach Rachel how not to flirt now she is going out with Mark. Go Nigel, flirt with her and we will see how she responds� Kate �I�ve forgotten how to� Nigel �If you were a guy, that just lost his pecker, would you wanna live? Push the die button, you fucking moron� Joe Fish (he he � www.joecartoon.com) Page 22 "Society brings rank, Rank is equal to power. Corruption is ineviatable in power, As corruption runs rampid through the ranks a rebellion of social extremists is formed, this sets on social anarchy. So basically the fault of society is but society its self." DJ-|\| (Dylan�s Thing � he made me put this in) �My sister and I swapped clothes for a day� Jason (He was being serious � but I forget how this conversation came about) �I thought Changing rooms was really good last night�oh�tell me more!� Steph (seductively � about John) �I�m so fat�can�t do my Media Studies today, then� Kim (We were trying to find excuses) �Has anyone got a tablecloth? I can provide a candle� Sam Page 23 �Sam�put the quote book DOWN� Kim �It�s like scroggin but not� Kim �When Miss Boubee comes back, we�ll like mess with her head� Kim �I�m sure that fitted in there last time� Miss Boubee �That was so excellent� Kim (This was so funny! Miss Boubee came to our Media Studies came into our class and borrowed the OHP � Kim sort of rearranged the table so it wouldn�t go back in the same place. Sure enough, ten minutes later, Miss Boubee brought the thing back, and told me and Kim that it wouldn�t fit there � I had to put my fist in my mouth so I wouldn�t laugh) �Alana tried to shove the special balloon in my face� Emma S (We bought Nicky lube and condoms for her birthday, and Alana tried to shove one of the blown up condoms in Bushfire�s face) �I�m going to Thailand in 3 months� Emma S �Buy me�um�.� Kate �Pirated software?� Emma S �I feel like I�m going to burst out, and a thousand chips are going to start dancing� Alana (She�d had a lot of chips I think) �Bob. Bob Mortimer� Kim Page 24 �Ow. You hit me in the boob!� Kate �Is your boob on your back?� Alana �Oh trippy�no, don�t make me go back there� Alana (I raised the issue of the Universe � and how our planet is tiny, blah blah blah) �See a penis pick it up and all day long you�ll have a good fuck� Alana � Alana come here!� Mrs Roberston �Am I using bad language?� Alana (Yeah, TELL Mrs Robertson what you were doing) �Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend yet?� Becca �I have answers�just not right ones� Becca �Kim � you�re like the dying wish of determination, courage and strength� Alana �85!!!� Weird Chinese Fish and Chip shop Woman (This woman was psycho � me and Alana were getting hot chips, and we were about 6m away from the shop, and she YELLS �eighty five!� at the top of her lungs � it was about 8pm and there was NO ONE anywhere near the shop, or inside, the woman was crazy) Page 25 �I am going to market my own cruskit that won�t crusk all over me� Hayley (Poor Hayley had crumbs all over her, and she thought she should take action) �Did you know that I drool a lot out of the right corner of my mouth?� Kim (Well THAT was something we really didn�t need to know) �This isn�t poo, and this isn�t poo, and so on and so forth� Kate (Kim had said her face was like poo) �Why does everyone come back with odd sentences on their paper� Alana (After Mrs Robertson was giving conferences to people � and writing stuff down such as �Motorway�, �Relationships�, �Reflections�, �Aroha�) �What�s another word for big? Squishy!� Alana (Writing a poem � I think she�s got her English a bit wonky) �Fort Knox!� (Kim, Sam and I all hid from Carla behind this grey piece of scenery � she didn�t notice we were gone, so Kim screams �Fort Knox� and shoves her arm up in the air. I peeped around the corner and Carla was looking at the scenery like we were all insane. Then we started knocking on the thing, while Kim was shouting Fort Knox, and it was crazy) �Put your garbage in the bin � I can�t stress that enough people� Kim (It�s weird how Kim can say something like this and make it serious) �What did you just do?� Becca �I was transferring my pens energy to you� Kate (I tapped her with my pen, to try and get her attention, and then forgot what I was going to say) �He�s gonna die!� Rachel (I swear she�s on anti-depressants � watching some Bio video about something and this guy is lying on the road after an accident. I look at Rachel and her face is lit up, and she says this, then laughs for a very very long time) Page 26 �I just swallowed an imaginary fly� Kim �So, like, on my death certificate � it would have as cause of death �Beeping Kate on car horn�� Cath (She toots at us every morning on her way past � I said why don�t you beep my name in Morse Code � and then we realised that she would probably die) �Is that what he said? Or did I make it up?� Rachel (on her Bio notes) �Fuck I was a georgeous (oop) baby� Mark �Oh�is that why I wake up with a boner every day� Guy (in a strange conversation about voodoo dolls) �If that hits me in any way, shape or form, then there is going to be some murder� Kate (watching the guys play football inside) �I would thou couldst noteth weareth oneith� Alana (about Pinafores) �A-la-na had a little-piano-in-the-navy� Kim and Becca (to tune of Mary had a little lamb) Page 27 �I am NOT ready for life yet�STOP� Kate (Talk about universities and such � I got scared) �It�s like seventies happy, morbid going to kill someone� Becca (On Andii�s ID card vs her Drivers Licence) �Sometimes I cry when I�m in the shower because I�m so hungry� Alana (One of her best random statements) �Oh...twig...leaf...twig...leaf...� Alana and Becca (There was a picture on the wall of this caterpillar � and it looked like it was humping the tree) �Man I wish I had determination� Becca �I did not have sex with the pen�.it had sex with me� Kim (Bill Clinton speech � sort of changed) �Does this sound gross Kate? COME over here and SEE MEN� Alana �(clears her throat) Oh yeah, that reminds me� Becca (How can coughing remind you to do something?) �Kim�s going toilet on the floor!� Becca �She looks like a piranha!� Becca and Alana �Is it sexy?� Kate (about looking like a piranha) Page 28 �At least I don�t look like her� Kim (Bushfire�s AWFUL face she does) �One by one they enter the red-head cave of DOOM� Alana (Part of her poem �Journey of Pinkness� about Bushfire eating marshmallows) �They fly, oh how they fly� (More of her poem) �Did she say nipple?� Becca (listening to Mrs Robertson) �It�s the best you�ll ever see� Kimberley (Kimberley �flashed� to me � much, much more than I needed to see � I was very upset, and covering my eyes screaming etc, Kimberley�s defence was saying that I would never see anything better � the entire group started laughing, and I don�t think Kimberley was all that impressed) �He�s the apple that time forgot� Kim (We were discussing the symbolism of Mr Dixon�s tie � a whole lot of apples, with one apple core in the centre. This was Kim�s idea at to what the symbolism was) �Don�t tempt her with tasty treats� Kate (Mark was holding the pen in front of Kim�s face and she kept trying to eat it) �G string� Mark (I made the mistake of telling Mark that I heard that Mr Newton wore G strings � now everytime Mr Newton walks into the room, Mark whispers this and we all giggle) �Would anyone like to join with me in eating Bonjela?� Kate (That stuff tastes very good) �Uh�what age group?� Amy (Listening to Kimberley talking about her short story � and how it was going to be such a thrilling tale) �My celery is ribbed for extra pleasure� Becca �She�s got a compulsive folding disorder� Andii (On Emma B) Page 29 �I was so motivated � I picked the hair off my jersey and put it on Jason� Kim (after the Richard Hadlee speech) �Actually, I didn�t find them very appealing�I was actually repulsed by them� Kimberley (Talking about pics of Genital Warts, in response to Andrea�s sarcastic �Damn that�s sexy�, Kimberley says this � seriously) �Don�t throw it � I�ve got a headache� Emma S (After Mark threw some money at her, and hit her straight in the middle of her forehead) �Do you feel anorexic sick, or boremia sick?� Kimberley (My first point � boremia? And my second point � how could you feel anorexic sick or bulimia sick?) �That Fiona girl is scary� Emma A (So true � she scares the crap out of me) �Why did she look at me when she said that?� Emma A (In Life Skills � Drugs and Alcohol) �He can�t drink coke anymore socially, it�s really sad� Mrs Dwight (On Mr Dwight and his Coca Cola addiction) Page 30 �Is she on drugs?� Emma A (On Mrs Dwight) �I was not under the blanket with Mr Paige� Mrs Dwight �If you drink five standard drinks, naked, standing on your head in Africa, you�ll probably get real drunk real fast� Mrs Dwight �Yeah�you could hitch�you�d only get raped and killed� Mrs Dwight �It�s you Rebecca�you make me excrete excess saliva� Kim �Wow�you�re so cool�making up words� Kimberley (When I called her a ditz) �I�m going to straddle the chair. It�s nothing sexual� Kim �Wohhhhh�.and there�s the sperm� Kim �If I was going out with that I�d have a continual boner� Becs (On Kim) Page 31 �There was this time that I ate this pill that looked like a pebble but it wasn�t a pebble so I spat it out and then got in trouble� Becca �We�ll send you two free Haemorrhoid peach stones, to get off those annoying days at work� Kim (In a conversation where we were talking about abs and Becca said it would be cool if you could just swallow some peach stones, and they would be abs. Then Kim said (All infomercial, like) the Haemorrhoid thing) �The colon meister!� Kim (On Andii) �They�re all limp and bedraggled� Kim (On plants in Study room) �She has provided my paper with fertiliser� Becca �It is my job to protect the pathetic from fertiliser� Kim �A dirty doctors tool is not a doctors tool�it is a dirty doctors tool� Kate and Becca �He tried to be turgent�Oh how he tried� Kim (about plant) Page 32 �Get the size of dat baby� Mark �Ooh�sir� Kim �Sir, can I have a look at your tie� Kim (To Mr Dixon) �Can you come closer� Kim (To Mr Dixon) �But who would have access to Rocket Fuel?� Kate (Don�t make fun of me � there was this �What�s your poison� poster in study � and there was a list of everything in cigarettes � but me being the stupid one thought that it was a list of things you could �do� and I got confused) �There�s a hole in my life, Dear Gandhi, dear Gandhi� Kim (To tune of �Hole in my bucket�) �It�s hair borne, not air borne� Becca (I wrote a note to Kim in history and put it in her hairtie) �I�ve kind of stopped caring now� Steph (Listening to Jason talking about Water Rats, halfway through his conversation) �Have you seen the way he walks? It�s like he has�one�giant�ball� Steph (On Greg) �I am at one with the desks� Cath �Has anyone thought about the embryo?� Rebecca H �Sits there like pips in strawberry jam� Weakest Link Woman (Hosting a fertility video � you do NOT want to know what she was talking about) Page 33 �Gases, in and out� Mr Macown �First we differentiate, then we do other stuff. It�s my new song: The Differentiation Rap� Kate �Strewth� Alana �Is it funny peculiar, or funny ha ha� Alana �Do you know what�s cool about nose piercings? You can pick your nose and no one knows� Andii �You are relying on my energy and I don�t appreciate it� Mrs Robertson (She got all mad at Gay Steven and Gay Aaron when they were trying to get her to do some extra stuff for them) �Here�s the spindle it never kindles it makes me want to�� Kim (To the tune of �Mail� Blues Clues) �Girls always have tones� Miss Latham Page 34 �Ground control to Major Tom�Commencing countdown engines on� Kate and Kim �Something just fell out of somewhere� Becca �Everything rhymes with cum� Cath (Writing the Dirtiest Poem Ever) �What rhymes with hard?� Cath (Writing the Dirtiest Poem Ever) �Imagine if you were a chromosome� Mark �Nigel likes it raw� Cath �Don�t keep blaming yourself�blame yourself once and move on� Homer J Simpson �I really need to urine� Becca �I really want to walk across the water without falling in� Alana �The revolution is a topic about people and cemeteries of the future� Alana (Trying to sound intelligent) Page 35 �I�ve got notes�geography notes...HA� Becca �I�m gonna call all my children mini-Alana even if they�re boys� and they�re all gonna wear pinafores and mullets, even if they�re boys� Alana (I cannot wait) �Can I go home?� Becca (Watching Andii making faces) �They�re like Roman lesbians� Kate (Becs was wearing a headband on her forehead � she looked kind of Roman � and her and Kim held hands all the way to English) �Bec, Bec! These are the longest pants I�ve ever had!� Alana �See my breast!� Becca (See My Vest song on Simpsons) �And on the 24th day, God said to me: What are you doing here? Go away� Kim (To tune of �Twelve days of Christmas�) �And on the 26th day, God said to me: There�s just a difference of opinions, maybe we should agree to disagree� Kim (To tune of �Twelve days of Christmas�) Page 36 �Wouldn�t it be awful to have your ugliness portrayed all over New Zealand?� Alana (Talking about Shortland Street) �It�s a rotten freckle� Alana (Talking about Kim�s �beauty spot�, i.e. vivid) �I am ashamed of my penis freckle� Becca (Her �beauty spot� looked like a man with a penis) �But I only feel asleep for a while�like forty minutes� Becca (On her time in Maths) �And I wrote Potikitiki� Kim �Can I borrow a Potiki, Can I borrow a jar of racism?� Kim (To tune of Can I Borrow A Feeling?) �Can you bring me undies? Cause I wet my pants cause I was laughing so hard� Becca�s Mum (Becca told us this story: her Mum called her from work, and asked her this. Then she went through a detailed discussion about it, and finally after ten minutes says �oh no, I was only joking� � trying to avoid boredom) �I�m like the most skilled bindiist in the world� Kate (Becca wouldn�t let me draw a bindi on her) �Bushfire looks like a diddle�I wish she had a normal face� Kate (I wasn�t being mean � she always pulls that fishface and it drives me mental) �Obviously-not-pregnant-lady� Kate (Those sanitary pads � something lady � well me and Becca couldn�t remember, and were trying to guess � Dry Lady, Clean Lady) Page 37 �Kate�everyone�s laughing at my hairy misfortune� Becca �It�s my beauty puddle� Becca (Her �beauty spot� was very big) �Why do I keep wetting myself?� Deb (Not what you were thinking � drippy drink bottle) �I�ve got phlegm too� Hayley �Did you know it�s illegal to run into a packhouse and take a photo?� Becca (Yeah, she found this out after actually doing it) �It�s a tractor shop!� Becca �And I went�Judo Chop! And stuff went squirting all over the wall�I was all covered in heart and stuff� Becca (Talking about dissecting hearts in Bio) �I�ll be your friend� Mark (To relief teacher � she confiscated his phone, and he was trying to retrieve it) �Every normal woman wants to produce a normal baby� Mark �I think my ass is sufficiently thawed now� Sam (Standing next to heater) Page 38 �I�m gonna rip off your head and shit down your neck� Duke Nukem 3D (Computer game) �It�s really sad when foreign students are better than you are at stuff� Emma S �When I grow up I want to own Parkparklands Plants and Pottery� Becca (Parklands put a new sign over the old one, leaving �Park� to the side) �They smell � your food smells� Mrs Dwight �It�s not raro � you�re supposed to make it last� Mrs Dwight (on alcohol) �If you want fat ugly guy, keep drinking, and he�ll come to you� Mrs Dwight �On your death bed, I want my voice to be nagging you� Mrs Dwight Page 39 �My leg has got something stuck in it�up the top, by the bits� Andii �I�m Earl Hagerman�and believe me, it�s good� Earl Hagerman (The ad for Scenic Circle Hotels) �This pens too heavy, it�s making my arm hurt� Andrea (During our in class essay!!!) �Like a pig being a sheep dog� Alana�s Essay (This was something about Maori and Pakeha relations) �Like a pirate movie � the pirate tries to get the treasure but he never does� Alana�s Essay (This was symbolism apparently � the pirate was the white developers, and the treasure was the Maori land) �It�s like the English darts go into her� Kim �But I mean�once you�ve got one�you may as well spread them� Alana (On S.T.Is) �Douglas HayCOCK and Mackenzie� Alana �I�m on quarter to eight� Alana (On her hourly wage) Page 40 �Mark has no eyebrows!!!� Amy �Amy has big hair� Mark �Don�t try to justify yourself eyebrow boy� Andii �By log, do you mean wooden log?� Kimbee (Log on the calculator � logarithm) �We had a lamb when we were little, it was so cute!� Emma T �Yeah, we had a lamb, but it wasn�t really a lamb. It was just a really bitchy small sheep� Kate �I�m going to invent a disaster comedy erotica with subtitles� Becca (Reading �The Film Book� � and we found a movie that was War/Romance/Erotica � and Becs wanted to improve on that) �Can you rent that book? Or is it one of those unrentables?� Becca �We don�t judge you on what side you go to� Steph (to old woman at work) Page 41 �And to think Laura can�t get a job� Old Woman (Watching me and Steph work) �You�ll be able to have some cosy nights at home with your phone� Helen (After I told her my phone had a vibrate option) �God loves me no one else does� Steph�s Keyring (She had written God Loves Me � someone else had added the rest) �He bought flowers for his sister and his flowers bought some for him� Erica (She got confused) �I have a mullet wig on and it actually suits me� Hayley �How Water Is Moved Up The Pipe Things� Rachel (A heading in her Bio book) �He�s got a goat-ay� Alana �A well Hayley you smell� Kate (She was complaining about something, I was shutting her up) �Can we not be buddhists � can we be misfortunists?� Kim Page 42 �Ow� Becca �Oh�is your bra attached to your undies?� Kim �Hey that�s an easy way to remember it�Salt March 12 March ha ha..march march� Miss Latham (Going crazy) �It�s like the standing tower of rubber� Becca �To quell rising tensions� Kim �I was just sitting on the floor holding a pen in my hand� Mark (On doing his homework) �I�d rather see two dogs go hard� Alana (Watching Rachel and Mark being cuddly) �Do you get tired just drinking water?� Andii �Miss�my geography�s got porn in it� Scott (via Becca) Page 43 �What if you get turned on by pig�s diddles? I DON�T� Alana (Uh...when did we say you did) �Miss is it possible to get pregnant to an animal?� Becca �No� Mrs Keam �Don�t they have�stu ff?� Alana �It�s a mountain with a penis�I mean person� Alana �She�s a lesban� Becca �Isn�t that a German Motorway?� Kim �Does Rowen look like Mr Bean?� Kate �Individual� Kate and Becca (When we were sending Todd all these texts about how Becca was actually called Helga, was 4 feet tall, 105 kilograms, and skin like leather. Helga wasn�t a man or a woman, but an �individual�) �Let�s hope for Kerryn, that she�s still alive� Mrs Robertson �Why what�s wrong?� Alana �She�s getting her tonsils out� Andii �Becca will you be my disco diva?� Alana �What a cromag! I mean�nice person� Kim Page 44 �Where�s the train going? It�s going to a nechodenic� Alana �Motivate meeeeee� Becca (Mrs Robertson said she wanted Becca�s poster to put up on the wall � to inspire and motivate others. Becca looks at her for about 2 seconds then starts to sing Motivate Meeeeeee. Mrs Robertson looks at her like she�s crazy then starts talking to Kim) �No, you guys, who is Nana Woobber?� Becca (It was actually Nana and Poppa � she wasn�t listening to Alana) �Dad sold two of our birds so some fat arbuckle could have a good fathers day� Alana (I LOVE this � she was really really upset about it) �I thought I had a penis but it was just a potiki� Kate �Venisen cheese�venetian blinds� Alana �It would be all un-fridgeinised� Becca (On the bottle of milk Mrs Robertson keeps in her cupboard. That�s right, a cupboard, not a fridge. It�s kind of weird) �I think Bushfire�s hair is dying� Alana �What�s wrong with that horse, it looks like a rectangle� Alana Page 45 �The funniest was when I had a blood nose and I sneezed all over Richard� Becca �One time Richard beat me up with my own hands. I hate getting beaten up my myself� Becca �I want my ashes baked into a cake� Becca (And she wants her friends and family to eat this cake, too, on her funeral) �Come on�deep fryer� Becca (Playing PRAM � one of the options for a house was a deep fryer) �I love the smell of cold water surf�I�d eat it if I could� Kim �Fancy seeing you here in this place of urination� Kim (I saw her in the toilet) �If I was a stockbroker, I think I�d be like rich� Kim �Sometimes in life you have to load� Kim (We were waiting for the web-page to open, and it was taking a while. Mr Dixon wanted an explanation) �Whos the little house of Labdacus� Kim Page 46 �You should hear this thing it�s like�yeah that�s it� Kate �It doesn�t have a back� Vaughn (Talking about his computer chair) �How can you stand it?� Kate �I don�t, I sit it� Vaughn �She crushed my nose. Not literally though� Kimbee �Hey you guys, what number are you getting on your leavers jersey?� Kimbee (Dear, I think it�s the year) �Did you hear that? My stomach�s like�having a baby� Willow �Damn! I always win a try again� Mark (With his moro wrapper) �Did you know �moro� is one letter off being �moron�?� Hayley Page 47 �You�ve got a fair way to go before you get vagina� Andii (Talking to Mark) �Isn�t Jack the Ripper a fart?� Kimbee (I think she�s a tad confused) �I swallowed the bar and both balls!� Bec (Not what you�re thinking, she swallowed her tongue stud) �Hang on, I�m coming, I�m coming� Bec �I�m making an individual beverage franchaise with subtitles� Becca (I don�t really know how this came up) �Shut your whetu� Kimbee (Me and Becca figured out after this that Whetu was number eight � clever one Kimbee, telling me to be quiet) �Um...the staples fell out of the wall, can I borrow a stapler?� Kim (To Mrs Robertson � Kim had spent about 10 minutes pulling out all the staples and felt she had to rectify) �Kim, you seem to be under a table. I wonder if you�ve noticed� Becca �The staplers impotent! He�s shooting blanks!� Kim Page 48 �Ow�my coronary arteries� Kim (After I gave her a huge hug) �Hi, welcome to Titty Produce, how may I help you?� Becca (Someone asked Andii where she worked � City Produce � me and Becca misheard her) �Your jersey�s abrasive � I don�t have any eyebrows left� Kim �Your tongue isn�t appetizing� Becca �I wonder if God wears a dress?� Becca �Kimberley is a canteen slut!� Becca (Because she goes to the canteen for everyone � regardless of whether she loves you or not!) �(Hysterical laughter for five minutes) ...what?� Kimbee (She has a habit of laughing before she gets the joke, just because everyone else does) �She had to walk the snu I think� Leea �Heaps of people go to youth group. I would, if I was youth, and groupie� Becca �I am a rapist bunny� Kim Page 49 �My eyes, my eyes!� Becca (Watching �Gandhi� � I thought it was too erotic. Becca said this in the opening credits) �Erotica!� Becca (Watching �Gandhi�) �I thought you�d be bigger� English dude �Sorry� Gandhi (Porn!!) �I�d stand up�so I wouldn�t feel left out� Becca (Watching �Gandhi� � Gandhi said a speech, and everyone stood up and applauded) �If it had subtitles it would be like the man� Becca �Party welcomes Gandhi� Sign in �Gandhi� �Party�where are you�party?� Becca (Being Gandhi) �It�s like�you do know how to wave, don�t you?� Becca (To Gandhi, who seemed to be having problems) �He looks like Morticia! Look at his hair!� Becca (about man in �Gandhi� � this guy had jet black hair with a grey streak) �This movie has brought so much joy� Becca (On �Gandhi�) �It�s like an earthquake on Sim City� Cath (Watching Mark�s spit under the microscope in Bio when he blew on it) Page 50 �Oh your heads all sunburnt�no look at it� Kate (Marks head was all red under his hair) �I have this moisturiser�it�s an emulsifying wax� Jason (Could he BE more gay?) �Don�t go round the corner more than 20 ks � the wheels will fall off� Becca (On a car) �I tried to kick the maze but I broke my foot� Becca (She went on this trip, and found a sign directing to �Maze�, and she figured it would be one of those giant hedge mazes. But after walking for like � an hour, they came across this crap maze thing made out of bricks, one level high. So it was basically a pattern on the ground) �These two rapist clowns wouldn�t let me go�then Micheal Jackson came and I ran away� Becca (This wasn�t a dream! Rainbows End � one of those performance things � and she was on stage) �It�s squishy, not hard� Alana �God you�re erotica�erotica on legs� Becca �My Nana�s quite�developed�in that part� Alana �Her titties like take up her whole bedroom� Becca (On her sister) �Where did Morticia go?� Becca (Watching �Gandhi�) Page 51 �Holy shit does she even have a fanny?� Becca (Looking at pictures in Cosmo of �Bonkable� people) �He�s like fully groping it� Becca (More pics in Cosmo) �He quivered with excitement� Gay Aaron�s short story (Porn!!!) �I�m resting on my parts�only when you jerk me� Alana (Me, Alana, Becca, Andii, Leea and Mark all went for a drive at lunchtime in this decrepid old Landrover � Alana had nothing to hold on to and said this as we went round corners) �So you feel you have to distribute the filth� Alana �Fuck! Indians are supposed to be brown!� Becca (On why Gandhi got darker over the course of his life) �He�s wearing a giant nappy!� Becca (On Gandhi) � �Patrick� of the Tauranga District Council� Emma S�s report � her acknowledgements (Question: why is he �Patrick�) �Indistingushiable speech� Bushfire�s report (She had this all the way through her interview transcript) �It�s like a giant wedgie! Is it a teatowel wedgie or something? Tablecloth?� Becca (Watching �Gandhi�) �The Mahatma!� Becca (On what Gandhi was credited as) Page 52 �I wonder if they put him in a sunbed for like a year� Becca (On Gandhi) �My nappys all pooey and I can�t get if off� Becca �Is it normal to be only able to breathe out one nostril?� Bex �Who farted deoderant?� Kim �Why do these twisties taste like milk?� Bex �It�s like, are you trying to be a potato covered in tinfoil?� Bex �So�you like Indian porn� Emma S �We�ll make like an orange and peel� Alana (Who always says �We�ll make like a tree and leave�, and this was a variation) �I feel full of coke� Alana �Guess what Emma and Boyd and Corisha and Brain are doing?� Alana �Carrots aren�t supposed to talk� Alana Page 53 �I want to broadcast one of my burps all over the entire world� Alana �It must have been the accent that slowed me down� Alaana (Who was reading her short story to the class, and said �Delivery for Copenhagen� in a weird voice. Her �overall time� was much longer than she thought it would be) �I�m going to make a movie called Robots with Issues� Becca �I�m going to write a story called Genitalia, and the people are called Genitalians. Captain penile� Alana �There are easier things in life that finding a man, like nailing jelly to a tree for instance� Anon �I�m going to reflect on my driving lesson. You go Kimbee� Emma A �I don�t want to give it to her, what if she vomits on me?� Kate (Mrs Robertson was having a coughing fit, me and Becca got her some water) Page 54 �Miss, do you need strong arms to write on the whiteboard?� Rozie (Lets not comment) �And I was just sitting there on the floor in the dark with a tub of icecream and a fork� Bex (Talking about her midnight feast) �Did you say eight?� Canteen lady (We got some peanut slabs for the four of us in study. The canteen lady was a tad shocked) �It�s like a alien spaceship from the bank� Becca (On drink bottle) �Vigeena elle passage� Kim, Bex, Kate, Alana. (This was our character for a movie) �I�m so sick of all that writing looking at me� Alana �Hey Kate, Matthew said to Mum: you are the weakest link, goodbye. You know, from Scary Movie� Alana �Or�the weakest link?� Kate (Everyone laughs) �Shut up, I haven�t seen that movie� Alana �It�s not a bad photo, you just look like an English rugby player� Bex Page 55 �I keep putting it through the backhole. Someone�s been staying on the Behinders ship� Bex and Andii/Alana ��than it could have should been� Kate �They�re making a policeman pie� Bex �I don�t think Gandhi�s very happy� Kim �And he has very small ears� Bex �People are aroused. They won�t stop� Indian dude (On �Gandhi� � porn!!) �How can he walk? Wouldn�t he get chafing?� Kate �Nappy rash!� Becca (Talking about Gandhi) �And then I put a sweetened wheat cake in her mouth� Gandhi �Is that a metaphor?� Becca �It�s like you look up metaphor and that�s what it says � Gandhi�s wheat cake is penis.� Bex �Hardly anyone walks past my dough machine� Alana Page 56 �This is pretty long ah! Look!� Ryan �Who�s Kurt?� Hayley �Oh, he�s a trisexual� Alana �Ones got a screwed up lace cause it got caught in the escalator and I nearly died� Sam �I can�t get enough�until my mouth burns up with acid� Sam �I had a sandwich once that had sprouts on it, only sprouts. And then I put Marmite on it to see if it would taste better. Ew that was a gross day� Kate �And he meant to say buses but he said busussessusses� Bex �It�s like, think of something and throw it, and you�ll be in the book� Bex (On Guiness Book World Records) Page 57 �No, but I sneezed and two minutes came out my nose, and everyone was like �Your brains coming out your nose�� Bex �There is so something wrong with me. It�s like, my brain had like, like all in it� Bex �I�m always like�mmmm man from Cinema 6� Bex �Anna wants to beat me up� Bex �I can�t believe we survived the Potiki scandal� Kim �It�s like she opened a book, crapped in it, called it a novel� Bex (On Patricia Grace) �Can you imagine Patricia Grace pooing in a book and calling it Potiki� Bex �Mmm�I�m sensing the hammers are in aisle four� Bex (On Toko) Page 58 �I am Toko hear me roar� Kim �Phhhhhr� Becca �Open a big can of woop-Potiki ass. I�m your Mumma� Kim �You guys, I�m going to wet my pants, and I�m not wearing my depend� Bex �I fully dribbled�out my nose too� Bex �Reach out and touch�somebody�s Potiki, make this world more full-of-Potikis, if you can� Kim �It�s my security wheelchair� Kim (Talking about Potiki) �Your story is so Mrs Robertson friendly� Kate �What do you take, like a one?� Andii (Talking about DJ�s feet) �Ew I feel all sick and vomity� Kate �Gandhi may be dead, but THE MAHATMA lives on� Becca Page 59 �The canteen ladys like bawling her eyes out� Andii �Maybe I shouldn�t have called her a fat bitch� Becca �Ok, so I didn�t go to straw college� Becca �Is it a man? Is it a woman? No! It�s Individual Straw� Becca �Alana, never grow up and become a girl� Becca �Why, they don�t look like ears with a T on them� Alana (Talking about tears) �I thought that was Mahatma Gandhi� Alana (Talking about Osama bin Laden) �Two blue boys in a row, naughty� Kim �She did look a bit like a guy, and I wasn�t attracted to her� Alana Page 60 �I went on the pill�and I just felt like killing Shane and Emma� Mrs Dwight �He committed suicide�and he�s still dead� Mrs Dwight �Oh God we�re in porn class!� Kim �Are you going to go Dylan? Big fascist toont� Kim �I do tend to nibble� Sam �No, it�s just a baby on my liver� Sam �Are these eyes of scaredness?� Mark �I just caught my little dangly-bit on the wall� Emma S �How are my little puddings?� Man at checkout �I�ll make that my Guinness Challenge � to never go to sleep� Alana �Can they NOT put shoes on the dog?� Alana |
