Does your mate enrich your life?

Does he bring you joy?

Do you think the same way?

Do you share the same dreams?

Does he help? childcare? cleanup?

Is he affectionate?

Does he make you laugh?

Does he show good will?

Does he share his plans with you?

Does he include you?

Does he talk with you during meals?

Does he ask you what you would like to do?

Do you look forward to being with him?

Do you feel peaceful after sex?

Does he spend nurturing time with you after sex?

Does he woo you before sex?

Do you feel peaceful when he leaves?

Do you feel peaceful when you hear him drive up?

Does he apologize if he is hurtful or mean or late?

Does he call to let you know if he is going to be late or is not coming?

Does he share his things, money, time, feelings with you?

If something is too much or too heavy for you does he help?

Does he greet you in the morning and tell you that he loves you?

Does he kiss you good night and tell you that he loves you?

Does he ask what do you want? what would you like?

Not to make up, but "just because" does he surprise you with notes? flowers? kisses?
touches? hugs?

Does he acknowledge you when he leaves, with a look, a smile, a touch?

Does he acknowledge you when he arrives with a greeting, a look, a touch?

Does he hold you or touch you with out expecting sex?

Does he let you initiate sex?

Do you enjoy your vacations together?

Is traveling pleasurable, relaxing?

Are holiday and family gatherings fulfilling and pleasant for all?

Does he make you (or those you care about) feel cared about or part of?

Does he offer encouragement in times of sadness or stress, or when something important to you comes up?

Is he acknowledging and respectful of you in front of others, the children...?

Does he keep his promises, agreements, contribute his part?

Does the relationship grow in richness over time?

If you answered yes to at least seven of these there maybe some hope If he acknowledges that his beliefs (old ideas) are a problem and is willing to change. - Stop trying to figure it out. Stop asking “why”. Stop just talking about it. Incorporate the Twelve Steps of Misogynon into our daily lives. Continue (each day) to take personal inventory, listing (journaling) our resentments, fears (pay special attention to abandonment), relationships (sex conduct harms and sex conduct that is other than harmful) and all other harms and wrongs. Stay current with amends, events, fellowship with others, write, share , and pray together. Inventory each day. It works. Get to know who we are list the positive along with the not so positives ask God to remove the not so positives...pray and meditate each day. Reach out to others who we know or suspect might be involved in a violent relationship, be supportive of them. Go to meetings, church and other nurturing places.. Pray for him and ask God to help and believe that He will ( if necessary act as if). Without Him we are totally without defense. We cannot manage our lives and our lives have become unmanageable - especially our relationship.

There are many helpful programs and books;

Books
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
The Bible
The Verbally Abusive Relationship By Patricia Evans
Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out By Patricia Evans
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them By Dr. Susan Forward
Christian Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them By Margaret Rinck
Letters from Women Who Love Too Much By Robin Norwood
SLAA Basic Text
Emmett Fox (all)

Programs
AA (Women's meetings)
Alanon
Coda
Gammanon
Sanon
Adult Children of Alcoholics

Violence is the number one drug of choice—Abuse stops when the abuser stops abusing.

Note: whether you stay or go the situation is dangerous you (and your children) are at risk. DVAS=...disorders, addictions, alcoholism, discrimination, reverse discrimination, terrorism, homosexuality, VD, AIDS, bruises, cuts, fractures, shattered eardrum, incest miscarriage, premature birth, abortion, child abuse, loss of custody, relapse, destruction of the family (his and ours), homelessness, homicide, suicide, jails, institutions, death, and DENIAL (we could increase the list ad infinitum).