Stay away from him. Don’t initiate. Don’t give him gifts. Don’t have conversations with him, don’t respond to his questions - say stop - stop now! (and disengage). Have a safety plan. Leave as soon as IT starts (if you can- take the children with you.) Tell people what is happening, if they can’t be supportive tell someone else... Keep a bag packed ready to go- (or keep one at a safe house. ) Keep/or accumulate enough money to take care of yourself (and children) for a few months.. ( years..) Have somewhere you can go for awhile...supportive family or friends - locate shelters. Do not give him information (or anyone else) - i.e. where you would go if... how much money, property you have etc.......The less you tell him (or his “ friends”- ) the better - do not try to engage him (or his “friends”) in conversation, especially if you have already done everything possible to work it out, do better, get therapy, take medications, explain, apologize, give more, “take the rap”, pray, forgive. Take care of yourself, stay in touch with others who know and validate your reality, and are supportive of you and your well being. Whether you go or stay meditate and pray - work all the steps - continue to develop spiritually. Give special attention to abandonment (it is progressive and is on it’s own an addiction) which he uses very effectively as a weapon to control us. Abandonment can be overcome and/or the suffering generated from it can be channeled constructively. Keep a journal (don’t leave it out.) Don’t medicate, take drugs or drink alcohol (these are not effective and they make us victim to our circumstances) - leave as soon as IT starts - don’t argue or retaliate or try to talk it out - just go. If the police are called you have the right to remain silent, what you say may be used against you and be (very) calm - or you might be the one that gets arrested. He will do everything possible to make YOU act and look out of control. It will never be fun, you will not be permitted to be happy or successful. There will never be any reciprocity. He will always undermine you. (and so will his “friends”). COME TO TERMS with the knowledge that your abuser is not loving, valuing or respectful of you and has no concern for your well being. (Or that of your children and neither do his” friends”...)
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