2002.04.28
i was always too occupied
watching the tide throwing itself on the sandy beach
that i never noticed that there is a shore across the water
and land and civilization lies just across the bay
how is it,
that some people can hurt u so deeply
and the pain can stay with u
for so long... so long...
memories belong in the past
but more than often
the past present and future are inseparable
u can't just live in the present
because you are a product of your past
yet u cannot disregard the future
because the future is now
we are always constantly making memories of the future
so how do u live in the moment?
how do u capture happiness
or, in that case
how do u capture anything at all
how do u stop it all from just passing u by...
2002.04.30
it's rent day again
once again i kept on forgetting
until i got the slip under the door
and had to go pay the check past midnight yet again
my plant finally died today
it lasted thru 21days of dehydration
while i was gone for spring break
but i guess every plant has its tolerance level
it's a miracle that i can kill such a plant
those, whatever they're called types
usually they NEVER die...
i am really awed by myself
the people directly downstairs from me are moving out
so that makes 3 moving ins and 2 moving outs since i got here
in a less than 4 month period.
life changes so much and nothing is constant
not even the stars
someday even the big dipper or the northern star itself
will blow up and become one of those nebulas
or a black hole, collapse into itself...
there are a lot of stars tonight tho
and it's a warm night, it's been a warm day...
i went to the beach again today...
walked around in the shallow water.
but the ocean ground wasn't level
and it became steep all of a sudden
i'd say the slope was about... 10?
and i landed splash into the water
but there didn't seem to be an end
because my feet could not touch the ground
so i had to swim back
and got all wet
just like last time
always getting soaked
never prepared for it
life goes around and around in circles
u gotta fight the demons or else they'll always come back to get u
but how exactly do u kill the demons?
2002.05.05 [rhetorical question...]
rhetorical question = a question that's thrown out into the void.
no answer expected. intention is to provoke thought.
so here's some for u..
when u see a group photo, who do u look at first?
urself?
ur crush?
somebody else?
whoever's wearing the brightest clothes?
how do u determine wheter or not it's a "good" photo?
ur appearance/pose/expression?
ur crush's appearance pose expression?
the general atmosphere of the group?
the perfect smiles and happiness that seeks thru the photo?
the goofiness or "caught in the act-ness" of the photo?
the memories stirred up by the photo?
what do u consider as the best quality in a friend?
(cuz let's admit it, there's no perfect person,
and thus no perfect friend)
appearance?
humour?
caring?
intelligence?
honesty/integrity?
family background? (rich/poor)
what kind of friend would be prefer to have?
the goofball (always making u laugh but never serious)
the safety net (always there to catch u when u fall)
the buser (there for the joy ride only)
the philosopher (always serious always deep)
the well rounded (nearly perfect combo
but just missing some emotional attachment)
there are a billion answers...
but there are a billion answers...
one question is posed at a time..
that is why life is so simple yet so complex...
we can solve it one problem at a time...
but most of the time we don't do much about things
we think all we have to do is give things time
but that's not enuff and we should know that by now
so it ends up feeling like a million questions flood us all at once
and we are emersed, drowned, submerged...
2002.06.09 [graduation 2002]
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�ҥHgrad night�ڨS������stimulant (�scoke���S����)
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���b�����ݵۧڪ��B�̶ͭV�ܶVhigh...
�n���@�T�m��o�e�����@�Ӷ¦⪺�H�v
but it's all good, �ڳ̾ժ����O�H�}�ߤF
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�n�֦n�֤F, ���O½�X���~�Ӫ��Ӥ�, �٬O���n�h�n�h�PIJ
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�@����곣�w�g�����F... �ѤU��provincial�M�Фl����
�h���a, �S�^�x�_�F... �����`�@��, �O�^�a...
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�i�O�n���n��... :(
�`�O�U�Ӧh�Ӧh...
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���D�@�Ө�Ӥp�ɦh�������N�i�H�e�U�y����??
half of me is in disbelief
half of me believes that i'm not only ready to move on
but that in many ways i already have...
i already feel so detatched from everyone...
is it supposed to be like this?
are we really... on our own now?
Dear Friend - Shunza
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����S�O�j�P�@�o��h�~
Oh~ Friend �ڹ�A���Q��
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Friend~
2002.06.13
���|�I, ���Ѧ�mock, �ڧ��b�o�̥��峹...
so typically mel. :)
���ݨ�q�����o��notebook�N��7/31�������...
�ܤ֧ڦ���backup homepage, ����...~
�ڤS�n�h�a�F~ ı�o�p�p�d�s...
���O�]���|�Q���Фl... �ӬO�]���ڤ��ӷQ����...
���ѱH�X�Fwaterloo�� admission offer decline letter...
�Ҵo... ���ګܷQ�h. �H�ӭn����ۤv���z�Q,
���`���Ӧh�Ӧh�Ӧh�U...
���b��grad���Ӥ�, �S½�F½96~99�~���H��...
�ٰO�o�ڥH�e�U�߱�ۦ����, �s��, ��, �g, etc ���H...
�{�b���S���`���ӤF...
�H�e���O�ڪ��믫��W��!
�H�e����, �{�b����, �쩳�t�F�h��...
�ݨ���b1997�~���H���ڪ��H, �W���g��
"��, �p�٬O�S�ܰ�!"
�O�o���ɬݨ쨺�y��, �߸̦n�Y��, �n�ŷx... :)
�����h���a�N���W�^�x�_�F...
�ҥH�K�멳�^�Ӫ��ɭ�, �O�^��@�ӭ��ͪ��a��...
�h�@�ӭ��ͪ��Ǯ�, �ͪ��H�W��... >__<"
oh well, i suppose it could be worse...
i could be in another city, for instance.
it's just... i hate hate hate change...
��photos, �ݶK�K, �ܦhgood times...
���bťfukuyama masaharu �� sakura zaka
�Q��japan... the BEST time!! :)
ooyama was right, it WAS a life changing experience... :)
ai~ miss the good times.
now it's just everyone freaking out about provincials...
and not enjoying the last few days of school...
and no annuals till tuesday!! sux~
hee, i'm becoming so pointless...
���F�ڪ� 50% minumum, �h��ıı�a~
2002.06.18
�Q�Ѧ���annual, �~���, �w�gñ��������
���M������h�ܼg�b�̭�, �j�a��곣�ߪ��{���a
�N�Ӥ������|�A�ۨ�, �ܥi��ڥ��N���|�p���F...
�o�˪���, �ڤw�g�ܲߺD�F... �w�g���O�Ĥ@,�G���o�˪������F~
��o�Ǭ۹J, ���O���Ƴ��N�N��, �O�n�O�a?
�H��, �Z�Ʃ��a�B�Q�N������|����, �O�u���a. x__X"
grad-write-up, ���ǫᮬ�ڨS���S�O�g���C�ӤH
���L��F�a~ �]���i�������U~ plus,
ppl who are special to me should know who they are
and why they are important...
if they don't know/understand, then maybe
they don't deserve to be treated the way i treat them... :p
�o�@��Ӥ�C���Q�g�Ǥ��ɭԳ��|�ܱo�ܨS���߱�... ������O?
���Ѧb���Фl���ɭԥ��}���f��closet...
�ݨ�n�h�Ū����l... �Q��ܧ֪�, ���Dz��l�S�n�Q�˺��F...
ı���ܷ�... �S�O�O, �٨S���R���d...
�S�����d�Nı�o������, �S���F�o�o�L�ҿ�. �ګܩǧa.
ai~ after 5 years of highschool, most ppl will remember me
as a weird/snappy person...
how sad... how sad.
2002.06.28 [pessimistic crap]
if we can't have something that we want,
we're asking for too much, right?
i mean, people weren't born to be happy
they weren't meant to have lives, to live, love and laugh
no, why would we think that?
life is supposed to be miserable
and we're meant to just suck it up right?
we're not meant to befriend each other
i mean it's each for his own,
but we're allowed to use ppl n then ditch them
cuz that's the way it's meant to be, right?
whenever we feel sad or down,
we're just being spoiled little brats;
we're just asking for too much,
right?
"What you want
What you lost
What you had
What is gone is over
What you've got
What you love
What you need is real
If it's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough I'm sorry
If it's not enough
It's not enough"
--- Our Lady Peace
2002.07.10
�^��x�_���ĤG�ѴN�h�ݤ���, aiyaiyai.
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���G���G, �^�a�e�h�R�M�å�,
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�зQ���ڪ���Y... ���J����...
"�~�a. �x? �ڰڰڰ�, �p�p�p!!"
���ѹ擄�H�H��, �����ɭԤ]�S�d�q��~
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�N�u�n�����^�a�o... ai ai ai~
�٦b�Ҽ{�������ӥ��q�ܵ��s��???
���h�F�S�n�������...
"��, hi, �ڬO���Ӧn�X�~�S�^�p�H���H..."
�� �� ��... �٦�amy...
�H�����Y��b�O�ӽ���... �٬O�h�ݮѧa~
������O I
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