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2002.04.28

i was always too occupied 
watching the tide throwing itself on the sandy beach 
that i never noticed that there is a shore across the water 
and land and civilization lies just across the bay 

how is it, 
that some people can hurt u so deeply 
and the pain can stay with u 
for so long... so long... 

memories belong in the past 
but more than often 
the past present and future are inseparable 
u can't just live in the present 
because you are a product of your past 
yet u cannot disregard the future 
because the future is now 
we are always constantly making memories of the future 
so how do u live in the moment? 
how do u capture happiness 
or, in that case 
how do u capture anything at all 
how do u stop it all from just passing u by...   


2002.04.30

it's rent day again 
once again i kept on forgetting 
until i got the slip under the door 
and had to go pay the check past midnight yet again 

my plant finally died today 
it lasted thru 21days of dehydration 
while i was gone for spring break 
but i guess every plant has its tolerance level 
it's a miracle that i can kill such a plant 
those, whatever they're called types 
usually they NEVER die... 
i am really awed by myself 

the people directly downstairs from me are moving out 
so that makes 3 moving ins and 2 moving outs since i got here 
in a less than 4 month period. 

life changes so much and nothing is constant 
not even the stars 
someday even the big dipper or the northern star itself 
will blow up and become one of those nebulas 
or a black hole, collapse into itself... 

there are a lot of stars tonight tho 
and it's a warm night, it's been a warm day... 

i went to the beach again today... 
walked around in the shallow water. 
but the ocean ground wasn't level 
and it became steep all of a sudden 
i'd say the slope was about... 10? 
and i landed splash into the water 
but there didn't seem to be an end 
because my feet could not touch the ground 
so i had to swim back 
and got all wet 
just like last time 
always getting soaked 
never prepared for it 

life goes around and around in circles 
u gotta fight the demons or else they'll always come back to get u 
but how exactly do u kill the demons? 


2002.05.05 [rhetorical question...]

rhetorical question = a question that's thrown out into the void.
no answer expected. intention is to provoke thought. 

so here's some for u.. 
when u see a group photo, who do u look at first? 
urself? 
ur crush? 
somebody else? 
whoever's wearing the brightest clothes? 

how do u determine wheter or not it's a "good" photo? 
ur appearance/pose/expression? 
ur crush's appearance pose expression? 
the general atmosphere of the group? 
the perfect smiles and happiness that seeks thru the photo? 
the goofiness or "caught in the act-ness" of the photo? 
the memories stirred up by the photo? 

what do u consider as the best quality in a friend? 
(cuz let's admit it, there's no perfect person, 
and thus no perfect friend) 
appearance? 
humour? 
caring? 
intelligence? 
honesty/integrity? 
family background? (rich/poor) 

what kind of friend would be prefer to have? 
the goofball (always making u laugh but never serious) 
the safety net (always there to catch u when u fall) 
the buser (there for the joy ride only) 
the philosopher (always serious always deep) 
the well rounded (nearly perfect combo
but just missing some emotional attachment) 

there are a billion answers... 
but there are a billion answers... 
one question is posed at a time.. 
that is why life is so simple yet so complex... 
we can solve it one problem at a time... 
but most of the time we don't do much about things 
we think all we have to do is give things time 
but that's not enuff and we should know that by now 
so it ends up feeling like a million questions flood us all at once 
and we are emersed, drowned, submerged...   


2002.06.09 [graduation 2002]

���~�F �����o�@�I�����ɿ� 
���O���~���ܦh�Ƴ��ҩ��ڦ��~�F 
�ڭn�Ƿ|�u�u���������ۤv�M�O�H�t�d 
���~��18�F, �������~�F, �Фl�ֶR��F 
���F�\�h����, �]�����_�ӳ\�h���F 
�ҥH�N�O����, ���~�F, �ӾǷ|�ʤ��ʦ۵M���}�� 
�ҥHgrad night�ڨS������stimulant (�scoke���S����) 
�G�M... high ���_��... 
���b�����ݵۧڪ��B�̶ͭV�ܶVhigh... 
�n���@�T�m��o�e�����@�Ӷ¦⪺�H�v 
but it's all good, �ڳ̾ժ����O�H�}�ߤF 

���Ѧ��F���@��, ���W9�I��b�]12�I���S������ 
�n�֦n�֤F, ���O½�X���~�Ӫ��Ӥ�, �٬O���n�h�n�h�PIJ 
�˷R���B�Ͱ�, �ڭ��ٷ|�A������? 
�ڭ��ٷ|�A�����ӹ�? 
���ٷ|ť�즳���A��������? 
�@����곣�w�g�����F... �ѤU��provincial�M�Фl���� 
�h���a, �S�^�x�_�F... �����`�@��, �O�^�a... 
���O�o���A�^��vancouver���ɭ�, �@�����|���P�F�a 
���ǤH, �O���|�A����F 
���ǤH, ���O������, ���w��O���D���ߤF 
����ø������f�N���ӭn�i�����O��? 
�i�O�n���n��... :( 
�`�O�񤣤U�Ӧh�Ӧh... 

���b�ĤG�ƪ���l, �ݵۤj�a�@�Ӥ@�Ӫ����F���~�Ү� 
���j�a�P��}��, ���߸̫o�ܷW 
�N�o�ˤl�F��?? 
���~�Ӫ��V�O, ���~�өҦY���W, �ҧԪ��h, �ҩӨ��L������, 
���D�@�Ө�Ӥp�ɦh�������N�i�H�e�U�y����?? 
half of me is in disbelief 
half of me believes that i'm not only ready to move on 
but that in many ways i already have... 
i already feel so detatched from everyone... 
is it supposed to be like this? 
are we really... on our own now? 

Dear Friend - Shunza 

��L�Ѥ~�i�O�@�಴���a���� 
�������@�ն����µL�� 
���ڤ߸̷Pı�@�٦��W�L�� 

��h�~���A���@�಴�S�O�V�� 
�~�@�~�@�ݵۥ@���ܾE 
���طɮ���С@�L�`���Pı 

Oh~ Friend �ڹ�A���Q�� 
����S�O�j�P�@�ڭ̦p������ 

�B�ͫĤl���y�@���ۥͩR�߮� 
�p�G���@�ڭ̵̨M���� 
�����w�b���e�@�O�t�~���` 

Oh~ Friend �ڹ�A���Q�� 
����S�O�j�P�@�o��h�~ 
Oh~ Friend �ڹ�A���Q�� 
����S�O�j�P�@�p������ 

Friend~   


2002.06.13

���|�I, ���Ѧ�mock, �ڧ��b�o�̥��峹... 
so typically mel. :) 

���ݨ�q�����o��notebook�N��7/31�������... 
�ܤ֧ڦ���backup homepage, ����...~ 

�ڤS�n�h�a�F~ ı�o�p�p�d�s... 
���O�]���|�Q���Фl... �ӬO�]���ڤ��ӷQ����... 

���ѱH�X�Fwaterloo�� admission offer decline letter... 
�Ҵo... ���ګܷQ�h. �H�ӭn����ۤv���z�Q, 
���`���Ӧh�Ӧh�Ӧh�񤣤U... 

���b��grad���Ӥ�, �S½�F½96~99�~���H��... 
�ٰO�o�ڥH�e�U�߱�ۦ����, �s��, ��, �g, etc ���H... 
�{�b���S���`���ӤF... 
�H�e���O�ڪ��믫��W��! 

�H�e����, �{�b����, �쩳�t�F�h��... 
�ݨ���b1997�~���H���ڪ��H, �W���g�� 
"��, �p�٬O�S�ܰ�!" 
�O�o���ɬݨ쨺�y��, �߸̦n�Y��, �n�ŷx... :) 

�����h���a�N���W�^�x�_�F... 
�ҥH�K�멳�^�Ӫ��ɭ�, �O�^��@�ӭ��ͪ��a��... 
�h�@�ӭ��ͪ��Ǯ�, �򭯥ͪ��H�W��... >__<" 
oh well, i suppose it could be worse... 
i could be in another city, for instance. 
it's just... i hate hate hate change... 

��photos, �ݶK�K, �ܦhgood times... 
���bťfukuyama masaharu �� sakura zaka 
�Q��japan... the BEST time!! :) 
ooyama was right, it WAS a life changing experience... :) 
ai~ miss the good times. 
now it's just everyone freaking out about provincials... 
and not enjoying the last few days of school... 
and no annuals till tuesday!! sux~ 

hee, i'm becoming so pointless... 
���F�ڪ� 50% minumum, �h��ıı�a~   


2002.06.18


�Q�Ѧ���annual, �~���, �w�gñ�������� 
���M������h�ܼg�b�̭�, �j�a��곣�ߪ��{���a 
�N�Ӥ������|�A�ۨ�, �ܥi��ڥ��N���|�p���F... 
�o�˪���, �ڤw�g�ܲߺD�F... �w�g���O�Ĥ@,�G���o�˪������F~ 
��o�Ǭ۹J, ���O���Ƴ��N�N��, �O�n�O�a? 
�H��, �Z�Ʃ��a�B�Q�N������|����, �O�u���a. x__X" 

grad-write-up, ���ǫᮬ�ڨS���S�O�g���C�ӤH 
���L��F�a~ �]���i�������U~ plus, 
ppl who are special to me should know who they are
and why they are important... 
if they don't know/understand, then maybe
they don't deserve to be treated the way i treat them... :p 

�o�@��Ӥ�C���Q�g�Ǥ��򪺮ɭԳ��|�ܱo�ܨS���߱�... ������O? 

���Ѧb���Фl���ɭԥ��}���f��closet... 
�ݨ�n�h�Ū����l... �Q��ܧ֪�, ���Dz��l�S�n�Q�˺��F... 
ı���ܷ�... �S�O�O, �٨S���R���d... 
�S�����d�Nı�o������, �S���F�o�o�L�ҿ�. �ګܩǧa. 

ai~ after 5 years of highschool, most ppl will remember me
as a weird/snappy person... 
how sad... how sad.   


2002.06.28 [pessimistic crap]

if we can't have something that we want, 
we're asking for too much, right? 
i mean, people weren't born to be happy 
they weren't meant to have lives, to live, love and laugh 
no, why would we think that? 
life is supposed to be miserable 
and we're meant to just suck it up right? 
we're not meant to befriend each other 
i mean it's each for his own, 
but we're allowed to use ppl n then ditch them 
cuz that's the way it's meant to be, right? 
whenever we feel sad or down, 
we're just being spoiled little brats; 
we're just asking for too much, 
right? 

"What you want 
What you lost 
What you had 
What is gone is over 
What you've got 
What you love 
What you need is real 
If it's not enough 
It's not enough 
It's not enough I'm sorry 
If it's not enough 
It's not enough" 
--- Our Lady Peace   


2002.07.10

�^��x�_���ĤG�ѴN�h�ݤ���, aiyaiyai. 
���Ѧ��W�_�ɪ��ɭԲ����S�O�S�O�~, 
�X���e�Q�Q�n���n�Ƨ�, �٬O��F, 
�߸̧ڷQ��, �ϥ��S���|�I�W��~ 
���G���G, �^�a�e�h�R�M�å�, 
��ӬO�~���a�}����!! 
�зQ���ڪ���Y... ���J����... 
"�~�a. �x? �ڰڰڰ�, �p�p�p!!" 
���ѹ擄�򳣲H�H��, �����ɭԤ]�S�d�q��~ 
���M���F�@�y "�U���A�ӧ�p", 
�֪��D�ٷ|���|�h�O... 
��... �~�����k�k�ש󳣮����F... 

���F������X (�¤���o�Ӥ�Q�Ѷ����z�F) 
���G�N�OSIM�d�̭��O�ťժ��q��ï 
�@�ӤH�̥h����m��§�~, �s�ӳ}�󪺦�ೣ�䤣��... 
�N�u�n�����^�a�o... ai ai ai~ 

�٦b�Ҽ{�������ӥ��q�ܵ��s��??? 
���h�F�S�n�������... 
"��, hi, �ڬO���Ӧn�X�~�S�^�p�H���H..." 
�� �� ��... �٦�amy... 

�H�����Y��b�O�ӽ���... �٬O�h�ݮѧa~  



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