"Ketchup"
A/N: Hey guys,
ESM: I'm a girl.
ok what did i say about flames???????
Legolas: Uhh, that they're hot?
NONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elrohir: Oh look, a random over-capitalized and over-punctuated word insertion.
Ok... i would give shoutouts, but i can’t remember... so...
ESM: Sooo, we'll just be satisfied with your cheap expresssion of good will. Okie-dokie.
on w/ the chappy!!!!!!!!!!! Oooooooooo..... and this one is short..... sry.........
Gimli: I really must protest, the number of orphaned punctation marks here is truly tremendous!
Chapter 8-
Elladan: Which was astonishing, for she was a notorious sonambulist.
She looked around, and spotted Legolas sitting, a little ways off, meditating.
Legolas: You shouldn't interrupt people's names like that.
When he heard her stirring
ESM: Campell's Extra Veggiefied Chunky Chicken Turtle Noodle Chili Stew.
, though, he got up and
ESM: Scraped the thousand year old gum off his ill-fated rear end.
walked over to her. Nienna stood up and smiled at him.
Gimli: Is it just me, or is everyone else bored too?
Legolas bent his head down and kissed her softly on the lips. When he pulled away, Nienna was smiling. "We should probably go back to the camp," Nienna said frowning a little,
Legolas: Because she couldn't remember where the camp was, and she didn't know how to use a compass.
they probably think that we're dead." Legolas just smiled
Legolas: At her stupidity.
and they walked towards the campsite to see if they had been missed.
Gimli: Ah! This is when the real story comes to light. As a matter of fact, this sickening excuse for a romantic rendevouz was just a ghostly dream. Nienna and Legolas had been shot dead earlier at the campsite, with general approbation. As is often the case with egomaniacs, they weren't yet aware that they were dead, and only vaguely remembered being shot at. Thus they decided to return to the scene, to ascertain whether they had been missed, or hit.
When they arrived, they found that everyone was still asleep, so they went to their assigned sleeping places, so as not to arouse any rumors or suspicion.
ESM: Good job. ::hurls popcorn at the screen::
Nienna awoke to the sound of the hobbits laughing.
Elladan: Do you suppose she was still in the assigned sleeping place? Or would that be too amazing?
She smiled
Legolas: I don't like her smile.
and sat up, looking towards the origin of the noise.
ESM: Primary cause, secondary cause, tertiary cause, proximate cause...
She saw that Merry and Pippin were laughing at something that Sam had said,
Elrohir: (Sam) How many Brandybucks does it take to plant a lightbulb?
and Sam looked glum.
Legolas: (Sam) We're out of toilet paper. It's all gone.
He had heard her stirring and looked over at her.
Elladan: Oi, yeah, I'd be glum too if I had heard someone I wished was dead had just woken up.
Nienna smiled at him, and he looked even glummer.
Gimli: ::vindicated:: I TOLD you her smile had that effect!
Just then, and elf came to their campsite and announced that breakfast was ready.
Elrohir: And then he led out a young rabbit for them to catch, kill, cut, cook, and eat.
Nienna stood up,
ESM: ::shaking head:: Amazing. Truly amazing.
and began to follow her companions, when Larien put a hand on her shoulder. Nienna scowled, and
Legolas: called her Larry and many other only slightly less disgraceful epithets.
followed her to change into different clothes. When they arrived in her room, Larien handed her a new dress,
ESM: ::suddenly:: I need to go shopping.
this time a soft powder blue, with gold accents throughout it. When Nienna had changed and the such, she headed for the
Elladan: Guillotine.
dining hall, where she would eat her breakfast in peace.
Elladan: I like the peace part. Reminds me of the grave...
Nienna stepped into the dining hall about 5 minutes later,
Legolas: There's a reason we're being told it took five minutes to get from her room to the dining hall, right? It's crucial to the story's plot?
and saw that it was
ESM: Good.
alight with laughter and song. There were many elves there,
Gimli: And not a few fools.
and when she stepped through the door, they all got up and bowed.
Elladan: They'd never met anyone who could walk through wood before, save Mithrandir, and only at great need.
Nienna was slightly embarrassed,
ESM: She was ashamed, for her walking-through-solid-wood trick was something she only performed in front of family members, who would laugh uncomfortably and then tell her it wasn't good form.
and turned a not- so- flattering shade of maroon.
Legolas: Drama queen.
Legolas walked up to her, and offered his hand to lead her to the high table. She smiled at him, and let him lead her to her seat. "Lle maa quel (you look good)," he whispered into her ear,
Legolas: That's a lie! She looketh very ill and maleficent!
making her go an even darker shade of red, if at all possible.
Gimli: If she DID, evidently it was POSSIBLE.
Legolas smiled then, and walked back to his seat. It was then that Nienna noticed that everyone in the hall was standing, and looking at her.
Elrohir: Ah. Bit "slow on the draw", are we?
She looked towards Galadriel for some help, and she was just smiling at her.
ESM: Helpful. Inestimable what a simple silent smile can bring about...
Nienna looked out into the hall, and, out of an impulse, inclined her head, to which everyone sat down.
Legolas: Aaaand, the youthful royalty relearns the royal cues of her royal pleasure.
Then food appeared in front of everyone,
ESM: Goodness. The food just appeared?
and the talking, laughing, and singing continued.
ESM: I dunno, Ro, everybody seems to be pretty nonchalant about the whole affair.
When the meal was over, some music began to play, and a lot of elves moved the tables and started to dance.
ESM: Swing your pardner, do-ci-do, on the table up you go. Round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and now stand on your head!
Nienna looked on and wished that she could also dance.
Elladan: But alas, she had chopped off her own legs back on Earth, where self-mutilation was in vogue.
Just then, Galadriel's voice came into her mind.
Gimli: Telepathy alert! Notice the asterisks...
‘* You may go, if you wish, but you must have an elvish partner"
Legolas: Discrimination!
Nienna smiled, looked towards Legolas' seat, but saw that
ESM: He was busy sucking clean his eighteenth bottle of ketchup.
he wasn’t there. She felt a little put down,
Gimli: (Nienna) Ooo, I am irked!
and turned towards Frodo, who sat next to her. In Frodo's place, though,
ESM: Were alot of empty bottles of ketchup, and a business card with a packet of ketchup stapled to it, reading: Frodo Baggins, CEO, KetchupCorp.
Legolas sat. "Aaye, mellon (hail, friend)" she said, smiling. Legolas smiled back and said,
Legolas: (Legolas) Frodo said you smelled really bad, and there was a really pretty blonde sitting next to me, so he told me to trade places. You DO smell bad. Be right back, I have to go, I just remembered Aragorn is liable to get lost daydreams about his Evenstar, he might have forgotten breakfast exists, please excuse me...
"Lle merna salk (do you want to dance)" Nienna smiled and nodded, and Legolas led her to the dance floor. They danced every dance together, and Nienna was very happy. After the dinner/dance was over,
Elrohir: Wasn't this breakfast just a few paragraphs ago?
Legolas walked with Nienna to her room, where she would now have to sleep until they left, according to Galadriel.
ESM: Well geez yeah, after what happened the night before...!
When they got to her door, Nienna turned towards Legolas. He smiled down to her, and closed the space between them
Elladan: With a snap.
. When their lips touched, Nienna melted into him
Gimli: It took many elves many chemical experiments to disassociate the melted princess from the prince.
, and she was very sad when they broke the kiss off.
ESM: The cake was ruined.
Legolas walked away towards the camp,
Legolas:::solemnly:: For there was no room in the inn.
and Nienna floated into her room on a cloud.
Elrohir: (Random Galadhrim) I wonder why it's so wet under this particular flet?
She flopped down onto her bed, and instantly fell into a blissful sleep.
Legolas: Except that, Elves don't really sleep...
ESM:You said "thank you", actually.
Nienna awoke to find herself still in the grove of trees.
Elladan: I'm sure it's just you, Master Dwarf, since it is well known your race often misses the finer points of romance. We Elves read into the the simplest indication of a smile ALL the implications the author has made the...mmph!
Legolas: ::slaps a piece of duct tape across Elladan's mouth:: Aaand, that's enough from you, Dan.
Elrohir: He's not gonna have any skin left on his face if you people keep that up.
Legolas: Didn't know you cared, Ro.
Elrohir: Oh, it's not that, I was merely stating a fact.
ESM: Well if it comes to that, there's always skin transplants. Take a few layers of his epidermis from his leg or something and graft them onto his face. Good as patched pants.
Legolas: ::staring:: That's...gross. I am officially grossed out.
ESM: ::wrinkles her nose suddenly:: Yeah...so am I!
Elladan: ::painstakingly removes tape::
ESM: (Nienna) Blast it, Legolas, my compass keeps pointing North! How am I supposed to find the camp if it doesn't point at the camp?
Elrohir: He at least knew it was worse-than-death that their friends would be suspecting.
Legolas: Bet you all the treasure horded by my father the authoress doesn't take that admittedly delightful tack.
Gimli: A bet! And yet alas, 'tis one I cannot take up. Aaaahhh, the irony! ::frowning:: I hate you, Legolas.
Legolas: I hate you too, Gimli.
Gimli: Neither do I.
Legolas: It doesn't mean anything to me.
Gimli: It makes me frown.
Legolas: Now I know what is meant by "smiling too much".
Gimli: She overdoes it.
Legolas: ::looks at Gimli:: Please shut up.
Gimli: Not allowed.
OTHERS: What?
ESM: ::nodding:: Me, too.
Elladan: (Merry) None, they'll hire a Gamgee to do it for them!
Legolas: (Pippin) What's a lightbulb?
Elladan: (Sam) A flower, you idiot. Bulbis Lucis. Winter annual. Red, pink or blue flowers. Serrated leaf margins. Parallel veining.
Legolas: (Pippin) Do you have any idea what he's talking about?
Elrohir: (Merry) Nope. 'Sall Numenorean to me!
ESM: (Merry) No, it's all over the trees, Sam!
ESM: (Pippin, cheerily) You should have gone toilet papering with us!
Legolas: You can't. You're in this theater.
ESM: I really, really, REALLY need to go shopping!
Gimli: No you don't.
ESM: ::becoming frantic:: I DO!! I DO I DO I DO!
Legolas: Are you going to the hardware store? I think we need some more duct tape.
ESM: ::whimpering:: I'll be good...
ESM: Not this again.
Elrohir: Plot? What plot? I'm still looking for it!
Legolas: Shut up, I was making a point.
ESM: Aww, there's a plot. Girl is happy on earth, girl finds out she's an elven princess in Middle-Earth, girl gets elven Prince hottie to fall in love with her, and, uhh, well, we'll see where it goes from here, shall we?
Legolas: ::turning red:: I'll tell you the plot. Fangirls plot to destroy my noble character, that's the plot!!!
ESM: ::unimpressed:: Yay. Conspiracies. Conspiracies often involve...duct tape...
Legolas: ::stiffens:: I'll be good.
Elrohir: ::affronted:: Hey!
ESM: Now WHERE did you pick up THAT?
Legolas: Useful talent, indeed.
ESM: However do the Galdhrim teach their children that the acquisition of food requires work it if just APPEARS?
Elrohir: Maybe it only happens at adult parties.
Legolas: ::raised eyebrow:: Uh-huh.
Gimli: Intolerance!
ESM: Burn the politically incorrect witch!
Legolas: I what?!
ESM: ::blushing:: Sorry, obscure self-reference...pay no heed...
Elrohir: Uhm...
Gimli: I'm ill just reading that jerky run-on sentence.
Legolas: Get over it.
Elladan: Yeah...maybe she had breakfast "in peace" and went onto dinner "5 minutes later". That's my theory.
ESM: Outlining is good, glorwen, outlining is good.
Elrohir:What?
Elladan: Sorry, I couldn't think of anything better.
Elrohir: Well, you could at least have the decency to keep your comments to yourself, then.
Legolas: Hmph! Elladan, decency, related? What a joke!
Elladan: Yeah. Totally. Rawk on, dude.
Legolas: ::glaring:: Whatever.
::crickets chirp::
ESM: Ahh, I see. Moooving on....