"Return of the Servant Elf"
Sry,
Gimli: Who?
I forgot the translations for last chapter. Here they are: "Do you want to dance?" "Thank you, good prince."
Legolas: Rather stilted conversation.
Oh, and in the last chappy, she was injured, but she got better.
Elrohir: Quite. Elladan prophetically outlined that whole chapter wherein Nienna gets better, so you didn't have to write it.
Happy reading, eh?
Elladan: Oh, I'm happy enough.
Please R&R!
Gimli: Read and riff, that's what we're all about.
Chapter 4-
ESM: How poetic.
She remembered that today was the Council of Elrond.
Elladan: Probably because Legolas(!!) had painted "Today is the Council of Elrond" in large orange letters on her ceiling while she was asleep.
'Great,' she thought, 'not only do I have to read Gandalf's,
Gimli: ::sadly:: Stray comma. If I didn't have so many already I'd adopt you, my dear, but as it is...well, there's only so much a comma-shelter owner can do!
rather boring tale,
Legolas: Oh, which tale was that? I was always fascinated when he came around with enough time to spare for storytelling.
I have to now listen to it, oh joy!'
ESM: ::smiling wryly:: Does the author speak like her character speaks? Because if she does I'd love to meet her.
Just then she heard footsteps at the door, and she jumped out of bed and ran to open the door.
Elrohir: Quite oblivious to the fact that she was still in her pajamas.
When she opened the door, she saw a
Gimli: Dragon.
servant elf
Legolas: Why oh WHY does it ALWAYS have to be "servant ELF"? Are the servants in Rivendell and Mirkwood generally DWARVES, or perhaps FISH, that the ones mentioned in the story must be qualified as ELVES?! ::glares::
standing before her holding a backpack.
Elrohir: Was she now. How intriguing.
"Diola lle!" she to the elf. "Ta nae amin saesa!" (It was my pleasure) she replied.
ESM: But of course! Who wouldn't want to carry a magic backpack back to its owner?
Nienna then put the pack on her bed and got ready for the council.
ALL: ::yawn::
She took a hot bath,
Gimli: Why not a cold one?
and when she got out,
Elladan: She was dripping wet and had to shake herself like a bear to dry off.
she went to brush her hair,
ESM: Fun.
but noticed that she didn't have
Elrohir: hands anymore, they were more like paws.
to, because it wasn't at all tangled.
Legolas: And it wasn't all tangled because she'd turned into a bear, and bears have relatively short hair.
'Wow, being an elf has its upsides!' she thought.
Gimli: Because she had never learned in school the difference between an Elf and a bear, much for the same reason she didn't quite understand certain rules of punctuation.
Then she went to the dresser that stood in the room.
ESM: How extraordinary. Tell me, was it an Elvish dresser, or a human dresser? And was it ever allowed to sit?
She picked out a dress that was sapphire blue with golden embroidery.
ESM: I don't think that would look good on me. Do you, fellows?
The two colors accented her deep blue eyes and her golden hair (which had grown long indeed since she had become an elf). When she was ready to leave, she opened her door to see Legolas standing there.
ESM: She hadn't quite mastered the trick of seeing through doors, yet.
"Mae, mae, mani uma lye nae si?" Nienna said smiling, and Legolas blushed (a little), but soon regained composure.
Gimli: Whose composure? If it wasn't his own someone else must be very disconcerted right about now.
"Im naa a' sana lle a' i omentilmoello Elrond." Legolas said taking in the sight of Nienna in the beautiful dress that hung on her perfectly.
Elladan: ::feigning surprise:: Legolas! I'm ashamed of you!
Nienna noticed his hesitation, and waved her hand across his face, "Hello?
ESM: (Nienna) Is your refrigerator running?
Anyone there?" Legolas started, and Nienna smirked. "Like the dress?" she asked innocently smiling.
Gimli: No. He doesn't.
Legolas then pulled her past the door, and started dragging her to the council.
ESM: (Nienna) Stop! Thief! Somebody DO something, he's stealing me from my room!
"Stop, stop!!!!!!!" she shouted at him,
Elrohir: And didn't quite realize yet that she was speaking bear, or that Legolas was in no mood to decrypt foreign languages.
and when he finally did, it was
Legolas: What was?
a few yards away from where the council was to take place. Nienna smoothed out her dress and looked at Legolas, who stuck his tongue out at her.
Legolas: I should have cousin Legolas(!!) imprisoned for disgracing the Mirkwood royal family.
Nienna hit him (lightly) on the arm,
Legolas: Lightly, eh? Probably broke his arm.
and he faked a great deal of pain,
Elladan: If I know Legolas(!!), and I don't, I'd say he wasn't faking at all.
but stopped when they both heard Nienna's name being called.
Gimli: (Legolas(!!)) Who called me...oh, wait, my name is Legolas(!!), not Nienna. Who's Nienna? Oh, you're Nienna. Pleased to meet you. So have you been in Rivendell long? Enjoying the scenery? That's wonderful.
Nienna whirled around thinking, 'I know that voice!'
ESM: Which she did.
When she saw who had called her name, her face split
Legolas: Alas, the superglue has come undone!
into a wide grin, and she ran to her mother and gave her a long hug.
ESM: Which absolutely refused to accept her as its child.
"I missed you,
Elrohir: (Nienna) Well, I didn't REALLY miss you, I've been cultivating a boyfriend stupid enough to be falling in love with me, and being away from your overprotective paranoia had given me the best 50 days of my life. But anyway.
but how did you get here?" she said in a rush, but her mother silenced her, and said,
Elladan: (Nienna's mother) How did I get here! I flew here, you twit. Southwest Airlines, as always.
"I will tell you everything
Elrohir: That's an outright lie. Nobody can tell everything.
after the council, now run along, and don't be late!"
Gimli: I don't know how she COULD be late when she's only a few yards away.
As Nienna sat down next to Legolas,
Legolas: The whole council watched with approval while Legolas(!!) expertly gagged, bound, and rendered unconscious the spy. For her magic charm had lost its powers when she met her mother, and Nienna was already showing signs of transforming into the orc that she really was.
she wondered what her mother would tell her, but the thought was soon driven from her head by
Elladan: repeated blows to the skull.
invading thoughts
ESM: Invading thoughts?! She's under attack!
Gimli: Well, thoughts would have to take her by siege. She's too insipid to let them in herself.
that kept saying, 'Boring, boring, boring, boring.' over, and over again.
ESM: "Over and Over Again" is a really boring song.
It was a miracle that she didn't fall asleep, or even slouch, but that probably also comes with being an elf.
Legolas: Yes, it's a TV special: ten payments of $78.52 will get you not only the Elven nature, but also non-tangleable hair and the ability to listen to boring speeches for days without slouching! If you call in the next sixty seconds we'll also help you get a student loan, interest-free for three months! Call now!
What made her finally pay attention, though, was when Frodo got up to put the ring on the rock thingy
Gimli: Ah, the Eloquence of the young and ignorant!
in the middle of the circle place.
ESM: Good. Grief.
'This is the good part,' she thought, 'now they'll all start fighting over the ring,'
Elladan: What in Middle-Earth is good about fighting over the Ring?
which is exactly what they did.
Legolas: See fur fly, the guts gored, and the...okay that's a bit too gruesome for this company.
Nienna was amused when Legolas stood up and held back the other two elves from hurting the dwarves.
ESM: Yes. Hahahaha.
Nienna looked across the clearing, and caught Ti's eye,
Elladan: and squa--oof!
and they both smiled at the stupidity of male beings (heehee).
Legolas: ::coldly:: We are well aware that the male gender is denoted by the word, "he".
As soon as Frodo announced that he would take the ring, and the whole shenanigan with the forming of the Fellowship (which included 2 more elves, 1 more hobbit, and 1 more ranger, all females i might add),
Elrohir: The kid's a raging feminist!
Nienna and Legolas went in
Gimli: Wait! Where is the rest of the clause?
search of her mother, who, conveniently, was standing directly outside of the clearing.
ESM: Yeah, whatever.
Nienna's mother, Amy Smith, told her to bring Legolas with her, because he would probably want to hear what she was to say.
Elrohir: (Amy, explaining) Since you're already betrothed and all.
Amy led them to a small room where Nienna's father was sitting at a desk writing something.
Legolas: Presumably words.
When he stood up, Nienna rushed to him, and he embraced her.
ESM: Aww, how sweet.
Her mother than sat down on the bed and said, "you might want to sit down, poppit."
Gimli: I already know what the plot is.
Nienna obeyed, and Legolas sat down next to her.
ESM: ::waves duct tape menacingly::
Then her mother launched into her story. "Nienna, do you wonder why you turned into an elf when you entered Middle- Earth?"
Gimli: (Nienna) No, not at all, actually.
and without waiting for an answer, she plunged ahead.
Gimli: ::nodding:: Good idea. Never let a Sue speak.
"You were born 2,087 years ago, in Lórien.
ESM: And thus she is the same age as movie Legolas. Lovely, lovely.
You are the granddaughter of Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn."
Elrohir: Oh dear. That makes her my cousin. Speaking of relations, isn't it time we let Elladan out?
At this Nienna let out a soft laugh, but quickly stopped at her parents' glare.
Gimli: I wouldn't think it a laughing matter to be related to Lady Galadriel.
"As I was saying," her mother continued, "Everyone was so happy that such a beautiful new princess had been born, but there was one person who despised her,
Gimli: You just contradicted yourself.
Olwë Vanimedlë, her first cousin, who would've ruled Lórien had it not been for this little girl.
Elrohir: In the case of the demise of Lord Celeborn, you mean. And what about my mother, Celebrian? She was their daughter.
So, naturally, he tried to assassinate you,
Legolas: That's a natural reaction?
and we fled to Earth for fear of your life, but not before my mother had erased your memory of the past hundred years or so that you had been alive.
Elrohir: She can do that?! This is a horror story come true...
We fled at night, hoping and praying to the Valar to not let Olwë see us. He did though,
ESM: (Amy) Stupid Valar let us down AGAIN.
and followed us, luckily, we had some warriors to protect us,
Gimli: Indeed. I'm sure they just randomly appeared. Lucky for you!
and he stayed some distance away from us.
ESM: Just as far as the restraining order dictated, in fact.
A few years later, we assumed that the danger had passed, and we told the warriors to go back to Lórien and inform the Lady that we would keep you on Earth until it was your time to come back to Middle-Earth, and that is why you are an elf, and why you are here."
ESM: I don't get it.
As Nienna's mother finished her story, Nienna sat with large eyes
Legolas: Is it just me, or does that sound really creepy?
and a rigid back. When her mother stopped talking, she snapped out of the slight trance that she had been in.
GImli: During which she had finished her metamorophasis into an ugly little orc-child.
Then there was a loud crash as the window in the room was broken, and
ESM: Nienna gave way to her orcish instincts.
an elf with almost black hair and eyes climbed in. "So now that you know the story, I can kill you!" he said with anger radiating off of him,
Elrohir: That must have been a fascinating spectacle to behold. Even I, who have lived for three millennia, have never witnessed anger radiate off a person!
and malice in his eyes.
ESM: Ooo! Melodrama! I'm so scared!
Legolas grew rigid,
Legolas: Nienna had treacherously stabbed him in the back.
and stood up in front of Nienna in defense of her.
Gimli: Aw, heroics.
ESM: Netspeak for "sorry". ::frowns:: I'm almost certain I've told you that before...
ESM: Ah, the joys of "polite society"!
Legolas: Bitter, are we?
ESM: Ask Jane Austen.
Elladan: Where are my royalties?!
ESM: Riffing is my life!
Legolas: ::raising an eyebrow:: You should consider getting a new life, then.
ESM: I have. But it all came to nought. ::shrugs::
Nienna woke to the sunlight filtering through her window.
Legolas: That sunlight filtered through her window?
ESM: Ye--no! the "Chapter 4-".
Legolas: ::stares:: ....oh, I see. ::sighs::
ESM: ::sullenly:: Stop it, Gimli, you're guilting me into adopting it. And I tell you, I don't want any pets!
Elladan: Unless I am wrong, and I am never wrong, last chapter this very Sue said she was positively looking forward to the council.
ESM: When did you watch The Princess Bride?
Elladan: The what? I never.
ESM: Hmm. Well, you sounded remarkably like the cowardly bad guy in that movie.
OTHERS: ::snicker::
Legolas: And it ate her.
Elladan: ::matter-of-factly:: End rant.
Gimli: No.
Elrohir: I doubt it.
Elladan: ::pausing briefly to look her over:: Probably not. You don't look good in much.
Legolas: Huh? What?
ESM: ::frowning:: I see. None of you are married, right?
Elladan: Nope.
ESM: ::muttering:: I can see why.
Legolas: I'm thinking of getting engaged in a few hundred years.
ESM: Yeah, well, don't count on it.
Legolas: Dan, that isn't me...it's Legolas(!!).
Elladan: Oh, right. Of course. How silly of me. I would never really think you'd do something as scandalous as that.
Legolas: Yeah, of course not. Erm...moving on.
Elladan: He likes the way it hangs.
Elladan: It. It was.
Legolas: Yes, but what is it?
Elladan: It's IT, of course!
Legolas: Oh. Really?
Elladan: Yes. You are so stupid.
Gimli: Sounds good to me. Imprison your uncle Thanduril while you're at it.
Elrohir: It was her grandmother, long since dead, asking her to leave some gingerbread cookies at her grave tomorrow morning.
ESM: Happened all the time. Her grandmother really liked those cookies.
Elladan: We'll have to use needle and thread next time.
"Mommy!" she said into her mother's shirt,
ESM: Elladan, you are positively the most disgusting....thing I've ever met!
Elladan: You don't get out much, do you?
ESM: ::grimly:: Well, you won't be, either.
ESM: Although it sounds very Narnian, even "stone table" would have been a more intelligent and descriptive term.
Elrohir: Exactly. A "rock thingy" might just as easily be referring to a stone representation of a frog as the table in question.
ESM: Why are we all speaking in very bad imitations of classy British accents?
Gimli: (to glorwen) You're on your own, girl.
Elrohir: Actually, brother Dan, they're fighting over the ring.
Elladan: Oh. Well, that's just plain stupid. I could enjoy that.
ESM: ::blinks::
Gimli: ::chuckling:: It wasn't the Dwarves who were going to get hurt.
ESM: ::spinning the duct tape roll and curling her lip:: I should have done that long ago.
Gimli: Look out, his left arm is almost free.
ESM: Arrrgh! ::tapes down Elladan's arms furiously:: Now it isn't.
ESM: That wasn't what she meant.
Legolas: I am also well aware of THAT.
ESM: Then your statement was absolutely useless, proving glorwen's point.
Gimli: I noticed every race is represented in her exclusively female additions to the Fellowship, EXCEPT mine.
ESM: Such is the Dwarven lot in most teeny fanfiction, Gimli. But don't worry, I love you.
Gimli: Well then, I suppose I can live with it.
Legolas: That was really cheesy.
ESM: Eh, what can I say, we are bored with the fic!
Elrohir: The virtual netherworld, is my guess.
Elrohir: Me, too.
ESM: Me five.
Legolas: Me...eleven?
Legolas: It was all on account of this amulet given me by the Lord of the Nazgul in order to spy upon the Elves. I didn't know we were orcs, mommy. I might end up with an identity crisis, what with all these different races I keep adopting.
Legolas: Definitely not.
Elrohir: Believe me, it's NOT.
ESM: Disturbing.
ESM: Silly, it's not TRUE. It's a FIC.
Elves: ::shocked:: Essie!!
Elrohir: What? She's an elf because her parents were Elves, and she's back because....why is she back?
Legolas: Possibly because she's an elf? Anyway, who cares?
Gimli: This is true.
Elrohir: Heh, when you've lived with Elladan as long as I have...it's not easy to find things creepy.
ESM: ::slightly awed:: You’re old. I’d forgotten.
Legolas: Me, too.
Legolas: Goes with the melodrama, eh, Gimli?
Gimli: Not that I have anything against most heroics.
Legolas: It’s just that it’s all so improbable.
ESM: Not to mention cheesy.
Gimli: Precisely.
::lights brighten::
ESM: Speaking of cheese...I'm not hungry.
Legolas: I think that's a first.
ESM: I have an idea. Let's do a skit!
Gimli: A skit of what?
ESM: Julius Caesar.
Elrohir: What is that?
Elladan: I think it's a type of salad, Ro.
Legolas: Sounds like a drink to me.
ESM: It is not! Julius Caesar was an Emperor!
::lights dim::
Gimli: Dude, are these things, like, timed? To one minute twenty-eight seconds? Cuz that's how long the last break was...