Cheerleader Ninjas
Director:  Hell if I know
:Other B movies:
:Best Lines:
Main Characters
Alien Arsenal
Apex
Bad Taste
Blood Diner
Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town
Harry Potter
in
The Chamber of Secrets
Extreme Ops
Blade II
They're out for revenge, just dont ask them to spell it..
Angela: Angela Brubaker
Stephen: Jeff Nicholson
Ophelia: Tamara Lentz
Jane: Sunny Graves
Heather: Renee Deemer
Chubby: T. Scott Becker
Flamer: Adam Burns
Maverick: Jarod Brubaker
The Alarm Geek: Mathew Mertz
Chloe: Jade Merrithew
Hanna: Cathryn Farnsworth
Bethany: Alissa Shanely
Abigail: Brooke Martin
       Now before I begin. I just have to say a few things. This movie is warped. And it is not for the faint of heart. I will try to make sense of this bullshit the best I can. Because, no matter what you have ever seen in a movie. Some scenes in this one will leave you clueless. So after I crack my fingers, swallow some starburst, and procrastinate no longer. Here goes nothing. The story all begins in a school called Happy Valley Hamster High. Thier moto is "Helping teenage prostitutes get thier start". Wrong. The principle wants The Cheerleader Computer Genious' to be symbols of sexual depravity and stop homosexual porn on the internet. I think at least. But, Another school called Blessed Vergin Sacrifice Reform School for Girls is going to counter attack this action. But why? Well, seriously. Thats the plot. umm... okay. Onto the next portion.
Plot
The Action
               You know, I usually dont type "The Action" when I am bashing a movie. But, there is no need to imply I am bashing it. You saw the title of the movie and you just read the plot. So you can bet your in for a ride. It shows the cheerleaders cheering. Surprise! The cheers are just completely ridiculous. The nerds are recording the cheers and puttin them on the internet. The cheerleaders find some posters in the school that have thier picture on them. This of course pisses them off so they go out to find the nerds and beat thier heads in. The movie then introduces you to the other school. The evil school..... not really. There is a guy named Evil Stephen, that was rejected from the Happy Valley cheerleader squad. So he is out to destroy them with a little help from some very violent girls that attend the Blessed Virgin Sacrifice Reform School. At role call, Stephen calls thier names one by one. And the dumb bitches whip out weapons and make slanderous comments toward him. !?!? One even had a freaking LAW. They discuss why Stephen hates the "good cheerleaders". Screw this.... okay. The good cheerleaders I will address as Fucks, and the bad cheerleaders as Sluts. Now that we're in agreement, lets continue. Out of nowhere the Fucks start suspecting Stephen of plotting against them. The Fucks have ESP. The Fucks look around for the nerds that put them on the internet. The nerds have an intruder alert and they all take battle stations like Star Trek. Fucking Retarded! The Fucks beat the crap out of the nerds and thier leader Maverick. It turns out that the nerds were'nt putting thier photos on the internet. Stephan and the Sluts set out to attack the Fucks. The Fucks get thier asses kicked by the Sluts. And a blow up doll is involved. I mean they are wrenching on that fucking thing. One Cheerleader was slapping anothers breasts. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! The new Fuck, Jane. Starts kicking the Sluts ass. The action is so weak. They are missing by like a foot and a half while attempting to hit eachother. Now...... this was the funniest of all parts in the movie. I mean holy shit. All the Sluts surround Jane. So Jane sticks her whoopin stick in the ground and uses it to spin around and kick the Sluts. But really.... All they did was put a blow up doll on the pole and spun it around!!!!!! HAHAHA. I haven't laughed that hard in a long ass time. That part saved me from turning the shit off. Now, there is alot of shit I wrote down that doesnt have to be here. So I will just sum it up in a pointless sentence. Auctioning Panties, chubby puts on a Darth Vader helmet, one farts and the other says 7.5 on the rectum scale. Now holy shit! Thats terrible! The director probably thought that one up on the shitter and placed it in the movie at the most inapropriate time. Another dumbass is introduced to the film. His name is Mr. X. How Original... All they did was tape a X on his hat and his shirt. He is going to sabatoge Anglea's scholarship application information. At the station, mutilation!... sorry. Some retard named master Loda is teaching the Fucks how to fight. They actually ask when they will be able to do back flips, turn invisible and fight ninja turtles...  It shows the Fucks training for like 7 minutes. It was just showing how stupid 4 dykes can be. Stephen has his Sluts go and kidnap a few nerds. The lead Slut Bethany has the other Sluts go and look at her feces. They actuall show them hovering over the toilet poking it with a stick and taking pictures of it. I had a smile on my face for most of the movie but that one was just too much. It gets more twisted. But this one I had to laugh at. One of the nerds Flamer, lifts his legs and farts. It stops the footage and a message comes up. It reads, "Suddenly the massive fart ignites the chocolate bar in Flamers pants causing an explosion far too expensive to be shown in this film. Instead, we've substituted the following footage to help you understand the incredible violence of this deadly repulsive fart-chocolate mixture. Then it shows some footage of explosions, yeah yeah you get the picture. Bethany asks Maverick if he will work on the internet if she gets him a date with Angela. She pulls out a file that reads, "Make a Death Wish Foundation." Which was pretty good. Did I just say that.... The net is now covered in pics of Angela. Evil Stephen sets up the Fucks and they have to fight the Sluts yet again. They change the language in the movie for a few minutes but its not even real. Its just bullshit. So I guess it fit well. During the fight one of the cheerleaders, dont know if she was a Slut or a Fuck, said,"When I watch Zeena my nipples get hard." What......the.......fuck..o.0  And the ever so classic line," I broke a nail." You will never guess the shit they fixed it with. Give up. "The Bruce Lee Press on Nails" Holy shit.... this is bad. It gets worse. I will sum it up real quick. Tearing shirts, running through sprinklers, taking pogo sticks and bouncing away. Well, I noticed that Bethany, the one whose shirt got ripped, it wasnt ripped anymore. Hmm... Observation strikes again!! Well its time to cut down on dragging forward so here is another informative sentence. "How come when hands come together(high five) why isnt it called high ten", "I bet you all eat deoderant", Buying William Shatner beer, "Feed Darth Vader", Then they sing a freaking song called "Last Night I Masturbated." Its just so freaking retarded. Good God Almighty. IS IT OVER YET! I bet you are asking yourself that right now. They throw in an add for a phone number. 1 900 go angi...didnt the director notice thats not even enough numbers? Hold on, it is getting to the good parts. The Sluts meet the Fucks again. Then a big fake horse runs out on the battlefield. Jane slaps its ass, it runs, and gets shot..... Evil Stephen then releases his Costumed Minions. They are just idiots in fuzzy animal costumes fighting the Fucks. Here it is... the part you all have been waiting for.. The Sluts Morph into this huge ZORD!... but all it is, is a guy in a stupid robot suite and he is standing around a cardboard city. And I tell you it looks more fake than Power Rangers. The big zord takes a building and crushes it on his crotch and some lady yells. "Oh my crippled baby in a wheelchair." HAHAHA... The Sluts zord bats away some fake jets and then it dances to polka music. Flamer says, "That school girl zord is fucking pissing me off." An X wing comes flying in. The sound effects are people making noises and even a few goat sounds. The Zord knocks it out of the sky with a building. HAHAHA... HAHA then the fucking zord says, "Your sister blows wookies." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! The Starship Enterprise starts shooting the zord. So the zord just snaps it in half slowly. The back end, instead of falling, starts floating around the set. The Zord then wipes his ass with the front end of the Enterprise and says, "This is where no man has gone before." Chubby said, "That would definately put Captain Picard in a wheelchair, (X men) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....Holy shit thats good stuff. The Fucks put on fucking dog collars and get a zord of thier own. Both Zords start fighting with giant dildos....hehe..shit. The Fucks follow the sluts to thier secret hideout......in a garage?! Mr. X and Stephen plan to use a zombie program on the internet to take out the world. You find out Angela is a geek too, and to stop the whole Doomsday project. She just unplugs the computer.....Wha? There is alot of crap talk on how the internet is filled with smut. The End has finally come. Over all synopsis, it was really funny, but at the same time. It was a hefty piece of shit. Its good for a few laughs... a few really good laughs. But it should be avoided if you dont like nudity. I didnt bother to include the parts with nudity, because this review would be another 30 minutes of bullshit. I lay this double edged blade in its final resting place. On rescue 911.....shit!

THE END
Back to B Movie List
Your Sister blows Wookies- Evil Zord
That would definately put Captain Picard in a Wheelchair- Flamer
This is where no man has gone before-Evil Zord
Feed Darth Vader- Chubby
Oh, my crippled baby in a wheelchair-Random woman
Not even Bill Gates is this twisted- Maverick
Dark Town
Shredder
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