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Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Best Lines: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Other B movies: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| There were no best lines in this movie besides the amazing Blind kid where he said | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Alien Arsenal | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Apex | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Bad taste | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Dykes on Bikes." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Because that pretty much sums up the whole movie. Its just a bunch of dykes on bikes. And the amazing blind kid knew it from the beginning. If you ask me, he was my favorite character. Besides the midget. |
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| Blade II | Director: Dan Hoskins | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Blood Diner | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Main Characters | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Cheerleader Ninjas | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| DeDe: Jamie Rose | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Dark Town | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Rox: Catherine Cerlen | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Extreme Ops | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| T. C.: Lycia Naff | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Harry Potter in The Chamber of Secrets |
Jewel: Vicki Frederick | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| JoJo: Kristina Loggia | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Rusty: Gretchen Palner | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Tanya: Nina Peterson | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Shredder | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Lucile: Whitney Reis | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Bob: Ed Gale | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Ralph Willum: Don Calfa | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Donny: Billy Bob Thorton | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Plot | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Okay, well if there was a decent plot for this film maybe I could make a decent review for it. I mean the plot for this film was put together in probably the same amount of time it takes to cook a pop tart. They just put together a bunch of silly ideas, which makes you go crazy. The plot skips around so much. One minute they are just looking for trouble then there is a midget being drowned, I'll get to that later. Anyway the basic plot for the movie is a bunch of "Cycle Sluts" as they call themselves, so much for self esteem, ride into a small town of Zariah. The town is so small they got a chalk board for thier population sign. Or maybe the budget was so small for the movie that thats all that they could afford. The group of bikers are just a bunch of no good actors that get themselves into alot of trouble. When they leave town to cool off after being kicked out, the town has a run in with some zombies. When the sluts return they find that one of thier friends has been killed and got turned into a zombie. The movie goes on like any other zombie flick. They fight the zombies off and save the day. But the movie is alot more appalling than that. |
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| The Action | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Well I dont know if I would call this action but here it is anyway. The zombies in this film are all doing basic things when they enter the town. And when I say basic things, I dont mean basic things for zombies, I mean for people. There was one actually trying to cut grass with some cheap push to cut lawn mower, but he was using it in the road. There was actually a dead married couple dancing in the road. When the chopper chicks return they find a house on fire and being attacked by zombies. When Dede and another go in to save a baby inside they are met by two zombies. Now what do they do, they throw the baby around playing keep away from the zombies. To save it one of them throws the amazing flying baby out the window. It gets caught of course but what kind of sick mind do you have to throw a baby out a window.When the Chopper chicks battle with the zombies the action is soo corny. One woman knocks many of the zombies heads off in one clean swipe. I mean come on, just because they are dead doesnt mean that the neck bone can be separated from the spine with little to no effort. There were more fake heads used in this movie than I've seen used on manikins in a womans clothing department. There were fakes heads being shot and crushed all over the place. All the while the fighting is going on there is this cheesy rock music playing in the background. The most appalling part of the movie is when the creator of all the zombies gives them guns. THEY ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO SHOOT THEM. IF IM NOT MISTAKEN I THOUGHT WE WERE WATCHING THE LIVING DEAD WHICH WERE TRYING TO MOW THE PAVEMENT. I know this is supposed to be dumb, but there is that little thin red line that these B movies always surpass. And that is what distinguishes between a good B movie and a bad one. I mean there is this guy in the movie who actually treats his dad, which is a zombie, as if he is still alive. WHY!!? He allows him to stay in the house and he talks to him like nothing is wrong. T.C. one of the chopper chicks, actually staples one of the zombies mouth shut. And not putting the staple gun right to its mouth, no that would take too much logic, she shoots them from a distance and they actually stick perfectly in the zombies mouth shutting it. MAN THIS MOVIE IS SHIT. In the background of the fight scene there is a cheesy fireworks display for no reason. The man who made the zombies seems invulnerable. I mean man he gets hit by a car, shot in the leg, and hit with a grenade. AND HE NEVER DIES. Not to mention he got raped, by a woman zombie that he made, in a freezer. The guy who made all the zombies is one of the biggest assholes I've ever seen. there is a midget in the movie named Bob. He got caught underneath a lab table smoking, and the guy stuck him in a coffin and sunk it under water in a well. That is freaking Cruel. When the midget escaped he had to come in the room and appologize for doing wrong. He made Bob say, "I've been a bad boy." Well that part was funny because he said it in a scared voice and shook his head a little. That I found amuzing, but then he made him say, "If I was supposed to do normal things, God would have made me look like normal people." And that just made me sick. Anyway back to the so called action. There is this bus full of blind kids that gets stranded in the middle of a group of zombies. One of the blind kids finds an UZI AND AIMS IT AT THE ZOMBIES. NOW NOT ONLY IS THIS KID BLIND AND FOUND THE UZI, BUT WHY IN THE HELL IS THERE AN UZI ON THE BUS. The blind kid points it at the zombies hanging on the bus and shoots them through the windows. Now let me get this straight. I thought the kid was blind. And yet he manages to shoot perfectly through all the windows not injuring any other people on the bus. MAN I LOVE TO HATE THIS MOVIE. The best part in this scene is where one of the biker chicks named Momma, rides straight through the crowd of zombies. One of the zombies grabs on to her and she cant control the bike, so it tumbles over and slides right under the bus catching fire. NOW HOW THE HELL DID THE BIKE CATCH ON FIRE. TRY TO GO OUTSIDE AND GET A SPARK OFF GRAVEL, AINT HAPPENING. NOT ONLY DID THE BIKE CATCH ON FIRE IT SLID RIGHT UNDER THE BUSES GAS TANK PUTTING THE SUPERHERO BLIND KIDS IN DANGER. Well Dede one of the bikers backs a hearse up to the bus door and has the blind kids pile into it. They drive away and some how one of the blind kids knows one of them is a lesbian. He says dykes on bikes. I mean come on not only is he a sharpshooter, but he is a mind reader too. Another thing is the blind kid was not scared at all. HE JUST HAD A RUN IN WITH ABOUT 30 ZOMBIES ROCKING THEIR BUS, BUT NO YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY, THE AMAZING SUPER BLIND KID SAVES THE FREAKING DAY AND NEVER WORRIES FOR HIS LIFE AT ALL. There was one part in the movie that was extremely offending to blind people when the man who made the zombies, grabs a blind girl and throws her cane. I was thinking about then that this movie probably caught alot of shit, but then again how many blind people have seen this movie. Just kidding, how many people in general have seen this movie. I am thinking in the 20's. Anyway the amazing blind boy goes rambo again with the uzi and cuts down a few. When he runs out of ammo one of the chopper chicks that became a zombie HELPS THEM ESCAPE. NOW IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN ZOMBIES DIDNT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT EATING PEOPLE. BUT OH YEAH I FORGOT I WAS WATCHING A PIECE OF SHIT. Anyway they show a toy church explode. You can tell how extremely fake it is. Luckily the amazing blind kid and Dede made it into the tower of the toy, oh i mean church and lived. At the end of this movie I was about to tear my hair out. I just couldn't stand another second of dumb hicks including Billy Bob Thorton who got shot thank god. MAN WHEN HE GOT SHOT I STOOD UP AND CHEERED. He has drastically improved in acting seeing as he could barely speak good english in this one. In the end the zombie that wasnt killed because he was the guys father stayed alive, AND WAS WAVING GOODBYE TO THE BIKERS. WHAT IN GODS NAME BROUGHT THAT REMARKABLY RETARDED ENDING TO THE DIRECTORS ATTENTION, BILLY BOB? I WOULDNT DOUBT IT. There was actually one zombie in the movie that was mesmerized by a camera in a cave that stood there looking at it the whole movie. After saving the whole town the stupid biker sluts throw all the money they got away. WHY, I just give up. The movie ends with a zombie walking away annoyed by a radio that is strapped around him...................Yeah I was thinking the same thing. THE END |
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