rules

Below are listed some of the more, how do I put it? ' eyebrow raising' Assassins Guild school rules as taken from the Assassin Guild Year Book by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs.

NOTE : Read boys for girls, and vice versa

School Rule No.14 : No boy is to wear his hair longer than shoulder length. (This rule may be relaxed if the boy is a girl)

School Rule No.16 : No boy is to keep a crocodile in his room.

School Rule No.16a : No boy is to keep an alligator or any large amphibious reptile in his room.

School Rule No.16b : No boy, we wish to make it clear, is to keep any kind of monior, goanna or giant chameleon in his room.

School Rule No.16c : Nor in the cellar.

School Rule No.16d : Nor in a cage on the roof.

School Rule No.16e : No boy is to own, rent, lease or hire any kind of lizard, amphibian or any species of creature broadly resembling the aforesaid (dead or alive) in his room, or anywhere else on, in, above or under Guild premises, or in any dimension occassionally congruent with this one, nor is any boy allowed to keep an alligator (or similar) costume, or posses a humourous inflatable alligator (or similar) that may be dangled on the end of a string in front of the window of the study below. Pictures of crocadilians and related creatures of a size normally expected in a work of natural history are acceptable. Newts may be kept for the purposes of nature study.

School Rule No.16f : Boys are forbidden to keep a newt of a length greater than five (5) inches at full growth. Despite signoficant differences apparently visible to the educated eye, the Sumtri Fire Newt is defined as a crocodilian under school rules, in so far as it is capable of eating a full grown master.

School Rule No.16g : None of the above rules 16-16f applies to pupils who are worshipers of Offler the crocodile God.

School Rule No.16h : No boy is to convert to Offlerism without permission in writing from the Head Master.

School Rule No.16i : Any boy pretending to Offlerism may, at the whim of the Head Master, be subjected to twenty complicated questions on its tenets and beliefs. Inaccuracy in this area will result in expulsion. Religion is not a joking matter.

School Rule No.16j : The Guild of Assassin and its associated teaching establishment fully accept that to the worshipers of Nog-Humpy the custard God, religion is a joking matter.

School Rule No.20 : Boys who favour the concealed cuff bow will, pending a Guild review of the use of this weapon, refrain from wearing it at mealtimes or other occassions where it may be necessary to pass things to other pupils.

School Rule No.137 : No pupil is to attempt to assassinate another pupil during morning prayers.

School Rule No.139 : The use of contrivances powered by springs, elastic or other means for the automated writing of 'lines' is forbidden. The writing of lines for more fortunate pupils is traditionally the province of the Scholarship Boys, who are entitled to charge one penny per hundred words.

School Rule No.145 : No boy is to enter the room of any girl.

School Rule No.146 : No girl is to enter the room of any boy.

School Rule No.147 : (provisional) : It has been pointed ot that our injunction to 'read boys for girls, and vice versa', can, if taken together with the two previous rules by someone with little to do but argue, mean that no pupil is to be in any room at all. This was not the intention. No pupil is to be anywhere except where they should be. A girl is defined as a young person of the female persuasion.

School Rule No.148 : Regardless of how persuaded he feels, Jelks Minor in Form IV is a boy.

School Rule No.149 : Arguing over the wording of school rules is forbidden.