September 04

 

Day 105: Wednesday, Sep 1-04

I remember another thing my brother told me, that for the last 200 or so suburi I lose my timing - or ki-ken-tai-ichi. In this set I concentrate right up until the end.

I am extremely fatigued, but I refuse to feel sorry for myself.

 

  

Thursday, Sep 2-04

Kendo training. I don't want to go. I arrive and the teacher is not there - it is up to us sempais to do it. 

There are 32 people - many raw beginners. I lead the suburi. It is difficult to know how much/little to say. I try to work everyone hard and give advice on different levels.

I tell them 'Minimum force - maximum effect' - afterwards I kick myself for not saying 'Use everything a little, not a few things a lot.'

My plan is to relax and not feel stressed about making a point - and not to want it too much. We do kihon and things feel good, although I am yet to make a convincing do.

Ji-geiko: I am as laid back as possible which really helps. Then I fence with someone who is too fast to do good debana waza against, but too slow to make effective kendo. What is the solution here?

I realise that I need to get into, dictate and manipulate the rhythm or timing of the combat. 

We do rounds of ippon-shobu. I fence against a beginner who got a nice kote off me a week ago. I take his men very quickly - he looks surprised, as if he can't believe he hasn't defeated me. As we have time we fence for three or four more points, but no more Mr Nice Guy. I point out something he is doing that is exposing a weakness and he picks it up very quickly. He has lovely kendo. I think he will be very good.

I fence with a 2kyu. The ippon lasts 2 seconds. He looks at my kote before striking. I perform kote-nuki-men. I don't give him another chance.

Three times during the evening I act too aggressively. I wonder if this is because I feel pressured/fear as the teacher is not here. A dangerous trait if correct. 

I am exhausted when I get home - sleeeeeep.

 

  

Day 106: Friday, Sep 3-04

I reach the end of my energy - I do 1000 suburi (I must be mad!). I sleep.

 

  

Day 107: Saturday, Sep 4-04

I find time to snooze in the afternoon. I suppose I am the stereotypical new parent.

I do the suburi, but to a very low standard. I take no pride I them. I don't think of anything except finishing them. I wonder afterwards if this is my attitude to everything when I am tired. I can't think of any particular solution to this. Just thinking about it makes me depressed.

 

  

Day 108: Sunday, Sep 5-04

I sleep in a bit and feel better. Up until now I have been concentrating on my hands, arms and hips. Now I concentrate more on the soles of my feet. Where are they before during and after the cut? Am I keeping them in the optimum place to attack or perform hiki-waza. I make a number of small but significant adjustments. They feel better.

Currently I feel quite confident about my kendo. Confident in the sense that I don't worry if I win or lose; whether someone gives me a drubbing or if I take nice points: who cares?

 

  

Day 109: Monday, Sep 6-04
(with thanks to Ugur)

I miss another practice. This is becoming a bad habit. My excuse this time? A stiff neck.

This entry is taking ages to write as my naughty daughter won't sleep. I am using one hand to type and the other to hold her. Every couple of minutes I have to bounce her around with both hands. She is very cute though. My mother says she takes after my wife...

Later

I do my suburi. They feel very smooth. I am still concentrating on making foot movements as relaxed and as precise as possible. I want the balls of my feet to be in the optimal place throughout the movement.

Towards the end I practice 50 tsuki. I realise the importance of balanced tenouchi. Too much of one hand sends the bokken one way or the other. When this feels better I return to shomen suburi. I am more aware of tenouchi and notice a short-lived improvement.

My suburi schedule looks like this:

30 Choyaku
70 shomen
100 sayumen
100 shomen
100 sayumen
100 shomen

short break

100 sayumen
100 shomen
100 do
50 tsuki
40 shomen
10 ikyudo men (to make 1 good men)

Afterwards I say to my wife, 'Let me show you something.'
I go and get my bokken and execute a shomen suburi.
'That's great, darling' she says, picking up our daughter and, smiling placatingly, edges towards the door.

 

  

Day 110: Tuesday, Sep 7-04

A nice breakthrough.

My teacher has always stressed the importance of good hands in kendo. I suspect this is because he has been influenced by classy French fencers.

We spent a Saturday afternoon not so long ago practicing the new bokuto kata for basic keiko. He made me realise that I had the wrong mental image of how my hands should be.

Today I notice that my hands are very relaxed. I remember to point the direction with my index fingers while squeezing the tsuka with my ring and little fingers. 

Suddenly the suburi feel almost effortless and I am released from concentrating on making the correct form. 

It reminds me of fighting against beginners who tense up so much that even when you open a target they are unable to cut. This happens to me when I am fencing with a higher grade - my hands and shoulders go rigid and I lose everything of value in my kendo.

I feel like I am beginning to turn a corner in this regard.

For the last 90 suburi I practice 10 each of the bokuto kihon:

10 x kihon uchi;
10 x renzoku waza;
10 x harai waza;

and so on. When I arrive at kaeshi-waza for the first time ever I glimpse what my teacher was talking about. I am so pleased we were able to practice 1-on-1 for that hour a few weeks ago. I think that this will have a profound effect on my kendo as the subtleties of what he was saying unravel.

I do a few hundred more suburi in an attempt to make this idea take root.

I also finished another line of circles on the bathroom door, marking 112 000 suburi, or about 1/9th of the total. I admonish myself for feeling triumphant.

While lying in bed with my daughter slumped on top of me I consider the possibility of doing 2000 suburi a day. Mathematically it makes sense. I would then be doing around 500 000 suburi a year, meaning I could finish all the sooner. Then it strikes me that this is to miss the point entirely. Part of the reason of doing 1000 days is to learn that life cannot be forced or grasped at. The shortcut is the longest way. 

Even if I did 2000 everyday I would still have to complete the 1000 days; and would the extra 1000 a day make a huge difference? Probably not, given the rule of diminishing returns. I won't suddenly be twice as 'good'. From this angle the simplicity of 1000 for 1000 makes sense. 

Of course, I could go on to speculate about whether going to training can be counted as one of the 1000 days. I'll leave that question to the philosophers and my conscience when the time to decide comes. 

On a slightly different subject, I have a special training coming up. I have been thinking about it a lot and trying to find the correct mindset. Recently I have been feeling very coolheaded, not stressed or excited or nervous at all. I believe I can carry this into the training. I will not worry about winning or losing. 

On the down side of things, my knee has swollen again. Although not as badly as last time, the timing of this couldn't be worse. I think I brought this on myself, though, which makes it doubly difficult. 

 

  

Day 111: Wednesday, Sep 8-04

Another set, but I can't find the magic of yesterday. I bash through them and quickly forget about them when I finish..

 

  

Thursday, Sep 9-04

Very brief entry as I am going away for the weekend.

An average training session. Afterwards I reflected that this is because I have not trained for a week in the dojo.

At the end I do san-pon-shobu with my teacher. It finishes with him a kote in front. Afterwards I kick myself. He tells me not to force things, that his last kote just came naturally. He hadn't realised he had done it until he had done it.

In the changing rooms someone comes up to me and says 'I've read your website'. Given that I have only given the address to one person I am surprised. It seems his son somehow got it and passed it on. I told him it was anonymous and could he keep it to himself?

Then another person comes up to me. He says, 'I saw you do jodan the other day and I thought 'That's jodan, not that's you doing jodan'. And tolday I saw you doing kirikaeshi and I thought your feet looked really light. I know your secret.'

So it seems that everyone knows. I am quite embarrassed.

Over pizza I say to my teacher that it is difficult to get the right balance between too relaxed and too up for it. He said a teacher told him that the bets solution is just to touch your balls. Apparently it clears the mind wonderfully. Unfortunately I can offer no advice here for any female readers.

 

  

Day 112: Friday, Sep 10-04

 

Some of Tuesday's magic comes back which shows that I can't just skip training when I like and substitute it for suburi. This weekend special training. I am trying not to get 'pumped. And by pumped I mean totally sweet.'

 

  

Saturday- Sunday, Sep 11-12-04

Gashukku: many people come from different clubs. We exhaust ourselves over the two days practicing kirikaeshi, kihon, waza and ji-geiko. There's a really helpful environment, tough but positive. 

I fence with one person who is so relaxed that he makes kirikaeshi seem perfectly effortless. There is no forcing or snatching, just smooth movements. Later we fence. I stop an attack by remaining in centre and placing my kensen on his mune, but he effortlessly springs back for sharp hiki waza. I envy him his coolness under pressure and mastery of the basics.  I will make this my aim.

I fence with another guy who I sense doesn't like fighting from tsubazeriai, so I make a point of fighting from there as much as possible. I thank my teacher who has always made me fight from any position, whether I like it or not. He has also shown me the importance of being relaxed and using minimum force to maximum effect.

I fence with many people. I realise the importance of adapting my kendo to exploit their weaknesses rather than merely assuming that just doing whatever I feel like is the best way forward. The trick now is to put this idea into practice.  

 

  

Day 113: Monday, Sep 13-04

 

I consider giving up. 

 

  

Day 114: Tuesday, Sep 14-04

 

Yesterday I wrote a list of all the reasons I didn't want to do suburi. Then I deleted them from the post as they seemed, and indeed were, full of self-pity. I am not about to quit, but neither am I endlessly tough.

Yesterday and today I concentrated hard on tenouchi. I started with men and sayu-men and made more and more complicated cuts. Eventually I was doing tsuki using only tenouchi. It is extremely difficult to get that exactly down the centre with the pressure from both hands perfectly evenly balanced.

Tomorrow I will go to the physiotherapist - maybe she can coax something from my knee, which is no longer on speaking terms with me.

 

  

Day 115: Wednesday, Sep 15-04

 

Today, like the previous days, I do my suburi sitting in a chair so that my knee can get some rest. I think it appreciates it.

It is harder to do suburi from here as your legs do not help create momentum. However, it helps with keeping a good upper body posture and tenouchi.

Keeping as relaxed as possible I go through my suburi - shomen, sayu-men, kote, tsuki, katate-tsuki, hidari and migi do. In order to attune my hands to change direction smoothly I also practice small style kote-suriage-men, men-suriage-men and men-kaeshi-doh. 

I also practice unlikely renzoku waza like migi-do/hidari-sayumen/tsuki/ gyaku-do etc. Although I maybe unlikely to use these during keiko, if the possibility presents itself I should have the skill to react.

 The Scout motto 'be prepared' seems to take on more and more significance.

  

 

Thursday, Sep 16-04

It is good to get back into training and blow out the cobwebs. Although my knee is restricting my movements I concentrate on good technique and timing.

We warm up and I take the more advanced through suburi and bukuto keiko kata. It is difficult to remember them all - in fact it is a bit of a shambles - but I think this is going to be the only way to learn to lead. Of course I make mistakes and am nervous, but I try not to give in to the little voice that says, 'You're not responsible for this. Turn your back and it will all go away.'

We practice lots of uchi-komi and kakarigeiko. Because of my knee I don't kill myself, but I do what I can.

We do ji-geiko. I fence with a fast 1-kyu and try and anticipate this attacks. Then I fence with a sempai and struggle not to be overwhelmed. My teacher says, 'Is your knee up to a keiko demo?' I don't say no.

It's always great fencing with him. It is especially exciting in a demo when he expects attacks and counter-attacks at 100% to show the beginners that doing kendo can be tough and physical as well as pleasing to the eye. 

Before the practice read the following from Noma-sensei's Kendo Primer:

'The mind should retain an attitude of tai (resisting making the initial technique while awaiting the opponent’s first move...a position of the utmost watchfulness) and the body an attitude of ken (to attack single-mindedly).'

After the practice I reflect that I have been neglecting the 'position of the utmost watchfulness'. I allow my aite to drive a tractor through my defences rather than counter-attacking on 'the 'c' of cut or the 't' of thrust'. I will work on this.

Finally, it has been 2 months to the day since my daughter was born. I rush home to see her and my wife. She looks like a little butterball. 

 

  

Day 116: Friday, Sep 17-04

 

Increasingly I am checking my tenouchi by performing tsuki using just the 'towel squeezing' method. I also use my elbows more to power the thrust. I think it is helping all my other techniques.

Other than that, nothing special to report - just another set and another tiny circle.

 

 

Saturday, Sep 18-04

My teacher kindly picks me up to go to a special practice. We talk about child-raising in the car. He provides a sympathetic ear and insightful comments. By the time we arrive I want to rush back home shouting, 'Honey, I've got the Answers.';)

Part of the practice is lead by a teacher I do not often see. She gives me the following tips: my suburi need to be bigger; my kamae needs to be higher. It is good to get input from a new set of eyes.

The suburi thing surprised me, but this might be happening because I am worried about hitting my bokken on the ceiling. 

Since I have been working on my hands bringing my kamae up seems to be better. It also chimes with other advice people have given me in the past. I will experiment with this.

We practice some kata.  I concentrate on my breathing and my perception subtly changes. 

Towards the end of the session I do a demo keiko with my teacher. I still fail to do kaeshi-do. I just can't seem to get my right leg to step to the right. I am still trying to do tsuki on him. No success yet, but they are getting closer and closer. I think the problem is with the trying. I think Noma says, 'If you see an opportunity it is already too late.'

 

  

Day 117: Sunday, Sep 19-04

 

For the first time in a week I stand up to do my suburi. It's easier on the shoulders. 

For better or worse, the suburi are just becoming part of my everyday rhythm. I enjoy them but I don't dwell on them.

 

 

Monday, Sep 20-04

Kendo training. The dojo is half empty. Lots of space for fighting.

We do warm up and suburi, then kihon uchi and some renzoku waza. Then we do about 20 minutes of ji-geiko.

I fence with a nidan. It is very intense but I just try and keep cool and provoke attacks which I can counter-attack against. I am attacked when I am not expecting it, so I return the favour.

I fight with another nidan and realise the importance of keeping good maai. That's all I do; keep issoku maai and it works well. The initiative changes between us, but I find ways to get it back when he seizes it. Distance and initiative - it's the first time I have really felt them.

We do the circle thing with two in the middle. The first to make ippon stays and a self-selecting person takes his place. I charge in and take a few victories. When I attack in a chain it's easier.

This reminds me of when I fenced against my teacher last Saturday. If I parried an attack my mind seized up and I could not counter-attack. I have to get over this - my mind has to be fluid.

Finally we do some kata. I go through the various kamaes with the beginners. Their jodan kamaes seem too low and I admonish them. After practice I look at my jodan kamae in the mirror - seems they were getting it from me. Oops!

 

  

Day 118: Tuesday, Sep 21-04

 

I do 1000 suburi. I mean, why not?

The first 500 I mix sho- and sayu-men. Then I practice 100 tsuki, 100 tsuki-kyaku-do and 100 kaeshi-do. Do and tsuki are certainly by weakest attacks by a long measure.

Afterwards I do another 200 men. I find that the tenouchi I need for the tsuki and do help me make a better form with men.

I also try something my teacher explained on Monday. He demonstrated how we can move the sword backwards behind our heads, then use the elasticity of our shoulders and muscles to throw it forwards. I try this and find it immediately helps to make bigger suburi with less effort - something I have become quite fond of.

My podgy daughter has an incredible evening -she doesn't cry once and falls to sleep by herself. I emulate her. 

 

  

Day 119: Wednesday, Sep 22-04

 

I don't do a 1000 suburi. I do:

500 suburi - short break
60 suburi - pull string on Podge's music box
40 suburi - repeat
50 suburi - rock crib gently from side to side and pull string on Podge's music box
300 suburi - pull string on Podge's music box
110 suburi - take Podge out of crib, jiggle around for a while
40 suburi 

Then - in a lightening fast rush - I

brushteethlockdoorgetdrinkfillincircleundressgetintobedgetoutofbedgetwifedrinkgivedrink-
towifereturntobedgrabcryingdaughtersoothe...

The secret of this? Lightening slashes the spring wind. 

 

 

Thursday, Sep 23-04

Kendo training. 21 people in armour and a similar amount of beginners. I am impressed how well the teacher can organise all these people. 

We do lots of suburi. I go round and give people advice. It's funny. Before I began this challenge at every training I would try and leap forward as far as possible. Now everyday is just another step. It's difficult to explain. I don't feel I need to rush around trying to squeeze the training for everything it has. Instead I just give it the opportunity to come to me. It is somehow more comfortable.

We put on armour and do kirikaeshi and kihon. We fence against many people. I practice seizing the initiative, never letting my aite dictate the fight. It is difficult to do, but it works well. I feel like my kendo is becoming more mental. 

Against a nidan I have a kendo moment. He is backing out of tsubazeriai. I relax, even close my eyes, and somehow sense the correct moment to strike. Bam! A men. It feels like it was delivered in slow motion. Yum yum.

 My kaeshi-do has improved to the point where my right foot goes in the correct direction. I still haven't mastered the timing though. I fence against a shodan notoriously for blocking. I want to practice tsuki-kyaku-do. I make opportunities, but I rush the final strike.

It is a really good session. My teacher blends beginners kendo and advanced kendo until I believe everyone was tested somehow. As far as ji-geiko is concerned, my knee is back to how it was before the initial injury in February. It is still not healed enough for proper seiza, sonkyo, haya-suburi but I feel like I am coming into a good kendo period, and that's a nice feeling. 

The other change is that I don't particularly care anymore about how many suburi I have done. Of course I am going to keep count, but not so obsessively. 

Honest. 

 

  

Day 120: Friday, Sep 24-04

 

Another day, another 1000 suburi.

 

  

Saturday-Sunday, Sep 25-26-04

 

Kendo competition, team and individuals. I spend a lot of time judging and generally hanging out. Some of the top competitors are there.

To really improve I need to learn how to:

- hit do and tsuki
- make openings
- explode into attacks

I got a hikiwake against someone who beat me last year, but on the whole my kendo was very pedestrian.

 

  

Day 121: Monday, Sep 27-04

 

I have a dilemma: do I go to kendo or do I stay home with my wife and baby? On Sunday I promised a friend who has just come back from Japan that I would go to kendo. This evening, as I am bouncing my daughter on my knee, things don't seem so clear.

I suppose I will be facing this sort of dilemma more and more, or at least until my wife goes back to kendo next year.

I eventually choose to stay at home. I am glad I do. We enjoy a walk in the chill evening air.

When we come back I do my suburi. For the last 300 suburi I perform 15 kirikaeshi. I think this is an excellent exercise for developing mobility and breathing discipline, amongst other things.

I remember one Japanese sensei saying that all he did for the first six months of his kendo career was men-uchi. For the next six months he did kirikaeshi. I decide to adopt this as a model. Until March next year I will just do kirikaeshi, then I will maybe move onto uchi-komi.

I feel excited. I must be very peculiar.

 

  

Day 122: Tuesday, Sep 28-04

 

I do the equivalent of 50 sets of kirikaeshi and note the following.

Compared to simply moving backwards and forwards in men-uchi, it is more difficult in kirikaeshi to make accurate strikes. Although the momentum makes it physically easier to strike, it is tricky to find precision.

In some ways I miss the technical aspects of men-uchi, but kirikaeshi offers its own challenges.

How can I glide backwards and forwards most efficiently? What is the best way to breathe? How do I use my hips? How do I use my hands? How do I remain present throughout? 

These are just the questions after the first day. 

On the plus side, I can see that kirikaeshi will really help my kendo. It is certainly strengthening my knees already. It is also interesting - in a  'I live in a log cabin in the middle of Saskatoon and I can't get any reception on my television' sort of way - to strip my kendo down to the bare basics and rebuild again as if from day one, this time not taking any shortcuts. It gives me ideas for when, in the distant future, I might start a dojo of my own. 

What must never be neglected? Why do we start here and then go there? What are the foundations of Kendo? 

 

  

Day 123: Wednesday, Sep 29-04

 

Another set. 

It is easy to start kirikaeshi, do the first 10 cuts well, and then completely flake out on the second set. I need to maintain the explosive power regardless of where I am.

A couple of times I catch myself thinking, 'Oh, now that was nice te no uchi', or 'Good angle on that sayumen'. Hahahaha. What a knob!

My main problem is that I can only advance for two cuts before I reach the other side of the nursery, sorry, dojo, before having to retreat.  It's not really conducive to flowing, big kirikaeshi. 

I don't know how to solve this problem without moving/knocking a wall down. I have practiced suburi in the communal garden, but it is not long before you attract a circle of mocking, giggling children. 

125 000 suburi done. 875 000 left. 

 

 

Thursday, Sep 30-04

Kendo training. The dojo is full, as usual. 

For the last few years I have used knee supporters for training. This was maybe a mistake as the muscles in my knees have remained weak. Tonight I do not wear them. In future I will only wear them for competition or special training. 

I lead the suburi giving my teacher a chance to correct the beginners.

We put on our men and practice kirikaeshi. I don't notice any particular improvement in my style. Maybe my cuts are bigger but they are no more accurate.

We practice lots of kihon. men, kote/men, kote/tsuki/men etc. Later the motodachi take kakarigeiko from each other, and then from the beginners. This is repeated a few times. 

We do jigeiko. I practice tsuki a lot. I surely don't have a clue how to make it properly. I will keep trying.

We do the circle thing. I manage to make my first ever kaeshi-do - a fluke. 

I still can't make a decent do, even during kihon. My teacher says that it is the same trajectory as sayumen. 

I walk home. A grungy teenage brushes past. He smells like damp hippy. A dog barks beside the forest and startles me. 

I wonder if the real challenge is take make 1000 suburi perfect mental suburi. Imagine the concentration that would take. 

In the driveway of my apartment block two men talk, their faces illuminated by a feeble light inside their car. 

Then I am home.