November 04

 

Day 145: Monday, Nov 1- Day 152: Sunday, Nov 7-04

I have to travel, so have no opportunity to keep this diary. However, I make sure to do my suburi, even if it is empty-handed, shuffling backwards and forwards before dawn.

On the flight home I become the first person to do 1000 suburis at 33,000 feet. I cannot physically do them, so I visualise myself doing them. 

It is amazingly difficult to stay focussed for over an hour on suburi. I sympathise with zen monks. At least they don't have stewardesses giving them champagne. 

I am happy to return home. I can not wait to embrace my wife and my naughty daughter.

 

 

Day 153: Monday, Nov 8-04

I have a last minute meeting and I arrived too late for kendo. I pick up my kit from the dojo for special training tomorrow.

It is interesting to observe the dynamics of the practice from the sidelines.

I go home and do another set. My hands feel good, but after the competition last weekend I am concentrating on my left foot which doesn't seem to snap smartly forward.

I do all 1000 without stopping. I think about Musashi cutting a grain of rice from his pupil's hair and think that he must have been a little crazy. 

 

 

Tuesday, Nov 9-04

Special training amongst five of the clubs in the region. There are about 20 people there. It is a heavyweight line-up.

I note that I do not feel nervous. Pumped, maybe, but different from how I felt a few months ago on a similar occasion. 

We warm up for 20 minutes, then do one hour of mawari-geiko. 

It is good to fight with people I don't know. I practice the seme we have been concentrating on at the club. Sometimes I just try and provoke an opening, other time I try and provoke an attack which I can counter-attack against. My success rate is slightly higher than before.

I also concentrate on maintaining correct distance, refusing and initiating attacks. Many of the teachers push in mercilessly and if I allow that to happen it's over. Instead I concentrate on 'gazing at a distant mountain', or making my gaze as wide as possible.

I have noticed that during shiai or in pressurised situations my gaze can narrow. It is better to remain relaxed and see the entire person. This is also helpful for debana waza and other tactics.

At one point my shinai is flipped out my hands. Another person takes my kote in 0.1 second after starting ippon shobu. It is intense and I find myself smiling in enjoyment.

In the car on the way home one of the guys asks me how it went. I said it was 'OK'. 

I have noticed, however, that when I go to these things there are always little blue people trying to kill me. I didn't mention it as I didn't want to alarm him. 

 

 

Day 154: Wednesday, Nov 10-04

I start the suburi at 21.30. A rhythm comes quickly. There is always some new thing to work on. The principles of the sword are indeed endless.

I think for a while of what it might be like to start my own dojo. Not now, but when I return to my home country. What principles would I like to pass on to students? 

In a month's time I have another shiai. I am mentally preparing for it. How? By dampening my expectations. I think that we are most dangerous when we approach something with nothing to lose. I think this might be the basis of seme.

I read this interview today with great interest.

 

 

Thursday, Nov 11-04

Kendo training. I arrive feeling quite despondent and uninterested. This lasts as far as the first aiuchi-kakarigeiko with my teacher. It wakes me up fast.

Lots of beginners and seniors. I hear a story from another club. The sensei turned up and there was a crowd outside the dojo building.

'What are all these people here for?' he thought.

It only when he reached the packed dojo floor he realised they were there for kendo. All 90 of them!

No particular insights, but at the end my teacher tells me to attack straight during aiuchi-kakarigeiko, and to stop doing baseball do.

 

 

Day 155: Friday, Nov 12 - Day 157: Sunday, Nov 14-04

My daughter has a Boo Radley weekend. She cannot sleep, sit by herself, amuse herself. It is a test of love and patience. I do not want to be a Bad Parent. 

A senior teacher in Japan was fond of saying that the character for person - 'nin' - was made up of two people supporting each other. I certainly know that I could not bring up my daughter without my wife. 

By comparison, doing a 1000 suburi is simple. 

These days I mix in 300 - 400 do kirikaeshi to try and correct my tendency to do 'helicopter do' that comes in like a baseball swing. It is very difficult. I wonder if I still have the wrong mental image of do. I can't get that snap.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking about our recent victories in the national championships. More worrying is the occasional thought 'I am one of the best at this.' I need to close this chapter as quickly as possible; before I cannot move on.

These are tough days. I think to myself, 'Maybe life would be simpler if I did not have to find 30 minutes everyday to do my suburi?' I know this would be a false economy.

 

 

Monday, Nov 15-04

Kendo training. We warm up with around 400 suburi. It is nice not to have to count. I need to get my hips into the strikes and make every strike - every individual strike - a nice cut.

It is interesting for me to be next in line to the teacher when we are doing this. I can see him out the corner of my eye and make many miniscule adjustments to my suburi.

Afterwards we do kata solidly for an hour. I feel sorry for my teacher who spends most of the lesson teaching and not too much time doing.

Afterwards he gives me this advice.

- Make bigger, more positive steps coming into maai
- Correct my posture by using my bum muscles more
- Hold kotachi in parallel with the long bokken.

A senior and I demonstrate all 10 katas. There is a palatable tension in the air. A couple of times I move 'just so'. The rest of the time I try too hard to move 'just so'.

 

 

Day 158: Tuesday, Nov 16-04

I go back to basics and practice mainly shomen and sayumen suburi. It is a case of wanting simplicity. 

I feel quite pleased with my form until the last 10 when my wife comes in. I am doing men ikyudo and she obligingly stands still as I make the last 10 using her as a target as in the shitachi cut in kata ipponme.

Two or three times I am able to cut perfectly straight, but the other times the bokken wavers one way or the other after the strike, or the strike is not straight or has some other defect. it is quite disappointing. 

Maybe I need to mock up some target to strike to really improve.

At night I can't stop thinking about kendo, particularly instances when I have been struck during ji-geiko. I visualise effective counter-attacks hoping that I can reproduce them subconsciously in the next keiko. 

I learn that two of my dojo mates are being accepted into their respective national teams for the European Championships next year. It makes me want to train harder. Maybe I can join them.

 

 

Day 159: Wednesday, Nov 17-04

I do my suburi, again doing mainly shomen and sayumen. I concentrate on my feet to make sure they are always the correct distance apart.

I call my wife at the end and ask her to be a dummy for the last 30 ikyudo men. The first 20 are fine, but then she makes me laugh and I clonk her on the head.

'That's going to go into your diary, isn't it!' she exclaims.

Well. I cannot tell a lie.

 

 

Day 160: Thursday, Nov 18-04

I skip kendo to spend time with my wife. Before we eat I do my suburi. Even without having to ask she declines being my test dummy again. Frankly, I find this an amazing attitude.

I do my suburi and try not to be too lazy. I practice kote-suriage-men and men-kaeshi-do 100 times each.

The other day I performed for the first time men-nuki-do to win an ippon-shobu, so obviously on some level this is going in.

 

 

Day 161: Friday, Nov 19-04

I start the suburi very late, hours after my wife has gone to bad. I am totally knackered too and consider skipping a day. I don't. 

I concentrate on tenouchi and try and rush though as fast as possible.

Not a proud day.  

 

 

Day 162: Saturday, Nov 20-04

I do  the laundry, I eat, I do my suburi. 

 

 

Day 163: Sunday, Nov 21-04

Every Sunday I go for a walk to strengthen my legs. Right afterwards I do my suburi. I am really buzzing. 

By Tuesday I will have done one sixth of the total.

 

 

Monday, Nov 22-04

I go to kendo in a gloomy mood. It is not helped by another lacklustre warm-up which we do in almost complete silence.

We do suburi and my heart is not in it. We divide into groups and I elect to be motodaci for the beginners. I want to be by myself, passive, inert. Perhaps my teacher senses this as he follows me over to be motodachi for the beginners too.

We go straight into ji-geiko. I am with a sempai who usually I spark with. This time I can barely be bothered. Then I get to fence with my teacher who decides that he is going to get me really angry by pushing me and punching me around. He wants me to do an explosive men. I fail.

My only slight success is when I perform a katate-debana-tsuki on a sempai. Hurray, not.

Anyway, I am going to drag my miserable ass away before I force us both into an early grave by being a sheer misery guts.

 

 

Day 164: Tuesday, Nov 23-04

The Japanese say that if you run after two hares you'll catch neither. I try to do my suburi and put my daughter to sleep at the same time. I calculate that I can do 60 suburi before nipping out the room to pull the string on her music box. 

At around the 800 mark she falls asleep. Good for her, not great for me.

My challenge now is not to get complacent and go through the motions. I have no physical difficulties doing 1000 suburi, but I struggle to remain alert and make one suburi x 1000, rather than just rushing through.

Today I complete one sixth of the suburi. At this rate it will take me 3.7 years to finish. But it is pointless thinking like this. Every single cut has meaning. 

I live now; not in some half-forgotten past or imaginary future. 

 

 

Day 165: Wednesday, Nov 24-04

My wife hands me my daughter as I step off my train. I take her home and we spend the evening watching trashy films and slagging off people we know. 

We clear up the mess and eat a ton of extra strong mints by the time my wife comes back at 21.00. I start my suburi at 21.30. 

Yesterday I said I had no physical difficulties doing 1000 suburi - today I have to work mainly my legs after what feels like a pulled muscle under a shoulder blade.

Although I always stretch my Achilles heels I have never warmed up my arms before the suburi. Maybe I should?

I am getting into a bad habit of not keeping my feet properly spaced when I am cutting backwards. I think this is laziness and apathy. 

It is pointless continuing these suburi if I am not making each one my best. 

It seems likely that tomorrow myself and another senior will fight everyone in the dojo. It means I have probably about 20 fights in a row. I resolve to get plenty of fluids during the day and not to get too excited. 

 

 

Thursday, Nov 25-04

I speak to a colleague at work and mention that I am going to fence with everyone at my club. I tell him that my muscle still hurts.
'Eat a box of Panadol' he advises. 

I take a couple before I get to the dojo. The true warrior spirit!

As we warm up more and more people arrive. After 20 I stop counting. But I am not alone. A recently promoted 2nd dan and I take it in turns.

I tell him, 'I will use you as my motivation. We'll take energy from each other.'

Also on our team are about 20 beginners who kindly cheer us on. 

The combats take about 45 minutes. I lose one fight and draw another. My team-mate has a similar ratio. 

Afterwards my teacher say that I strike, then I push forward, whereas in the cut I should have enough momentum to continue through. He also says that my everyday stance should be my fighting stance; when I am in kamae my left heel is too far up and my weight is forward. I will research this.

I also notice that after 'hajime' if my aite shows a strong spirit then I have a habit of stepping backwards. I need to fight back and overwhelm him. The only fight I lost was against a very determined ikkyu who just went straight over the top of me.

When I fence with my teacher I broaden my vision so I can see his entire body and the space around it. This means that I can detect - usually - even the subtlest movements of an attack. I want to use this 'general vision' all the time, but when I get excited or scared my vision tends to become smaller. I think relaxation is the key.

At the end I feel extremely lucky to have this opportunity and I thank my team for their patience and encouragement. It is an unforgettable experience. 

 

 

Day 166: Friday, Nov 26-04

A proud-ish day as I finish off another row of tiny circles. Three rows down, another 15 to go.

 

 

Day 167: Saturday, Nov 27-04

My shoulder continues to ache miserably, so i just concentrate on my feet. I am thinking of the phrase, 'Make your combat stance your everyday stance.' 

I shuffle forward two step in kamae, step left, step right, then take two steps back. Throughout the movement I try and keep my feet properly spaced so that I could attack at any time if needed.

I notice that my kensen wavers from left to right during this exercise showing a weakness I hadn't realised I had. I will try and correct this.

 

 

Day 168: Sunday, Nov 28-04

I am moved out the dojo/nursery when my selfish daughter takes full time residence. I transfer my bokken to the bedroom and do my suburi there. Since we moved her crib there is a strip of floor actually uncluttered with clothes, books and toys. I profit while I can.

I do another set, punishing lapses in concentration with more suburi. The other day, practicing  do during uchimkomi with my teacher, I realise that I need to cut another inch. I practice this, overemphasising the cut until the hasuji finishes almost in centre.

Do is my perennial weak point. Fundamentally I don't understand it. 

 

 

Monday, Nov 29-04

Kendo training, about 30 people with bogu and 10 without. We do suburi. Afterwards my teacher shows me how my left palm is not covering the end of the tsuka and is not over the tsuka enough. I try it his way and feel an instant improvement.

We practice seme men. On 'ya' we move our right feet forward and bend the knee, then strike men. When this feels OK we only strike if the motodachi opens. If he doesn't we slide our left foot forward and strike from there. It is excellent practice for keeping pressure and keeping the
feet in the right position.

Afterwards we do kakarigeiko and aiuchi-kakarigeiko. I try and put my teachers advice of always going down the centre into practice, but when I do aiuchi with the beefiest person in the dojo I decide discretion is the better part of valour.

Finally we do ji-geiko. 

Recently there has been a real 'level-up', as the Japanese might say, in the enthusiasm and commitment of the members. Many went to a seminar over the weekend, others are training at national level. Our dojo is a fun place to be. 

 

 

Tuesday, Nov 30-04

I FORGET to do my suburi. I realise that sounds like it is coming from 'the dog ate my homework' school is excuses, but there you go.

The reason? I was exploring the deepest secret of kendo... ;)