April 04
Day 2: Monday, Apr 12-04
I injured my knee some weeks ago snow-shoeing. I should have been resting it and it flared up again after the first day. I have been resting it until today when my wife said, ‘Are you going to do your suburi today?’ Of course I couldn’t say, ‘No’.
I notice that the ceiling is higher in the spare room than in the corridor. I go in there with a normal bokken. I want to understand the balance of the blade, which is better than a shinai.
The floorboards squeak and I silently hope the neighbours below wouldn’t complain as I slide backwards and forwards for the next 30 minutes. I swing the bokken tentatively, and am relieved when it doesn’t strike the ceiling.
I begin my second set of 1000 suburi. It is a lot easier with a bokken than with empty hands. I concentrate on my feet. Somehow my heels are too high and my balance wrong. It is also difficult to breath deeply but yet remain relaxed.
I complete the suburi in 3 sets of 330. I don’t feel I have gained any special insight into kendo.
Later that evening I print off an A4 sheet with 1000 tiny circles on it. I fill in the first two. My wife and I feel excited.
We stick it to the bathroom door above our kendo calendar. You can see it on the way to the toilet.
Day 3: Tuesday, Apr 13-04
I have found a place in the spare room where the floorboards don’t squeak.
Today the suburi are very tiring. I have to really push myself. The final 100 are tough. However, I found that although I was tired I felt both very determined and very relaxed at the same time. Maybe this is a key.
I also notice that when I take a good breath of air my suburi seem fuller, more solid. I try to continue with my method of 1 exhalation for every 5 cuts. I try not to force it too much as at this stage I believe it will come naturally. However, I am going to monitor it closely.
I have found a way to keep count. I count in Japanese for every suburi I make. When I get to ten I subtract one from the overall tally, which starts at 100. my counting goes something like this:
Ichi – Ni – San – Shi – Go – Rock – Shichi – Hachi – Kyu – Ju
Ninety-nine
Ichi – Ni – San – Shi – Go – Rock – Shichi – Hachi – Kyu – Ju
Ninety-eight
I stop when I reach zero.
I am not sure if this is a good way to count. It encourages me to feel despondent when I am in the 80s and 70s, then more positive when I have completed 500 suburi.
I will have to find a way to keep count, but without the goal-centred feeling of, ‘Only another 236 and then I’ll be finished.’ I want my first suburi to be as concentrated as my last or my nth. I also have the notion that the idea of doing exactly 1000 suburi is figurative, but until I find another way I will continue doing it.
My arm is shaky as I fill in another tiny circle.
At night I cannot sleep. This is the same as last night. I feel too energised, even though I finished the suburi 3 and a half hours ago. Maybe I should try and do the suburi first thing in the morning.
I set my alarm for 06.20 with good intentions.
Day 4: Wednesday, Apr 14-04
Do the suburi in two sets of 500, pausing twice in the second set to briefly shake the pain out my shoulders.
The second 500 go much faster and towards the end I again had a good feeling of relaxedness and determination.
My body seemed ready for the exertion and kicked into the rhythm quickly. I wonder if it gears up for the exercise as I am doing it at about the same time of 19.00 (I overslept my alarm). Perhaps I should vary the time I start.
During the breaks it is easy to get distracted by any idle fantasy my mind conjures up. This could be a reaction to overly controlling or focussing during the suburi. There must be a balanced state where one can remain concentrated but relaxed, rather then veering between the two extremes. I think this is an important thing for me to find.
Day 5: Thursday, Apr 15-04
Nothing special to report.
I did mitori-geiko tonight as my knee is still not ready for a full-on kendo practice.
After watching - which is very frustrating - I went home and did the next 1000 in two sets of 500.
Again, my mind tends to wander too much, especially during the first few hundred suburi. As the suburi get more difficult I tend to concentrate more.
A sort of ho-hum session. Fill in the little circle and hope tomorrow is better.
Day 6: Friday, Apr 16-04
For the first time I do all 1000 suburi without stopping. This effort is inspired by Friday afternoon, finish work for the week, euphoria.
I have heard many times that we should 'cut from the hips', but I am no closer to understanding what this means. I concentrate slightly more on my hips, but it doesn't make immediate sense. Definitely something to return to over the coming months.
I notice that my technique improves after I have done the first 100 or so when my body establishes a rhythm quite separate from that which my mind wishes to impose. 'Trying' to do good suburi makes my movements stiff. It sounds fanciful, but perhaps that is the beginning of no-mind, trying without trying, doing without thinking. What a joke!
Day 7: Saturday, Apr 17-04
My arms are aching and I don't want to do the suburi. Then I remember my least favourite kendo maxim: 'When you want to practice kendo, practice kendo. When you don't want to practice kendo, practice kendo anyway.' Surely dreamt up by a kendo teacher.
So I practice and it goes surprisingly well. I manage to eliminate some of the wobble from my snap. When I finish the cut my bokken tends to wobble and not snap instantly to a halt. I discover that if I am correctly balanced in feet and hands this doesn't happen. That sounds rather obvious having written it down, but I think there are lots of permutations to chew on.
Day 8: Sunday, Apr 18-04
I change my routine and do 1000 suburi before lunch. After lunch I sleep.
Monday, Apr 19-04
No suburi today as I have kendo training, my first for several weeks following my injury. I am looking forward to it. I have too much aggression following my enforced break and, more importantly, I am looking forward to seeing if these suburi have made a jot of difference.
On the advice of my teacher I take things fairly easy. I notice gleefully that my ki-ken-tai-ichi (ki, sword, body - one) is better than it has been before.
I also feel extremely relaxed, particularly my hands which feel flexible and 'alive'. My weak knee forces me to concentrate on my form. I am able to better maintain centre, even when fencing with higher grade people.
On the whole, I believe I can feel benefits already.
Tuesday, Apr 20-04
Again, no suburi today as I have monthly kendo training for three or four clubs in the area.
A good, if physically tough, practice. I have lots of bruises where people played taiko on my arms. But I felt very calm throughout and managed to maintain a reasonable level of concentration.
It seems to me that kendo is a matter of timing. I liken it to standing in a sea. The waves are the attacks. I try and fit my timing around the attacks of the other, to hit him on the off-beat, or meet his wave head on. Surrendering even half a pace means being washed away by the other.
The other part is mental. Some people scare me. Others I dislike on sight. Sometimes I just really want to win - guaranteeing a loss. These reactions make my kendo less effective. I experience all these emotions during the combats tonight.
In some way, this reminds me of the Buddhist idea of the 4 afflictive emotions: desire (chanda), hatred (dosa), fear (bhaya), and ignorance (moha).
Apparently the Buddha said that we shouldn't allow our actions to be motivated by these emotions.
Bearing in mind the idea of taking what we learn in the dojo in to the outside world, I should try and eliminate these from my kendo (doubtless a lifelong endeavour).
I just don't understand where the ignorance part comes in (Doh!)
Day 9: Wednesday, Apr 21-04
I have to drag myself into the spare room to do my suburi. I simply do not want to start. But I do. Slowly.
For the first 500 I just go through the motions. I do not do suburi. I simply swing a bokken over my head.
The second set are far better. I notice that when I bring the bokken above my head the action of my arms opens my chest. If I time my inhalation to coincide with this movement then I catch a better lungful of air and can exhale steadily through the next 5 cuts.
At the end of the session I am drenched in sweat, which thrills my wife no end.
Later, I mention that if I do another 1000 tomorrow I will have done 1% of the total. I will still have another nine hundred and ninety thousand left to do. My wife says that this is still an achievement.
Whenever I approach the suburi mathematically I get despondent. Better to approach it will an enthusiastic spirit, not looking too closely at the goal but enjoying the journey.
Anyway, it's not as if I am not planning to do all of them in one go. Just one by one.
Day 10: Thursday, Apr 22-04
Today I complete the first 10000 suburi, precisely 1% of the target. Aren't I clever.
An interesting session. I would like to think that one day I could do all 1000 with a constant, rhythmical inflow and outflow of breath and remain focussed all the way through.
I still can't bring the bokken to a stop without the tip waggling like a reprimanding finger. I still find myself thinking about other things - food, kendo, trivia.
Tomorrow I am going to Budapest to watch the European Kendo Championships and cheer my teacher on, or up.
Friday Apr 23 - Monday Apr 26-04
No suburi as I travel to Budapest and back for the European Kendo Championships.
I say no suburi, but I try a mental trick when I have a few minutes. Sometime ago I heard a story about an Olympic high diver who was hospitalised following an accident.
As she could not physically practice she would visualise herself doing her dives. She found that when she returned to diving she had improved on her form.
I try to do this and am surprised at how quickly I can see and feel myself doing the suburi. It is difficult to hold a high level of concentration though. I wonder if it will make any discernable difference.
The main take home message for me from the Championships came from the French team. A lot of teams tried to be the strongest, or most aggressive, but the French were far and away the most relaxed. They also had amazing footwork. They never unbalanced themselves, and were therefore able to attack from any position at any time.
Finally, they all had an excellent ability for seme. I watched the British team try and attack with just one hit - a men, or a kote - and they couldn't make many points. But the French seemed to time their attacks perfectly and slice through the others guard before landing a good men. They seldom passed, however, which makes me suspect that there may be a tactical reason for this.
Day 11: Tuesday, Apr 27-04
Another day, another 1000 suburi. I actually look forward to doing them now. The main danger is complacency: I must concentrate and make each cut distinct and individual. It is becoming too easy to whip through them without thinking. Maybe soon I will start doing more, perhaps 1000 in the morning and another 1000 in the evening.
Having reflected more on the kendo I saw over the weekend - and having watched some kendo video's today - I am careful about my balance and posture. This helps control the sword.
I also remember an expression from Japan which stated that the heart controls the sword. This brings me inexorably back to the Buddhist ideals I mentioned earlier. I need to do more research before I comment on these further.
Finally I am reflecting on my attitude. Up until now I have said, 'By doing this I hope to get blah blah blah...' and 'By trying this I want to blah blah blah...' As an eighth dan teacher said recently, 'Don't ask what kendo can do for you, ask what you can do for kendo.' I will try and unravel this maxim.
Day 12: Wednesday, Apr 28-04
My shoulders have relaxed and consequently the bokken swings more easily and with a longer extension.
I try and concentrate on my feet more. I want to be perfectly balanced going forwards, backwards, sideways or whatever.
I have read many times that in Zen meditation that the skeleton has to be balanced like the rocks of the stupa: on top of the hips the spine, on top of the spine the shoulders and then the neck and the head. However, it is very difficult to know without a mirror, or a critical teacher, if everything in well aligned.
I also think that this alignment will only be possible if the feet are correct.
When I started kendo I was told that the left heel should be off the ground about an inch, and the right heel off the ground enough to allow a piece of paper to be passed underneath it.
Having watched the EKC in Budapest, I think that most kendokas have their left heel raised 3 or more centimetres off the ground and their right foot flat on the ground. The reason for this is probably speed.
Interestingly, however, the majority of those who took dan examinations failed. In general terms could we say that competition kendo is different to kendo practiced for the form? If so, how are they different? Should one be regarded more seriously? Or, is that comparison even relevant? I think it depends on what you wish to get out of your practice (remembering that what you want to get and what you actually discover are often different).
Having written that I feel confused. My only answer is to practice kendo.
Day 13: Friday, Apr 30-04
I didn't practice suburi yesterday as I went to kendo practice. I had a very poor practice, partly because of my knee and partly because I hadn't got myself into the mood.
Today I am very tired when I start the suburi as I have had a long week at work. Also I do not start them when I come home, which is also a mistake as I think about domestic affairs when I should be concentrating on the suburi.
I find in the dojo that it is very easy to switch on when I enter. Suddenly I am ready for kendo. I am beginning the find the same thing at home when I do the suburi. I don't have a particular ritual. I change into a pair of shorts and T-shirt and get stuck in.
Today I realise that although suburi can give you good habits, you can just as easily acquire bad habits too. It is easy to become complacent and think 'I am doing 1000 suburi a day, ergo my suburi are good'. This is relaxing too much.
I remind myself to make every suburi unique. I am doing one cut. I am doing one cut... times 1000, not, I am doing 1000 suburi, I am a kendo martyr, I am rather clever.
I have now completed 1.3% of the desired number. For some reason I am not kendo tatsujin - kendo expert. I wonder why.
