August 04

 

Day 80:  Sunday, Aug 1-04

A difficult set as motivation to move beyond the breakfast table on a Sunday is hard to find. I do them with little sense of satisfaction.

 

 

Monday, Aug 2-04

Kendo training in 30 degrees plus. Lots of beginners as the seniors take the summer off!

I am a little nervous doing hiki-waza after falling over a few weeks ago. When I don't think about it I am fine. When I do think about it, disaster.

I try seme whenever possible. In fact, I try seme to death when I should be blending it in with other things. I lose my kote twice in ippon-shobu.

My teacher takes jodan. Afterwards he tells me to move my kensen around more and push forward.

My knees are completely stiff. I feel another appointment with the physio coming up.

 

 

Day 81:  Tuesday, Aug 3-04

Another 1000 done. I am looking forward to reaching 100 000. But after that I will have another 100 000 to do, then another. Better to make the suburi part of my everyday rhythm and not look to the future too closely.

I am feeling very relaxed. My wrists in particular seem more flexible. I still struggle to keep my eyes in the same place without them wandering off. How can something so seemingly easy be so difficult?

 

 

Day 82:  Wednesday, Aug 4-04

Today I actually enjoy the suburi. What a masochist!

I have a small breakthrough when I realise that every cut should have the same feeling as the men in the first kata. It becomes easier to imagine an opponent and to feel the form and zanshin.

My knees are gradually forgiving me too which is making life slightly more enjoyable.

This evening my daughter laughed in her sleep. Why?

 

 

Day 83:  Thursday, Aug 5-04

I have to work late and I miss practice. I do 1000 suburi later in the evening.

If I take as my standard the shitachi men strike in the first kata, then I would say only three or four of my suburi meet this standard. Mostly I am simply slicing the air. I must concentrate more.

No particular insights. Just another step on the journey. 

 

 

Day 84:  Friday, Aug 6-04

A satisfactory set. My knees are starting to work again and I am feeling strong.

It is relatively straight forward to do 1000 suburi in a row, but still lots of small things to think about.

At the moment I am doing 50 shomen suburi, then 50 sayumen.

I don't understand why in kirikaeshi we start with a hidari men. My migi men is much weaker. To compensate for this I often go forward with migi men then back with hidari men.

Recently I have become obsessed by kendo. Time to put it back into its rightful position and not neglect other parts of my life. 

In just over two weeks time I will have done 100 000 suburi.

 

 

Day 85:  Saturday, Aug 7-04

. I cook, I shop, I clean, I write, I change nappies, I do my suburi. 

 

 

Day 86:  Sunday, Aug 8-04

A smallish breakthrough. 

I realise that when I stop the bokken at the end of the snap my mind stops with it. I stop everything at the same moment - motionless.

This, however, is the wrong thing to do.

Better to express zanshin and keep the mind in motion, then perform the next strike, then the next, and the next. 

Recently at the end of the suburi I do another 10 'Ikkyudo' suburi. That's to say, from kamae I perform shomen, then step backwards back into kamae. I continue until I do 1 men which I am satisfied with. This small insight helps me to find a satisfactory men quicker.

 

 

Monday, Aug 9-04

Kendo training. We are training in the hottest part of the year. I drink 500 ml of gatorade before practice. Afterwards I drink 2 litres of water.

We practice suburi. My left hand needs to be lower for do. Then kata. It is difficult to keep a straight face as my partner is using the only bokken left - a child's bokken. It's very comical.

We don our men, and practice kirikaeshi, do-kirikaeshi, kote-men, men-taiatari men/kote/do. Then ji-geiko.

I fence with my teacher. I don't show much confidence in my attacks. After the fight he advises me that my strikes are too big, that I shouldn't raise my hands above shoulder level. I think this is a danger of doing all these suburi. I will maybe practice with a smaller style, just using my forearms and wrists. I am not sure.

I fence with someone just coming into ji-geiko. He waits in kamae, so I take lots of points. Afterwards I admonish him for not attacking.

I fence with a sprightly shodan, then we do a series of ippon-shobu. I am too eager to get points, and record one win, one loss, one draw. How to temper my desire for victory?

We have many beginners. As almost all the seniors have given up for the summer (part-timers!) the dojo is quiet and offers a good atmosphere to get to know them. 

Vive l'eté!

 

 

Day 87:  Tuesday, Aug 10-04

For the first time I practice small strikes too - kote-men, kote-tsuki-men, kote-men, hiki-men, hiki-do, hiki-kote, and so on. The combinations become more and more complicated. I try and make as many strikes as possible with one breath.

It is exhausting to make many strikes continually like this. It is also surprisingly difficult to be accurate. If I do 10 strikes in one movement then by the 4th or 5th strike my right hand becomes too heavy or rigid and my concentration goes. And, as my teacher said, many of my strikes are too big.

I think the speed of ji-geiko has been covering up for all sorts of sloppy errors.  Time, certainly, to return to kihon.

My preference is to practice the big strikes. I enjoy the graceful, languorous movement of a powerful strike to men. However, this is just a personal bias. A good fencer, I feel, is someone who has no particular preference for any movement.

Recently I have been reading 'By the Sword' by Richard Cohen. It traces the development of European fencing and duelling from its roots to its modern incarnation as an olympic sport. Fascinating reading, even for a kendoist.

He mentions a quote from Yagyu Tajima no Kami. I fail to find this on the internet, but offer this link instead. 

 

 

Day 88:  Wednesday, Aug 11-04

I come home and get to it straight away. I complete my 90 000th suburi.

I reflect that I still have ulterior motives for doing these suburi. I want to pass 4th dan next year. I still want to be 'the best'.

Will these melt away? And what will be left?

 

 

Day 89:  Thursday, Aug 12-04

I do not go to training as we have guests. I start the suburi after they leave and when my wife and daughter are in bed. It's quite lonely. No particular insights. Just another set and another tiny circle.

 

 

Day 90:  Friday, Aug 13-04

During the day my wife says that she felt for me last night as I stayed up doing the suburi by myself. I reply that she shouldn't - it's my choice and I don't have to do the suburi if I don't want to.

She feels that I have to keep going, whereas the truth is simply that if I want to give up I will. 

I don't give up today, however. I carve out another 1000.

 

 

Day 91:  Saturday, Aug 14-04

The suburi are very difficult today. I do 500, break, do another 100, break and so on. The bokken seems heavier than usual and I am relieved to finish.

 

 

Day 92:  Sunday, Aug 15-04

Again, the suburi are tough. It's a case of do 500, break, do another 100, break etc. I have to will myself to keep on going. I use my legs as well as I can to power through. I hope my knees will eventually get back to normal.

Over the weekend I watch excerpts from the documentary on the hachidan test. I have seen Ishida's keiko many times now, but I always see something new.

In particular I watch the way he breathes. He seems to make a ki-ai, and then hold his breath. I have tried this myself and it seems to work. So when I practice suburi I try and make my breath as long as possible - at least 5 cuts on the exhalation - in order to make long breath in keiko. Incidentally, this long breath is one of the supposed benefits of kiri-kaeshi. 

It is also interesting to hear what he says about ki-ken-tai-ichi, and watch out for his seme which provokes an attack. How does he do it?

You can watch the video here. If this doesn't work, I think you can Google it under 'Kendo's Gruelling Challenge'. 

 

 

Monday, Aug 16-04

Kendo training, my first for one week. I go with the question 'What is the correct timing?'

By this I mean, how do I arrive - how do I do - without consciously thinking 'Now, I will arrive' or 'Now I will do' and therefore be late for the moment. Surfing round the net before training I come across a poem about kyudo which starts:

'No targets erected
No arrows notched...'

It seems that here is my answer. 

We warm-up and then I lead the suburi. Afterwards we practice kihon men, kote and do. My hands are still too high for do. I will work on this.

We put on armour and practice kihon. I am tending to rush kiri-kaeshi, meaning that breathing is incorrect and my strikes seldom in the correct place. 

Ji-geiko: I fence with a shodan who always puts up a strong fight. It is good fun, but no particular insights. I fight with my teacher. It is very intense - we really go for it, neither of us wishing to take a step back. 

Afterwards he comments on the fact that I need to attack from normal distance, not cutting from middle distance. He is right. Recently I have just been wanting to attack as much as possible and not considering where I am. This means I am forcing my cuts, not allowing them to happen.

He also mentions that when I get tired I need to relax, not heavily try to push on through. I aware of myself doing this as my energy gradually goes, but it is difficult not to let a macho spirit take over. Better to relax and find the deeper meaning. I think this is crucial, but I am struggling to do this. 

Then I fence with someone just coming into keiko. I try and encourage him to attack with not much success. 

Then we take kakarigeiko from everyone, before three of us do it together. An exhilarating end to and exhausting and uplifting practice made special because my daughter and brother watched me fence for the first time.

 

 

Day 93:  Tuesday, Aug 17-04

I go out to dinner almost as soon as I arrive home. After dinner we lounge around talking. About 11pm my daughter wakes up. At 15 past midnight I start my suburi. 

Needless to say, I wasn't feeling terribly inspired. But I do them with the thought that soon I will have done 100 000. 

You find your motivation where you can get it at midnight.

 

 

Day 94:  Wednesday, Aug 18-04

I am sure that all of us at some time have asked the question, 'If I was attacked, what would I do?'

I ask myself this question again today and I realise something. I always assume the other is the aggressor. I react to his attack. 

So I ask myself why, during ji-geiko, I am usually the more aggressive? It is as if I am looking for the fight and, consequently, I put myself in the weaker position.

I do my suburi, bearing in mind my teachers advice about relaxing when I get tired. I find that I can make big strikes simply by applying and relaxing tenouchi.  

As has become my habit, at the end of the set I do a further 8 or so men-ikyudo to find that elusive, perfect men. 

'No targets erected
No arrows notched...'

 

 

Thursday, Aug 19-04

As I walk to practice I have the thought, 'I really don't want to be doing this.' I can think of a number of other things I could be doing. I stifle the thought before it has time to grows

Before the practice my teacher asks me if I am ready for it. I reply, 'Yes, yes' as enthusiastically as I can.
'Yes, yes' he says, mimicking me and shaking his head. 

How he sees everything!

Summer must be finishing as the seniors are coming back. It is a good time to take advantage of their out-of-shapeness and pummel them. Of course, I am only half-joking about this.

Before we begin I try and remember what I hope to achieve from the practice. I remember about my less aggressive idea from yesterday solely because I wrote it down here. I resolve to try this.

It works very well against an out of practice nidan: but my teacher takes jodan. I am forced to attack again and again to stop him overwhelming me. He tells me to try at least two strikes in attack - one to trigger a defence (the jodan player can usually only defend one attack) and the other to attack. He also tells me to strike hiki-waza, rather than retreating from tsubazeriai to a half-distance then attacking again. I will work on this.

Then I practice with someone who has just come into armour but whose kendo I quite admire. He attacks along the centre line and isn't afraid to jump in or be cut. I wish I had more talent as a motodachi to really encourage him - not that he needs it desperately. In ippon-shobu he constructs an elegant attack which ends in kote - afterwards I congratulate him on his strike.

Recently I have been rushing off from the dojo to get home to my wife and daughter. Tonight I do the same, doubtlessly setting a bad example. I will make a bigger effort or, as Tesshu said, 'Train harder and harder!' 

 

 

Day 95:  Friday, Aug 20-04

I come home from work and rattle off a set. I know it is going to be a busy weekend, and I will be squeezing the suburi in whenever I can. 

It is important for me to concentrate despite the distractions. 

 

 

Day 96:  Saturday, Aug 21-04

Laundry and suburi. 

 

 

Day 97:  Sunday, Aug 22-04

I am conscious that on Tuesday I will do my 100 000th suburi. Maybe I will take stock then; but what's the point? It's just another day.

I do the suburi in the morning in one, long set. It's satisfying to be able to do 1 000 and maintain an OK standard throughout. I would venture to say that the later suburi are better as my body relaxes and warms up: my wrists become more flexible and my shoulders relaxed. I am less involved in thinking about making good strikes, more ready to let them happen. 

Today I make this analogy. Before my daughter was born I had spent a negligible time around babies. Everyday, despite my many mistakes, I learn something new about her and what I must do to meet her needs. I seek and accept the advice of other parents and midwives. As she grows her needs will change and mature and my skills will need to mature and adapt too.

This strikes me as similar to kendo. Few people come into kendo with previous knowledge. We all make mistakes, we all learn how to recognise and correct these mistakes, and we have seniors and teachers to help us. As our kendo matures we are given other challenges, other dimensions to explore. We have to mature and adapt to meet these challenges and deepen our personalities. 

The main difference that I can see is that, generally speaking, we're not expected to demonstrate kendo skills at 4 o'clock in the morning while being vomited over. 

The secret of child-raising? Get along with your wife!

 

 

Day 98:  Monday, Aug 23-04

I do my 100 000th suburi.

I ought to be at kendo, but I come home and my wife looks frazzled. She accepts my offer to stay home. I feel quite guilty missing a practice: it feels like rudely leaving an engrossing conversation. I wonder afterwards if I allowed myself an excuse. Probably.

I do my suburi. I realise that in the phrase, 'Subjugate the self, endure the pain of gruelling practice' the first clause really means that.

Tame the self.

When this happens, however briefly, the suburi subtly change. Ki-ai becomes deeper and the bokken moves at an elegant pace.

When I finish I toy with the idea of filling in this circle with highlighter pen as a celebration. In the end I use my normal pencil. It is satisfying to have completed 10%, but at the end of the day it's just another opportunity to train.

 

 

Day 99:  Tuesday, Aug 24-04

I concentrate for the first 500 suburi on timing. What is the pace of a suburi? At some stage I realise I am neglecting to use my legs in the cut. This is becoming too much of an ingrained habit. 

Maybe over the next few days I will simply move backwards and forwards in kamae trying to get my footwork as sharp and as strong as possible.

 

 

Day 100:  Wednesday, Aug 25-04

I consider my footwork. Where are my feet at the end of a strike? Does my head move? I practice 50 ashi-sabaki then 50 shomen and so on. 

At the end I am slightly disappointed. Although my legs ache, I have been too conscious of making the movements and have not pushed myself. In future I will find a better formula. 

 

 

Thursday, Aug 26-04

Kendo practice is swamped by a motley assortment beginners who want to try kendo as their school year begins.

I am keen to get stuck in after rather erratic attendance recently. Too keen. I want it too much and everything comes out forced and lop-sided. Afterwards I feel embarrassed - as if I have been rushing around like a lunatic.

As I leave I notice the different demeanours of two of the beginners. One had obviously not got much out of it and sat with his arms folded watching the next class. Another had loved it and was on the edge of his seat trying to take in everything. Although we all need that initial enthusiasm that says, 'Yes! This is for me!', as shown by the second beginner, I think later we should adopt the calmer demeanour of the first beginner who has no expectations and keeps a cool head. To some extent I have to leave my desire to do kendo to one side.  

As there are so many beginners I organise the more advanced people. I get it slightly wrong as my teacher explains afterwards. 

I need to get the non-bogu wearing beginners in the first line, and the bogu wearing non-motodachis in the second. As long as there is a chance for everyone to practice against someone of a similar level then the number of turns we have to make can be reduced. If there are very disparate levels then we should turn after each exercise so that everyone has a chance. If we are focussing on technique then we can do less kiri-kaeshi and other kihon-uchi.

On the whole, an interesting practice - but I need to Caaaalllmm Dooowwnn. 

 

Later

A random thought I need to write down. 

Looking idly out the window the thought strikes me that there is nothing we can't do. 

Doing 1000 or 10 000 suburi is a matter of not being scared of doing them. How many beginners have you seen who, when shown the simplest thing, think 'I can't do this' and promptly fail. 

As we progress in kendo and life and our challenges seemingly get bigger and harder, but maybe it is a matter of not being afraid of taking the responsibility of doing whatever it is. 

I can liken this to the feeling when you have done something spectacularly difficult and other challenges that were worrying you suddenly seem easy. 

Just a thought. 

 

 

Day 101:  Friday, Aug 27-04

The British athlete Paula Radcliffe crashes out of the Olympics in tears, distraught she has let her 'fans' down. Who she is running for: herself or the coach potato nation?

I do my suburi late. I am exhausted - lack of sleep. I hate them.

 

 

Day 102:  Saturday, Aug 28-04

Seven and a half hours sleep! I do my suburi with alacrity, then I go to my teacher's house and practice 'Bokuto Ni Yoru Kendo Kihon-waza Keiko-ho' (sic?) in the garden. It is a fantastic opportunity. He points out that the kihon could be used as a lesson plan - I receive a significant look. I think I will try and memorise the structure before the next kendo class...

 

 

Day 103:  Sunday, Aug 29-04

Yesterday my teacher points out that I am not making a centre of gravity with my big strikes to men. I need to to stop the sword with my left palm on a level with my chest. It is the same principle for kirikaeshi. I try this today with my suburi.

He also points out we should use the sword as if it is an index finger; ura and omote. Suriage is like a slap, but the tip of the sword should be protecting our body from attack from the opposite side of the first attack. it is difficult to visualise - I think I have the wrong mental image. I will go through it in my mind whenever I have a spare moment.

 

 

Monday, Aug 30-04

Kendo practice - I swot up on the order of the new kata but it is not needed. We have 18 people in armour and 8 beginners. I drill the beginners with suburi. It's good fun. I hear myself saying things 'No, it's your right foot that goes in front' and other advice. They seem to pick it up quite quickly, but it is frustrating when an absolute beginner let's his mind wander off. The majority of the advice, after all, is aimed at him.

After suburi we dive into armour and go through the basics: kihon uchi, renzoku waza, nuki, suriage. My movements feel stiff and mechanical. I must be getting old.

We do ji-geiko. I fence with a good selection of people. I relax and read the other's mind. Honestly, it makes it far simpler if you know what he's going to do before he does it. Of course, this doesn't work with the teacher. I stay relaxed however but my plan for the ji-geiko - land a tsuki first thing after being reminded on Saturday that I have never hit this target, ever - doesn't work.

I practice with a technically gifted mudansha. Before the practice I tease him 'I can smell a French person', I say, sniffing the air. I know I will get a strong reaction later. Sure enough he is gunning for me during ji-geiko, but in the round of ippon-shobu I land a men (last time we fought he got debana-kote). It is good to have a rival. At the end of the practice he comes up to bow. I am drunk with victory.

'I am the CHAMPION!' I say, waving my arms aloft and jeering.

I expect next time he will try to kill me.

After the practice I speak with my teacher.
'How was it?' he asks.
'I followed your advice. I tried to direct my cuts with only my index fingers. It seemed to work' I reply.
He seems pleased. 'That was a nice men you did.'
I bow my thanks.

We put the tatami back for the aikido people who we share the dojo with. I rush home. I am desperate to see my wife and daughter.

 

 

Day 104:  Tuesday, Aug 31-04

My brother watches me do the suburi and afterwards comments that my left heel is lower going forward than going back. Apparently going forward it almost touches the ground. There is clearly a problem somewhere which I will address.

A perfectly average set (yawn).