October 04

 

 

Day 124: Friday, Oct 1-04

 

My wife goes out. I do my suburi around feeding, changing and rocking my daughter.

We have a great evening with pizza, beer, cigars, Kill Bill, and milk.  

 

 

Day 125: Saturday, Oct 2-04

 

We do the washing. I fold my daughter's clothes on the floor in the nursery/dojo. 

'Isn't that a bit boring?' asks my wife.
'Not at all' I reply. 'Ever since I started the suburi I have come to enjoy repetitive, mindless tasks.'

 

 

Day 126: Sunday, Oct 3-04

 

We spend the weekend walking in the mountains, coming back late. Around 11pm I realise I haven't done the suburi. Clearly I am gagging to do them.

I crawl out of bed and, bleary eyed, do a 1000. I must be mad.

 

 

Monday, Oct 4-04

 

Kendo training. Many beginners and seniors. We do warm ups, suburi, kirikaeshi, kihon and ji-geiko.

Having been on a long walk yesterday my knees have cheered up immeasurably and I feel like I am pinging off the walls, particularly during kirikaeshi.

I do a demo keiko with a sempai. Afterwards my teacher says my right hand is too much over the tsuka. For more flexibility it needs to be more in a line. He is right. I think this is a reaction to a stressful situation.

I am still trying tsuki with no success.  

No particular insights, but a great session. 

 

 

Day 127: Tuesday, Oct 5-04

 

I start late. It is difficult to do an entire set uninterrupted by my daughter. This means I have to focus on every cut as it may be the last before she needs something.

I feel that I am reaching further and that the kensen at maximum extension is solid. It doesn't dip or swing beyond the final snap. I think the key is to make languid movements. 

I continue with the kirikaeshi. Following Noma Hisashi's advice I concentrate on keeping the space between my feet correct. Sometimes I feel that the footwork is beginning to come; sometimes I have no feeling at all. It is difficult to correct bad habits, particularly when there is a danger of making new ones.

My goals at the moment are very simple. I want to get the basics right. I take this to mean:

1. Able to make men, kote, do and tsuki freely; and

2. Improve my perception, meaning to perceive instantly my opponents intentions and react accordingly.

In some ways these seem like very humble goals, these suburi have made me realise how much I have been shying away from making correct kendo and blithely thinking 'That's almost right. It will do.' 

I also receive a rather cross note from a reader who tartly informs that there are no log cabins in Saskatoon. Sorry, I meant Nunavit

Oooh, Samoooou gozaimasu!

 

 

Day 128: Wednesday, Oct 6-04

 

Another day, another dollar. I mix men kirikaeshi with do kirikaeshi, doing a 100 of each alternately. 

The sayu-men cuts are actually helping to make more accurate shomen strikes. I don't know why. Maybe the sayu men require better use of te no uchi. 

At the end I do 30 men san kyu do. If I do not start in correct kamae then the strike is sloppy too.

I feel, though, that somehow I am stuck in a rut as far as these suburi go. That is not to say that I am not enjoying them, but maybe I have reached a plateau. What will the next change be? Where is my kendo going next? That is what I cannot figure out. I just do not want to enter stasis.

 

 

Thursday, Oct 7-04

 

Kendo training; one of those rare occasions when everyone turns up. I am the 4th in the line-up. I feel like last week’s number 1 single that is gradually slipping down the rankings.

We do lots of kirikaeshi. I start with one of our members who has returned from a year in Japan. It is great to see him again. His kendo is very relaxed now. 

We do kihon in groups of three. I concentrate hard on keeping my hands in the right position to allow them full flexibility. I perceive an improvement in my ouji and debana waza. For some reason the people I am practicing with attack using big men or kote. It means I have ample opportunity and time to have a cup of tea before striking do.

We do ji-geiko. I feel very relaxed. I am just beginning to be able to strike do and tsuki against contemporaries with slightly more accuracy. I try a katate-tsuki. It is perfectly straight and accurate, but I don’t have the confidence to really land the thrust. It reminds me of when I first started practicing kendo and not having quite the confidence to strike men. I suppose this will come. 

After the practice my teacher tells me my goal with the suburi should be to make them as natural as walking. Not to think, ‘Now I will do men with way, looking out for x, y and z’, but do men, setting all that baggage to one side. 

Essentially I have to reach for my stupid luggage…

 

 

Day 129: Friday, Oct 8-04

 

I do my suburi. I make them as natural and as empty-headed as possible. Afterwards I make no value judgements on whether they were good or bad. I leave them behind when I go and do the next thing.

 

 

Saturday, Oct 9-04

 

Kendo demonstration for the local Japanese Society. We are observed by a handful of staunch-faced matrons, a few hippies on a Japan trip and some children. 

Only the kids and one adult get up at the end to try it out.  They have nothing to lose, I presume.

We demonstrate the new bokuto keiko kata, normal kata, kihon and some ji-geiko. You get so used to this kind of thing - poncing around in Japanese bogu, waving shinais etc. - that you forget how bizarre it must seem to the uninitiated. 

 

 

Day 130: Sunday, Oct 10-04

 

My daughter is asleep in the dojo so I do my suburi in the dining room. Afterwards I reflect how difficult it is to do something without forcing it. 

I should take lessons from her.  

 

 

Monday, Oct 11-04

 

Kendo training. The teacher is on holiday so the sempais take the training. We do lots of kihon. It is physically demanding. 

I fence with a sempai and he absolutely creams me. In ippon I adjust my distance so that I am at the edge of issoku. It is harder for him to come in and I take a point.

I have to adjust my kendo to the opponent. My timing is good in general, so I should attack from further away, particularly against people who are faster than me. If someone is slower I should come in more. 

I fight against a nidan who is practising ultra-fast kendo. I use this method and, as long as my footwork is good, I can defeat him. 

Afterwards I practice kata. It is impossible to get it perfectly right! Always so many small mistakes - distance, moves, breathing. I feel like a beginner again. 

 

 

Day 131: Tuesday, Oct 12-04

 

I spend the day in bed trying to sleep off the 'flu. I get up for supper and wonder listlessly if I should do my suburi. My wife is against the idea.

I feel that if I am well enough to do suburi I should be well enough to do the washing up. I do the washing up, then the suburi in short bursts of 100.

I feel leaden and am just pleased to finish - but thank-you, anyway, for another day's training.

 

 

Day 132: Wednesday, Oct 13-04

 

A rare moment of calm when I can do all my suburis without being disturbed. 

Rereading my diary I realise that many of my earlier problems, such as an inability to concentrate, have gradually resolved themselves. My problem now is to walk without thinking, 'OK, left foot first, then right foot, now left'. 

I have to let myself go.

Part of my problem here is fear. I spent four memorable years trundling between operation theatres and physiotherapy clinics after dislocating my kneecaps in a series of sport-related accidents. 

Theoretically it shouldn't happen again, but I don't believe this 100%. Somewhere along the way - perhaps in the rigmarole of learning to walk again unaided for the umpteenth time - I have allowed the conscious thought of 'Watch out! You shouldn't be doing this' to insert itself into unconscious action. Or maybe I am just using this as an excuse. 

I must accept the fear. I must let go of the past.

 

 

Thursday, Oct 14-04

 

Kendo training. The sempai takes the course. I feel ultra-relaxed. We do kirikaeshi, uchi-waza, defences against men and kote, then 30 minutes ji-geiko.

It's a good, physical session. At the end we do ippon shiai geiko. I fence against the sempai. It's over in about 30 seconds and I don't feel like I get into the fight at all. I have two problems.

1. Before the fight I think 'How will I handle him?' Why bother thinking? If I have to think it is too late. 

2. Puny kiai. He can attack me with 100% confidence. I need to bring that down to 95% or lower. Outwardly I need to be strong while inwardly staying calm. 

The plus side is that my attacks are coming from further away. I am actually hitting tsuki 20% of the time and kaeshi-do about the same. 

My wife has also started suburi in preparation for a return to kendo next year. I give her 3 sets of 30 to do. As I am changing my daughter she says, 'OK, I am going to do my suburi.' My heart FREEZES!

'No. No. Don't do it' I want to say. 

 

 

Day 133: Friday, Oct 15-04

 

I start my suburi late - I am getting slightly sick of finishing at 11pm. 

As I move forward I think of pointing the toes on my right foot, almost like a dancer. It makes it easier to glide forwards and retain good balance. I can't think of any similar image for going back.

The suburi pass quickly and I am delighted to finish.

 

 

Day 134: Saturday, Oct 16-04

 

My wife and I rush around doing our weekend chores. Against this background the suburi become comparatively enjoyable. 

 

 

Day 135: Sunday, Oct 17-04

 

I drag my aged relatives across the hills in the teeth of blustery winds and driving rain. 

I do my suburi late in the evening again. I can hear my daughter screaming in the other room. Should I go and help my wife? I don't.

I have no particular insights to record. 

 

 

Day 136: Monday, Oct 18-04

 

I come home late and I stay home. There is something addictive about holding a warm bundle of baby under one arm. It is quite another thing to eat spaghetti in this position.

I do another 1000 suburi, thinking about nothing; occasionally checking that my right foot is doing its job. 

I find it harder and harder to write this diary. What can I say, other than I did a little bit more today? 

It is equally difficult to quantify how the suburi effect my life. Having said that, the other day someone asked me if I was getting my daughter christened.

I replied I wasn't because, although I believed in God, I didn't follow any particular religion. I didn't mean to sound clever, but I articulated a feeling that has been growing for a few months.  

Of course, you might argue that you find what you look for, and you may be right. 

And then today I reread the introduction to Noma-sensei's kendo primer:

'Therefore, simply put, I like to think that the highest aim of humanity is to make this place (world) a better place in accordance with the will of the highest and almighty. And although it may be necessary to view Kendo from various angles, in the end by attaching the value of Kendo to the highest aims of humanity we will, I believe, be adding the more to the achievement of the quest.'

I like all of the sentiments expressed in this passage. 

 

 

Day 137: Tuesday, Oct 19-04

 

I start the suburi at 10.45 - this is getting ridiculous. 

All I am thinking about are my feet, particularly maintaining the same space between them. 

If I look at pictures on the web of European kendoka it is not unusual to see them with their feet far apart and bent alarmingly at the knees - I should know, at 186 cm this is often my problem. 

I think about my left foot too, especially going backwards. I think the trick is to keep the heel a couple of centimetres off the floor, but I find myself using my heel as a fulcrum for pulling my body back.

In some ways I can't wait for this challenge to be over so that I can lead a normal life again, never having to get out of bed at midnight to make 1000 cuts. 

 

 

Day 138: Wednesday, Oct 20-04

 

I start the suburi at 11.45. Everyone else is alseep and I am practicing tenouchi like a mad thing.

I practice small cuts - sashi-men, sashi-kote-men etc. I do about half the cuts using only my left hand. I realise two things for the first time:

- the left hand really has to work! It thrusts forwards regardless of the target, then makes the cut assisted by the right as a sort of fulcrum. 

- The more renzoku-waza you do the more important precise and controlled strikes become. 

Elementary stuff, I suppose, but essential if I am ever going to meet my aim of being able to make all attacks - whether going forwards or backwards - as competent and effective as each other.

 

 

Thursday, Oct 21-04

 

My first kendo training for a week. I go in feeling relaxed but a little out of practice.

We do the bokuto-keiko kata. I find it difficult to strike calmly. I seem to be panicking a bit. I do one nice men - good distance, tenouchi, timing - but I think it was a fluke.

I notice that my kensen still proscribes large circles, while my partners is tightly focused on the centre.

We do lots of kihon. At one stage we are instructed to strike men ippon with our partners trying to remain in a strong kamae. It is difficult not to let thought intrude into an action which, lets face it, should be perfectly natural by now.

We do ji-geiko. I fence with my teacher, who requests sanpon shobu. It's over in about 2 minutes. I came a close second. The frustrating thing is that  I fumbled some good opportunities. 

The plus side is that I could 'refuse' his attack a couple of times, and push forward for my own. 

We do demo geiko. I think I will be called up, but I am not. I cream my next opponent, a burly 2kyu, who had the misfortune to get all my built-up energy.

At the end of the lesson sometime extremely bizarre happened. During the practice 5 or so skinny ninja-wannabe's had come into the dojo carrying shinais. I assumed they were there to try kendo for the first time. 

They watched the lesson, and at the end apparently one started warming up. (I didn't see any of this). They went up to my teacher and first of all cast aspersions on his ability to teach, then asked him out for a fight!!!

But refusing to be needled by their comments, teacher said to them, 'You're right, I can't teach. You need to be 70 or 80 years old to teach properly. I am only 5th dan and I am still learning', or words to that effect. 

When he told me what had happened I was very annoyed, but I think he handled the situation brilliantly If it had been me I would have allowed myself to be goaded into an inappropriate reaction.) 

Here is a man who has taught kendo five times a week single-handedly for about 15 or 20 years, captained his national team, extremely generous to beginners who faces down a bunch of smirking adolescents intent on violence with the words 'Yes, you're right, I can't teach very well.' 

I will remember this lesson.

 

 

Day 139: Friday, Oct 22-04

 

I must stop doing the suburi at 11.30 and whizzing through them to get them finished as soon as possible! This is is defeating the whole purpose of the exercise.

 

 

Day 140: Saturday, Oct 23-04

 

I take my naughty daughter for a two-hour shopping expedition. She is a terrible flirt, making herself the centre of attention seemingly without effort. 

I do my suburi when I get home. I am still doing kirikaeshi almost exclusively. I concentrate on keeping my feet the same distance apart and not destabilizing myself. I believe this to be the basis of renzoku-waza.  

Towards the end I do 100 katate-men just for kicks. 

I must try and get out more.

 

 

Day 141: Sunday, Oct 24-04

 

A walk through a forest and then suburi. 

Will I never be free?

 

 

Monday, Oct 25-04

 

Kendo training - time to put into practice all the things I have been working on, and to find some new problems.

I lead half the class through some very sketchy kihon keiko kata. Then we do 90 hayasuburi for laughs.

We practice all the usual basics before moving onto seme.

I am in a group of three. We do seme as if going to strike men, but striking kote, seme as if striking kote but striking men then seme as if striking men, attacking kote then tsuki. This last one is hardest of all.

I realise you really do need to move from the hips to get this right, sliding the right foot forward to create pressure, pressing forward with the kensen. I realise that my previous attempts have been with the upper body only. 

I also realise that I am still proscribing huge circles with my kensen. I remember watching an all Japan Championship match between a 4th dan and a 6th dan. The 6th dan's kensen never moved beyond an area roughly the size of the circle you can make by joining together your thumbs and index fingers. 

I fence with a nidan, then with my teacher. It feels good and our ippon-shobu lasts longer than the traditional 20 seconds. I even manage to get a men of him using seme. 

I fence with a sho- soon to be nidan who came back from Japan. I think he is over his exhaustion as he was pinging around the place. I find a new trick. If do is blocked I do hiki-men, reversing at an angle of 90 degrees from the original line of attack. 

Finally I fence with another sprightly shodan who shows me up pretty quickly. I am tired and my feet do not remain evenly spaced. I am off-balance and can't do fast counter-attacks. It's a bit of a mess. 

Between now and Thursday I am going to concentrate on moving from my hips. 

It's always the same old problems, isn't it. 

 

 

Day 142: Tuesday, Oct 26-04

 

I zip through my suburi when I get in from work. I have the feeling I have been here before. You know, a sense of deja vu?

I wish I could say I have some deep insights, but truthfully my head fills up with some pretty stupid thoughts - Maybe I should webcam a session? Maybe I should webcam my last session? Maybe I should webcam every session and try and get as many people as possible to do suburi...

My wife wanders around halfway through. I kiss my daughter a few times. 

Normal life. 

 

 

Day 143: Wednesday, Oct 27-04

 

I start relatively early and plough through. I count through them, quietly pleased with the efficiency of my movements relative to when I started. They are still no where near perfect, but I might be able to watch a video of my kendo without completely cringing!

 

 

Thursday, Oct 28-04

 

Kendo training. I leave nursing a broken ego. I am CREAMED by a sempai. I have sudden empathy for all the beginners. 

This weekend is a competition. I will not be able to post for at least 10 days after this, but will continue training. 

See you in mid-November.

 

 

Day 144: Friday, Oct 29-04

 

Suburi, then preparation for the competition tomorrow. I feel very laid back about things. The biggest stress is not seeing my wife an daughter. 

 

 

Saturday, Oct 30 - Sunday, Oct 31-04

 

We go to a weekend competition in our normal chaotic and ramshackle way. It is great fun. I bump into my team accidentally on the platform.

I consider how I felt on Thursday - despairing - and resolve not to feel that way again this weekend. 

In the team competition, our 1st team comes second and the 2nd team makes it to the last 8. We end up in the medals in the various individual competitions too, myself included. 

My teacher admonishes me for not exploding into attacks. He also says I need to adapt my kendo to the opponent, not just hacking away with the same attack again and again. 

I leave the competition with these things to chew on. 

Of course, I am pleased we did well, but this is only a small part of the journey.