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rww:
SIMON SEZ
(The scene opens up inside a retirement home. We see Scott "The Boy" Hellings, wearing a track suit,
standing amongst a group of elderly people. RWW reporter Pamela Paulshock walks up to The Boy)
PAULSHOCK-
"Scott! What are you doing here?"
HELLINGS-
"I shouldn't even respond to that question. Cause you know what? You aren't worth my time! If I was looking for a hooker, than you would be the first I would talk to. But I don't need a hooker, I can get any woman whenever I want! Believe me. But what I need right now is someone to follow me around. Someone to record my every move."
PAULSHOCK-
"That's what I'm here for. The office sent me to get an interview with you."
HELLINGS-
"Don't they have anyone better? You spend most of your time talking to lower level talent like the Chris Cripplers and the Lancelots out there. I'm the Canadian Legend and The One and Only UBERstar, dammit! I deserve the greatest freakin' interviewer of all time!"
PAULSHOCK-
"Look, do you want to do this or not?"
HELLINGS-
"Of course I do! If you're the best the office has, then you'll have to do. But rest assured, I'll be having a conversation with my good friends Mr. Slater and Mr. Gamble about hiring someone more appropriate for a star of my calibre. But yes, you'll do for now. I need someone to document me. Soon, I will be all over TV screens across the entire world, once I beat Simon Phoenix this week and go on to beat Stupac for the TV Title. And aside from that, I need to do this for all my fans, all The Boy Scouts out there. They care about me and I care about them."
PAULSHOCK-(sarcastic)
"Lucky them."
HELLINGS-
"Are you here to insult The Boy are or are you here to do your damn job?"
PAULSHOCK-
"Sorry. Now then, what are you doing here in a retirement home?"
HELLINGS-
"Now don't you or anyone else go and jump to conclusions. 'Cause as much as all my opponents in RWW would like it, I'm not here to check in. I'm not a resident. No, no, no, I'm here for a purpose. You see, first and foremost, I was scoping out this place for someone else. Because once I take out my old buddy Stupac and take that precious TV Title away from him, he'll be done. His career will be over! If he doesn't leave because of a bruised ego, he'll be leaving because I'll MAKE him retire! And since Stu and I go way back, I thought I would make sure he gets the best residence possible."
PAULSHOCK-
"Don't you have to go through Simon Phoenix first to get that title shot?"
HELLINGS-
"Right you are Patty! You're not a just a pretty face, are you? Believe me, I know how that feels. People look at The Boy and they assume I'm just a pretty boy. Of course I am, but they fail to see the brain behind this chiseled physique. So you're not alone there, The Boy knows how it feels. But I have another reason to be here and it is because of Simon Phoenix. Just like I finished saying, I'm a smart guy. I'm a freakin' genius! So, I like to focus on the mental aspect of competition. I like to study up on my opponent so I know what to expect when I enter that ring. And I hear that this place has a special group program here every week."
PAULSHOCK-
"What's that?"
HELLINGS-
"The game Simon Says, of course! I'm here to play this game so that I can get in Simon Phoenix's head."
PAULSHOCK-
"You're kidding, right?"
HELLINGS-
"I don't joke around, I'm serious."
PAULSHOCK-
"How did you work this deal out?"
HELLINGS-
"I have a stack of contracts from the RWW offices which allow me to do certain things other guys don't get to. That's just one of the many advantages of being a star."
PAULSHOCK-
"Are you really going to go through with this?"
HELLINGS-
"Of course I am! And you're gonna do it with me."
PAULSHOCK-
"No I'm not."
HELLINGS-
"Yes you are. (Pulls a piece of paper out his pocket and hands it to Pamela Paulshock). I have a contract saying you will."
PAULSHOCK-
"Is this legally binding?"
HELLINGS-
"You know it. Come on, get ready, the game's about to begin."
(One of the residents, an elderly old lady, stands at the front of the room. She is the events coordinator and she grabs a microphone)
COORDINATOR-
"Hello everyone. Welcome to today's game. We have a special guest with us. A nice young man named Scott. Say hello to everyone Scott."
(The Boy walks up to the front of the room and snatches the microphone out of the woman's hand.)
HELLINGS-
"Hey everybody! I'm The Boy, but you all probably knew that anyway. I'll sign a few autographs afterwards. So don't ask during the game; I need to focus. And as a side, don't anyone die on me here today. The Boy doesn't like being around dead things cause it smells. Oh, that's another thing, don't anyone touch me. You all smell like formadelhyde and you all have weird old-people diseases. And I don't need all that bringing me down right now. So please, remember I'm a celebrity and I don't like to be touched."
(The Boy waves to his "adoring crowd" and then returns to his spot amongst the residents. The events coordinator begins the game.)
COORDINATOR-
"Okay, here we go! Simon says: touch your nose!"
(Some of the old people are literally alseep on their feet and have thus been dropped out of the game. Several staff members help them to their rooms. Several others actually do as they are told, including Pamela. The Boy, however, just stands there.)
PAULSHOCK-
"Scott, you're supposed to touch your nose. She told you to."
HELLINGS-
"You're forgetting Patty, The Boy doesn't just do something because someone told him to! I'm far too important to take orders from someone like her!"
(One of the staff members walks up to The Boy and tries to get him to sit down)
STAFF MEMBER-
"Excuse me sir, you have to sit down. You are out of the game."
HELLINGS-
"What did you say? No I am not out of the game! Do you know who I am? I am The Boy! You, or anyone else for that matter, doesn't tell me what to do! Besides, I'm important and I deserve special treatment. Consider this round a freebie if you have to."
(The staff member shrugs his shoulders and walks off)
COORDINATOR-
"Alright, get ready for round two!"
HELLINGS-
"I can win Patty, I can feel it!"
PAULSHOCK-
"What makes you say that?"
HELLINGS-
"I always win!"
PAULSHOCK-(under her breath)
"You didn't win at Blaze of Glory"
HELLINGS-
"What was that?"
PAULSHOCK-
"Nothing. Can you really brag about beating a bunch of old people?"
HELLINGS-
"Sure, why not? Some of these people here may be old, but they're wiry. Besides, I'm pretty sure the guy next to me is Legend Inc."
PAULSHOCK-
"I doubt it."
HELLINGS-
"Either him or Big Daddy Bruce then."
COORDINATOR-
"Alright, touch your elbow."
(No one touches their elbow, except The Boy)
PAULSHOCK-
"You're out now. You weren't supposed to touch your elbow. She didn't say 'Simon says.' "
HELLINGS-
"What? No, I think you're mistaken. I'm not out, I'm never out."
STAFF MEMBER-
"No sir, you're out."
HELLINGS-
"Hey! I thought you told you before! I'm The Boy, I don't need you telling me what to do punk! You go back to emptying bedpans and you leave me to do what I do best: win!"
PAULSHOCK-
"Scott, I think maybe you should just give up."
HELLINGS-
"No way, The Boy never gives up."
(An elderly man turns to The Boy)
MAN-
"Excuse me! You're out of the game! You touched your elbow! Now sit down and shut up!"
HELLINGS-
"I don't think so old timer! I'm still alive in the game! I didn't touch my elbow! You're probably all confused or something. Don't worry, that happens when you get old. You get all crazy and you start making stuff up. Kinda like how Legend Inc thinks he is some huge star and that he can have a greater comeback than me, The Boy!"
MAN-
"What?"
HELLINGS-
"You see? You already forgot what I just said! Go on and sit your ass down, I think you need to go play some more Boggle or Scrabble or whatever you old people do. You need to get your head straight."
MAN-
"Now you listen to me! Back in my day..."
HELLINGS-
"You know what? I don't have time for this! Excuse me! This man bit me! Someone get him out of here! He needs medication!"
(The staff member from before drags the old man off. The commotion causes a bit of confusion amongst the rest of the residents, which creates a pause in the game)
PAULSHOCK-
"Scott, what did you do that for?"
HELLINGS-
"It's for the best Patty! The old guy couldn't remember anything! He's just like Simon Phoenix, he can't remember anything from one minute to the next! Simon Phoenix has asked at least 27 times in the last few weeks who I am. Does he not remember? Does he have more pressing things on his mind? You know what I think my problem is? I'm in Rampage World Wrestling and not any other federation! The guy is too busy wandering around talking how great all these other federations are that he forgot that he has his own business to take care of. Simon Phoenix can't remember who I am? Well let me tell you something, I've been here a lot longer than he has! I'm more successful than he can ever hope to be! In fact, I bet if he didn't have the attention span of a two-year-old, he would know who I am and he would lie awake at night, wishing he could be more like me. And I wouldn't blame him, if I were him, I would want to be me too! Me? I'm here trying to learn to be more like him, but I don't even think it's worth it! The guy is not worth my time! Like I've said before, I've beaten the best and now I'm back to beat all the rest. And Simon Phoenix is far from the best. Simon Phoenix is a wannabe. As far as I'm concerned, Simon Phoenix is just a road block on my way to success. He can't stop me...no one can!"
PAULSHOCK-
"Well if you do get past Simon Phoenix this week you'll have to take on Stupac. Stu has certainly given you problems in the past."
HELLINGS-
"Not exactly. Look at my all-time wins/loss record against Stupac and you'll see that I have the advantage. I will have the upperhand against Stu, just like I'll have the upperhand against Phoenix on Friday. I'm superior physically and mentally and there is no way anyone can beat me. I know it, you know, the whole damn world knows it!"
PAULSHOCK-
"Well, I don't think you should be over-confident. I mean, at Blaze of Glory...."
HELLINGS-(Angered)
"Blaze of Glory doesn't count! I wanted Stupac to myself and instead they threw that idiot Simon Phoenix into the mix. That guy keeps getting in my way and I'm not gonna take it anymore! After this week, I promise you Simon Phoenix will think twice, no! He'll think things over three, four, five times before he ever considers getting in my way ever again!"
(Everything seems to be back in order and the game looks as though it is back on.)
COORDINATOR-
"Alright everyone, we're ready to continue now I think."
HELLINGS-
"You know what? I've had it with this, this is stupid!"
PAULSHOCK-
"Where are you going?"
(The Boy gets up and walks to the front of the room and grabs the microphone)
HELLINGS-
"Okay everyone, change of plans. I'm tired of this game moving along at a pace slower than a Lex Luger match. So I am taking control of this game and I am now in control, alright? The Boy wants to get out of here sometime this week, so he's moving things along. I really don't want to be here anymore. You hang around a place like this too long, people will start to talk, they'll start thinking I need to pick up some viagra or something. And believe me, The Boy's boy is working in perfect condition! Besides, this whole place reminds of that movie Cocoon and it is giving me the creeps! So, first off, Scott says...."
(He is cut off by the events coordinator)
COORDINATOR-
"Excuse me, the game is called Simon Says"
HELLINGS-
"Not anymore it isn't. Simon Phoenix is a no one, he doesn't deserve a game named after him. Me? I'm so damn great they named a whole country after me-Scotland! Besides, after Friday, no one will ever care about a damn word that loser Simon Phoenix has to say."
COORDINATOR-
"Who are you talking about?"
HELLINGS-
"Nevermind. It doesn't matter and I'm not gonna waste my time explaining it to you, so shut up. Now then, Scott says: jump up and down."
(Only two people are capable of completing the task: Pamela Paulshock and one other elderly woman.)
HELLINGS-
"You see how much faster things move when you make it difficult? Thanks to me, this game is almost done. You see what I'm talking about Pamela? Everything I do, I excel at. Simon Phoenix is going to find that out this week, and Stupac is going to be reminded of it soon, oh so very soon! You know why? Because I am The Boy and that truly does mean I am The Best!"
PAULSHOCK-
"Scott, are we just about done here?"
HELLINGS-
"We sure are. Scott says, touch your toes."
(This time only Pamela performs the task, forcing the other woman out of the game)
PAULSHOCK-
"There, are we done yet?"
HELLINGS-
"Don't jump the gun yet Patty! You got to prove yourself to me! You gotta prove that you're a winner like The Boy! I got one more task for you to do!"
PAULSHOCK-
"Fine. Get it over with."
HELLINGS-
"Scott says: take off your top."
(Pamela refuses to do the task. Instead, the other old lady who was just eliminated does as she is told, opening up her robe with her back to the camera. The Boy's face is frozen in shock and disgust and he turns around to vomit into a trash can.)
PAULSHOCK-
"I guess I'm not a winner."
(The Boy is still hunched over the trash can and looking quite queezy)
HELLINGS-
"I'll show the world that I'm a winner on Friday. I'll beat Simon Phoenix and then I'll go on to take out Stupac. That's a promise Patty."
(The Boy vomits again. Pamela Paulshock shakes her head in disbelief and then walks off as the scene fades to black)
  
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