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rww:
THE BOY HOLDS A PRESS CONFERENCE
(The scene opens up inside a large conference hall in a fancy hotel. We Scott "The Boy"
Hellings enter the shot and take a seat behind a large table. In front of him is a microphone
and he begins to speak.)
HELLINGS-
"I want to thank you all for coming to this press conference. I'm sorry if there aren't enough
seats, so some of you might have to stand."
(The camera pans over to where the press is sitting.
There are only three people there: RWW reporter Michael Cole, a man who is fast asleep
and another unidentified reporter.)
HELLINGS-
"First off, I just want to let you all know I will be contacting my lawyers soon to persue a lawsuit against El Hombre. It
is quite obvious that by calling himself The Man he is simply trying to rip me off. It's like he was in the old WCW
or something and his gimmick was to rip me off! Well I'm not gonna take it!
That being said, I know you all must be dying to ask me, your number one contender, a number of questions. So, fire away."
(The camera pans over to show Michael Cole frantically waving his arm in the air. The other reporter is just
staring ahead with a blank expression on his face. Hellings pretends to ignore Cole
and then finally acknowledges him.)
HELLINGS-
"Yes, you Michael...I guess."
COLE-
"Okay. Um...is this a joke?"
HELLINGS-
"Of course not! I assumed that my adoring fans must be dying to hear from their number one
contender who, come the 25th will be crowned World Champion! Now then, if you have any questions you want to ask me, please
go ahead. Next question."
(Hellings takes a sip from a glass of water that he has sitting in front of him. The camera once again shows just Cole with
his arm in the air. The other reporter is just sitting still. The Boy pretends not to see Cole at first once again, but
then finally "notices him.")
HELLINGS-
"Yes, Michael Cole?"
COLE-
"Do I really have to be here? I mean, I'm supposed to be interviewing Bombtrack on the other side of town. I should really be
over there and actually doing some work."
HELLINGS-
"Bombtrack? No one cares about him! The people care about winners, people like me! Besides, Bombtrack lost to Killer
Instinct, he doesn't deserve recognition! Next question."
COLE-
"Okay, I suppose I will humour you. So on Friday Fire you face Big E: what sort of things are you doing to prepare for
that match?"
HELLINGS-
"First off, you better remember to raise your hand first and have me acknowledge you before you ask your question, okay? Now then, you asked me about preparation? I don't need to prepare! I am The Boy and that means I am The Best! Besides, I have faced Big E far too many
times and I have showed him again and again that I am just that much better than he is! In fact, I must admit that I am quite disappointed with this
match."
COLE-
"Why is that?"
HELLINGS-
"Because this is a non-title match! Big E didn't throw his Hardcore Title over that bridge because he didn't want Killer Instinct
to win it! You, Michael Cole, could beat Killer Instinct with both hands tied behind your back! No, Big E threw that title
into the water because he KNEW he was going to have to face me. He didn't want me to take away his precious title. He knows
I am better than him and I would show him tha,t even though he claims to be a (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'hardcore icon,'
that I could pick him apart! In fact, that is why Tommy and Stupac are not here with me right now."
COLE-
"What do you mean? Where are they?"
HELLINGS-
"If you don't start raising your hand I will
have you kicked out, Michael! At least let me know who you are and what organization you are from."
(There is an awkward pause).
HELLINGS-
"Well? Are you going to do it or not?"
COLE-
"Do I really have to?"
HELLINGS-
"I need to know who I'm talking to and for what reason. This is a big room and I don't just answer anyone's questions. So?"
COLE-
"Uh...Michael Cole, of Rampage..."
HELLINGS-
"I know who you are! Stop wasting my valuable time and get one with it!"
COLE-
"Oh, sorry."
HELLINGS-
"Shut up! This is MY conference, not yours! Now, as for your question: Stu and Tommy are currently searching the river bed for the RWW Hardcore Title, so that
my match with Big E could be a title match! Look, I am going to need some gold around my waist again so I can be prepared for my eventual World
Title victory at Temptation!"
COLE-
"But Big E claims he is no longer the Hardcore Champion!"
HELLINGS-
"Need I remind you Big E is currently fighting with Killer Instinct over the honour of Wendy's dead founder Dave Thomas? It makes it a little
hard to take him serious, you know? So, no, I don't listen to anything he says. In my mind, he's still the champ. And, truth be told, my opinion matters more because I'm the superior being here."
COLE-
"Oh. Well if Tommy and Stu are looking for the title, where is Damon Gest then?"
HELLINGS-
"I am not going to warn you again about raising your hand Cole! All these people (the camera pans to show Cole, the other
reporter and the sleeping man once again)
have questions they want me to answer, so you had better not be greedy! Anyway...Damon is currently too busy acting like some stupid
giddy little school boy ever since he heard Panteragal is giving him a chance. He was in no condition to aid the search for the Hardcore
Title because this is a VERY serious mission. Next question."
(Once again Cole waves his arm in the air. Hellings doesn't even look up this time, hanging his head in shame for a moment. Finally, he glance up and points to Cole.)
COLE-
"What about Mr. Style Jay Zee? You faced him on Monday and..."
HELLINGS-
"Look, Jay Zee is not a concern for me right now. He can talk all he wants about how I ruined PSI, but the fact is that I, along
with my fellow PSI members, have taken PSI to a place where it could never have been with Jay at the reigns. And the place
we have soared to? Well, we took the eleveator all the way to the top, right to the penthouse! I am the number one contender, I should not have to worry about a guy like Jay running around
trying to make my life miserable! He is not the number one contender and he never will be! It is just like when we trained
up in Canada; I was better than him then and I am better than him now. When I finish off Mercy I will come after Jay Zee and
take him out once and for all! Until then, my mind if focused on one thing - the World Title! Next question."
(Cole spastically raises his arm in the air once again. However, this time the other reporter also has his hand raised. The Boy
points to him, enthused.)
REPORTER-
"Just one question: is this not where they are holding the Britney Spears press conference? Should I be somewhere else?"
COLE-
"Britney is having a press conference?"
(Michael Cole gets out of his chair and heads toward the door.)
HELLINGS-
"Sit down Cole! What in the HELLings do you care about Britney Spears for? You want to go to her press conference? Let me summarize it for you:
(Talking in a girly voice) 'Um...my music has evolved SO MUCH (Hellings coughs to emphasize his point that the music is awful and hasn't changed at all) and I think you should all buy my cd! I just
don't want people to treat me like a little girl! I'm still a virgin. No, really I am. Trust me. Oh, and uh....drink
Pepsi!' There! That is the entire Britney press conference for you in, like, twenty seconds! Happy? It's the same stupid,
trash she has been saying for years! Meanwhile, I am not getting the respect I deserve over here! I am the number one
contender and the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time! I deserve some respect!"
REPORTER-
"Right. So where is Britney holding her conference then?"
HELLINGS-
"Get outta here!"
(The man gets up and leaves. Michael Cole shouts after him.)
COLE-
"Say hi to Britney for me! Get me some pictures!"
HELLINGS-
"Next question!"
COLE-
"Oh! Pick me!"
HELLINGS-
"I see you, I see you. What do you want to know this time?"
COLE-
"Well, do you have any words for Mercy, the man you will face at Temptation?"
HELLINGS-
"I could say many things to Mercy, but I won't. You see, I think actions speak louder than words. And on Monday Gold
I took Mercy out! Before the entire world, I pinned the beloved World Champion - just as I will do at Temptation! And
thenm and only then, will Rampage World Wrestling finally have a REAL champion! Aside from my good friend Stupac, there has never been a man
worthy of wearing that title around his waist! But that will soon change."
COLE-
"You don't think Mercy is a worthy champion?"
HELLINGS-
"Mercy is pathetic! He can't keep anything for a sustained amount of time! The first time Mercy ever won the World
Title was at Devil's Night. Within a week he lost it! How about the tag titles? He and Big E actually lost to Chris Crippler,
a man who makes less sense than Sycho Sid! And Crippler's partner was noneother than Ace No-one-gives-a-damn-about-him-because-he-sucks-so-damned-much Slaughter!
Or look at his relationships! They're hard to avoid; he whines about
them all the time! In fact, I'm pretty sure that sleeping guy over there slipped into his coma after hearing Mercy cut a promo! Look, he used to be aligned with Rob Gamble - for about 27 seconds and then that ended. And what about his
brother? He and Homicidal Terrahawk had their so-called epic feud with each other. (Hellings shudders at the thought
of that encounter). And now we have Pamela. She would rather be with Rob Gamble than Mercy! She can't keep her hands off
Rob! So why does Mercy keep losing those things that matter most to him? Because some people are natural born losers.
I, on the other hand, am a winner. I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it! You see, when you bet on The Boy, it's money in the bank! And after Temptation you will all realize
that! I bet you are looking forward to seeing my match, aren't you Mick?"
COLE-
"Well, I guess. But I really want to see Lancelot's match against himself!"
HELLINGS-
"Someone actually authorized that? Who is running this damn company?"
(Just then Stupac and MC Tommy Dee burst into the room)
STUPAC-
"Sorry dude. We couldn't find the title."
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Yeah. We thought we found Dan Coil's personality while we down there though."
STUPAC-
"Yeah, but it turned out to be a tire."
HELLINGS-
"Too bad. Listen, we should go guys, I have things to do. Besides, we might as well let Cole here go to his Britney press conference."
MC TOMMY DEE-
"That was today?"
COLE-
"Yeah, I know! I can't believe I'm missing it!"
HELLINGS-
"Hey! You missed it because you were busy with MY press conference! That's FAR more important!"
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Do you think we could still make it?"
COLE-
"I hope so! Come on!"
(MC Tommy Dee and Michael Cole rush out of the room, leaving The Boy and Stupac behind.)
HELLINGS-
"Britney Spears?"
STUPAC-
"You never know, it might be fun. Besides, you can make fun of her if you want."
HELLINGS-
"Yeah. But there will be a lot of little kids hanging around that hotel. I hate kids, they always look at me like they can peer into my soul. It's creepy. Also, they smell."
STUPAC-
"Well then, FACE YOUR FEARS!"
HELLINGS-
"I hate you."
(The two leave the shot to catch up with Cole and Dee. The camera pans over to show the man who is still sleeping. Fade to
black.)
  
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