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PSI OF THE ROUND TABLE
(The scene opens up with the camera focusing on a large banner that says "Welcome To Ye Olde
Medieval Faire." The camera pans down and we see PSI.)
STUPAC-
"Dude, why did you drag us here?"
HELLINGS-
"I know I need to get inside my opponent's head for a match! If I'm going to beat Lancelot
I have to know where he's coming from. The last time I faced him, we went to England and that did
nothing for me! Granted, he cheated, but I still need to step it up another notch and get inside his
head."
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Besides, Stu, it'll be fun! This so totally rules!"
HELLINGS-
"It does?"
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Yeah, this reminds me of that movie 'A Knight's Tale'!"
HELLINGS-
"I hate you."
STUPAC-
"Are you sure this will help?"
HELLINGS-
"Hey, if nothing else I need some questions answered. You know what? I've been doing some
reading and it would seem as though our little friend Lancelot hasn't been entirely truthful with us!'
DAMON GEST-
"What have you heard Scottycalifradgilisticexpealidocious?"
HELLINGS-
"It seems Lancelot is actually an imposter! The real Lancelot died in 573! If you ask me, we got a
fraud! This is the worse case of fradualent identity since Fake Diesel!"
MC TOMMY DEE-
"NEVER bring up Diesel again! I was just beginning to forget about him!"
(Tommy shudders).
STUPAC-
"Hey! Wasn't Lancelot at a gym with Kevin Nash in his last promo?"
HELLINGS-
"Hey yeah, that's right! Seems to me like we have a little conspiracy on our hands boys. I think we should
go in and investigate!"
(The four men enter the fair grounds when they are met by a young man, dressed as squire at the entrance gates).
KID-(Sounding, bored and surly)
"Hear ye, hear ye! By order of the King, I decree thee to have a great time! Don't forget to visit ye olde beer
grounds on thou way out."
(They continue to talk as they walk around the grounds).
HELLINGS-
"I guess it's good to know that Big E has something to fall back on, once he's outta work. Which can't come soon enough, I might add! But once it does finally happen, he can be the dorky guy at the gate!"
MC TOMMY DEE-
"I don't know, being the entrance lacky at medieval fairs probably isn't hardcore enough for Big E."
HELLINGS-
"Yeah, whatever. As soon as he loses that Hardcore Title, I'm sure people will realise how much he sucks and he'll be gone!"
STUPAC-
"I don't know though, that guy seems pretty attached to that title. I'm sure he would stop at nothing to keep it!"
DAMON GEST-
"Obssessive about a beltganza? That sounds kinda familiar-ific."
STUPAC-
"Oh, by the way Scott, I took your IC Title to get polished yesterday when I took my title in."
HELLINGS-(With a crazed look in his eyes)
"You touched my belt?!"
(A possible confrontation is avoided when Damon walks right into a large rock with a sword in it.)
DAMON GEST-
"Scoreopoly! A swordtation!"
(Damon pulls the sword out of the rock. A siren goes off and suddenly actor Martin Lawrence appears.)
MARTIN LAWRENCE-
"Hey man, way to go! You are the first one to successfully pull Excalibur out of the sword! That means you have just won two tickets
to see my new movie, 'Black Knight'!"
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Who are you?"
MARTIN LAWRENCE-
"I'm Martin Lawrence! (They all meet him with blank stares.) You know, from 'Big Momma's House'!"
DAMON GEST-
"You made that? You bastardoppatomus!"
(Damon rushes Lawrence and bashes his head into the rock and applies Legatosis.)
MC TOMMY DEE-(Putting his hand on Hellings' shoulder)
"We should go."
HELLINGS-
"Yeah, Damon's probably gonna be pretty busy."
STUPAC-
"So far this has been pretty useless, dude."
HELLINGS-
"Give it time!"
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Alright well you boys have fun, I'm off to find The Holy Grail."
STUPAC-
"Hey isn't that what The Knights of The Round Table searched for?"
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Yeah, so?"
HELLINGS-
"You're no knight buddy."
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Well, we are all sorta knights in the RWW. We're sorta...PSI Of The Round Table!"
STUPAC-
"I hate you."
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Hey, it works! And you know what else? Not only are we knights, we are the knights who say 'NI!' "
HELLINGS-
"So help me, if I hear one more Monty Python reference I will kill you."
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Whatever. I'm off to find The Holy Grail!"
(Tommy leaves. Stu and The Boy wonder over to where some bleachers. The crowd is getting watching a jousting competition. The two men charge at each other
with their horses. One man knocks over the other and wins the contest. A announcer then comes over the PA system.)
ANNOUNCER-
"And that is the final competition of the day. The finals will be tomorrow."
STUPAC-
"Dude! You know what that means, don't you?"
HELLINGS-
"No, what?"
STUPAC-(Trying not to laugh)
"We just saw The Last Joust! Get it? Lancelot's finisher? HAHAHHAHA!!!!"
(As Stu breaks out into uncontrollable laughter Hellings get to his feet.)
HELLINGS-
"I'm going now. And by the way, I hate you."
(The Boy walks off, as does Stupac. Stu walks over to a sign on the front of tent that reads 'Authentic Medieval Feast, Only $2.99!' He smiles and walks into the tent.)
STUPAC-
"That's it! This totally sucks! This is not a medieval feast! You wanna see medieval? I'm gonna have to get medieval on one of you guys for such a crappy meal! $2.99? What a ripoff!"
(One of the festival workers walks over to Stu.)
MAN-
"Excuse me, sir. I'm terribly sorry that you are not pleased with the meal. However, I'm gonna have to ask you to settle down."
STUPAC-
"Are you really?"
MAN-
"Yes, please stay calm, sir. I can refund your money if you want."
STUPAC-
"Yeah? You know what? I challenge thee to a duel!"
(Stu grabs a pair of workgloves on a nearby table and slap the man across the face with them.)
MAN-
"Sir, I do not want to fight you."
STUPAC-
"Yeah? Well then Face Your Fears!"
(Stupac picks the man up and delivers The Fear Factor right through the table of food. A bunch of security officials rush over to break up the fight and check on the man. The scene cuts to where Scott
"The Boy" Hellings is seen walking up to a man dressed as a knight. The man is working the information tent.)
HELLINGS-
"Excuse me, I'm glad I caught you. I need to ask a favor."
KNIGHT-
"Certainly."
HELLINGS-
"Listen, I know you're a knight and all and I need you to do something for me. I know this woman, I think she's a witch! I know how you hate witches! Anyway, she seems to have given
her fiance the power to make people ill, she MUST be a witch!"
KNIGHT-
"Uh, sir, I'm not REALLY a knight. It's just a costume and, besides, the witch hunt would not be seen for several more years!"
HELLINGS-
"Oh I see. You're trying to weasel out of it! Well listen, pal, I've done some reading and I know that you HAVE to go after this woman!"
KNIGHT-
"Sir you don't understand..."
HELLINGS-
"No, YOU don't understand! I know that one of the tens codes of behavior that all knights must live by is to 'wage unceasing and merciless war against all that
is evil!' If a guy running around making people intentionally making people sick isn't evil, I don't know what is!"
KNIGHT-
"But sir..."
HELLINGS-
"Have you learned nothing from (making quotations marks with his fingers) 'The Plague?' You, sir, are a coward!"
KNIGHT-
"Hey! I..."
(Hellings doesn't wait for an answer. He just picks the man up by the throat and delivers The Chokeslam to HELLings. Several security guards come by and drag Hellings away. The scene cuts to the entrance gates where the
rest of PSI is waiting for him.)
HELLINGS-
"Hey guys. Did you get kicked out too?"
STUPAC-
"Yeah I got kicked out for complaining about the medieval feast and viciously attacking several workers. They so totally blew it all out of proportion!"
DAMON GEST-
"I gotta beat Martin Lawrenceification."
MC TOMMY DEE-
"I was accused of shoplifting. I saw The Holy Grail in the souvenir shop. Turns out, it was a fake and it wasn't for taking, you had
to actually buy it. Yeah, whatever."
HELLINGS-
"I was kicked out for attacking a guy I thought was a real knight."
STUPAC-
"You actually thought he was a real knight?"
HELLINGS-
"No, but I was hoping that I could con him into taking out Mercy. I mean, I'd do it, but anytime you get near the guy, you get The Sickness! Who wants that?"
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Makes sense."
STUPAC-
"Did you learn everything you need to know for your match?"
HELLINGS-
"No. My visit was cut short!"
MC TOMMY DEE-
"You know I hear there is another medieval festival about an hour from here. This one takes place just before
The Industrial Revolution."
DAMON GEST-
"Is that anything like the Hardcore Revolutionacola?"
HELLINGS-
"I hope not."
STUPAC-
"Maybe this one will have dragons!"
HELLINGS-
"Score!"
(Stu and The Boy exchange high fives)
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Wait a minute, we're not talking White Dragons, are we?"
(They all shudder)
HELLINGS-
"It could be. Cause, as usual, Chris Jericho doesn't have a match at the pay per view! The fans still hate him for creating White Dragon. I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it!"
STUPAC-
"Yeah, and you get to be there because you are The Boy and that SO means you are The Best!"
(Stu and The Boy give each other a high five.)
MC TOMMY DEE-
"Right, well it's better to be safe than sorry. I don't want to risk seeing White Dragon again. Let's go rent 'First Knight' instead."
DAMON GEST-
"Agreed."
(The four of them walk off. Fade to black.)
  
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