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THE BOY AND STUPAC ON LARRY KING
(The scene opens up on the set of Larry King. Larry is sitting behind his desk, as usual. He
is talking to some political analyst who is going on and on about the stock exchange. Suddenly,
Scott "The Boy" Hellings and Stupac enter the shot. They kick off Larry's guest and sit down.)
LARRY KING-
"Who the hell are you two guys?"
HELLINGS-
"Surely, you must recognize us Larry."
LARRY KING-
"No."
STUPAC-
"What? You don't know who I am?"
LARRY KING-(Annoyed)
"I know who you are! You're the idiot who just ruined my show!"
STUPAC-
"We didn't ruin it, Larryzilla. Anytime we appear on TV, the ratings just soar!"
HELLINGS-
"Yeah, we're so cool!"
(Hellings and Stupac exchange high fives)
LARRY KING-
"Is that right?"
HELLINGS-
"Oh yeah. Now listen, we have some important issues to discuss here Larry. We feel that
the American public needs to hear our message and we felt that your show would be the best
platform for us. Do you mind if we continue?"
LARRY KING-
"Yes. (Shouting) SECURITY!"
(The two security guards come to take Stu and The Boy away. However, Hellings pulls out something out of his back pocket.)
HELLINGS-
"Not so fast boys! I have a contract with the good folks here at CNN that allows me to be here!"
LARRY KING-
"What?"
STUPAC-
"Dude-nice one! (In a bad attempt to sound like a sports announcer) And The Boy makes the save! Totally
sweet!"
LARRY KING-
"Alright! Just make it quick!"
HELLINGS-
"Hey, I understand. Your time here on earth is running short, you want me to move it along. I'll do my best."
STUPAC-
"Yeah, you'll do your best because you are The Boy and that means you are SO The Best!"
HELLINGS-
"Hey, right on! Nice incorporation of a catch phrase there, buddy!"
(The two exchange high fives again.)
LARRY KING-
"Could we?"
HELLINGS-
"Certainly. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen we are here today to ask for your help. We feel that there are far too many
degenerates on television today. Now, I won't name names, but I'll give you a couple of hints. First of all, there is a
man on RWW TV who actually goes around making people ill. Why, my good friend Stupac here was sick for several days thanks
to this individual!"
STUPAC-(Nods)
"I hurled for three days."
HELLINGS-
"What makes it worse is that this man is engaged. He is giving his (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'sicnkess' to
his fiance! Should we teach our children that passing STD's to one another is okay?!"
STUPAC-
"Dude, you have kids?"
HELLINGS-
"No. I said our children, like as in a hypothetical question."
STUPAC-
"Oh. That rules."
HELLINGS-
"Anyway, there's this other guy who uses poor English and actually steals people's clothes! This man actually went into our
locker room and took Stu's clothes! What a freak! Stu had to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe today because of this man! Is
stealing a message we want the children of America picking up? I mean, let alone the poor bastardization of the English language!"
LARRY KING-
"You're talking about the bastardization of the English language, yet mere moments ago I heard the words 'hurl' and 'dude.' Do you
see the hypocrisy in your message?"
HELLINGS-
"I'll get back to that in a minute, Larry. But I'm not done yet with my rant. Not only do we have these two guys teaching bad habits, we also
have bad morals being presented to our children. What about Chris Jericho?"
LARRY KING-
"I though you weren't mentioning names. Now you are REALLY contradicting yourself!"
HELLINGS-(Ignores Larry)
"The man loses to me 3,247 times and then goes into hiding. Are we
teaching our children to run away from what scares them? Should they not attempt to overcome any obstacles in their way? Or should they just lose
and give up?"
STUPAC-
"Yeah, they should totally Face Their Fears!"
HELLINGS-
"Nice one buddy!"
(They exchange high fives again.)
LARRY KING-
"So what are you proposing to do about this so called problem?"
HELLINGS-
"I want Chris Jericho in the ring on Monday night! I want win number 3,248 over him! I want to beat him so bad that he can never....EEEEEEEEVER
get into the ring again! Then, and only then, can we rid the airwaves of this menace! Also, I understand that a man by the name of K Dogg has
challenged me to a match recently. If he wants me in the ring, I'll face him anytime he wants and then maybe I can get some retribution for Stu! But, Stu
and I can not go on in this mission without help. We need you, the public, to help us. Write Congress, tell them that you hate seeing Mercy, The Big E, Too
Tuff and Chris Jericho on TV! Get that guy Lancelot out of this country! He doesn't have a green card-I know! We need your help! Just like the people here
at CNN ask for your help several times a year. This very program is paid for by viewers like you."
LARRY KING-
"You're thinking of PBS."
HELLINGS-
"No, only women get PBS. Hey! I think have a caller over there, Larry."
LARRY KING-
"Hello caller. This is Larry King with Scott Hellings and Stupac, who I'm told are RWW superstars. Welcome to the show 'Anonymous' in Columbus, Ohio.
What do you have to say to these two here?"
ANONYMOUS-
"Uh, yeah....I think that Scott and Stu are speaking the truth. After all, Mercy is a horrible-and I'm not just
talking about his wrestling ability either! Guys like him need to get off TV!"
(Larry just stares at the screen listening to the caller. A lot of audio feedback is coming in overtop of the caller's voice.)
LARRY KING-
"I'm sorry, we're having troubles hearing you Anonymous. There is a lot of feedback for some reason."
(The camera pans to the right. Larry is still staring into the camera. However, we can see Stupac sitting beside The Boy talking
into his cellphone. He looks over at Hellings.)
STUPAC-
"Dude! He says there is a lot of feedback here."
HELLINGS-
"Just move back a bit."
(Stu moves his chair back a few feet.)
STUPAC-
"Is that better?"
LARRY KING-
"Yes it is, thank you. Now....(Larry notices Stupac on his cell.) Hey! That is you on the phone isn't it?"
STUPAC-
"Uh....I have to go now..er..mom, later."
(Despite Stupac's attempt at a save, his excuse was also heard over the air. Larry roles his eyes.)
LARRY KING-
"Are you two finished?"
HELLINGS-
"We won't be finished until we rid television of these negative influences and all that remains is what the fans want-US!"
LARRY KING-
"I was just handed some information on you two jackasses. It says here that you both recently turned your backs on these men
and joined up with the much hated Rob Gamble, owner of Rampage World Wrestling. How, then, can you possibly say that these other
men are without morals when you yourselves are just as bad, if not worse?"
HELLINGS-
"How in the HELLings have you managed to say on the air this long being so boring?"
STUPAC-
"Dude! That was so sweet! Incorporating your name into that one! SCORE!"
(They give each other high fives and thumbs up.)
LARRY KING-(Angered)
"Alright, I've had enough! leave!"
HELLINGS-
"Why? You have to go get married for the 72nd time?"
LARRY KING-
"Okay, get out!"
(Stu and The Boy get up to leave.)
HELLINGS-
"By the way, we'll be in Cleveland Friday! Come to Friday Fire and support our cause!"
STUPAC-
"The first five hundred people in the door get a slice of pizza from us-Two Guys, A Tag Team and a Pizza Place!"
LARRY KING-
"Hey! No plugs! Get the hell of my set!"
(The two reluctantly start to walk away.)
STUPAC-
"That was a good plug man."
HELLINGS-
"Yeah, it's no GNC commerical though!"
(They both start laughing.)
STUPAC-
"Yeah, can you believe Too Tuff and K Dogg? Get rowdy! Buy some vitamins!"
HELLINGS-
"In all fairness, I'm impressed they were able to speak such fluent English for that long."
STUPAC-
"They did say that it took a lot of takes."
HELLINGS-
"Oh yeah. Point taken."
(The two walk out the studio doors as the scene fades to black.)
  
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