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rww: BOY TO THE FUTURE

(The scene opens up inside The Universal Studios Theme Park in Orlando, Florida. We see Scott "The Boy" Hellings, wearing his read "Canadian Legend" t-shirt and standing in a line with several other park visitors. The camera pans back to show RWW President-and The Boy's good friend-Stupac, moving through the crowd of people. He is pushing his way through the line to join up with Scott, flashing a VIP card the whole time. With him, inexplicably, is a homeless man.)

STUPAC-
"Excuse me, coming through! VIP here! Need to get by. Thanks!

HELLINGS-
"Stu, glad you could make it buddy!"

STUPAC-
"No problem. I wouldn't miss this for the world!"

(The Boy points to the homeless man with Stupac)

HELLINGS-
"Who is he?"

STUPAC-
"Oh yeah. Where are my manners? Scott, this is Fred. Fred, this is Scott."

(The Boy extends his hand to Fred, but the man flinches in a defensive manner.)

HELLINGS-
"Friendly."

STUPAC-
"Yeah."

HELLINGS-
"I'm guessing he hasn't had all his shots, has he?"

STUPAC-
"Huh? Hey listen, I just figured for this little mission of ours we needed a third person. And it was too late for me to call anyone else, but luckily I found ol' Fred here."

HELLINGS-
"Yeah, real lucky. Better buy a lottery ticket. But uh....please explain why we need a third person for this."

STUPAC-
"Well, we're trying to travel back in time, right? To find a time in human history when Big Daddy Bruce was still good? And in order to do this we are going to have to steal..."

(Holds up a hand to interrrupt Stu)

HELLINGS-
"You mean borrow."

STUPAC-
"Borrow? You sure it isn't stealing?

HELLINGS-
"I would never steal anything. I am a good, law-abiding person, I would never steal anything.."

STUPAC-
"It feels like stealing."

HELLINGS-
"Yes it does, but we aren't stealing it we are borrowing it."

STUPAC-
"Sounds like stealing."

HELLINGS-
"We're borrowing. Trust me, we'll return it when we are done."

STUPAC-
"Really?"

HELLINGS-
"Would I lie to you?"

STUPAC-
"No, only a thief would do that. And you are evidently just borrowing it."

HELLINGS-
"Thank you."

STUPAC-
"No problem. My bad for getting it wrong."

HELLINGS-
"I understand. Now please continue as you were before."

STUPAC-
"Oh yeah. Anyway, to travel back in time, we are going to steal the Delorean which is on display here at the park."

HELLINGS-
"In theory. Providing it works."

STUPAC-
"Right. Just like in 'Back to the Future.' "

HELLINGS-
"Yeah, I'm still waiting for a reason as to why Fred is here Stu."

STUPAC-
"Well, I figured if we are going to do this, we are going to do it right. So one of has to be Doc, one of has to be Marty and one of us has to be...uh....the third guy....uh..Marty's cousin."

HELLINGS-
"Stu, the car only seats two. And there was no cousin in the movies. There was just Doc and Marty. There was no third person."

STUPAC-
"You sure?"

HELLINGS-
"Yes."

STUPAC-
"Well it feels like we need a third person. All cool groups have three people. The 3 Amigos, The 3 Musketeers and...I'm sure there are others."

HELLINGS-
"We are not going to possibly compromise this mission because of a chocolate bar and Chevy Chase movie. He has to go."

STUPAC-
"It will break his heart. Can't we keep him?"

HELLINGS-
"He isn't a puppy Stu. Besides, when you and I tagged together, what was our team name?"

STUPAC-
"Two Guys, a Tag Team and a Pizza Place."

HELLINGS-
"Exactly. There was no mention of a hobo."

STUPAC-
"HEY! He prefers to be called unemployed!"

HELLINGS-
"Whatever. He has to go."

STUPAC-
"But I promised him a sandwich if he helped us!"

HELLINGS-
"We don't need his help. Get rid of him."

STUPAC-
"He is expecting a sandwich dude."

HELLINGS-
"Give him five dollars and tell him to leave."

(Stu begrudginly turns around to face Fred. An unheard conversation takes place between the two. Suddenly, Fred gets very upset and storms off screaming gibberish)

HELLINGS-
"What was that all about? Did he really want to come with us that badly?"

STUPAC-
"No. I only had a fifty and I didn't want to give it to him. So I just told him the deal was off and to leave."

HELLINGS-
"Stu, the man was homeless. You could have spared the fifty. You and I are not like Bruce and we don't mind doing charity work or lending a hand to our fellow man."

STUPAC-
"Gosh, you're right. Should I go get him?"

HELLINGS-
"No time now. The mission is important and we are near the front of the line."

STUPAC-
"Of course. You know something? This is so cool! Do you think it will actually work?"

HELLINGS-
"Probably not. Time travel is generally only possible in fantasy and while high. And that doesn't apply to either of us. But it doesn't matter. I was bored and needed an adventure anyhow."

STUPAC-
"Shouldn't you be spending your time by, like, training for your match on Sunday?"

HELLINGS-
"Train? For Bruce? Of course not! I already have the match won! Give me the title! After all, I am The Boy and that means I am The Best!"

STUPAC-
"He is a ten-time world champion dude."

HELLINGS-
"Yeah, like fifty years ago! Stu, you have already retired and he started wrestling before you did! Besides, he also LOST the world title nine times, think of it that way. And after BattleLines it will be ten!"

STUPAC-
"Do you think he can even still remember his first title win? That must have been a long time ago."

HELLINGS-
"Of course he can't! The man can barely remember what he had for breakfast this morning!"

STUPAC-
"Hey maybe to help remind him, he gets visited by like The Ghosts of Title Victories Past, Present and Future."

HELLINGS-
"Three Bruces? (The Boy shudders.) I don't think I could handle that without vomiting. And I doubt it, there would be no point. Even the ghosts don't remember his first five wins and there isn't going to be a World Title Victory Future."

STUPAC-
"So if this doesn't work out, do we have a backup plan?"

HELLINGS-
"No."

STUPAC-
"Oh. Um...what if it almost works or something and we can't get back to our time or, even worse, we somehow crash and die? What then?"

HELLINGS-
"I don't know. I was going to wing it"

STUPAC-
"Oh. Reassuring. (A period of awkward silence ensues.) Well you know if this doesn't work out, we can always find a phone booth and travel through time in it."

HELLINGS-
"You think so?"

STUPAC-
"Hey, it worked for Keeanu Reeves and Alex Winter."

(The two look at each other.)

STUPAC AND THE BOY-
"EXCELLENT!"

(Stu and The Boy exchange a high five and the pretend to play an air guitar.)

STUPAC-
"Hey, if it does work, do we know how far to go back in time?"

HELLINGS-
"I was figuring I would just set the dial as far back as it goes."

STUPAC-
"Wouldn't it be creepy if, on the way back, we went too far into the future and we found out the entire earth was being ruled by.....DAMN DIRTY APES!"

HELLINGS-
"Okay we need to stop this right now. The other day we ripped off 'A Few Good Men' and now we are ripping off 'Back to the Future,' 'Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure' and, most recently, 'Plantet of the Apes.' We are going to be hit with so many copyright infringement lawsuits we won't know what to do!"

STUPAC-
"Sorry. Got carried away. And hey, don't sweat it, after this is all over, we can back in time before the point when we started doing this so we can't get in trouble, right?"

HELLINGS-
"What?"

STUPAC-
"I don't know. Can we at least go back to last Friday? I lost the remote control and I figured..."

HELLINGS-
"No! Just stand there and don't say anything! (Another period of awkward silence follows. The Boy finally breaks it.) You've been practicing that ape line, haven't you?"

STUPAC-
"Did it sound okay?"

HELLINGS-
"It was fine."

STUPAC-
"I was worried I rushed it."

HELLINGS-
"No, it was good."

STUPAC-
"Good. So, if you do win on Sunday, what are you gonna do afterwards?"

HELLINGS-
"Well, normally I would say go to Disneyland. But that seems too cliche. That, and we are at Universal Studios right now and I can only take so much theme park content in a given week."

STUPAC-
"True."

HELLINGS-
"So I guess I will just sit back and enjoy the win. Relax, that sort of stuff. And I will be able to take it easy because I can be rest assured that not only am I the greatest Intercontinental Champion ever, but I am on my way to being the greatest RWW Champion of all time! Present company excluded, of course."

STUPAC-
"Thanks."

HELLINGS-
"What are friends for? Hey, get ready. Looks like we're almost at the front of the line here."

STUPAC-
"Oh I'm so ready! This is so unbelieveably cool!"

HELLINGS-
"And such an ingenious plan too. Besides, if it works-great. If not, no harm done either."

STUPAC-
"Right."

HELLINGS-
"And this is WAY more sophisticated than playing with cardboard cutouts like Bruce!"

STUPAC-
"Totally."

(Stu rolls his eyes.)

HELLINGS-
"By the way, this still confuses me, I remind Bruce of his history teacher?"

STUPAC-
"That is what he says."

HELLINGS-
"Well that is fine by me. I enjoy being a role model, an authority figure. And besides, it is really appropriate, seeing as I am going to be (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'taking BDB to school' at BattleLines!"

STUPAC-
"Good one!"

(Stu and The Boy exchange a high five.)

HELLINGS-
"You know, on Sunday I just might choose to show my technical side. I can wrestle as technically sound as anyone and I might just do that in my match. Bruce claims to be the best, well I might just take him down a notch. Humiliate him. I might save the chokeslam and use my sharpshooter instead."

STUPAC-
"It is true, you can be a great technical wrestler."

HELLINGS-
"Of course it is! I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it!"

STUPAC-
"Yeah, and DON'T CROSS THE BOSS!"

HELLINGS-
"I thought we discussed this."

(Stu sheepishly shrugs his shoulders. The camera pans over to a park attendant.)

ATTENDANT-
"NEXT!"

HELLINGS-
"This is it! GO!"

(But before they can put whatever plan they have into action, Fred enters the scene again. He begins to yell in gibberish and starts to make a huge commotion, distracting the park attendants.)

STUPAC-
"It's Fred! He came back to create the perfect diversion!"

HELLINGS-
"Shut up and get in the damn car!"

(The two head for the Delorean on display. They hop into the car with no problems, with all the attendants focused on Fred.)

HELLINGS-
"How the HELLings do you start it?"

STUPAC-
"Wow that was so cool! All spy-like, just like James Bond!"

HELLINGS-
"Stu! Stop ripping people off and help me start it!"

STUPAC-
"Sorry. What do we do?"

HELLINGS-
"I don't know. It doesn't appear to have a starter."

STUPAC-
"Yeah and you can't see out the windows, they're all tinted."

HELLINGS-
"We need to get up to 88 miles per hour to travel back in time! We are never going to get this thing to move that fast!"

STUPAC-
"I just thought of something. If this does work and we actually travel back in time to point where we do not exist, and then expect to get back to the point of where we existed without damaging anything so that we never existed. And how do we travel back to a time before our origin without having born to actually travel back...oh dear I've gone cross-eyed."

HELLINGS-
"Nevermind that! Think of something! We don't have much time!"

STUPAC-
"Ha. Good one."

(The Boy looks like he is about to hit Stu for that last remark when, suddenly, the car starts to rock back and forth. Stu opens his door and looks behind them. It's Fred and he is pushing the car.)

STUPAC-
"It's Fred! He is here to help us!"

(The camera then pans out to reveal Fred's plan. He is trying to push them down a small hill. He isn't trying to help them, he is trying to hurt them. The two cannot see through the tinted windows what is happening. Suddenly, the car moves forward and down the hill. The car begins to pick up speed quickly before crashing into a tree. The two climb out of the car a little woozy.)

STUPAC-
"Shaken, but not stirred."

HELLINGS-
"Enough! Where the hell are we?"

STUPAC-
"Better yet, WHEN the hell are we?"

HELLINGS-
"I hate you."

(Suddenly, a group of guards from park security surround the two.)

STUPAC-
"Wow. You were right man. I didn't think I would actually get into trouble for ripping people off. That shaken not stirred line must have been the final straw."

GUARD-
"We're with park security. Mind explaining what you are doing with the Delorean?"

HELLINGS-
"Uh...well..it is a college prank gone horribly wrong. Uh...he did it!"

(The Boy points to the top of the hill where Fred is shown shaking his fist at Stu and Scott. The guard who spoke to them turns around to face the other guards.)

GUARD-
"Okay guys. Get him. Be careful, he looks dangerous."

(The guards go off after Fred, who begins to run away. The head guard stays back momentarily and looks at them.)

GUARD-
"You two stay here. (Pauses for dramatic effect) I'll be back."

STUPAC-
"Hey! How come he can rip people off and I can't?"

HELLINGS-
"Shut up and run you fool!"

(Stu and The Boy begin to run away, leaving Fred to deal with the guards. The camera lingers on the wrecked car before finally fading to black.)

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