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rww: THE BOY WILL BE THERE FOR YOU

(The scene opens up on the set of the hit show "Friends." On this episode Scott "The Boy" Hellings has a special guest apperance as Rachel's love interest, who also happens to be her gynecologist. The scene begins with Hellings knocking on the door and being let in by Rachel. Chandler is seen sitting on the couch.)

RACHEL-
"Hi, Scott. Listen, we need to talk."

HELLINGS-
"What is it Rachel?"

RACHEL-
"Look, I just don't think we should see each other anymore."

CHANDLER-
"Oh I think he's seen quite a bit by now."

HELLINGS-
"Are you saying you want to break up with me?"

RACHEL-
"I'm afraid so. There's just something a little bit.....creepy about dating your doctor."

HELLINGS-
"Wait a minute! Cut! She dated her doctor before! In fact, she dates a doctor of some sort in every fifth episode! What the hell is this? Who is writing this crap?"

(The director enters the shot.)

DIRECTOR-
"Look, just say the lines so we can get the hell outta here."

HELLINGS-
"Oh come on! How could she NOT want me? I'm The Boy! And that means I am The Best! I mean, I know deep down inside she really wants me, but she really should in the script too!"

(Suddenly Brad Pitt appears on the set and storms over to Hellings)

BRAD PITT-
"Look man. That's my wife you're talking about! She's taken!"

HELLINGS-
"Oh, don't worry buddy. You see, when I am saying my lines we are just acting, or if you prefer (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'make believe.' So just settle down, okay?"

BRAD PITT-
"You said she wants you!"

HELLINGS-
"Well, I'm sure she does! After all, take a look at you and then take a look at me!"

BRAD PITT-
"Do you know who I am?"

HELLINGS-
"Yeah, you're Rachel's husband."

BRAD PITT-
"I'm Brad Pitt!"

HELLINGS-
"Oh yeah. Wait a minute...you're supposed to be that guy all the women want? You're supposed to be a sex object?"

BRAD PITT-
"Hey, it's not about that! I also happen to be a great actor!"

HELLINGS-
"Yeah, something like that. Listen, Brad, why don't you do us all a favor and go spend another 'Seven Years in Tibet'? Me and sugarlips (pointing to Aniston) have to finish off a scene!"

(Pitt tries to swing at Hellings, but the director pulls him away. Jennifer Aniston goes to talk to her husband and gives The Boy a dirty look on her way by. Matthew Perry comes over to Hellings.)

MATTHEW PERRY-
"That was pretty great the way you told him off man! You know, I've always hated that guy!"

HELLINGS-
"Yeah. So, uh...where do you guys keep the monkey?"

MATTHEW PERRY-
"Marcel? We got rid of that thing years ago!"

HELLINGS-
"What? Know I HAVE to know who's writing this crap! The monkey was the best damn actor on this lousy show!"

MATTHEW PERRY-
"Hey! You're not so hot either!"

HELLINGS-
"Yeah, but then again I'm not getting paid a million dollars an episode to do the same damn show over and over, am I?"

MATTHEW PERRY-
"Hey, we earn every penny of that money!"

HELLINGS-
"Right. And then go spend it on crack."

MATTHEW PERRY-
"Well at least we don't spend our money on steroids, you freak!"

HELLINGS-
"Oh yeah?"

MATTHEW PERRY-
"Yeah!"

(Hellings gives Perry the Chokeslam to HELLings. A bunch of crew members and the rest of the cast come over to help him out.)

DIRECTOR-
"You psychopath!"

HELLINGS-
"Hey, you can't fire me! I have a contract that allows me to be here until I'm finished!"

DIRECTOR-(Sighs)
"We'll take a ten minute break!"

(As the director storms off and Perry is taken away, Hellings grabs a cup of coffee. RWW's own Michael Cole enters the shot.)

COLE-
"Scott! What's going on? I understand there's been some sort of accident?"

HELLINGS-
"Oh yeah, some guy hurt himself. No biggie."

COLE-
"Mind if I ask you a few questions?"

HELLINGS-
"I always mind."

COLE-
"Well, this Friday night at Fire you will be taking on Stupac and Dan Coil for your tag team title and I...."

HELLINGS-
"Wait a second. Who the heckadoodle is Dan Coil?"

COLE-
"He's a member of The Impact Playaz. You remember, MC Tommy Dee insisted that he was his high school history teacher."

HELLINGS-
"Oh yeah, that guy. What's he doing these days?"

COLE-
"He's teaming with Stupac against you and MC Tommy Dee at Fire."

HELLINGS-
"Good for him, nice to see he's getting some work again. Well, Mick, I assume you want to kow what my thoughts are on this match."

COLE-
"That's what they pay me for."

HELLINGS-
"They actually pay you? Gamble is nuts! I bet he's writing the pieces of garbage they call scripts around this place! Well, let me put it to you this way-Stupac has never beat me Micky. Not even once, so what makes him think he can walk into Fire and beat PSI this time around? He has to learn that PSI in unbeatable because I am The Canadian Legend. The Impact Playaz are a bunch of guys who can't wrestle or spell. After all, the last time I checked it was P-L-A-Y-E-R-S, players. And their leader? Well the only thing Stupac is legendary for is losing to me time after time. Friday Fire will be no exception. Dan Coil is just there for the ride, and Tommy has already beat him a zillion times! So, between us Tommy and I have an impressive win-loss record against those two. Friday is just going to be another tick under the 'wins' column. And Devil's Night is going to be no exception! Devil's Night is an appropriate name for the pay per view, Mick. It's halloween and halloween is known for ghosts, goblins and witches. A fitting scenario for our champion, who tells everyone to face their fears. Well, whatever it is that Stu is afraid of, whether it be vampires or clowns-he will have to face up to one thing. And that is losing his world championship to me at Devil's Night. So Stupac, get a couple of polaroids with the title around your waist now, cause soon, oh so very soon you won't have that chance again!"

COLE-
"So you honestly think it will be that easy to beat Stupac?"

HELLINGS-
"I've done it before and I'll do it again. Besides, look who they booked to be on this show. Me, not Stu-The Boy. Why? Because the higher ups in RWW know that I am going to beat Stupac at Devil's Night. I know it, you know it and the WHOLE DAMN WORLD knows it! Hey, you hear they got rid of the moneky on this stupid show?"

COLE-
"That was quite some time ago, yes. Don't you ever watch Must See TV?"

HELLINGS-
"What are talking about?"

COLE-
"That's when all of NBC's big shows are on."

HELLINGS-
"You mean like 'Cheers?' "

COLE-> "That show was cancelled years ago!"

HELLINGS-
"What? They got rid of Norm? First the monkey, now this! Do they still got that little dog on 'Fraiser?' "

COLE-
"Of course."

HELLINGS-
"They could have at least tried to book me on that show! And believe me, there is nothing that is must see on television unless The Boy's there!"

COLE-
"You sound like Diamond Dallas Page, talking about the old days."

HELLINGS-
"Hey! Leave the wisecracks to me!"

(Suddenly, David Arquette appears beside Cole.)

DAVID ARQUETTE-
"Hey man. I'm David Arquette, but you probably knew that."

HELLINGS-
"No. What have you done?"

DAVID ARQUETTE-
"Well I was in.....I....uh, I'm Courtney Cox's husband."

HELLINGS-
"Yeah, great. So you want an autograph or something? I'm kinda in the middle of something here."

DAVID ARQUETTE-
"No, I was just watching. You and I have something in common. I am a former WCW champion."

HELLINGS-(looks Arquette up and down)
"YOU were a WCW champion? Mick here could kick your ass!"

DAVID ARQUETTE-
"Oh it's true, I'm a former champion."

HELLINGS-
"HOW? How did a dweeb like you get the title in a federation with a guy like Kevin Nash? Nevermind the size difference, he just doesn't job!"

DAVID ARQUETTE-
"Hey, believe it!"

HELLINGS-
"Mick, do you want to beat the holy hell out of this guy, or should I?"

COLE-
"Challenge you for it."

HELLINGS-
"Fair enough."

(The Boy and Cole play rock, paper and scissors. Cole chooses scissors, knowing Hellings, as per usual, picks rock.)

COLE-
"He's all yours."

HELLINGS-
"You knew I was going to pick rock, didn't you?"

COLE- "Maybe."

(Hellings starts beating up David Arquette. He is pounding away at him until several crew members come and break it up. Brad Pitt gets in a cheap shot on the restrained Hellings. The director orders Hellings off the set.)

HELLINGS-
"You can't get rid of me! RWW has a contract!"

DIRECTOR-
"Oh yeah. (He turns to Cole) Do you want to do a scene or two for us?"

COLE-
"Sure! I'd love to."

(The camera cuts to the outside of the studio where The Boy is standing. He starts grumbling to himself.)

HELLINGS-
"Ah, who needs those guys? It was worth it though, just to beat up Arquette. Maybe I can get on that 'Fraiser' show. Only one way to find out...."

(As Hellings walks off the scene fades to black.)

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