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| RWW | NSW | NEW | EWA | NEWEST | LOST | COMMENTARIES | QUOTES |
nsw:
DAVID LEE, WE HARDLY KNEW YE
(The scene opens inside a funeral parlor. A closed casket is sitting
off to the right-hand side of the screen. At the front stands a pulpit.
Some somber organ music can be heard playing softly in the background.
Suddenly, Scott "The Boy" Hellings, wearing a black suit, enters the
shot. His trademark red and white ribbon, part of his campaign to help those cope
with suffering a loss against himself, is prominently displayed on his lapel. There are
several people seen in the foreground, all wearing black. The Boy feigns genuine sadness and emotion, before taking a deep breath
and beginning to speak...)
HELLINGS-
"Oh it's just not fair! Why couldn't it have been me? Why Lord, why?
Well...actually I know why. You can't get rid of me, I'm the Nielsen's favourite son! And besides, if I was gone, who would be left for No
Surrender Wrestling's fans, not to mention all of my fans, all of The Boy Scouts
out there! These people need me as a role model because they need SOMEONE
to show them what a champion looks like. And now it's all but a foregone conclusion
that I will be the United States Champion after Overdrive. But still, during this time of immense
joy, there must also be sadness. We must remember the forgotten, or at least the soon-to-be-forgotten. We must remember the man
known as David Lee.
Sure, I know he's not actually dead, but soon enough his career sure will be. It will crash and burn, it will cease to exist and that is what we are here to remember. And while I am aware that Overdrive has not actually taken place, let's face fact-I am the odds-on favourite to win
at Overdrive. And I just simply won't have time to do this sort of thing after I win, since EVERYONE will want a piece of the
new United States Champ. I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it! So let us precede with the service then, so that
the mourning for the fallen Lee can be truly begin."
(The Boy looks over to the casket and then appears to actually tear up, until it's revealed that he's actually
got something in his eye.)
HELLINGS-
"Damn eyelash! Oh well, (The Boy looks down to the eyelash on his finger) I suppose I'd should make a wish!"
(The Boy blows away the eyelash and then looks back over to the casket)
HELLINGS-
"Looks like it already came true!"
(The Boy laughs for a bit, as everyone in the room looks horrified. He acts serious again as he continues.)
HELLINGS-
"Gee, tough room. Who died? Moving on then. Lee was...not a smart man. If he was, he would have made the smart choice and walked away from
our match at Overdrive. What was he thinking? I told him I was the one and only UBERstar, that
I was the marquee player, the franchise saviour and the number one money maker, but he didn't care!
He was too headstrong, too determined to face me. He actually, for some reason, believed he could
beat me! And that blind optimism, while horribly wrong, is at least a somewhat endearing character
flaw. But it wasn't just me. No, no, no, no. That's the whole point I was trying to make. It would be bad enough, just facing me in the squared circle. But he also had to consider the fact that we were scheduled to compete in an extremely
dangerous match, the ladder match!
He failed to anticipate the potential impact a match of that
magnitude could have on his career. I mean, at best, if he just mistakenly walked underneath the ladder, why that would least give him
a string of bad luck. But now? Now bad luck cannot harm him, because he, or at least his career, is dead. You know, some people go on and become famous
for losing to me, since there is no shame losing to me because I am The Boy and that does mean I am The Best.
Others? Well they are less fortunate and get beaten so badly that they just fade into obscurity. Now I tried to help Lee, to prepare him for such an eventuality. So help me
I really did try. I even got him a doctor's note so that he could be excused from the match, but did that work?
No! I even paid, out of my own deep, deep pockets, for special programming. Programming designed to help educate him on what it might
mean to face off against me. My words fell on deaf ears though. Oh, why did this have to happen? If only
I had done more! Maybe he'd still be around for me to beat again and again and again and again! And several times more after that."
(The Boy pauses and stares off into the distance, longingly)
HELLINGS-
"Sorry, I was just imagining what win #3247 over David Lee might have looked like. But friends, we cannot dwell on what might have been. Instead we must remember that some people are just, well, stupid. And some people don't have what it takes to make
it in this industry. And who knows? Maybe Lee could have gone on to become something, but I beat him so badly that his career
never had a chance to rebound. I mean, even though
it was me, a superior being that he faced, it was still a pretty embarrassing loss. And the destruction! No one can expect to take that much of a
beating and still have any sort of career in the ring after that. But have no fear folks, David Lee's loss truly is your gain.
You see, Lee vanishing from television just means that The Boy can have even more TV time, since there's one less monkey to try and take
attention off of me, where it so rightfully belongs. I mean, look at me! Never mind my obvious, overwhelming talent, but just look at this chiseled physique!"
(The Boy steps away from the pulpit and turns around, takes off his suit jacket and flexes and poses a bit, before stepping
back behind the pulpit and continuing.)
HELLINGS-
"You can't take the spotlight away from that! And you know what? I've got even more good news! Although we must remember that although we are here today because of a tragedy, this unfortunate incident has also
given us something new, something more glorious than we could have ever imagined in our wildest dreams. That's right, out of the ashes has risen something so glorious, we'll all soon forget all about...uh, what's his name there.
That's right, now that I have become the United States Champion I am no longer just The Canadian Legend. I am now officially The North American
Legend! Now all the great Americans out there can call me their own, can feel proud to know that I am representing them with
the class and dignity they all seem to lack. Why not? Americans need role models too, especially with all the juiced-up freaks littering their so-called national pastime. Yes, America needs a hero and his name starts with a Scott and ends with a Hellings! I can be the champion you, and indeed all of No Surrender Wrestling, so desperately needs. Perhaps that was part of (making
quotation marks with his fingers) 'the greater plan' of having Lee face off against me at Overdrive.
Perhaps the suits in the NSW offices
knew what they were doing after all. It was a suicide mission for David Lee, that's for sure, but it had a higher purpose in mind. In fact, it was so appropriate that our match be made a ladder match. It is such a brilliant metaphor to see me climbing the ladder to success, as I will no doubt be doing oh so very soon here in NSW. And there's Lee, looking up from the canvas, left behind once again. It is only a matter of time before I am at the top of the ladder not only at Overdrive, but in all of No Surrender Wrestling. I will be at the top of the food chain, I will be unstoppable. David Lee getting placed in my way was an unfortunate, but unavoidable problem. But I suppose that every cloud truly does have a silver lining in there somewhere. Now that David Lee doesn't have to worry about all of his wrestling obligations, I suppose he can do other things with his time. He could read, say, read a book...for once. Or perhaps do volunteer work that hasn't been enforced by a court of law. Yes, now David Lee will have more time to sit back and smell the roses, or perhaps watch those clouds and all of their pretty little silver linings float on by. (In a bad impression of David Lee) Oh look, (pointing off to the distance, as if pointing towards a cloud) that cloud over there
looks like a superior wrestler. If I'm not mistaken, that's The Boy! And over there? (The Boy points in the other direction). That cloud looks like the United States Title! Or at least I think it does. Too bad I'll never actually get
to see what it looks like because my name is David Lee and that means I am the WORST!"
(The Boy laughs to himself, before continuing on, deadly serious.)
HELLINGS-
"David Lee, the self-proclaimed Ghetto Saviour. Well you know what Lee? Go back to the ghetto or whoever will actually take a loser like you, because we don't want you here, cluttering up NSW. At Overdrive, I will prove that you are so out of your league that it will make David vs. Goliath look like a fair fight! The clock is ticking until the celebrations can begin and I can officially take my rightful place as the United States Champion. There's not much time left Lee, so if you are beginning to rethink your battleplan, now is the time to act. You could still walk away and we won't think any less of you. I still have that note (The Boy motions to his breast pocket) if you want it, but you gotta speak up soon.
Cause if not? Then this funeral I'm holding for your pathetic excuse for a career will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know you had dreams of becoming a household name in the wrestling industry, of really making it big. Well I'm sorry to tell you, in case you haven't figured it out by now, I am Scott Hellings and I am The Dream Crusher! It's hard to be so damn good, but someone has to do it! You will not beat me, you cannot beat me and there is no way that you will ever be United States Champion as long as I have anything to say about it! Quit while you still can, or regret it for the rest of your sad, miserable life! Now if you'll excuse me, I have places to be because I'm a champion dammit! When you're as good as me, everyone treats you like a VIP. And you? You'll only ever be just David Lee, so deal with that!"
(The Boy stares intently at the camera for a moment, before taking off his ribbon and placing it on the casket. The camera zooms in on the ribbon, before fading to black.)
  
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