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nsw:
DOCTOR RECOMMENDED
(The scene opens up inside a doctor's waiting room. The Boy is seen in a red "Canadian Legend" t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Sitting beside him is a sick looking kid and across from him is a man of about his thirties in a body cast sitting in a wheelchair. He is filling out some forms when he pauses and looks up at the camera)
HELLINGS-
"Here I was, all set to congratulate you on making the smart decision and walking away from our match...and then I hear that the rumours say you are still planning on showing up. It's a shame really. And although I know I probably shouldn't stop you, since it does go against all Darwin's ideas of natural selection where only the strong survive and all that...I just can't help but feel an obligation. You see I feel as though I have to step in and make every effort I can to ensure that you David Lee are informed and can make the proper decision for yourself. And that decision really should be to not bother getting in the ring with me at Overdrive. Heck, don't even come to the arena! Just sit at home, have a cold one, hang out, do whatever it is that you people who are as unpopular as me do with themselves. But oh no, you seem determined to go ahead with this foolishness. I was hoping that perhaps your silence recently is a sign that you are at least considering my words carefully, but I can't take that risk. So I'm going to try one more time. After this though, it's on your head, I wash my hands of the affair. I will not take the blame for anything that happens to you as a result of stepping in the ring with me. Now I've tried to wrap my head around this situation, I've tried to figure out why you would not heed my advice and still want to go through with your very public humiliation. At first, I assumed you felt that you would go in there and that someday you could say, 'I lost to Scott Hellings, I'm famous!' But I'm pretty sure that's not it. Then I thought, since you call yourself the Ghetto Saviour, that perhaps coming from such a poor socio-economic background has left you without a television. But then I figured there would be no way for you to possibly walk the streets and not bump into one of my fans, one of The Boy Scouts, to deliver my message to you. That's when it hit me: you have moxie David Lee."
KID-
"I had that when I five!"
HELLINGS-
"What?"
KID-
"Chicken moxie. It was itchy!"
HELLINGS-
"You know while you're here you might want them to check and see if you're stupid. Do one of those intelligence tests, y'know-putting pegs in holes and whatnot."
KID-
"The square peg goes in the square hole!"
HELLINGS-
"Well I see you have the same IQ as Sarah Frost, congratulations. Now do you mind? Can I continue here?"
(The kid just smiles, so The Boy gets up and moves one seat further away from the child.)
HELLINGS-
"You know who else had moxie Lee? Napoleon. You don't do things the way he did them without it. But even though he had many successes, what word instantly comes
to mind when one thinks of Napoleon? Waterloo. The guy was considered by many to be a military genius, not to mention his
contributions to wartime strategy and his implementation of the highly influential Code Napoleon...but
all anyone can ever think of, the one word at the tip of their tongues, is Waterloo, the site
of Napoleon's final defeat. Heck, Waterloo is used as a term now to refer to everyone's failure. Even
freakin' Abba wrote a song about it! Do you think some Euro-trash pop group will sing about you,
David Lee? Hmm...there's something to think about huh? You know, if they did I betcha it would go something like this:
(The Boy clears his throat before singing to the tune of Abba's 'Waterloo')
HELLINGS-
"Overdrive! You lost the match, I won the belt!
Overdrive! Promised defeat and that's what you felt!
Overdrive! I'm the best wrestler alive!
Overdrive! I was amazed you did survive!
Overdrive! The Boy is the champ at Overdrive!"
(The Boy smiles smugly before continuing)
HELLINGS-
"Say that was pretty good wasn't it? These golden pipes of mine oughta be cutting an album right now! You see? Everything I do I excel at and that is why NSW hired me! I'm Mr. Everything! I can do it all and that is why I am the marquee player, the franchise saviour and the number one money maker! But you're not so lucky, are you David Lee? Overdrive will be YOUR Waterloo. Sure, you'll get your fifteen minutes of fame
for being the first guy to lose to me in No Surrender Wrestling. But after that? No one is going to care
anymore! You will be placed in the (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'I Used to Be Cool Hall of Fame'
somewhere between the 'Where's the Beef' Lady and that annoying Urkel kid. Do you really want that?
Is it worth it? Moxie is just another way of saying 'stupid' Lee, so take my advice and just forget that you're even booked in a match for Overdrive! But I guess some people just can't walk away from a fight, even though
they know they should, huh? I'm pretty sure you're under estimating what it will mean to
participate in this match though. Because it's not just me you'll have to worry about, it's that ladder.
Ladders can be quite unforgiving, can't they? Sure, some people seem to think that your style of wrestling
is more suited for this type of match, but that's simply not true. Can your style be any better than mine?
I wrestle in what could only be described as the Perfect Style...as in everything I do is perfect. It doesn't matter if they make
me climb a ladder first, or put someone through a table, or climb out of a cage-it doesn't matter because the
bottom line is once you get me in that ring it is only a matter of time before my hand is raised in victory.
I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it! So you see? You have no advantage. So now you not only
have to worry about facing me, a deadly opponent whom is feared worldwide, but you also have to think about
what that ladder might do to your body. Whether I toss you off of it and you crash down to the mat below, or if I smash
you with it and break a few bones, the point I'm making is that it is a deadly weapon. One mistake in this match will
cost you and quite frankly I don't think you can afford the punishment. You want to pretend you're tough, but most people know to back down when they've bitten off more than they can chew. Well you don't get much of a bigger challenge than me David Lee. I am the one and only UBERstar dammit!"
HELLINGS-
"So I came here today for a checkup to verify that I'll be good to go once Overdrive is here. Naturally, I'm the picture of health. So don't you worry, I'll be in peak physical condition for our match. Actually, scratch that: be WORRIED that I am in peak physical condition. I mean, you couldn't beat me if I was suffering from some sort of foreign illness, but now you really have no chance. But I also came here to ask my doctor about what types of bumps and bruises you might expect after this match. He confirmed for me that you can expect that you'll likely end up with some broken ribs, maybe even a broken leg or two and there is a high chance for paralysis or even death. That's a scary thought, huh? You don't want to end up like this guy, do you?"
(The Boy points to the guy in the body cast. The guy in the cast glares at Hellings. The Boy then pulls out a piece of paper from his back pocket.)
HELLINGS-
"Does that guy look like he's ready to have a match? I think not. You know what happened to him? He fell off a sixteen foot ladder while he was doing some painting. Look at him Lee, this could be you after Overdrive. That's why I brought him here, so that you could look into what may very well be your future. (The Boy turns to the man in the cast). Thanks for coming by, I really appreciate it. Not like you were going anywhere though I suppose."
(The man mumbles something to Hellings, who pretends not to know what it is.)
HELLINGS-
"What was that? Oh the money I offered you? It's over there, go get it."
(The Boy grabs the guy's wheelchair and rolls him off screen. A loud crash is heard, as several doctors can be seen rushing off to help the man. The Boy continues, seemingly oblivious to the matter)
HELLINGS-
"My doctor has informed me that it is not advisable for you to attempt to participate in our match. That is why I took the liberty of getting you a doctor's note, allowing you to get out of our match. (The Boy turns the note to show it to the camera). Now you won't have to worry about looking like a coward for not coming down to the ring to face me-even though people would understand that it is YOU and it is ME after all-but now you have a signed doctor's note recommending you do not compete at Overdrive. You should thank me, you really should. This thing is worth it's weight in gold."
(The Boy puts the note back in his pocket)
HELLINGS-
"Contrary to public opinion, I do not revel in people humiliating themselves. I do not enjoy making people look bad, it's just that
when you're this good, it's kinda hard to avoid. I think you have potential, I really do. Granted, you are nowhere near as good as I am, but
I am The Boy and that means I am The Best so that's expected. But nevertheless I do not want to see you get hurt and that is why I got you the note. I think
you have a bright future ahead of you, as long as it doesn't involve facing off against me ever again. I really do feel as though you have a chance to
be...slightly above average. You shouldn't risk that! I may be the Canadian-soon to be expanded to all of North America-Legend, but you could still be... something.
Imagine-you could be (The Boy looks off into the distance and motions with his hand as if he's reading something off a
sign or billboard) 'The Sufficient One' David Lee. Doesn't that have a nice ring to it? Wouldn't you like to tell your grandkids, 'I was adequate?' You should really just forfeit the match right now, citing medical reasons.
And hey maybe you will, maybe you were planning on it already, I don't know. But trust me, it's your best possible career decision. Hey, would I lie to you?
Possibly, but that's not the point. Now I know what some people will say, that for some reason I'm afraid of you and that is why I am trying to convince you to not even show up. That is a lie. It's like I said, I don't want to humiliate you and I don't want to see you get hurt. There's no shame in walking away now Lee. Granted, there's no shame in losing to The Boy, but at least if you walk away now, you'll still be able to actually walk away and not have to be carried out."
(Just then a nurse walks by with a cup in her hand)
NURSE-
"Excuse me? Mr. Hellings? Would you mind peeing into this cup for me?"
HELLINGS-
"Well...okay. But you know most people just ask for an autograph."
NURSE-
"No, it's part of your checkup."
HELLINGS-
"Oh, I get it now. You think I'm on steroids just become I'm an athlete, don't you? I can't believe this, this is an insult! I know it seems hard to believe that such a perfect, chiseled body could be all-natural but it is true! Trust me."
NURSE-
"It's not that, it's just....you know what? I don't care anymore. You're not worth it."
HELLINGS-
"You see that Lee? She was smart enough to give up and walk away, why aren't you? Are you just stubborn because you're so jealous that I am that much better than you and everyone else? Hey, if I were you I'd want to be me too! But you'll never be as good as me. I practically wrote the damn book on wrestling! You know what the problem is? Freud said that our egos give us our sense of guilt and can prevent us from our happiness. I wouldn't know if that's true or not, I don't have an ego. When you're naturally this good there is no way you can be egotistical, it's just pure, scientific fact. But you must have quite the ego Lee. Don't let it run your life. You think that if you don't show up you'll always be wondering, 'what if?' There are no ifs, ands or buts about it, Lee. I will go into Overdrive and it doesn't matter if you're there too, or if I have to beat three, four, or five other guys, the point is I'm walking out of Overdrive as the champion. If you want to quit then you should quit. Well, consider this your last warning. From this point on, if you show up then I will have no problem in beating you, I will have no problem sending you to the hospital. If you really think you're ready for this, then I'll see you at Waterloo...I mean Overdrive. But, believe me, no matter what you might think, you are not ready to face off against me."
(The Boy pulls the note out of his pocket again)
HELLINGS-
"But if you want to make the smart decision, you know where to find me."
(The Boy walks off, humming the tune to 'Waterloo,' as he passes the man in the cast who is still being attended to as the scene fades to black)
  
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