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nsw:
A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
(The scene opens up with a black screen and white lettering that states, "The Following is a Paid Advertisement from The Boy and Does Not in Any Way
Reflect the Views of No Surrender Wrestling, it's Affiliate or Parent Companies, or This Station. The scene then fades into an empty room where The Boy is seen standing looking serious, wearing a black suit with a white
shirt and a blue, custom-made "UBERstar" tie.)
HELLINGS-
"David Lee, you are set to face me, The Boy, at No Surrender Wrestling's
first card, Overdrive in just a matter of days. And I'm sure you're sitting
at home right now David, assuming you've got nothing to worry about. I bet you
think you can win, right? Oh I'm sure your parents used to say to you, 'believe in
yourself and you can accomplish anything.' Well that just simply isn't true.
At least it isn't when you're up against someone like me, someone who is that much
better than everyone else. I am, as we all know by now, The Canadian Legend. And you?
You're a nobody looking to make a name for himself. I bet your parents also
used to say to you, 'winning isn't important.' Well that's just a lie.
Winning is very important. Me? Well I'm used to is by now, but you? I bet
you got an empty pit in your stomach, as you long for a chance for the
spotlight which is, rightfully so, deadlocked on The Boy. But that isn't going to change anytime soon I'm afraid.
The fact is you appear to be living your life in denial, happily looking at life
through rose-coloured glasses. Ignorance is not bliss David, it's just
a way of ignoring your incompetence. So, since it seems that you have
difficulty in believing and accepting some things, I'm just going to come out and say them. Don't
worry though, because I'll start off slowly."
(The Boy clears his throat as the camera zooms in for a closeup. The Boy
appears deadly serious.)
HELLINGS-
"David? The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy? All fake. I know it was a shock
for me too...when I was seven. And just to clarify, that guy you saw your mom kissing under the mistletoe all those years ago? That wasn't really Santa. No, that was a man who paid your mother cold hard cash for a service which she provided. But don't lose sleep over it. And how about
this: Britney Spears? Yeah she lip-synchs. I know, it's crazy
to think that someone with her obvious talents...(The Boy stops for a moment and looks off, deep in though, smiling to himself, before snaping out of it and looking back at the camera), uh, I mean talent. Yes it seems unfathomable that someone with her artistic
integrity would do such a heinous thing, but it's true I'm afraid. And
James Higgins? He wears a toupee. Yeah, it does look real, I admit. If, you know, you have glaucoma,
and you stand on one leg while humming 'Kumbaya' during
a solar eclipse. But it's fake. I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it! And finally...this is the most
important one. Take a deep breath and pause for the impending shock. (The Boy pauses and breathes in before continuing). You will lose at Overdrive. Oh sure, you're feeling confident now, but what happens when you actually step
into the ring? What happens when you begin to climb that ladder, desperately reaching for that coveted
United States championship? Do you feel Doubt? Nervousness? Oh probably, but none of that
matters because the fact is I'm just that much better than you and I am walking out of the match
as the champ. Feeling bad, huh? Feeling as though you just watched a semi drive over a box of kittens? That's a normal
reaction for people when they lose to me for the first time. Don't worry though, because we'll get
you through this. I've done some reading recently and I've prepared some notes so I know what to do. That is why I paid
for this television time, to get my message of hope out to you. So listen up."
(The camera pans out as The Boy pulls out a card from his suit pocket and begins reading from it.)
HELLINGS-
"You will begin to feel grief now that you realize you cannot beat me. But in order to get past this, to move on, you need to understand grief. Now first you need to know that you may experience different symptoms of your grief. This can
include a sense of (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'numbness.' You know, the sense that none of what is happening is real and that it's all a dream.
Well Lee, this isn't a dream, this isn't even a nightmare it is just reality. Overdrive will come and go and I
will beat you, that is gist of the situation. Now others find that they experience feelings where they expect their deceased loved one to come back and to be able to resume life as though nothing happened. Well Davey boy, your loved one in this case could be seen as the United States title I suppose. And
the only way that's coming back is if you beat me. And we all know that won't happen. After all,
I am The Boy and that does mean I am The Best! You might also find yourself feeling anger, as though some injustice has been done, or a sense of despair over this situation
You might even feel guilt, as though
if you had done more perhaps things would have worked out better. Well we all know that's not the case either,
since I am the one and only UBERstar and there is simply nothing you can do in the match
that will affect the outcome any differently. So now you know how to recognize what grief is, but you must
also know that there are different types of grief. We have to know what we're dealing with here."
(The Boy pulls out another card from his his suit pocket.)
HELLINGS-
"So what are the different types of grief? Anticipatory grief is the
type which normally occurs before the impending death of a loved one. Well I suppose Lee you're
going to be feeling that as we get closer to Overdrive. After all, it IS a foregone
conclusion that I am walking out as United States Champion. And as we get closer to our match the
reality of the situation will begin to set in and then the grieving will begin. But there is
also mourning, which is a more public expression of grief. Well heck, you can't get more public than a few
thousand people crammed in an arena and millions more watching at home as you begin to cope with
the terms of your defeat. So I guess you'll have to cope with two types of grief. Oh but wait, there's more. There's also disenfranchised
grief, which occurs when someone does not have a socially acceptable
outlet for mourning a loss. The classic example of this is that of
a woman giving birth to a premature, stillborn baby. She might feel bad because she never
got to hold her baby, to see it grow. Well you know what? The more I think about it, the more it
appears as though you are screwed Davey, because you are going to suffer through this type of grief
too. You see, you'll never get a chance to hold that title, to put it around your waist, to tell people you
are the No Surrender Wrestling United States Champion. Things aren't looking good for you Lee. But hey, I'm here
to help you out. Don't ever let it be said that The Boy doesn't care. That's why I have started
the Red and White ribbon campaign, to support those who have lost to The Boy. I know it will
be a big list soon enough, but I'm confident we'll be able to meet the demand. And Dave? This
first ribbon is for you man."
(The Boy pulls out a red and white ribbon, before pulling out yet another card
and continuing on.)
HELLINGS-
"There is a famous book that details the five stages of
grief. They include: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Now Lee you can
deny the loss, you can be angry about it, feel sad, whatever! You can't bargain your way out
of this one though, because there is no way to avoid losing to me, to somehow get out of this match. It's already signed, sealed and ready to be delivered. My fans, The Boy Scouts, are expecting a match. And I also know that the suits in the NSW offices cannot allow The Nielsen's favourite son to not be in the main event. So I guess all you can do is just jump right to the final
stage and accept the way things are, so it won't be a total shock to watch me climb up rung after rung of that ladder and claim
what is rightfully mine. You see I will win the match because I want to, because I can! There's nothing you can do I'm afraid. But hey don't worry David, there is hope for you. All you have to do is realize
that I am, as I say, the marquee player, the franchise saviour and the number one money maker and you'll begin to pick up the
pieces. Because once you recognize that fact, you'll see that you were a fool to ever believe you stood a chance in the ring with someone as talented as me. Let's face it, you don't have 1/27th my talent David. Oh I know you, erroneously, felt that you had a very promising career, but the truth hurts. But hey, there's a sliver lining here-there's nothing stopping you from going on and becoming the second-best wresler in No Surrender Wrestling! But as long as I'm here David, well you'll only ever be able
to reach runner-up status."
(The camera pans in tight on The Boy's face once again.)
HELLINGS-
"But there are benefits. I mean, at least you'll make history as being my
first victim in No Surrender Wrestling! I'm sure it'll be a question
on Jeopardy someday and that's gotta mean something. But I do have something to
pass on to you now, so I will leave you with that. (The Boy pauses for dramatic effect). Before you go out there and disappoint
all your family and friends once again, make sure you come to terms with this: there is no
shame in losing to The Boy. So celebrate your inadequacy! I'll see you in the ring Lee."
(The Boy smiles smugly and then walks off as the scene cuts to the message "The Proceeding Was a Paid
Advertisement from The Boy," which flashes across the screen and then fades to black.)
  
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