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lost: STUPAC'S ROCK 'N' WRESTLING CONNECTION

(The scene opens up inside the hotel room of Scott "The Boy" Hellings. He is wearing a black RWW shirt and a pair of track pants. He has obviously been working out. He runs into the room, out of breath and sweating profusely. Behind him Stupac jogs into the room.)

STUPAC-
"That was a good run. Should we go again?"

HELLINGS-
"No way! I'm far too tired right now man. I gotta get some rest."

(MC Tommy Dee enters the room)

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Hey guys, what's up?"

STUPAC-
"Oh nothing. Scotty here is just giving up before his match even takes place this Friday. He's totally tapping out on the workout session!"

HELLINGS-
"I'm not tapping out! I just need a rest is all."

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Man, you don't have time to rest! You got a huge match coming up this week! You versus Big Daddy Bruce for the RWW Undisupted Title! You have a chance to become a two-time champion! You should be training harder than you ever have before!"

HELLINGS-
"Relax guys, I'm in perfect shape and Bruce is just old and pathetic. I could gain two hundred pounds tonight and I could still run circles around that geriatric wannabe!"

STUPAC-
"Look, we know you're feeling confident and all.."

HELLINGS-
"Damn straight I am! After all, I am The Boy and that means I am The Best!"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Dude, we're just saying you shouldn't go getting over-confident. And should always be prepared. Just like the motto of The Boy Scouts says!"

HELLINGS-
"Hey, are you dissing my fans?"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Not THOSE Boy Scouts, the actualy Boy Scouts....nevermind."

HELLINGS-
"Look, what's the big deal? I'm gonna win, bottom line. And even if, by some freak accident, I lose...I can just get a rematch or something. It's not like the fate of the entire world depends on me beating Bruce on Friday!"

STUPAC-
"Maybe not, but the again maybe it does. Maybe I need you to win so that Rampage World Wrestling won't fall in the ratings. You know as well as anyone else does that the fans don't like Bruce as a champion. If the fans aren't happy, ain't no one happy. Ratings could drop, advertising could be lost and I might have to start firing people. I need you to win Scotty."

HELLINGS-
"It's not gonna get that serious if Bruce wins on Friday. It isn't goting to make that big of a difference if I win the RWW Undisputed Title or not!"

STUPAC-
"Well, who knows? I might just have to make some drastic changes."

HELLINGS-
"Oh yeah, like what?"

STUPAC-
"Anything. The worse things get, the worse the solutions will be."

HELLINGS-
"Whatever. It isn't going to be that big of a deal. And besides, I got this one in the bag, trust me! So just let me get some sleep right now and I promise I will continue to train for my match. Okay?"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"You just want us to leave so you can order PPV porn to your room, don't you? Trust me, it isn't worth it."

HELLINGS-
"How would you know?"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Uh.........I....uh..."

STUPAC AND THE BOY TOGETHER-
"I hate you."

HELLINGS-
"Look, can I just get some sleep already?"

STUPAC-
"Fine. When you're ready to train again, come get me. I'll be across the hall."

HELLINGS-
"Sure."

(Stu and Tommy Dee then leave the room. The Boy collapses on the bed and begins to talk to himself)

HELLINGS-
"Like it's really gonna matter if I win or not! Besides, what would be the worse thing to come out of this?"

(The Boy smiles to himself and then begins to fall asleep. He then "wakes up" a few hours later. Only problem is he is no longer in his hotel room. He is in some sort of loft appartment. Also in the room with him is Tommy Dee, Stupac, Pantera and Donte Rocker. There is only one catch-they are all animated. Each and everyone and everything in the room has been badly drawn. No one looks like they are supposed to. Stupac is lifting some weights in one area of the room, Tommy is eating a pizza and Donte and Pantera are playing Scrabble. The Boy gets out of bed and begins to look around the room.)

HELLINGS-
"Wh..what on earth is going on? What happened?"

STUPAC-(In a voice that doesn't sound at all like Stu)
"You feel asleep, of course. About time you were up too!"

HELLINGS-
"Yeah, fair enough. But uh....seriously, what is going on? Why do we all look so funny? Why do you sound like Rick Moranis Stu? Why are we all in an apparment together? Whey are Donte and Pantera here?"

STUPAC-
"You are funny Scott. You make Stu laugh."

HELLINGS-
"Why the heck are you talking in the third person?"

STUPAC-
"Stupac doesn't know what you mean."

HELLINGS-
"This is so trippy. (Walks over to Donte and Pantera) Do you guys know what is going on?"

PANTERA-
"Quiet, we're playing our game. Ooh! I have a word! M...A...L..L. MALL! My favourite place on earth!"

HELLINGS-
"It is?"

PANTERA-
"Your turn Donte!"

(Donte is staring intently at his letters. Instead of wearing a shirt with the likes of Guns 'n' Roses or ACDC, Rocker is wearing a shirt for the 1987 Pseudo Echo tour-the group best known for their hit "Funky Town.")

HELLINGS-
"Donte?"

DONTE ROCKER-
"Oh, this game is hard. I don't get it."

HELLINGS-
"Hey man, you can quite clearly spell out 'hypoteneuse.' It's right there in front of you, completely spelled out and everything. Just put them on the board, you'll get some points."

DONTE ROCKER-
"Don't rush me!"

HELLINGS-
"Rush you? It's right in front of you! Just do it!"

DONTE ROCKER-
"Hey, it's not my fault I'm no good at playing checkers!"

HELLINGS-
"You're playing Scrabble though."

DONTE ROCKER-
"Oh. Checkmate!"

HELLINGS-
"Huh?"

DONTE ROCKER-(Shrugs his shoulders)
"Go fish?"

HELLINGS-
"There is something strange going on here. Stu! Stu we gotta get out of here!"

STUPAC-
"And we will! We are just waiting."

HELLINGS-
"Waiting for what?"

STUPAC-
"Not what, who."

HELLINGS-
"What? Do we live with Too Tuff too?"

(Suddenly there is a knock on the door. Stupac answers it. The pop sensation herself, Britney Spears walks into the room. Or, at least, a badly drawn version of Britney Spears walks into the room.)

HELLINGS-
"Okay, now I'm really lost."

(Suddenly, the scene cuts away to a bunch of animated clips of the gang while a really bad version of Stupac's theme song plays on. The small clip ends with the big title that says "Rampage World Wrestling Presents: Stupac's Rock n' Wrestling Connection!" The camera then cuts back to The Boy, looking compltely shellshocked)

HELLINGS-
"Now I get it. Stu went ahead and made a bad cartoon show based on the RWW. This doesn't have something to do with me not beating Bruce does it?"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Come on dudes! Let's like totally go for lunch now!"

HELLINGS-
"Tommy, you just ate a large pizza."

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Yeah I know. I'm starving! Let's go already!"

HELLINGS-(Looks to Spears)
"What is your deal? The title screen clearly said 'ROCK and wrestling.' You are anything but rock!"

(Awkward pause ensues. Then it ends when Britney smiles and then hugs Stu.)

BRITNEY SPEARS-
"You Drive Me Crazy!"

HELLINGS-
"Stu gets Britney? Hm, funny. I know there is a really easy joke in there, but I can't bring myself to say it. Must be the 'G' rating."

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Guys can we get a move on? BEFORE I waste away here!"

STUPAC-
"Sure! Everyone put down your entertaining RWW action figures and we'll go!"

HELLINGS-
"I don't have a (looks at his his hand where a bad-looking action figure of The Boy suddenly appears) What the..?"

(Puts the figure down, next to the other figures that also just appeared. The camera takes a good long minute to get a nice closeup of the figures.)

STUPAC-
"Alright gang! Let's go!"

HELLINGS-
"If we must." (The scene then fades out to a shot of the "heel" group-Big Daddy Bruce, Chris Crippler, X Con and Killer Instinct. All of them are also badly drawn. Although Bruce looks like he is the spawn of Satan himself, drawn to appear as evil as possible. And X Con is dressed in the traditional black and white striped prisoner outfit. He is also wearing a black mask and a cape. We see Chris, KI and X Con discussing things. As they are talking, X Con is pickpocketing the others.)

CHRIS CRIPPLER-
"We think Stupac I attack should!"

KILLER INSTINCT-
"Yes, I agree we should attack Stupac. What an ingenious idea! Why didn't we think of it before?"

CHRIS CRIPPLER-
"I have think a plan I."

KILLER INSTINCT-
"You do? Well come on! Let's go tell the boss! And, uh, X Con, give me back my wallet."

(X Con shrugs his shoulders sheepishly and hands over the wallet. The three men walk down a flight of stairs where they meet up with the World Champion, Big Daddy Bruce. When we see him he is burning large stacks of books, just like the Nazis. He is also wearing his RWW Undisputed Title around his waist for some strange reason.)

KILLER INSTINCT-
"Hey Bruce!"

BDB-
"What is it?"

KILLER INSTINCT-
"I see you're busy here and all, but Chris here has a plan for attacking Stupac."

BDB-
"A plan? How delicious! Please tell me! And, uh, X Con? Give The Champion back those books! I need to burn them!"

(X Con tries to play innocent.)

BDB-
"X CON!"

(X Con cowers in fear and then drops a huge stack of the books that were to be burnt from underneath his shirt. Several other items fall out of his shirt too, making it either the world's largest shirt or a simple sight gag. Bruce bends down and picks up several of the books and tosses them into the fire.)

KILLER INSTINCT-
"Oh hey, you forgot this one boss. 'Harry Potter and The Sorceror's Stone.' Want to me throw it on the fire for you?"

BDB-
"No thank you. It has come to my attention that there is the possibility of this book being evil...I like that. Until The Catholic Church proves otherwise Harry's life is spared. Now then, tell me your plan Chris. I hope this is a plan fit for a Champion!"

(As Chris begins to speak, the camera fades out, leaving the audience unaware of the plan. The camera the cuts suddenly to where the group is sitting inside a diner. Everyone is eating a burger, except Tommy Dee. Tommy has ten burgers, a rather large plate of fries, a few slices of pie and even a whole roasted turkey sitting in front of him that he begins to devour.)

HELLINGS-
"Whoa! Did you guys just see that? Big Daddy Bruce and his cronies are planning a sneak attack on us or something! We should be prepared!"

STUPAC-
"Stupac is not worried about Bruce. He is weak and Stupac is strong."

HELLINGS-
"Sure, whatever. By the way, when did I order this burger? Better yet, when did we get to this diner? And while we're at it-generally speaking, what is going on here? I mean, this entire day has just been so bizzare!"

STUPAC-
"You need to relax more Scotty. You are all wound up today."

HELLINGS-
"Well excuse me, I'm just used to waking up and being horribly animated and living in some sort of creepy alternate universe."

STUPAC-
"I have no idea what you're talking about."

(Just then, fellow RWW superstars The Syko, Lil Johna and Alex Jay walk into the diner.)

HELLINGS-
"Hey look who's here guys! We should invite them over to our table here!"

STUPAC-
"I don't think we'll be doing that."

HELLINGS-
"What? Why not?"

STUPAC-
"You see, it's like this: all of us here are huge superstars. And those guys over there? Well they're more (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'lower-level' stars in Rampage World Wrestling. They aren't worthy to be sitting with us."

HELLINGS-
"You're completely insane, you know that? Those guys are stars! We're not above them or anything! And by the way, that whole quotating mark thing? Yeah, that's my gimmick!"

STUPAC-
"Not anymore. It is now Stupac's gimmick."

HELLINGS-
"Whatever. I can't be bothered arguing."

(Just then a man dressed entirely in black bursts into the diner. He walks up to their table and addresses the group.)

MAN-
"Excuse me, are you Stupac?"

STUPAC-
"Of course I am."

MAN-
"Good. I need you all to come with me. This is official government business."

HELLINGS-
"Look, I swear I paid those parking tickets!"

MAN-
"Sir, this is far more serious than parking tickets."

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Can it wait until I'm done eating?"

MAN-
"I'm afraid not. But snacks will be provided."

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Oh well then. What are we doing sitting around for? Let's go!"

STUPAC-
"To The Stumobile!"

HELLINGS-
"Stumobile? I hate you."

(The scene changes and the gang has been whisked away to a non-descript meeting room. In the room is a large conference table that Stupac and the others are sitting around. A couple of secret service men wearing black suits stand by the door to the room, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Then, a man wearing a suit and a tie walks into the room. Presumably, this is supposed to be the President of the United States of America, but he looks nothing like George W. Bush.)

THE PRESIDENT-
"Thank you all for coming. I have a serious matter to discuss with all of you here today. But first, I must stress that this meeting is to be strictly confidential. As far as you are concerned, you were not here today."

DONTE ROCKER-
"We weren't? Then where are we now? I don't get it. My head hurts."

MC TOMMY DEE-
"I'll explain later dude."

THE PRESIDENT-
"Any other questions before we get started?"

HELLINGS-
"I have one: who are you? You aren't The President!"

THE PRESIDENT-
"What is that supposed to mean?"

STUPAC-
"Relax, he's Canadian."

THE PRESIDENT-
"Oh I see. Alright, now down to business. Men...

HELLINGS-(Cutting off The President)
"Hey there are women in this room too!"

BRITNEY SPEARS-
"I'm not a girl, not YET a woman actually."

HELLINGS-
"I think I'm gunna hurl."

THE PRESIDENT-
"Anyway...we are today because America is facing a crisis. In fact, the whole world is facing a crisis and we need your help."

HELLINGS-
"You think you got problems? I'm stuck here in this god-forsaken animated Twilight Zone!"

THE PRESIDENT-
"Huh?"

STUPAC-
"Please go on, Stupac insists."

THE PRESIDENT-
"Okay. Well basically, we recently got a message from outerspace. We have sent messages up there for years but have received anything back...until now!"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"I hate to interrupt, but I was told there was going to be snacks. Where are said snacks?"

THE PRESIDENT-
"They will be out here as soon as we're done."

HELLINGS-
"So what does this message say? (Singing) Return to Sender! Address unkown! No such number! No.."

THE PRESIDENT-
"Please! This is serious. No, the message said...well, it was hard to decipher. But we figure that is from a group of aliens who want to meet with a group of earthlings in order to create some form of interstellar union."

HELLINGS-
"Uh huh. Aliens you say? Yeah, right."

PANTERA-
"So then this is good, right?"

THE PRESIDENT-
"Open your eyes! Don't you see what that means?"

PANTERA-
"No, I'm sorry. I don't understand, I'm just a girl!"

STUPAC-
"It means they want to wipe out all humanity as we know it! Well I'm not going to stand for it! What do you need us to do Mr. President?"

THE PRESIDENT-
"We need you to go to into outerspace and meet up with these aliens. And then we need you to take them out before they destroy Earth!"

HELLINGS-
"Uh huh. And the rest of the world is relying on the Americans to bail them out? Shouldn't this be some sort of group effort here?"

THE PRESIDENT-
"I'm afraid you are the best people for this job."

HELLINGS-
"How so? We're wrestlers! We have never gone into space before! We have never been trained! It's gonna take months for us to get up there!"

THE PRESIDENT-
"Don't worry, we'll train you. And it shouldn't take long?"

HELLINGS-
"Shouldn't take long? This is space travel we're talking about! And why don't you just send those guys to deal with it? (motioning to the two secret service men standing at the door) They already look like bad extras from 'Men in Black!' "

STUPAC-
"Stupac says for you to chill out. We'll be glad to do it. What exactly is the plan?"

THE PRESIDENT-
"As soon as you get into space they will dock with you and you are then to meet with them. At this point I want you to take them out...as only you can."

STUPAC-
"Consider it done! Come! We have much training to do!"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Hold on guys! What about the snacks?"

THE PRESIDENT-
"Oh yeah. Guys?"

(The secret service men put down a tray with various snacks on it.)

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Tubular!"

(As Tommy begins to eat, The Boy begins to bash his head into the table. Suddenly, Stupac and the gang are training as they prepare to enter space. However, as opposed to the normal training an astronaut might receive, they are doing a variety of tasks that will in no way help them in space. As a bad rendition of "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor plays-with a few notes slightly changed to avoid copyright issues-the wrestlers are shown doing their training. Pantera is shown doing her nails in an anti-gravity chamber, Stupac is shown lifting some weights, MC Tommy Dee is simply eating some "authentic astronaut food," Donte Rocker is seen playing "pin the tail on the donkey" in an anti-gravity chamber, Britney Spears is shown trying to rehearse her dance routine in a spacesuit and The Boy is shown skipping rope. The song ends and so does the training. Suddenly, the scene cuts to show the gang sitting inside the ship as it is about to blast off.)

HELLINGS-
"Hey! What's going on? Are we taking off?"

STUPAC-
"Yes of course. There is not much time to waste."

HELLINGS-
"What are you talking about? The aliens, if there is such a thing-and there isn't, haven't even attacked earth yet! We have plenty of time!"

STUPAC-
"Do not argue with Stupac!"

HELLINGS-
"Shouldn't that be Don't Cross the Boss?"

STUPAC-
"There is no time. Are you ready for blastoff?"

HELLINGS-
"Of course not! Stu, we haven't even been trained!"

STUPAC-
"Of course we have! Stupac remembers his training fondly."

HELLINGS-
"Yeah, the trouble is we haven't had enough training! Stu, we only trained through a one minute music montage sequence! You know what I did for my training Stu? I jumped rope! For about five seconds! That does not allow me to go into space! We need more training! Lance Bass has had more training and they won't even let him go into space...thank goodness."

STUPAC-
"Do not argue with Stupac! Now then, buckle up Scott. It's going to be a bumpy ride!"

HELLINGS-
"I am not going to buckle up! Besides, there are no aliens!"

DONTE ROCKER-
"There isn't?"

(Suddenly, a little green man pops up beside Donte. Apparently, Donte is the only one who can see or hear him.)

GREEN MAN-
"Of course there is dumb dumb! Now just shut up and wait for the right opportunity to attack!"

DONTE ROCKER-
"Huh?"

GREEN MAN-(Nervously)
"Uh...nothing. You like your friends, no need to kill them. BYE!"

(The martian quickly disappears)

STUPAC-
"Oh yes you are Scotty! You are gonna buckle yourself up and that's that! Why? Because Stupac said so! (Looks directly at the "camera") Kids, always remember to wear your seatbelt. It doesn't matter how far you are going, you can still get killed in an instant! In fact, you'll probably die the next time you get in a car without a seatbelt on! So, buckle up-just like Uncle Stu!"

(Stu winks and then gives a thumbs up)

HELLINGS-
"What the HELLings was that? That was awful! You're gonna scare kids half to death with messages like that! This show blows! I want off this ship! Let me off! Write me off the show or something!"

STUPAC-
"Houston, we have a problem."

HELLINGS-
"You darn rights we do! There is no way I'm going into outerspace with little to no training! No chance! Uh-uh, I'm not doing it! Never!"

(Suddenly, the scene changes and the group is actually in space.)

HELLINGS-
"Hey! I thought I was getting off this ship! I'm getting screwed here. And how did we get into space? We never even blasted off! This sucks!"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Quiet dude! We're about to dock up with the alien ship and meet the funky alien dudes!"

HELLINGS-
"They're just going to let us onboard? I thought they hated us!"

STUPAC-
"No one can possibly hate Stupac!"

HELLINGS-
"Wanna bet?"

PANTERA-
"Do you think they'll have any cool alien clothes I can try on?"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"I hope they have some cool alien food for us to eat! That would be so radical!"

DONTE ROCKER-
"I hope they have satellite television. I'm missing 'Spongebob Squarepants' right now!"

HELLINGS-(to Rocker)
"You're an idiot!"

DONTE ROCKER-
"No, I'm originally from New Zealand."

HELLINGS-
"I hate you. In fact, I hate all of you."

STUPAC-
"Dude, hate hurts. You should never hate someone. Remember to treat others the way you want to be treated. And if that doesn't work, Stupac says to kick their teeth in. Now come on! Let's go meet some aliens!"

(They walk inside and the aliens greet them. They all look like little green versions of all of them. The one that looks like Stupac wears a crown. Upon greeting them, they give Stupac and the gang a salute akin to that seen on "Star Trek")

ALIEN THAT LOOKS LIKE STUPAC-
"Welcome Earthlings! My name is Gorlon, King of the Martians! We are glad to have you aboard!"

STUPAC-
"Yeah? Is that right? I bet you are! You just want to get us here so you can hold us hostage! You wanna blow up the earth and that makes Stupac angry!"

GORLON-
"What? No, you have me all wrong. Actually, I just want to have you here so that we can communicate with you earthlings so that together we may can a better understanding of each other and thus, a cosmic balance."

HELLINGS-(Dripping with sarcasm and annoyance)
"You just want to communicate with us? Well, gee, sure is a good thing that you speak English! I mean, especially since you come from a such a technologically advanced race. So it's fortunate you don't speak French or something."

DONTE ROCKER-
"You dummy! French isn't a language-it's a type of fries!"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Man, I could really go for some fries right about now."

GORLON-
"Good. We have prepared a feast for this momentous occasion! Come, sit down and eat!"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Righteous! You don't have to ask me twice!"

(Tommy starts to eat right away, but Stu just gets angry and grabs Gorlon by his neck and pushes him up against the wall.)

STUPAC-
"I'm on to your little game! You want us to eat, do you? Oh sure, you're probably going to fatten us up, just so you can eat us!"

GORLON-
"No, I've been put off the idea of ever eating a human after seeing "Alive" I'm afraid. Although I do find cat to be quite the delicacy."

STUPAC-
"Yeah, right! Like I'm supposed to believe that! And you know what else? I'm on to you and this little ploy. This is all some sick experiment of yours! Well I'm not buying it! Stupac knows what you put into that uh...(looks around the room) potato salad! That's right! The potato salad is made of people! IT's MADE OF PEOPLE!"

(Tommy Dee immediately spits out his food and runs off to, presumably, vomit.)

GORLON-
"Look, I think you have got the wrong impression somehow. Allow me to explain.."

(Gorlon is then cut off by the main door opening up. Out steps Big Daddy Bruce-wearing his World Title, Killer Instinct, X Con and Chris Crippler)

BDB-
"At last Stupac! I've got you right where I want you! You see Stupac, you simply don't have The right stuff-but I do! That is why I am the RWW Champion!"

STUPAC-
"What is it you want Bruce?"

BDB-
"I want to wrestle you! I want to defeat you and then leave you here in outerspace so that I can be the true icon in Rampage World Wrestling!"

HELLINGS-
"Look, I don't mean to interject here, but how in the heck did you guys get here? I mean...REALLY! We were the only ones with a means of transportation to get here!"

STUPAC-
"That, and we had training too!"

HELLINGS-(Sarcatic)
"Yeah, something like that."

DONTE ROCKER-
"I got the tail on the donkey in my training exercise! I got a gold star!"

HELLINGS-
"Seriously, I really want someone to explain to me how they got here and why they are."

BDB-
"I told you, to destroy Stupac!"

STUPAC-
"You can't destroy Stupac!"

HELLINGS-
"This is your best plan? To come to space and fight him? Bruce, your plan blows!"

BDB-
"Maybe so, but I am still the champion!"

HELLINGS-
"You know, I could seriously overlook a lot of the other strange and unexplained things that have happened today, but this is one of the biggest plot holes ever! Who writes this junk?"

GORLON-
"Look, I hate to interrupt, but could we move this along? Mork and Mindy is coming on soon and..."

STUPAC-
"Alright Bruce-that does it! You and Stupac...right now!"

BDB-
"What? You have to catch The Champion first!"

HELLINGS-
"What the..? I thought he WANTED to fight Stu! I'm having a hard time following the logic here..."

(Bruce starts to run away, along with Crippler, X Con and Killer Instinct in tow.)

STUPAC-
"Come on gang! Let's go get 'em!"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Right behind you buddy!"

(Tommy, Pantera, Rocker, Stupac and a reluctant Scott Hellings chase after the heels. Despite the fact that BDB and his cronies had a large headstart, Stupac and his friends manage to get within an arm's reach of them almost instantly. They keep chasing after them as behind them the background never changes; the same desk, computer and window are seen over and over. Finally, Bruce reaches a dead end.)

BDB-
"Oh no! Come on guys-in here!"

(Bruce ducks into a door. Stupac is right behind them though and immediately runs into the same door, his cohorts right behind them. The camera then pans to reveal it is actually a hallway filled with nothing but doors. As some "chase music" plays on everyone continuously runs in and out of different doors, defying all logic in the process. Eventually they all meet in the hallway and run into each other. BDB is on his feet first and makes a run for it, with Stupac in hot pursuit. Stupac tackles BDB down, right back where they were before. They land right at the feet of Gorlon.)

GORLON-
"Alright! I have had enough of this petty fighting! I wasn't going to say anything but I have enough of this! One of you shall pay! One of you must fight me-GORLON! In a fight to the DEATH!"

STUPAC--(Points to Bruce)
"Well pick him."

BDB-(Points to Stupac)
"No way! Pick Stupac! He sucks anyway, he'll be easier to beat!"

STUPAC-
"Nah, go for Bruce. You could brag that you beat up an icon! And a champion!"

BDB-
"No! Choose Stupac!"

STUPAC-
"Choose Bruce!"

BDB-
"Choose Stupac!"

STUPAC-
"Choose Bruce!"

BDB-
"Choose Stupac!"

STUPAC-
"Choose Stupac!"

BDB-
"Choose Bruce!"

STUPAC-
"I agree, pick Bruce."

BDB-(Pauses and thinks and then notices Stu's trick)
"Hey! No fair! He tricked me!"

GORLON-
"Enough! I shall fight the one called Bruce!"

(Bruce prepares to fight, but he is knocked over by Killer Instinct. Killer is attacking Bruce, beating the hell out of him)

HELLINGS-
"Hey, why are you beating up Bruce?"

KILLER INSTINCT-
"I can't take it anymore! I know you're the champion already! I can't take it! Does he have to keep rubbing it in? I have to beat him and take his title!"

(Everyone watches on as Killer Instinct and Bruce brawl. X Con uses this distraction to go around and steal various things. He steals some random "alien" office supplies, a couple of books that were lying on a shelf and even goes to grab a iMac.)

HELLINGS-
"The aliens use Macs? Higher intelligence my..."

(As Scott vents his ever-growing frustration, Tommy goes to bite into an over-sized hamburger. But as he does, X Con swipes it out of his hands.)

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Hey! Where's the beef? (Sees X Con running away) That gnarly guy took my burger! You are so dead!"

(Tommy chases after X Con and then the camera swings to show Gorlon again.)

GORLON-
"Since your friend is detained, I shall fight you. The one named Stupac!"

STUPAC-
"Fine by me!"

CHRIS CRIPPLER-
"Scream be in no you careful can space hear one!"

GORLON-
"Hey! No fair! I'm supposed to the stupid one who makes sense! That does it!"

(Tommy catches X Con and the two start brawling. All hell then begins to break loose. Chris Crippler and Donte Rocker begin to brawl while Pantera simply applies her makeup in a mirror. Even some of the other aliens who look vaguely like the rest of the gang begin to get into the brawl. Gorlon then pulls out and begins brandishing what looks to be an exact ripoff of a light sabre)

GORLON-
"Stupac, there is something I must tell you before we fight."

STUPAC-
"What? What is it?"

GORLON-
"I am your father......in the sense that we are all cosmic beings intertwined with one another's destinies. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say 'I am your brother.' Yes, that sounds better."

STUPAC-
"No! You're not my father! THIS (miraculously pulls a giant framed picture of a man who looks a lot like Stupac, only with grey hair, glasses and a beard) is my father! That does it! You make Stupac mad!"

(Stu then grabs a broom handle and begins to battle it out with Gorlon. The Boy rushes over to Pantera)

HELLINGS-
"Dont just sit there! Do something! We have to help Stupac!"

PANTERA-
"And chip a nail? You gotta be kidding me!"

(Scott shrugs his shoulders and rushes over to Stupac's aid. However, as soon as he get within ten feet of the battle he finds he can no longer move.)

HELLINGS-
"What is happening? I can't move! I'm completely useless! It's almost like Stupac is the only who is allowed to look effective or heroic!"

(Suddenly, throughout all the fighting, Britney Spears manages to find an alien karaoke player and begins to perform her hit song "I'm a Slave 4 U")

HELLINGS-
"Huh? What are you doing? Why are you singing? You should be doing something! And please explain to me why you are performing 'I'm a Slave 4 U?' It has nothing to do with the fight! This isn't fight music! This isn't even music! (Sighs) I am beginnint to get such a headache!"

PANTERA-
"It has been a rough day huh?"

HELLINGS-
"Well that and I have to listen to this trash! Hey, by the way..whatever happened to that whole Britney/Stu love angle that we saw earlier? (Long, awkward pause) This show sucks!"

(Gorlon has his back to the wall and he throws his crown at Stupac. Stu ducks it and it hits Britney. The music stops momentarily as Britney rubs her head.)

BRITNEY SPEARS-
"Ow! (Seemingly calling on Gorlon) Come one! Hit me baby one more time!"

HELLINGS-
"If he doesn't, I will."

(The fight between Stupac and Gorlon comes to a climax when Gorlon's light sabre inexplicably breaks. Both Gorlon and Stupac begin to fight with their fists. Stupac punches Gorlon a few times and the picks him up and bodyslams Gorlon. The King of the Martians is down and Stupac covers him. Another non-descript alien makes the count. 1...2...3. Stupac is the victor. Also, it appears as if Rocker has subdued Crippler and Bruce and Killer Instinct have knocked each other out. All this happens at precisely the same moment that Britney's performance ends)

STUPAC-
"Take that Gorlon! Don't mess with Stupac!"

HELLINGS-
"That's it? All he did was bodyslam him! Why didn't you finish him off with your actual finisher-The Fear Factor? And...a bodyslam? This shows sucks! And I was looking forward to a fight to the death. Should have known it would be a swerve."

STUPAC-
"Tommy! Get some rope to tie all these clowns up and book 'em Dano!"

(Donte Rocker misunderstands the message and hits X Con with a large book that just happened to be sitting nearby)

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Teach you for stealing my message X Con!"

GORLON-
"Hold on! It is my understanding that under your local earth laws I am allowed to have one phone call! Gorlon wants his phone call!"

STUPAC-
"Who are you gonna call?"

HELLINGS-
"So help me...if someone says Ghostbusters, I'll smack them."

GORLON-
"Gorlon...phone......home!"

HELLINGS-
"Hm...I really should have seen that one coming."

CHRIS CRIPPLER-
"Stupac! Get this never you'll away with!"

STUPAC-
"Come on gang! Let's go home!"

HELLINGS-
"Uh...Stu? You don't know how to fly a spaceship, do you?"

STUPAC-
"It can't be that much more different from the Stumobile. After all, American components, alien components...all made in Taiwan!"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Yeah, it will be a piece of cake dude! Hey! I could go for some cake! Cake would be tubular! Let's get moving!"

PANTERA-
"Yeah really! There is, like, a sale at the mall I really want to go to! Hurry, before it closes!"

HELLINGS-
"Whatever. Everything else here is so frustrating, I can't take it anymore. I'm gonna have a nap. I'm sure you will somehow figure out how to fly this thing."

STUPAC-(Shouting to The Boy as he leaves the cockpit of the ship)
"Don't worry buddy! Stupac will get his home! And don't worry about these jerks bugging you...they are all tied up right at the moment!"

(The laughter of Stu, Tommy, Pantera and Rocker is heard. The Boy shudders. He then pauses and looks at the escape hatch, which would send him floating out into space. He then begins to talk to himself)

HELLINGS-
"Nah, better not. I'm sure if I floated around in space nothing would happen to me. Or worse, they would come and get me. I'll just go have that nap."

(The scene suddenly changes to show the group suddenly basking in the sunlight on the beach of what we must assume is their promised island getaway. They are even being served drinks, non-alcoholic of course, by monkeys wearing little tuxedos. There is music playing in the background. Pantera is simply combing her hair, Rocker and Stupac are playing beach volleyball while Britney Spears, Tommy Dee and The Boy are suntanning.)

HELLINGS-
"What the....how did we get here? What's going on? The last thing I remember was being on a spaceship. And why is there a monkey in a tuxedo freshening up my drink? I mean monkey are filled with all sorts of diseases and stuff! This drink has gotta be a breeding ground of disease!"

MC TOMMY DEE-(In between mouthfulls of food)
"You've been...acting really.....strange...lately man. I think.....you got....rocket lag or something."

(Everybody starts laughing)

HELLINGS-
"Why are you all laughing? Rocket lag? That's not funny! I got to get out of here!"

(Suddenly, an airplane is seen flying overhead. Piloting the aircraft is none other than Big Daddy Bruce himself!)

DONTE ROCKER-
"Ooh! Da plane Stu! Da plane!"

BDB-
"I'll get you yet Stupac! NEXT TIME STUPAC! NEXT TIME! HAHAHAHA!! You haven't seen the last of Big Daddy Bruce! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

(As Bruce laughs maniacally, he takes his attention away from his piloting duties. As a result, his plane crashes into a large mountain and explodes on impact. Faintly, you can hear Bruce shout through the fiery infero.)

BDB-
"I'll get you! Uh, I'm still the champion!"

STUPAC-
"Well, too bad he couldn't stay and talk. But I guess he had to.....jet!"

(Once again the group breaks out into laughter over the horrible joke. All except Scott, that is. The Boy has an expression of both confusion and disgust on his face.)

BRITNEY SPEARS-
"Oops! He did it again!"

(The laughter becomes louder as Stupac and the gang laugh hysterically over Britney's tasteless joke)

HELLINGS-(In a sarcastic tone)
"Oh gee, that's great. It's funny, 'cause he could be dead. That's it! I gotta find a way out of this place! HELP ME! HELP ME! SOMEONE SAVE ME!"

(Suddenly, RWW reporter Michael Cole appears out of nowhere. He too is badly drawn and his voice sounds more like Barry White than Michael Cole.)

MICHAEL COLE-
"Hey gang!"

ALL, EXCEPT THE BOY-
"HEY MICHAEL!"

MICHAEL COLE-
"Guess what? I just found out that a long-lost relative just passed away and left Pantera a huge stack of cash in her will!"

DONTE ROCKER-
"Huh? Who's Will?"

STUPAC-
"Gee, that is good news!"

HELLINGS-
"Again with the celebration of death. I swear, this is becoming more disturbing than watching a David Arquette movie!"

PANTERA-
"Oh wow! With all that money I can go shopping and buy even more shoes!"

MICHAEL COLE-
"There's just one catch..."

STUPAC-
"Uh-oh. What is it Michael?"

MICHAEL COLE-
"You all have to spend the night in her house..and it's haunted!"

STUPAC-
"Oh boy, here we go again!"

(The gang all gives each other a high five, except Rocker and Hellings)

DONTE ROCKER-
"Huh? Where's The Boy going? I'm lost."

HELLINGS-(his eye begins to twitch)
"That is it! I'm getting out of here and no one can stop me!"

(The Boy dives into the water and begins to swim as fast as he can. Fotunately, since he is a cartoon character, his arms can move at a feverish pace, becoming nothing more than a blur. He swims for quite a while and the begins to slow down, getting tired. Suddenly, MC Tommy Dee floats past him on an inner tube, as he eats an entire roast turkey.)

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Hey buddy, where you going?"

HELLINGS-
"Huh? But...how? How did you catch up to me? I mean...."

(Scott turns around and notices that although he has swam for several minutes, he has not gained any distance from the shore.)

HELLINGS-
"Oh no! I'm trapped! I'm never getting out of this God-foresaken place! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

(With that, The Boy wakes up, everything back to normal. He is sweating and is hyperventalating. Stupac bursts into his hotel room)

STUPAC-
"Whoa! What is going on here? Are you okay? I heard you screaming from across the hall!"

HELLINGS-
"Stu! It's you! You sound like Stu! And you don't look like a crummy extra from King of the Hill! It was all a dream! It was all just a horrible, horrible dream!"

STUPAC-
"Uh, are you okay dude?"

HELLINGS-
"I think so."

(MC Tommy Dee walks into the room, a sandwich in his hand.)

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Hey. What's going on? I thought I heard you screaming and I..."

(The Boy swipes the sandwich away from Tommy Dee's hands.)

HELLINGS-
"What's wrong with you? You can't keep eating like this! You gotta get back into ring-shape for when you return!"

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Uh, yeah. Sorry. I don't know what I was thinking....eating a sandwich. What are you the food police?"

HELLINGS-
"Sorry, I just had a really bad dream. I dreamt that Bruce somehow beat me on Friday and he was still the champion. And with him being the champion, the ratings dropped and Stu was forced to go to desperate measures for the good of the company."

MC TOMMY DEE-
"What? Did he bring in lesbians or something?"

HELLINGS-
"Worse. He made a cheezy cartoon series about Rampage World Wrestling. It was called "Stupac's Rock 'n Wrestling Connection." I was in it, you guys were in it, Donte and Pantera were in it, and, for some reason Britney Spears was in it."

MC TOMMY DEE-
"Dude, I was just eating. You want me to spew all over you? That sounds like the worst bastardized cartoon since 'Ace Ventura!' "

STUPAC-
"Relax, Scott. I would never do something like that. Well...so long as you beat Bruce on Friday. I mean, if you don't, who knows? Maybe the ratings will drop and I will have to go to those desperate measures."

HELLINGS-
"What? No Stu! You can't! It will be awful! I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it!"

STUPAC-
"Well then, what are you doing sitting around? You better hit the gym and get ready for your match!"

HELLINGS-
"You're right! I gotta get out of here! The world needs be to the champion! See you guys later! I'm off to the gym!"

(With that, The Boy gets up and frantically runs out of the room and towards the nearest gym to train.)

MC TOMMY DEE-
"That was really cruel dude. Messing with a guy like that, telling him you would make a show like that."

STUPAC-
"Hey somebody had to light a fire under his ass. And besides, what makes you think I wouldn't do it Tommy?

MC TOMMY DEE-
"You wouldn't...."

STUPAC-
"Just try me."

(Tommy turns ghastly pale and then begins to back away from Stupac slowly. He holds out his hands, making a cross with his two index fingers, as if warding off some demon. He backs up to the door and then runs away as fast as he can down the hallway. Stupac begins to laugh and then sits himself down on the sofa)

STUPAC-
"Finally! I got the place to myself! Now I can order 'Crossroads' on pay per view without worrying about getting ridiculed!"

(As Stu begins to call the front desk to order the Britney Spears movie, the scene begins to fade to black.)

---

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