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ewa:
STANDUP, BEAT DOWN
This one could have been so much better...if I had the time. Basically, I just finished posting a roleplay and went to watch game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. After the game I went and checked the boards and saw that Precious had posted another roleplay and the deadline was fast approaching. Well, for once I REALLY wanted to win this match. Up until that point, The Boy had yet to win a whole lot, sans the match where Nic Leone didn't show up and I won by default. I don't care in a sense, but it's not good for the integrity of the character. So, after watching my beloved Oilers lose by a goal, I had to suck it up and type like a madman. This one could have been so much better and had so much more potential, to incorporate different aspects of comedy into it, but I just didn't have the time. I regret not getting more time with this, as I am very passionate about comedy. I would like to maybe one day do this one properly and post the revised edition in the Lost section
(The scene opens up inside a nightclub. The camera focuses on a nearly empty stage. It is completely dark, save for a single spotlight in the centre. There is a lone chair in the middle with a glass of water resting on it. A microphone stand is at the front. Off to the right-hand side a sign can be read that says "Amateur Comedy Night." Then, Scott "The Boy" Hellings is seen entering the shot.)
HELLINGS-
"I'm not normally one for doing this sort of thing. It's not that I mind performing or being centre-stage or anything. Heck, I'm used to it! I'm normally quite serious, but there is one thing that I personally find hilarious and I just had to share it. Let's ignore the setup-are you ready for the punchline? Precious still thinks she can beat me! If ever there was a laughable thought, surely that must be it. You think I care about what you think about me? Think again. Talk on and on about you are going to beat me, but we all know the truth. We all know that you don't have what it takes. You want the proof? You keep going on about how mad I've made you. Hit a little too close to home have I? Starting to rethink your game plan? Don't get the champagne on ice just yet Precious. Don't start planning your little victory parade because overlooking me is a huge mistake. Many others have made that same mistake before-men AND women who were better than you could ever hope to be-and they too learned that I could beat anyone I want on any night I want. And I know that you still don't get it, which lets me know that I have the advantage.
Not that there was any doubt about that mind you. You see, you still seem to think that I would be embarrassed about losing to a woman. Haven't I said about a hundred times since I joined EWA that I don't care what sex you are! Does it matter to me that you're a woman? And, even if the unthinkable happens and I happen to lose this match, it's not going to make me run home and cry. You know why? I'll be in Double Ladder Mayhem. Will you be? Oh, that's right. I forgot-you're not good enough. But me? Well I'm THE Canadian Legend and The One and Only UBERstar, so it's a given that I'll be there. I have a shot to really make a name for myself. So why sweat losing to you? This is a nothing match and you're a nothing opponent. I know it, you know it and the whole damn world knows it!"
(The Boy pauses to take a sip from his glass of water.)
HELLINGS-
"Let me tell you something. No, check that. Let me plead of you to bring your (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'A Game.' If you have such a thing, that is. Hit me with everything you got. Then, and maybe then, you'll finally start to realize that you can't beat me. You don't deserve to be in the same ring as me. Heck, you don't deserve to be in the same zip code as me! And you know what part I enjoy the most? The fact that no one is going to be there to pick up the pieces. Your little friends abandoned you because they knew they were wasting their time associating with a hack like you. No worries though, my Red and White Ribbon Campaign will take care of you.
Because, make no mistake, this is your swan song, the final curtain. The ship is sinking and all the lifeboats are gone. You think you're going to somehow stop me? You think you're going to somehow even end my career? Such an idea is about as ridiculous as Jordan Lindsey winning the World Title! I admire your misguided enthusiasm, your delusions of grandeur, but in the end it's all in your head. And no, you were wrong when you suggested I was trying to play mind games with you Precious. I don't do that sort of thing because I really don't see the purpose. When you're this good, you don't need to bother with the mental side of the game. Because, it's like I said, they may call me The Boy, but there is no doubt I am The Man!"
(The Boy sits down in the chair, holding the glass of water in his hand. He is silent for a moment, and then continues.)
HELLINGS-
"And as if that wasn't enough, there is still one more reason why I know I can beat you. I heard you going on and on about how pain is sexy or something idiotic like that. You like pain? You find it arousing? What is that? Are you trying to be flirty or sexy or something? Trust me, Precious, everyone's already had a ride and we don't need to see that tired old act of yours. I guess when you're as inept as you are that perhaps because you feel pain so much that it's all you're used to. Well, don't worry Precious, I'll make sure you get all the pain your little heart desires. I'll give you as much pain as I can dish out. And then I'll go back for seconds. And thirds. And I won't stop until there's just scraps of you left. You want to bleed? I'll make you bleed. Your belief, though misguided, that me making you bleed is somehow your advantage is definitely comedic.
Face facts Precious—I'm The Marquee Player, The Franchise Saviour and The Number One Money Maker! Who are you? You're just one half of a tag team that no longer exists. I'm on my way to a major pay per view main event and where are you? Floundering around in the tag team division with a partner that you may or not may not even be able to trust. Our careers are headed in two different directions and my path is definitely paved with gold. So, go on and believe that you can beat me. And, go ahead, try your hardest. I dare you too even. But the end result will see me in the winner's circle."
(The Boy walks off stage, as the camera is fixated on the microphone. He then walks back into the shot one last time.)
HELLINGS-
"This is no joke Precious because I've never been more serious. You're still playing the role of the loveable buffoon and that will be your undoing. You're still slumming it in the clubs, trying to improvise your way along, while the truly great such as myself are headlining everywhere we go. Simply put, you're nothing but a one-line joke. But no one is laughing. That is why I'm going to win. Start getting used to that idea. I'll win and there is nothing you can do to stop me. Why? Because I want to, because I can!"
(The Boy then storms off the stage as the scene fades to black.)
  
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