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ewa: DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, NOT YOUR CAREER


Call me crazy, but the first thing I think of when I hear the name Precious is gemstones and diamonds. So, I pretty much had to use that in a roleplay here. As you can plainly see, Wikipedia once again bails me out and provided me with the necessary background information in gems. This roleplay is okay, but I felt it could have been much better. I think the basic problem was that I was trying to get a roleplay pumped out quickly and it affected the outcome. Had I taken more time with it I'm sure it could have been something better. I don't like doing roleplays where you just rag on the person's name (although I've done dozens of them in the past), but I couldn't resist doing this one, since no one else had made this type of connection to Precious' name before. Truthfully, I think I was just glad I got to incorporate the title of a James Bond film/novel into one of my titles.

(The scene opens up inside an empty jewelry store. Suddenly, Scott "The Boy" Hellings pops up from behind the counter. He is wearing a black suit and, as always, he has a smug look on his face.)

HELLINGS-
"You know something? If you look hard enough, you can find just about anything you want. If you really wanted to believe, maybe the lyrics and album covers really do suggest that Paul McCartney died. Or, if you look hard enough, you really might just notice how Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side of the Moon' synchs up with the action on-screen in The Wizard of Oz. If you look hard enough that is. Most normal people, such as myself, know that all that mumbo jumbo is just the inane rantings of stoners and conspiracy buffs and nothing more. But then, once in a while, you notice something that seems to really connect. This week at Implosion I'm facing off against Precious and last night while I was lying in bed I got to thinking. I started thinking about that name and for some reason it stuck with me. I mean, you could look at the name from two different perspectives: precious, as in a term of endearment for someone you love...or it could relate to something valuable. I'm not suggesting that her name means anything more than a Bob or a Francine because it doesn't.

Normally I don't like to get too wrapped up in this sort of thing, but I couldn't help it. Heck, I know more than a few people out there feel my name is ridiculous. But they're just too ignorant to know the back-story. Believe me, they may call The Boy, but there is no doubt that I am The Man! So Precious can herself anything she wants because it doesn't affect me at all. After all, Billy Shakespeare said 'a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.' And I believe that too, because no matter what someone wants to call themselves, that name will still find itself with a great big loss attached after facing me. After all, I am The Boy and that does mean I am The Best! But it stuck with me and I had to look into things further. And I'm glad I did because I started reading up on things that were valuable and I came across gemstones. And there was some interesting stuff there that made me notice some similarities to EWA. In particular, similarities between both Precious and myself. For example, let's begin with amethyst."

(The Boy holds up a ring with an amethyst stone.)

HELLINGS-
"Amethyst was once a very valuable stone, originally included with the 'cardinal' or most valuable gemstones, but it has lost much of its value due to discoveries of large deposits. And that is really a lot like Precious herself, isn't it? Up until, heck, even a week ago Precious was on top of the world. Her and her little gal pals, WOW Evolution, seemed poised to run over the rest of the competition. Well everyone except for myself, of course. And then what happened? Well rumours started floating around earlier this week that Jessie Devlin and Destiny had abandoned ship. Well I can confirm for you that they, along with Ric Thunder, had to quit EWA. The quit because they knew they couldn't beat me. Don't forget that I am THE Canadian Legend and The One and Only UBERstar! Oh, I'm sure Precious disagrees and Thunder, Devlin and Destiny will also argue that fact. But don't believe one word of it. The Suits may even try to explain their absence somehow at Implosion this week, but it's all a lie. All my fans, all The Boy Scouts, know the truth. Would I lie to you? Possibly, but not this time. Don't worry about them though because my Red and White Ribbon Campaign will take care of them, just as it always looks after the inept competitors who only faced failure when trying to face me. But it does mean one thing-Precious is all alone. Oh, her little friend Cardelle has shown up I suppose. But can she trust him? When everyone else has abandoned her, how could she trust him? You know, maybe it's time you sat up and looked in the mirror Precious; if there is a problem with everyone you know leaving you, maybe YOU are the problem. And you know what? Even if Cardelle doesn't run away, I'll make sure he leaves one way or the other. Because it's my understanding that he has magically been declared the co-holder of your tag team titles. That's simply not fair; he's done nothing to deserve it!

If I have my way, I'll see to it that he pays for just being handed a title when the rest of us are earning ours! And, if I were you, and that would really be a fate worse than death, I'd do something about it. Don't you think that perhaps he's just decided to appear in your corner to maybe just screw you over? Mark my words, something wicked this way comes, and the name is Cardelle. I wouldn't trust him. But the problem here is that you pretty much have to trust him because all of your little friends gave up on you. They must have recognized that you were, as I suspected, the weak link in the chain. And I'll expose that this week. Count on it. So because of them, you're all alone with no one else to turn to and it will come back and haunt you. I can feel it. But that's the problem, isn't it? Like amethyst, no one cares about you anymore Precious. No one wants you. Diamonds are a girl's best friend Precious and you're gonna need 'em, because no one else wants anything to do with you."

(The Boy then picks up a ruby and holds it up, examining it.)

HELLINGS-
"But if you're an amethyst Precious, I'm a ruby. You see natural rubies are fairly rare, but highly sought-after. Well I know what's that like, being The Marquee Player, The Franchise Saviour and The Number One Money Maker! Everyone wants a piece of me, everyone wants to be me. But there is only one me, and I'm simply better than everyone else. I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it! You can brag all you want about how you beat me last week, but keep in mind that you had to have help. Keep in mind that it was handicap match. And don't forget that it was a match that, by my own admission, I was going to phone in anyway because I simply couldn't be bothered. This week your partner won't be there. Cardelle will be in your corner I'm sure, but it's not the same as actually being in the ring. Besides, Cardelle isn't 1/27 as good as me, so he won't be a factor at all! It's a 1-on-1 match and I know I can beat you in that setting. You don't stand a chance Precious. Just like my opponents won't stand a chance in Double Ladder Mayhem.

See, it doesn't matter that Ric Thunder or Jessie Devlin won't be there. And it doesn't matter who qualifies after this week's battle royale match. Because no matter who it is, I'll just walk right over them on my way to the title. I'm sorry, but there's no two ways around it! I can beat whoever gets in my way because you people are simply not at my level! There won't be an upset, no (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'diamond in the rough' underdog story. It's a foregone conclusion folks. I'll win this week and then I'll win in Double Ladder Mayhem. You don't have to like it you just need to accept it. All the other monkeys in the locker room here are still just lumps of coal and I'm the one diamond that everyone wants to be like! Speaking of which..."

(The Boy then holds up what appears to be a diamond.)

HELLINGS-
"Take a look at this. It looks almost perfect, doesn't it? But the problem is that it isn't an actual diamond. No, this is what is known as a cubic zirconium. It is a diamond substitute. And although it actually has some fine characteristics, no one really wants it. It's considered tacky and not as desirable as an actual diamond that, truthfully, is naturally more flawed. One thing trying to be something it isn't and failing...kind of like Precious. She too wants to be just like me. And I can't say I blame her; if I were her I'd want to be me too. But at the end of the day, no one wants her and no one wants to be like her. Sure, like the cubic zirconium, I suppose you could argue that she has commendable characteristics too. After all, she did win the tag team titles, that much I must begrudgingly admit. But at the end of the day, she's still just an imposter; she's trying to pretend she's much better than she really is! The sad fact is that she can't even do anything about it either. Quite simply, nature is against her. In nature it is the survival of the fittest, the weak are weeded out and the strong comes out on top! But that means two things: first, that there must be weaker individuals. And second, that there must be stronger, more capable individuals. And, whether Precious wants to admit it or not, she falls in the former category and I the latter. You've been lied to all your life; it isn't true that brain wins over brawn. That baloney about 'it's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog' is just the kind of mentality that losers use to keep them motivated enough to fight-and lose-another battle.

Let me explain it this way: in the debate over nature vs. nurture, nature has to win! You want to know why? Because the truth is standing right here in front of you and his name is Scott Hellings. Look at this chiseled physique and tell me that nature doesn't trump nurture every time! It's survival of the fittest, it's Darwinism! I didn't make the rules; I just became the perfect example as to why they work! You think people tune into EWA each and every week to see people like Precious or Cardelle or even a Rob Faith? Of course not. As we all know, I am The Nielsen's Favourite Son and everyone wants to see me! I know that The Suits may not like me, but they have to admit that when I'm around, ratings soar, buyrates skyrocket and the cash flows in like it grows on trees."

(The Boy then picks up a watch and holds it up for the camera.)

HELLINGS-
"You know even this says a lot. You see, I already know that Precious has been forced to ask questions as to whether or not she and Cardelle are a couple. Sure, she denies it now, but I know how these things work. See she hears a ticking too and, no, it's not coming from this watch. It's her biological clock and it is winding down, heading for zero hour at what must be an uncomfortable place. So right now we're all sitting around playing the 'will they or won't they' game and that's good and fine if that sort of thing entertains you. But-spoiler alert-I'm going to ruin it for you: they get together. Just like every other couple that has sat on the fence like that has eventually got together. Because Precious is probably another of those types who sits around, watches Oprah, reads her Cosmos and starts to wonder if she too will ever get to experience the magic of childbirth. And, if she waits long enough, her standards will go down to meet her need to procreate. She scoffs at the idea of her and Cardelle getting together now, but give it some time and they'll find their way into each other's arms. Why? Because Precious will go from thinking 'no, not him. Never him.' To 'maybe him.' And then finally to 'why not him?' I've seen it dozens of times before. Well I say you should just spare us the pain of waiting for you two to hook up.

I'm tired of sitting idly by, watching two idiots play out their own sordid little soap opera in front of the world when the truly great, such as myself, should be out there doing what they do best-winning. But the bottom line is this: that ticking clock is as dangerous a countdown as a ticking time bomb. It will be your undoing Precious. Because already you have got too much on your mind! And, like I said, Cardelle can't be trusted anyway, so how can you possibly compete with me? I mean, the guy not only worms his way into a title but pretty soon he'll be charming his way into your pants too! I mean, isn't it a little convenient that he shows up right after your little friends took off? He knows you're on the rebound, so to speak. He knows that your vulnerable and he's going to exploit it. He's devious and cold-hearted and for that I give him kudos...but take this as a warning Precious. Take it as a warning not because I like you or not because I respect you. Take it as a warning so that one day you can stop and realize that I was right all along. I don't care what happens to you, I just want the satisfaction in knowing that I was right and you were wrong. Jessie and Destiny left you, what makes you think he won't too?

So on top of all the distractions, all the letdown and heartache, you got to remember that nature is solidly in my favour and the deck is stacked against you. You can't win Precious, because it just wasn't meant to be. Don't you see? Everyone and every thing is against you. Maybe if you were facing off against a lesser wrestler you would have a chance. But not against me Precious. But it doesn't really matter. I could sit here and talk about diamonds and rubies and other gemstones until I was blue in the face, but that wouldn't really get anything done. In the end, it doesn't prove anything. Instead, I'm just going to get things done. I like to live by the Latin phrase, 'res ipsa loquitor.' It means 'the thing speaks for itself.' And that is exactly what I am going to do. I am going to let my actions do the talking."

(The Boy turns to leave, but then stops and turns back for a moment.)

HELLINGS-
"Implosion is only the start of your steady decline. You can talk a big game all you want, but we all know the truth. I'm going to walk right over you and there is nothing you can do to stop me. Why? Because I want to, because I can!"

(The Boy stares intently at the camera for a moment before tossing the watch to the side and storming out as the scene fades to black.)

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