Better late than never, Carl. And always, I have highly valued your opinion.

David (Hontiveros) made it known to me the double-entendr� of your title �Diliman,� referring to both the place as well as its translation, �to darken.� Nice touch there. I like the logo, too.

Jaw dropped. Sorry. David Hontiveros commented on my work! :-) I always considered him one of the big names in local comics!

Glad to know you liked the word play as well as the logo. I dropped the white line art in favor for the simpler look the words emit.

I hope you don�t mind if I begin with the areas for improvement. I�ll start with the art, since this is an area I�m relatively more confident in critiquing.

Definitely not. Always helps (even if it hurts!) :-)

I don�t expect you to master anatomy early on in this game. Anyway, your style fits well with your story, (the big heads with small bodies are mostly effective) but there are a number of panels where I felt a little more �research� could be made anatomy-wise. The way they hold their cell phones is one, as well as the �undershots,� where the camera is below the chin pointing up. You�ve used these shots quite a number of times, and I was thinking that perhaps you could study these.

Consistency of character appearance is also a concern. I honestly didn�t recognize Bambi in those pages following Gabe�s death. There are times when you�d draw her glasses with white frames, others with dark frames. Some shots of Dyan also had me confused.

The best way for you to self-police your art is to review your work at least a week after you�ve done them. Determine those panels you feel you could do better in and, if you have the time, redraw them and paste them in with good ol� Photoshop. I must tell you now that I had to redraw (pencil and ink) at least 15 pages worth of Zsazsa Zaturnnah because the first versions looked like crap to me. Even now, when I look at One Night In Purgatory, I feel I could�ve done better on some pages in terms of anatomy and panel lay-out and composition.

Definitely big big help. I admit, i am a whore to "no anatomy". I promise to practice. and yes, i have been having trouble keeping faces. every now and then, urges to try a different look hit me. i tell you, its horrible. i will practice! promise! even bought a few art books to help me out.

(Speaking of Zsazsa, you bad baaaad boy, giving Dyan that shirt...) :-)

(eek huli ako! fyi, that shirt actually reads, "Ako si Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah!" heheheh)

In terms of character (personality), the most distinguishable to me is Dyan and, to some extent, Rich. Bambi and Gabe sound the same (except for the fact that Gabe says �putsa naman.�). This lent to my confusion after Gabe�s death, when Bambi took over the narration. I had thought that it was still Gabe narrating the story until later on. (Not overly familiar with the genre, I thought that having Gabe narrate even after his death would have been a nice touch really.) I hope the personality differences would be more apparent as the story continues.

you guessed right on the narrative element passing through each character, although i hope the 6th issue surprises you nicely as to who does the talking. but yeah, i promise, we will get a feel of what makes Dyan tick as well. have to admit, i do have a soft spot for madonnas who seek to kill their exs.

There are some bumps in the story structure that caught me off guard. There�s something off with the flow, almost hiccupy. The kind that made me stop and go, �Whudda...?� I thought page 6 was too early on and could have been less disruptive if it were between pages 9 and 10. I think some of the pages where you did a bit of exposition (Bernardo Carpio is another example) could be placed somewhere else. To me, it became something like, �Let�s pause for a while because we have a bit of explaining to do.� In terms of flow, your recent issue was smoothest, save for that bit recalling the fight between Rich and Dyan (which was a bit unclear to me honestly).

as to the choppy story, i admit, some of the shifts were actually on the fly. i guess it really happens when the story takes control of you. and its tough at times writing a plot and fighting the urge to explain elements of the story that were not in the book but are persent in personal knowledge. damn, i am learning how tough it really can be to make this.

Let�s go now to the other side of the coin.

The plot is new to me. This is, of course, coming from a guy who�s not remotely familiar with the genre. I�ve only recently begun to read fiction seriously, and horror in particular is alien territory. The closest I�ve ever come to seriously reading horror was The Sandman. I don�t really know where you plan to take this opus, but what you�ve shown so far has made me curious enough to want to read more.

I like the fact that you killed Gabe off. A surprise to me, as I saw him as THE protagonist, and that �ride me horsey� bit was strangely erotic to me. I even drew a version of that little orgy, but threw the sketch away because my version looked too antiseptic.

After Gabe�s death, you shifted to Bambi�s POV, and I�m guessing that we�ll soon see that of Rich, or maybe even the evil fag Dyan. I personally would like to see Dyan�s perspective, what makes him tick. I�ll reserve my other comments till you go further with your story, as I see your current issues as something like 20% of the entire run. It would be fun to see where you�re taking this baby.

Then there�s the art.

There are pages where I loved the way you used black and white. There�s Issue 2 page 20 and 21, Issue 3 page 26, Issue 4 page 40 and 49� I also liked the beginning pages of the �spirit of the glass� thing. You�ve got some pretty pages going.

Dude, you can draw. That goes without saying. The mere fact that you�ve gone this far shows that you really want to do this, and I see bits of improvement as you progress through the issues. Your collages are effective, and the quality of your line work shows that you have a sense of atmosphere. The grit is there. Though there were some panels where I felt you had to resort to �shortcuts,� the overall art is consistent.

I will tell you now, without pulling your leg, that you�ve come up with exciting work. The language is simple, accessible and carries your message across quite well. You didn�t have to resort to any fancy-schmancy Claremontesque School of Writing to impress. Overall, I�m excited to see how your story turns out in the end, and equally excited to see how your storytelling and art style develops.

Umaarangkada na ang Tobie. Woohoo!

I hope this helps a bit.

Carl
Creator of One Night In Purgatory, and Ang Kagila-gilalas na Pakikipagsapalaran ni ZsaZsa Zaturnnah
Alamat Comics and Quest Ventures

Black and white is turning out to offer a HUGE range of opportunities, i have to admit. i was blind to them at first (hence yes, i admit, the use of certain shortcuts. benedict called them "extreme close-up thingy") in his letter as well as repeating panels and changing minimal stuff. i admit it, i hate having to redraw everything. but i know, i know, i should. been working really hard on issue 6 (ask my housemate! he wonders at times why i'm drawing for hours while lying on the floor on my stomach when i could be amusing myself with the playstation or a rpg instead.) and the mapping out of issue 7. i wonder if you'll spot the influences of my work for those issues.

Again, THANK YOU VERY VERY VERY MUCH for this letter! It really shot my spirits upwards and helped me a LOT! I'm anxious to unveil the next issue already!

The series is good. Very good. Mind you, I might be too much of a novice for you to take my comments seriously, but by the heavens if anyone says your series sucks I'd look into their intellectual capacities.

Considering how much I detest violence, I will say thank you for your support. :-) but then again, maybe the term suck can be something more Dyan-ish in nature and even be appealing to certain people. One can hope?

True, your drawing style is simplistic. Some might say too simplistic and in need of refinement, but the fact is that the reader is drawn better into the story due to the art's simplicity: it's easier to see the tiny details that make it a gem, like the handkerchief in the 4th episode, or the bloodiness of the aswangs attack (or Dyans...err, "procreation" with the kapre[?]), etc.

Dyan definitely crossed uncharted territory there, eh? :-)

But what I really like is the story, the meat and soul of the series itself. A comics isnt just about eye candy and big damn boobs; its about life, or a reflection of it, no matter how strange or dark it may be. And this is where "Diliman" excels to the max, as usual. :-) Thank you! ;-)

If there are any points that need to be improved on...maybe the art. Just the art. Polish it up, refine your style, then add colors...you know the drill.

Carl (the email before yours) gives a LOT of really good suggestions on things I should further develop and gain proficiency in. And all the points he raised are valid.

As to colors... maybe.. we will see. I shy away from colors since the use of colors demands even more time and effort.. and I'm afraid I can't spare much more without causing each issue to be further delayed in production.

Otherwise, its damn good. Very damn good. Now, if you were to publish it more often (wink wink grin)...

Hmm.. if I had more incentive to quit work and just do this more often considering i have bills to pay and the like... wink wink...

Questions: 1) How much of the occult stuff is for real?

Whether the occult stuff is real or not I leave for the individual to decide upon. But whether or not the details I share in the book have grains of truth, I would have to say this: Not everything I made in this story is made up. Some are based on experiences I have had. Others, on stories I have heard from reliable people . But in no way is DILIMAN intended to be a bible of truth about anything. It is first and foremost a comic book intended to entertain and make people think. Anything else after that is for the individual reader to decide and is no longer in my control.

2) When are you bringing Gabs (thats the guy who "died", right?) back?

Maybe. Or maybe he never left them. More on this in future issues and I don't think you want me to spoil it yet.

3) Will you bring in new characters, and when?

Well, lots of "name cameos" that's for sure. I like finding ways to squeeze in friends and their works into my book as a token or homage to them for being great friends. So you never know if more people come in with names you might know. One thing is for sure, the coming seventh issue definitely answers some unsaid questions that were thrown in the first issue.

In terms of characters really vital to the plot, there are three more (if I am not mistaken. One seems intent in commiting creative suicide before I get a chance to write him into the book.) soon to emerge. Here's a clue of one of them: the old man/tikbalang called him "Datu."

4) Can frequent readers nominate/create new characters?

I'm not so sure about that. Ever since the comic book fiasco that happened where ownership over characters erupted into legal affairs, I never really wanted to find myself in a similar case.

You never know if a character I create might match a concept you suggest, making others wonder who thought of it first, right?

But if, in the spirit of fun, you want to suggest a character or monster to show up somehow in the book, I'd love to hear it.

Oh, and just in case I forget: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAN!
Yun lang.