Courage Virility Newsletter: Issue No. 4 PLAYER PROFILES
PAT YOUNG
Pat �fuckit� Young: The young household has been very quiet this year, which would lead you to believe that there may be a confident man coming out of it. This might have something to do with Pat�s current handicap. For a man who drives the ball as well as he does you may well wonder how he got so high. Pat hasn�t played as much as usual this year because of the demise of Ballinascorney golf club, but this may add to his advantage. Pat had a 1st in Ballinrobe and a 3rd in Westport last year.
1997 - 1st 1998 - 4th 1999 - J2nd 2000 - 3rd
Odds: 5/1
CHRIS MORAN
Chris �Chrishty� Moran. Here is another man not saying too much about his chances this year who also has a rather inflated handicap. Question may be asked how Chris got 22 from Ballinrobe. To change the subject completely, Tom, Chris�s brother is handicap secretary in said golf club. This year Chris has asked that people leave his video camera alone. Many hours were wasted last year on a monologue by some unknown person. He would like to get a word in himself sometimes. Congratulation to Chris on reaching 50 this year and being our second member eligible for the senior tour. Chris had a 3rd in Ballinrobe last year.
1997 - J5th 1998 - 5th 1999 - J7th 2000 - 4th
Odds: 4/1
SEAN MORAN
Sean �Ball & Chain� Moran: After starting superbly last year Sean flattered to deceive once again and finished a lowly 10th. Other members are wondering if trying to run the committee and keep his lovely wife happy is too much of a strain on Sean�s slim shoulders. It has been suggested he be relieved from one of these duties and obviously there is no way he can leave the committee! Sean has played a lot more golf this year so in theory we should see a vast improvement in his placing. Sean has a 3rd in Galway Bay last year.
MIKE MOORE
Mike �Dipso, Buddha� Moore: Mike had an absolute disaster last year on the tour. This was a man who was considered a real threat to the big boys, the dark horse. But he ended up scrapping down at the bottom with the also rans. Has Mike lost his will to win? Maybe he just comes for the drinking and craic (which of course is rule 1 of CVGS). The only problem is Mike�s legions of fans; they expect better things from their hero, maybe this year?????????
PADDY BURKE
Paddy �Sandy� Burke arrives totally relaxed and ready for the challenge ahead. Paddy just finished his final exams and now looks forward to years of fiddling books to make a nice few quid. He already runs the finances of a different golf society and has made enquiries about a takeover of ours! Make us an offer Paddy. As you will notice, not much talk about golf in this player�s profile, enough said!! Paddy had a win in Ballinrobe last year.
TONY HOGAN
Tony �Shumacher� Hogan. Tony comes onto the tour this year hoping to regain some of the consistency from his first year. His points went from 23 on the first day to a massive 38 in Wesport, definitely Jekyll & Hyde. Tony could have slipped in with a nice big handicap after last year but an unfortunate meeting with the handicap secretary in the Open centre has cost him 2 very valuable shots. Time will tell if those 2 points will make a difference because he would like to retain the trophy for Manchester. Tony had a win in Westport last year.
DAVID KERR
David �Easy� Kerr has requested the committee to change his nickname as he thinks the name �Easy� is not befitting to a champion! Maybe this year we will call him �uneasy� because it is nearly impossible to defend this Trophy. It hasn�t been done since the days of the legendary Presidente Burke. The boys in Manchester have all become regular golfers, this has been reflected in the lowering of their handicaps. It has also been very quiet there this year, possibly another confident camp. Dave stayed away from the women last year and won, he will need to do the same this year. Dave had a 2nd in ballinrobe and a 3rd in Galway bay last year.
JOHN WALSH
John �Contented� Walsh was being hailed last year as a serious contender for the title because everything was going right for him, well this year things have only got better. John is now the father of a baby boy, called Sean after our founding member, Congratulations John & Linda. John had also being playing a lot of golf over the last year and somehow still managing to hold onto that big handicap. Obviously his golfing has been curtailed lately but he still remains one of the main men this year. John had a 2nd in Tuam last year.
DERMOT BURKE
Dermot �Presidente� Burke comes onto the tour this year a relaxed, laid back person, safe in the knowledge he has no title to defend and with such a low handicap he is not expected to even make a showing. The cries from earlier years of �Bandit� have all but died away and the begrudgers have crept back into their hovels. In saying that Dermot has hit some form lately and had a couple of wins, notably Westmonstown Intermediate scratch cup (Net prize). Chances are these wins were just lucky and really should not be taken too seriously in the context of the tournament. Dermot had a 1st in Galway Bay and a 3rd in Ballinrobe last year.
CHRIS HOGAN
Chris �Hustler� Hogan comes into his 3rd year on the tour looking to seriously challenge the Big boys. 2 years ago Chris recorded the 3 lowest scores ever recorded in the society and now after playing with the handicap secretary recently he managed to actually lose 2 shots off his handicap. Like the rest of the boys from Manchester he has been golfing a lot this year. Rumour has it he wants to win himself but as long as the trophy doesn�t go to London he doesn�t mind who wins. Chris had a 2nd in Westport last year.
JOHN MCENERY
John �Mac� McEnery: John, our representative from Kerry has decided to make a serious attempt to bring our trophy down south to be with Sam Maguire. He is joining us for the full week for the 1st time. The only problem is he doesn�t realise Sam is coming home to Dublin this year. Mac has a dangerously large handicap and would be seen as a threat any time but particularly this month as it has come to the editors attention that he has already won twice in June. Of course these were team events so his handicap is not affected!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! John has a 1st in Tuam and a 2nd in Ballinrobe last year. He also came J2nd in the weekenders.
Mike Seal
Mike �loadsamoney� Seal makes a welcome return to the tour this year. Mike took last year off because he thought he wasn�t doing himself justice over here. He has taken a lot of time off work over the last year to spend practising his game. Mike also very recently took out a second mortgage to fund his golf game. He has invested heavily in a dream, a dream that someday the ball will fly more than 100 yards off the tee, a dream he can get the ball in the hole in less than 6, a dream of finishing a round in under 5 hours. Can �Taylor Made� make this dream come true?
JOE GAROFALO
Joe �Big Boy� Garafalo joins us for his 3rd attempt to win the tournament. In his first year he went home after 3 days because he just couldn�t believe the quality of golf he was watching. Last year he thought he was ready, but alas again he couldn�t make the grade. This year Joe is slimmer, fitter mentally tougher and focused on the task ahead��� but is his game up to it? Joe is known as a quiet man in Ballinrobe only getting excited when a certain type of female comes in the vicinity. Posters have been erected in Ballinrobe warning of the impending arrival of young Joe. Farmers lock up your livestock. Joe had a 2nd in Ballinrobe last year.
TONY MORTON
Tony �Kaffa� Morton is only joining us for a very brief visit this year. Tony couldn�t afford to stay any longer because he had to pay for two seats on the flight over and even then they asked him if he was carrying any extra luggage on his person. The committee was also considering asking for extra subs from Tony to cover the anticipated rasher shortage. It�s a pity he can�t stay longer because Kaffa�s golf has improved immensely (no seriously). He probably would have shocked a few people this year and finished ahead of them. Come back next year Tony, the craic is mighty.
JOE CORRIGAN
Joe �Beardy� Corrigan: Joe comes on the tour this year a hot, hot, hot favourite to win the weekend competition. He has improved every year he has being coming to Ballinrobe and he has been golfing very regularly in Dublin. He has been playing well below his 18 handicap and still somehow manages to hold on to it. Joe as we know is getting on a bit and he was very upset when he heard we could be banning buggys, this would have affected his chances very seriously. After a heartfelt appeal from Mr Corrigan the committee relented and decided to allow buggies. (despite protests from the Cunningham Camp). Joe had a 2nd & 3rd in Ballinrobe last year.
EAMON O'CARROLL
Eamonn �Smack� O�Carroll: Every year that Eamonn comes down to Ballinrobe he is touted as a serious contender for the main prize. This year is no different although after his performance last year his ability may be called into question. Eamonn is yet another man who has managed to hold onto a large handicap and at the same time win competitions. He is also now the owner of a new set of �Taylor Made� irons courtesy of his lovely if misguided girlfriend, Adrian.(He would have been happy with golf balls). All he needs is a driver that will hit the ball straight and he will be back in his position as favourite. Eamonn had a 2nd in Tuam and a 3rd in Galway bay last year.
TONY CUNNINGHAM
Tony �Trooper� Cunningham is looking forward to this year after a pretty bad year by his standards last year. Tony finally invested in a new (2nd hand!) set of clubs which it was assumed would transform his game. Unfortunately they sent him the wring way and now he can�t win to save his life. Tony loves the weekend down in Ballinrobe but he is trying to top it off by setting up his own �Club 92�. If he can�t get any decent girls to work there he wants to know will any of the boys on tour will volunteer. He�s not fussy! He might have to come in disguise this year as he has a few outstanding restaurant bills to pay. Tony had a 2nd in Ballinrobe last year.
Paul Hogan
Paul �Beginner� Hogan. The committee would like to welcome Paul to the tour. Paul is a relative newcomer to golf, he is playing about one and a half years. Don�t let that fool you though he is a good a golfer as lads who have been playing for years. This man also has a misguided girlfriend, for his last birthday he received the latest Ping Driver! Enjoy yourself Paul.
