The Republican

The Commitee

Dear U.S. citizens,

I have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise five million dollars for a monument of Bill Clinton. We originally wanted to put him on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces. We then decided to erect a statue of Bill Clinton in the Washington, DC Hall of Fame. However, we were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It did not seem proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since Bill Clinton could never tell the difference. We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know where he was, returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's money. If you are one of the fortunate people who has anything left after paying taxes, we will expect a generous contribution to this worthwhile project.

Thank You,
The Monument Committee

The Rat Story

A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco.
Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very life-like, life-sized bronze statue of a rat.

It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it.
He took it to the owner. "How much for the bronze rat?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," said the owner.

The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was disconcerting, he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS! ... They were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay, and threw the bronze rat as far out into the water as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats jumped into the Bay after it, and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?"

"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.

Title

Story