This site is dedicated to the people who have experienced child abuse. The difference between this and other sites is that I'm not trying to explain anything. I just want to be able to tell other people how I feel about being abused. If you have had similar experiences, I will be happy to post your feelings on this site. You can be anonymous if you want. I just wanted to tell the world so that I can feel better myself. If you would like to share your experience, drop me an email at [email protected] Fact: Often children do not tell anyone about sexual abuse because they: are too young to put what has happened into words; were threatened or bribed by the abuser to keep the abuse a secret; feel confused by the attention and feelings accompanying the abuse; are afraid no one will believe them; blame themselves or believe the abuse is punishment for being "bad"; feel too ashamed or embarrassed to tell; worry about getting into trouble or getting a loved one into trouble; Silence enables sexual abuse to continue. Silence protects sexual offenders and hurts children who are being abused. Sexual abuse is an extremely difficult and damaging experience. Today there are many resources to help victims and their families. If your feel that you are being abused, you should contact the police or a teacher because they are the only ones that can help.

My Personal Experience on Child Abuse I had experienced indecent actions at the age of 11 which I would now consider to be sexual exploitation. It was something that I did not like but daren't to show it. However, it was performed by a close person and I had no courage of telling her how I felt. I knew that she would just consider it a joke. This took place everyday when I took my showers. At the beginning, I was fine by myself. However, later on near the end of my shower, she would come in to comb her hair or use the toilet. I would not come out and would stay in the shower box. As I ran out of time, I would be forced to come out as she babbled on about the wasted time and water. She would then watch me, dry my body, but pretending not to watch. The next time it would become worst. She would start off using the toilet and telling me that it was time for me to take a shower. She would stay there watching me take my clothes off. Her head daringly close to my genitals as space was small in the bathroom and she was sitting down on the toilet and I was standing up. I couldn't tell her how I felt or she would laugh or shout at me for thinking of her like that. I couldn't cover myself or she could question me and I could imagine her stealing the towel away and shouting at me. This persisted for several months or years. I couldn't remember, I was a child. Now, as a 17 year old, I review the pain that I felt and cannot wash away. I feel dirty and hate her. But I cannot hate her for hating would be wrong because she is reponsible for me and has cared for me and it is my responsibility to care back. I see her efforts in bring me up but that could never make up for the pain I had felt. Am I wrong? Is it right for my sexuality to be invaded because of others sexual desire? I fear and hate but then can only know that if I hate, I am wronging myself. Those years and now I feel as if my soul was stolen and my body feasted upon by the world. My body is empty and people see right through me. Everybody carrys an evil grin and has taken from me, something that cannot be returned. And now I fear to love or to trust because love only brings hate and trust only brings broken promises. Written on April 29, 2000 at 1:00 am

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