Hi, I'm not quite sure what to say, other than I'm terribly sorry at what you have had to endure. I have survived being sexually abused as a child. On two occasions. The first time was before I was 5 by a man who was a "friend" of the family, and the second before I was 11 by someone I didnt know. Both of these men have not paid for what they have done. I didnt remember the first incident until after I was married. I started having "flashbacks" of it. I also remembered how much I despised this man. I also know that when I started having these memories come back, I felt dirty. I felt embarassement. I was horrified. I went to my mother, who promptly denied it. I went to other family members who all agreed that it had happened. Both incidents have shaped the way I have acted. The decisions I've made. This all being without my realizing it. I always said that it never affected me. But I was wrong. It did affect me. It messed my childhood up. I became very sexually active. I never did drugs, but I drank. Not heavy enough to do any damage, but behavior, typically the things a teenager in the norm does, but it was a cry for help, for me. I learned alot from a counselor about a year ago who helped me understand alot about my actions and behaviors as a child and teenager. I'm now married with a child, and even though these things have happened along time ago (I'm 26 now) they still are in the back of my mind. I would like to help anyone I can deal with the bitterness of an experience like that. Feel free to email me.....
Elizabeth