Anyone who tells me that I consciously cause myself to have a crush on someone is full of (sh)it. All the crushes I have ever had blindsided me! I never saw them coming. Furthermore, if I conscously do cause crushes howcome it did not work with Christina Aguilera in 1999? I actually did find her sexy but not in any lustful way but I did try to cause myself to crush on her and it simply did not happen. I won't write it off to being gay because in 1996, I had fallen head over heals for a woman named Megan whom I rode the bus with for about a month while working a temporary job. Somehow, I managed to initiate a shallow form of conversation with her and our little exchange of one-liners went on for about a month when she simply disappeared. I had found out that she has either quit a Summer job or it was a temporary one. However I remember once when I deliberatly did not say anything because I did not want to give her an impression that I was overdoing it. Well anyway, while we we're all waiting for our buses, she called out to me from about ten feet away and when I looked up she said "I like your shoes". I saw her once more or so after that and then she disappeared, well she ceased to ride that bus. I was so upset by it that I quit my temporary job and requested a new assignment. I crushed on and missed Megan for about two years after she disappeared and I had wished I could have asked her out for a casual date - which I had actually been building up to. The moment when she commented about my shoes would have been a perfect time to have made a little small-talk and then made my offer. Now I will never know and that really wrecked havoc on me for two years afterwards. The point of this little story is to show that I have actually been attracted to a woman.
When I opened up the lines of communication with Megan, it was actually meant to be a form of practice in initiating communication with perfect strangers which I was new to at the time, per se. Yes I thought she was attractive, but more in the line of a church-going woman opposed to just good-looking or sexy. Anyway I did not think that develop into a runaway crush or infatuation would go speeding off with me in tow.
So how did Clay Aiken turn into an all-out crush anyway? I never watched American Idol, a friend who does told me about him and showed me the Measure Of A Man cd. When I heard Invisible, I had no idea who sang it but wanted to so I can get the single. I went on a hunch that it may be the guy my friend told me about which at the time I thought was Clay Atkin (So I thought of him when I heard about the Atkins diet and I still do to this day) and had a hell of a time on Amazon.com which kept saying nothing was found. Finally I did a search for Measure Of A Man and realized what the problem was. Invisible was the first song on the cd and so I headed over to Virgin to listen to it on the listening station and I ended up walking out with the cd. Ok so I liked it, no biggie! I like Britney Spears and Daniel Beddingfield and I did not crush on them. I like David Bowie and I did not crush on him. I enjoyed my cd for months without any "problems".
In January of 2004 I sang Invisible for the first time on Karaoke night at BJ's. Now I did feel something but I think it was just the vibe of the song. It is a really fun song. I had even made up my own video in my head so I had no reason to believe it was the beginning of anything significant.
I remember thinking Clay was actually British and I had heard someone talking about someone who won "the British version of American Idol". Clay looked British to me and I figured it was him. That was until I got a rather rude email while I was on vacation in Portland, Oregon. At the time I was auctioning the "This Is The Night/Bridge Over Troubled Water" cd single and I had stated in my aution something like "CD single from British singer Clay Aiken, who won American Idol in the UK..." Anyway, the overzealous Claymate was all "If you're going to sell Clay Aiken material you need to get your facts straight! He hails from North Carolina....[don't remember what else was said]" the letter ended with "We Clay fans can get pretty crazy!" Anyway, that was in February on 2004.
In March on the 18th, I went to see Britney Spears at the Pepsi Center and that was when someone gave me a flyer about Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken. I blew it off thinking that I did not want to go see some American Idols in concert (Would this be what would damn me to Clay Aiken Ville?). Nothing was forthcoming at this time. As far as I was concerned I was going to see Britney Spears and that was that.
On March 26th, I turned 39. Also, I went to one of those free seminars and I remember the guy doing the lecture saying "Ok, anyone interested in signing up [don't know the exact verbatum] line up over there. We're going to have Clay come up here and sing a song while you're all signing up" The "Clay" the guy was referring to was just one of the people who was working for the seminar. I cannot say that he looked like Clay Aiken but there may have been some minor resemblance. When the guy mentioned Clay coming up to sing, I thought that Clay the employee was going to sing but I did not associate him with Clay Aiken and had no idea that he was making like Clay, the employee, was supposed to be Clay Aiken.
It was April 4th, Palm Sunday that I was feeling something that was my first sign of a crush coming on. In retrospect, I believe this was the day I crossed the line. I cannot remember clearly what happened between my birthday and April 4th but I know I had bought some copies of the The Way cd single on April 7th for selling on eBay but I think I may have bought some on March 28th which was a Sunday so I would have gone to Tower Records after church. I know I felt something coming on when I was buying the cd singles for the first time.
On April 7th I left a deadbeat bidder this comment on eBay: "THIS BIDDER IS A DUD! Clay Aiken is a STUDD!". It was also on the night of this date that I sang This Is The Night for the first time (and sucked at it!) on Karaoke Night at B.J.'s, and as the song was ending I said "I love you Clay" in a very romantic way and the karaoke dj said into his microphone "awww that's so sweet" before calling up the next singer.
It was on!