NOTE TO MY VISITORS:
This is an open letter to Clay Aiken's mother and it is perhaps the hardest part of this website. It is the next thing to meeting her. While she may never visit this website, I am writing it to her. If you ever really think about it, it can be a very daunting and downright frightening embarkening. To all you girls who have ever had lusty thoughts about Clay, could you ever think them if you met his mother?. What about all your gay fans who are visiting. Can the way you might think of Clay ever be the same after meeting the one who he means more to than any fan can ever claim?

Writing this letter has been difficult and has caused me to think and even feel differently toward Clay Aiken. How could I ever think of anything that she would feel offended or hurt by?

So why am I writting this letter? I do not need to say that Clay's mother is concerned about her son's welfare. And now that he has become famous, her concerns will be heightened, especially if she hears all the hype going all as well as all the controversy about whether or not he is gay, a womanizer or whatever the media will throw out there. The thought has crossed my mind many times what Miss Aiken would think about a boy being in love with her son. Perhaps, living in the more conservative south and with her Christian beliefs, she would be frightened for him. What if she is internet savvy and happens to come across this site? Especially after she has come across others that are lewd, unkind and downright hostile? I have decided that I owe her at least some sort of acknowledgement of any such fears if I am going to have a website about my crush on Clay. This letter is not to "justify" my infatuation, most definitely not to invalidate his mother's fears, and also, not just to say that I am not one of the people she should be afraid of and expecter her to believe it. PPPPPLLLLEAASE!!!!!

I am also writing this letter partly for my sake to. What started off as simply as letter saying that I am not some crazed fan who would want to take advantage of or hurt her son, has made me think of how I really want to think of Clay in the first place. How would she feel knowing people think of her son sexually, especially boys? How should I expect her to feel seeing a gay fan's site about her son?

Since I started working on this part of my website, it has solidified my resolve to not lust for Clay. Both my crush and having gone to see him in concert pretty much cured me of most of my lusting toward Clay. Writing this letter is like the clencher for those thoughts. In some way, I feel sorry I ever had any lustful and sexual thoughts toward him and I think if I ever met Clay's mother, and she knew about how I thought about him, I would breakdown and cry like a child.

Since I have started on this letter, it has undergone several revisions as my thinking has changed and as I felt more of this or less of that was needed to make it the best it can be. However, since I want to show how my thoughts and feelings have changed over the course of this letter, I am including the original drafts, which can be found in the Basement.