Sunday, January 19, 2002 (afternoon)

My gosh, I'm updating like crazy. But anyhow...

And more rambling...

I was up until 3am last night at home, typing and straightening out some issues. Yeah, things may never remain the same, but we all gotta keep moving on. By the end of my phone conversation with Simon, I was extremely hyper and wide awake -- he says I sounded drunk, perhaps having dipped into the Mike's and Bacardi's in my fridge. :-D

Can't get enough of Josh Groban... ooooh... 'Cept I still love the original Celine Dion/Andrea Bocelli "The Prayer" better. ;-)

Yesterday, somebody told me that I'm very down-to-earth. Uh... I don't think so. Can you say Aragorn Aragorn Aragorn????? :-D But she was right in one thing: if I want something bad enough, you can be sure I'll get it. Well, as long as it's God's will and as long as I put all my faith in Him. Even if it takes some time, I'll wait.

Last night, somebody else told me that I'm downright weird -- but he says that's a really good thing, and somehow his explanation left me flattered. So it's all good! Better to be weird and different than normal. Yeah, I'm distinct.

Sunday, January 19, 2002 (early early morning)

Altered reality...

Lawrence lent Al the Spirited Away DVD and we watched it at my place Thursday night. And I hate to say this... but it was definitely one of the most meaningless movies I've ever seen in my life. Ok ok, I've never been a huge anime fan, I admit, but after Al's insistence, I thought this movie might be something decent. Maybe I'm comparing it too much to Disney... or maybe I'm frustrated with Chiharo's whiny-tone and the speech I couldn't understand... or maybe I'm too close-minded, I dunno. Nonetheless, save for the animation talents and some cute characters, the storyline was extremely pointless. Even after cheesy movies like American Pie or good ol' Disney family-oriented flicks, I've got something to reflect on, and that leaves me satisfied. After watching Spirited Away, I just felt empty, as if I'd just lost 2 hours of my life.

Of course, no offense to the movie or creators themselves. Everyone's got their own film-watching styles: some people thrive on the special effects, others on the laughs provided by the comedy, and still others on the the excitement of action sequences. But me, I like to be moved by a film. I like a movie to get the wheels of my brain turning and I am most satisfied when every aspect of the entire movie works together to make a not-so-blatant statement, or at least gets me thinking. So what was the point to Spirited Away??? I'd really like to know. And give me a better example of anime while you're at it, or else I'm gonna continue trashing it. (See? I'm not so closed-minded!)

Friday dinner

Originally, only Worlanyo and I were going to check out this Ghanian restaurant alone, but somehow 5 other people ended up on our little trek into Vancouver. We arrived there quite late for dinner after a confusion of chasing people down and agreeing on a good time for everyone. Most of the food was delicious -- don't think I ever had any food from Africa before! But being as exhausted as I was after a long week... I proceeded to spill an entire glass of water all over myself. No, I didn't knock the glass over; it fell over cuz I didn't exactly put it down with the bottom parallel to the table (go figure). And, conveniently, the water glasses were huge. I wet my pants *sniff sniff*.

Then ready to go. Worla climbed into the back seat of Muneer's car, and I got into the front passenger's seat. I tugged on the door to close after me, and the darn thing was absolutely stuck in the grass (picture high curb, car door open a little too wide). I pulled and pulled, and it wouldn't budge. So I got out and tried shoving some more. Nope, not an inch. Then Worla, exasperated, climbs out and gives a slight tug, and the door effortlessly swings closed. So, of course, they both look at me as if I'm the weakest ditz on the planet! But come on; with both me and Worla inside weighing down the right side of the car, of course the wide-open door got stuck, right??? Don't tell me I'm that weak. However, they were still like "Uh... yeah, Dez... if you say so."

To top it all off, we drove 5-10 minutes before I realized my hat was missing -- the warm polyester hat I bought during Boxing Day sales that I wear and bother people with silly "do I look cute?" questions. :-D Being the nice patient people that they are (thank you sooooo much), the 2 guys didn't complain about turning around and returning to where we started from. Of course, the hat was lying in the mud outside where we parked; I'd obviously dropped it during that whole car door fiasco. :-P So I was soaking wet and I had a muddy hat and felt like the biggest airhead... Oh yeah, what a night...

Incoherent Babble

Wanna get my hair done. Wanna wanna wanna. I've had the same hair, like... forever. I just want something different, but I don't even know how or where to begin. Help! Can I shave it all off and will anyone notice?

Wanna take a weekday (schoolday) trip out to UBC, just to check out the atmosphere, but everyone's too busy to go with me. They've all got classes. And I don't got nobody to give me a personalized tour. And I don't wanna go alone. *sniff sniff*

Just remembering this old SFU t-shirt slogan: "Friends don't let friends go to UBC." (Note: they don't sell 'em in our bookstore anymore. oh well, hehheh.) Don't think I ever saw anyone wearing one... Because UBC's our friend, right? right????

Harry Potter #5's due out in June!!! Yeah, it's about time! And in 2 days, it's already a best-seller before the book's even hit the shelves. But I'll wait until the price goes down... *laf* oh who am I kidding? I want it now now now!

The only shows I watch religiously these days are Friends, Survivor (whenever it's on), Hockey Night in Canada, and Emeril Live. A lil' bit of everything: pee-in-pants laughs, screwy reality, blood and bruises, and home ec. Pathetic, eh? Now and then, I catch an episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation. Remember the original from the 80's? Strange how Spike and Snake got married... The "realistic" quality of the scenes and characters has disappeared, and now the majority of the students are good looking and bad actors. Or maybe like Simon says, we're too old to relate to these characters anymore. Ahhhh, it's the quarter-life crisis!! (Saw that on an Oprah segment.)

Usually it's the elderly ladies at the hospital that give me the "What grade are you in, dear?" But, on Wednesday, I got that question from a guy who looked to be in his early 20's.

Saturday, January 18, 2002

I'm all ears...

Dang, I'm so insecure... Paint all my days gray.
Or at least the past 6.

I guess you really can't expect things to stay the same forever. People change... or maybe you get to know people so well that you realize they're not who you thought they were and, in that way, they totally change in your eyes. Then you've gotta accept it or let it all go.

So do I accept or do I let go?

And it still hurts... Whether you know or not, you made me cry. That's how much I cared...

When you talk, I listen. I say very little and I don't even try to give you any of my pathetic advice, yet you know I'm listening. You can say anything and everything you want -- you can even say nothing at all, and I still listen. And I don't judge you. I'm there when you want me, I'll step back if you don't.

So maybe all I expect is that, every once in awhile, you listen to me in return. You share in my pains and joys, as I share in yours. Sometimes I just need someone to listen and not judge me, and that's all I ask. But if that makes you uncomfortable, at least have the heart to let me know. Don't shut me out just because I share something with you that you don't want to hear; tell me, because I am listening.

I may take one step back, yet I am still here. If you still need me, just let me know because I still care and I will listen.

Saturday, January 11, 2002

Work work work makes dezzie a dull dull girl...

Thursday evening, Alex took me grocery shopping at Superstore, then we picked up KFC and ended up at my place. Dinner was deeee-licious, if I do say so myself, hehheh... My Dezzie-made mashed potatoes were heavenly ;). We watched Signs (ooh, Mel Gibson!!!) on DVD -- a very simply-made movie with lots of suspense and deep meaning. I loved it! And, of course, we ended up watching all the bonus features (duh, because it was a rental and had to be returned the next day, so was just getting our money`s worth). Didn`t get much sleep that night... Slept late, woke up too early.

Yesterday, after staring into a microscope for hours, my tired bloodshot eyes gave out on me. I left work early and bussed all the way out to my parents` house to get some babying from my ma. =) Of course, leaving early on Friday meant I had to go into work on a Saturday morning, boohoo. I had fly crosses to transfer, males and virgins to mate, fly stocks to de-mold...

I dragged myself up to SFU this morn and managed to keep busy 2 hours straight before Worlanyo announced he was going to Brentwood Mall on a major errand. At the mention of "mall", my ears perked up and we were both walking into Brentwood less than half an hour later. Darn, I`m so lazy... However, I don`t regret going; we had a high-quality chat on the buses/skytrains, therefore it wasn`t all wasted. =D Butmaybe I`ll regret it Monday when I show up at the lab and see my stocks all dead, consumed by the evil blue-green mold...

Transit blahs

One thing Vancouverites may not realize is just how lucky they are compared to us who live out here in boonieville, and I`m soooooo jealous. =P Please correct me if I`m wrong, but I don`t think those people commuting in Vancouver ever need to plan out their busroutes down to the minute. They can just walk/run/crawl to whatever busstop and, even if they see one fly by just as they get there, they know that another one will arrive in less than 10 minutes -- in even 4 minutes on the B-line express route.

Outside of Vancouver (and perhaps Burnaby, but I`m not 100% sure), www.translink.bc.ca becomes your best friend. You`ve gotta schedule your connections carefully, otherwise you`ll definitely be chasing after a bus as it leaves a stop. (You`ll be flailing your arms and looking like a fool.) Often, if you miss a bus, you hafta wait another half hour -- or even an hour -- for the next one.

Yesterday... I decided to walk the extra blocks to catch the B-line that runs every 10-12 minutes -- way more often than the one that runs right by my home. I rounded the corner only to see the dang bus leaving the stop 5 minutes before it was due. =P So, freezing cold, I decided to keep warm by hiking the million blocks to the next stop. (Mind you, B-line express buses only make particular stops which are far in-between.) As I walked along the busy road, I kept looking behind me, to see if any other buses were coming along the route so I could jump on one at the nearest stop. But nope, not a single one. By the time I reached the next B-line stop, the damn bus still hadn`t passed by. In fact, it took 5 more minutes for the bus to show. At that point, I cursed the transit system with every badass word and phrase I could think of.

But yeah, I still love riding transit, haha. In only 1.5 months, I`ve already had my share of crabby bus drivers, but a lot of them are also extremely welcoming. During the Christmas season, I often ended up being the sole rider on those double-length buses that go up to SFU. On one of those rides, I had an awesome conversation with the driver about cloning, genetics, and driving buses. =D Also, I`ve chatted with strangers while waiting together at busstops, I`ve eavesdropped on "interesting" conversations (hey, I couldn`t help it!), I`ve enjoyed looking into people`s backyards while riding skytrain way up high (esp. through New Westminster, haha)...

Yeah yeah, knowing me, I`ll probably get bored with the whole bus-thing and start complaining about not having a car sooner or later. ;) But for now, it`s all good, oh yeah. At least I get more exercise hiking to busstops and sprinting up stairways to catch the skytrain, hehheh...

Friday, January 10, 2002

My lil` fetish? Hehheh...

I guess it all sparks from the day Simon and I watched Lord of The Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (#1!) at my place...

He`d actually seen the second film at the theatre before he ever watched the first one, so he knew the characters. So... Aragorn pops up on the screen to save the lil` hobbits and, I swear, the first words out of his mouth are "he`s hot" -- I can`t remember if Simon was being sarcastic or not (I don`t think he was, haha), but whatever; I definitely agreed after a couple of scenes. ;D And after seeing the 2nd movie, I`m mesmerized...

The long, unkempt dark hair... the haunting eyes... the grungy look... and that voice... *growl*. ;) Can you say sexy??????? *happy sigh*

Ok ok, he`s just a fictional character on screen... I don`t even know the actor`s name or what he looks like without the whole character ensemble!Not that I wanna know -- I like `im as yummy as he is on screen. Mmmmmmm...

I know lots of my girl pals drool over Legolas -- theclean, long-haired blond, pointed-ear elf with the no-fail serious/angry expression -- and think Aragorn`s just too dirty looking. But dang, why Legolas when you can have Aragorn???? WHY????? He`s all Man. (And not a dainty lil` elf who`s got fancy war moves but lil` else, haha.)

Yes yes, I have a boyfriend -- we`re a month away from our 4-year anniversary too. *muah* BUT... can I not have "appreciation" for the appeal of other guys? Al understands (right?) -- he`s put up with my Trevor Linden mini-obsession of approx. 13 years =D. I look, I admire the beauty and talent that God has placed on Earth or the extraordinary expertise that a makeup/costume expert has put into the creation of a character, but I don`t need, I don`t want, I don`t touch. I`ve already got everything I need. ;)

Thursday, January 9, 2002

Blah blah blah

The weather has been sooooooooooooooo incredible: blue skys, puffy white (not gray) clouds, and lots of sun -- exactly my kind of week in the middle of winter.

I finally purchased Alex and Simon`s Christmas presents this week (ha, just in time for Christmas 2003 =P). Well, without a car, and with the store being closed during most of the holidays and Sunday, and with my having lots to do at work, I never made it in time! So, this Tuesday, I finally decided to take a few hours off work and do the 1 hr transit ride out to Vancouver. Riding the 99 B-line was the freakiest experience ever; I was squashed in a crowd of UBC students *gasp*. What if I`d worn my SFU hat and shirt...? I could almost feel the glares of disgust... Haha.

Anyhow, the Canucks won last night! Simon called just after Linden scored (exactly half way through the secondperiod), and I yelled his ear off for a moment. I gave Wes (who`s co-oping in Regina) a pathetic ICQ play-by-play the rest of the time. So yeah... I wasted my time when I should`ve been reading an article for lab meeting today. =P Oh well... hockey comes first! Yeah!

Saturday, January 4, 2002

My dear gramma

Besides the excitement of moving out on my own into the "real world", I've had other reasons for not updating my site very much. Two weeks before I left home, my grandmother had her 3rd stroke, and many of my days have been occupied because of it.

She was still recuperating from her 2nd stroke slightly over a year before, as well as a home robbery 1 week earlier (thankfully she wasn't home at the time) and a subsequent move from her house of approximately 30 years to the strange environment of my uncle's home. This 3rd stroke left her weak and paralyzed on the left side of her body -- the opposite side of her previous 2 strokes. The doctors were convinced she didn't have much longer to live. I recall skipping an evening of volunteering at RCH without notifying the volunteer coordinator and rushing to VGH with my family just to spend her last hours with her. She was baptized, confirmed, and given her last rites that day... She cried when she saw me, and told me how much she was going to miss me... I felt so helpless as I stood beside her bed... All I could do was hold her hand...

I knew she was getting old and would die someday, yet you just don't believe it'll happen until it comes that close to happening and you realize she doesn't have much time left -- maybe minutes, maybe months, maybe a year or two or three, but definitely not decades. And I didn't know what to pray for... Was I supposed to hope that she would survive and go on living??? She wanted to die and join her husband (who passed away long before I was even born) in heaven. She couldn't see herself living as an invalid for the rest of her days. Even if she did live, she'd never recover to full health; the 2nd stroke already left unable to walk without assistance and with many many damaged nerves, this 3rd stroke had done more. And even if she recovered, would she not go through the pain of suffering another stroke in the future? Or some other debilitating illness? Before the 3rd stroke, she was already unhappy. How could I pray for something that might give her more suffering?

So... was I supposed to pray that she passed on quickly, to ease the pain and suffering? Eternal rest from the hardships of this life...? But I didn't want her to die... Well, part of me wanted to see the suffering disappear, but the other part wasn't ready to let her go... What to do? What was I supposed to hope for??

Lord... thy will be done... I repeated this to myself over and over and over again... And I realized that "Yeah, God still has a plan for my grandmother, even though she's elderly and near the end of her Earth's journey." He knew what's best for her, whether live or die. He knew. And that's all that mattered. And that's all I could hope for... that His will be done... Lord, thy will be done... And that's how I found peace in the time of crisis.

It's been over a month and, despite the doctor's prognosis, my grandmother's still occupying one of VGH's beds. I suppose He still has more for her to do. ;) She's incontinent, can't walk, and can barely sit up straight, but she's looking better than those first few weeks, she's showing promise of some more (although limited) recover, and she's alive. The doctor's said she suffered a 4th -- but minor -- stroke in the middle of December, and had a major blood clot that gave us all a scare last week, but she isn't ready to go yet. I even saw her laugh today! I visit her with my parents 3 times a week. In a way, I suppose her stroke was a blessing in disguise... Even though I've moved out of my parents' house, I still see them often when we have dinner together and then make our usual visits to the hospital together, and we're closer than we've ever been before. I don't know if I'd have seen them as much otherwise. =P

The crisis has made family so much more important to me, whether anyone believes it or not. And I keep reminding myself that there is always hope. ALWAYS. That, I must never forget. Hope is what keeps me looking forward to tomorrow...

Ringing in 2003

Due to lack of advanced planning, I had people at my place chugging down Bacardi's and Mike's, and watching TV on New Year's Eve. We finally decided to jet over to Granville Island for "First Night", a family-oriented affair. (Family-oriented = kid-oriented + alcohol-free =P). Just imagine a group of 20-something's at a family-oriented affair on New Year's Eve... =D Ok, so we watched a rapping zebra (or elephant??) for a few minutes, then I dragged everybody to visit the Wish-Goddess. =D Heck, since we were there, might as well play along, right? So we wrote our wishes on a slip of paper, then placed them in a fire, and then the Wish-Goddess tapped us on the head with a musical wand and declared our wishes were being carried away to be granted -- or something like that. Later came Resolution Alley where we wrote our resolutions on Post-It notes and stuck 'em to a wall with everyone else's -- I'm sure the volunteer crew peed in their pants laughing when they ripped 'em down afterwards. According to Peggy, there was some girl who resolved to beat up her brother this coming year. =D We also stopped in at this craft place to make "wands" -- trust me, there seemed to be more adults taping shiny paper to sticks than there were kids. Simon's ended up looking like a mallet rather than a wand. =D Snacked on tube steaks... tried to get face-painted, but couldn't find it... lined up half an hour to use a regular toilet rather than a Porta-potty...

Between fire-throwers and trapeze-artists and Wish-Goddesses, it was a rather cheesy night. =D The count-down at midnight was quite mellow and subdued, and the fireworks kinda sucked (although nothing in the whole wide world compares with Disneyland's "Remember the Magic" fireworks display), but heck, at least we went out. Hehheh...

I think Al and I finally got back to my place around 2am... I can't remember. I know I know, 2am is early, but we were soooooooooooooooooo exhausted (and I was at the worst of my horrible cold, which wasn't helped by having been freezing outside on Granville Island for hours). We crashed badly at the end of the night. He could barely wake me up the next morning when I had to pack my things to stay at my parents' house for New Year's and go to church. Did he even wake me up? I can't remember.

Dec. 29th Annual Christmas din-din

The past 2 years, I haven't been able to make it to the sushi nights for reasons I ain't gonna go into. But this year, it was a blast getting together with old friends and acquaintances from the high school days. Sushi and Korean BBQ... Mmmmmmmm... Surprisingly, barbecued mussels are deeeeee-licious! Ha, I'll never forget Jerry's horror when Ben barbecued the salmon and tuna sashimi. =D I over-ordered my California rolls to compensate the ones Simon and I didn't get the week before, but thankfully Ben finished them off with that 2nd stomach of his. The night wasn't complete without Eric and Alex carrying on their childish-bickering again. ;) heehee...

Afterwards, Nanako put everyone to shame at the bowling lanes, until Al got his turkey plus 1 (*muah* congrats). I, on the other hand, was put to shame during the second game when I came in last. Ah, but I got two strikes! Being as sick as I was, I was too weak to lift the heavy balls (haha...) so I spent quite awhile scouting out two light 6 balls. =P Well, a family with 2 little girls got the lane next to ours and started hogging them! *grumble grumble* So heck, I decided to launch the heavier balls backwards cuz I was frustrated and how much worse could I do then I already was? And, lo and behold, I hit a strike the very first time. =D My second strike came when the family finally left and I threw my first one forwards again. Apparently, I do not learn from my mistakes; as Nanako said, I only get good if I change position every frame. =( Maybe I should stand on my head next time?

I'm siiiiiiiickkkkk

I no longer have my mommy to take care of me while I'm sick. =( This horrible cold has kept me coughing and blowing my honker for days. Alex made me choke down NeoCitran night after night, Andrea sent me home with 3 boxes of teabags... and I've been sooooooo exhausted after long nights of coughing and restlessness. Perhaps it's from that early morning I stood in the below-zero cold for half an hour because 2 buses "decided" not to come and several of us waited and waited and waited (we were already late for work!!). I guess it hasn't helped all those nights I've come home after midnight...? =D Well, I've been cooking up batches of Campbell's soup (sliced my hand on one of 'em cans this morning... aurrrggghhhh) and haven't gone out late since New Year's... *Sigh* And tomorrow, Alex and I are going to watch the 2nd Harry Potter. Hope I stay awake, hon *wink*.