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Your Adjustment
| | Staying happily married despite the
chaos...
How do you keep your marriage strong when
"outside influences" would like nothing more to see it fall apart and do their
best to wreak as much havoc as possible in your life?
 | Stand UNITED with your spouse/significant
other against these "outside influences"! This is so important. You
need to act as loving partners, respectful of each other's feelings and views, and
supportive of each other. Make decisions together.
|
I did a "poll" on some message
boards and a major issue that can cause problems is when your significant other (the
bio-parent) excludes their new spouse/significant other in discussions and decision
making.
A second poll asking stepmothers how much
involvement they have with helping their spouse with issues that concern the ex and the
kids showed that all the stepmothers had full involvement with their spouse- - - watching
the children, feeding the children, bathing the children, taking the children to
appointments, etc. Every stepmother in the poll indicated that they did 99% of the written
communication for their husband to the courts, attorney, and ex (whether the ex liked it
or not). It was a mix on verbal communication...some ex's were better able to talk
to a step-parent instead of their ex for making visitation arrangements, etc. while other
ex's and step-parents didn't have verbal communication with each other if they could help
it.
| Communicate, communicate, communicate!
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| Even though life is very busy with your own
schedules, your children's schedules, your parenting time/visitation schedules, you MUST
make time for BOTH of you to spend together. Yes, you're a manager, somebody's boss,
somebody's father or mother, but you are also your spouse's best friend and lover.
Don't forget that. Because you now have kids in the picture and an ex (whether it be
a cooperative ex or hostile ex) doesn't mean the fun stops...you don't stop being friends
or lovers!
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| Put your relationship with your
spouse/significant other FIRST. You're relationship is the "foundation" of
your family. If it falls apart, your family will to. Do you want your kids to
experience another loss?
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| Remember that a bitter ex may be creating
problems with the intent of trying to ruin your relationship. Don't give them the
satisfaction and allow them that much control over your life. They may be the
child's other parent, but as far as anything else, they are unimportant and meaningless to
the rest of your life. |
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