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Discipline
What is the discipline policy in your blended family
household? Do you and your spouse present a united front to the children
or is discipline a source of tension in your household? As a bonus parent,
do you discipline your step-child? How does your step-child react to being
disciplined by you? Does the child's biological parent (your partner)
support you? Does the child's other biological parent support your
involvement in discipline?
Let me state that when I say "discipline", this only
includes appropriate (legal) forms of discipline and does not include any type
of abuse.
 | When you first meet your step-child, the biological parent
should handle discipline (unless the misbehavior occurs when the stepchild
is in the step-parent's care and the biological parent is not home).
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| After the "step" relationship has been in
existence for a bit, we believe that it is entirely appropriate for a
step-parent to discipline a step-child. However, there should be
certain guidelines: |
1. The biological parent and the step-parent should
discuss inappropriate behaviors and decide on proper discipline routines to
use beforehand so everybody (parent, step-parent, and child) knows what is
expected of them.
2. The biological parent should support the
step-parent's decision to discipline and the action they take ("united
front").
3. If the biological parent disagrees with an action
the step-parent has taken, the bio-parent should never indicate this in front
of the child (again, "united front").
| If you can keep the discipline policy between the two homes
consistent and similar, it would make the child's life a little
easier. Sometimes, you have one household who doesn't discipline at
all or finds some behaviors acceptable while you would find them
inappropriate. If that is the case, stay consistent within your own
home. Children can adjust to different routines. I believe it is
more effective if both homes back each other up on discipline, but we know
this type of cooperation is hard to obtain. |
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