biography

Captain Stinky and First-Mate Pyewackett -
Founders of the School of Swashbuckling

First Mate Pyewackett ran away to join the navy when she was ten years old. After serving a confusing and uncomfortable period as a cabin boy, Pyewackett took up with Mad Reverend Zurbo (who has since been defrocked for apostasy and has sailed to Avalon, never to return) and the Genteel Pirate Smith (wrecked on the wicked shores of Bournemouth). The three invested in a ship, and took to the high seas. Although drunk for most of the time, they undertook many profitable adventures, until they kidnapped a young woman.
Unfortunately for the trio, that young woman and her band of scantily-clad, black-hearted, overly-hyphenated piratey-women proved more than a match for the dissolute three, who were soon forced to acknowledge her as their captain.

First Mate Pyewackett was granted a promotion recently. In the words of her superiors:

Madam,

By virtue of the powers entrusted to us by the Lords Commissioners of the Admiralty and a deficit of superior candidates, it gives us small pleasure to inform you of your promotion. While a written examination is customary, your superiors have noted your meritorious service; And your birthday. You are hereby promoted from First Mate to First Lieutenant. You are requested and required to prepare yourself with the utmost diligence to receive your orders. Your elevated status shall require you to perform duties of a more onerous nature; increased remuneration will not be granted.

We trust that our confidence in your abilities is not misplaced and wish you a felicitous birthday.

Your ever-superior officers,

D’admiral, Commodore Chuckles and Captain Stinky.

Little is known of Captain Stinky before her subjugation of First Mate Pyewackett's little band and her assumption of her role as their captain. It is thought she may once have been concubine to both James I of England and James VI of Scotland; but ran away to sea in protest over the English schooling system.
Under her captaincy, the jolly pirate band embarked on several years of unprecedentedly successful piracy, eventually mellowing and founding the School of Swashbuckling.

Both Captain Stinky and First Mate Pyewackett attribute their success at sea and in education to the benevolent care of their patron saint, Grant D'Clyde.

Established in 1999, the School of Swashbuckling is the first on-line university to offer a completely hypothetical degree in practical piracy.

You can contact the founders by signing the guest book. Don't expect much from First Mate Pyewackett - she still thinks that the computer houses tiny demons who make the pretty pictures on the screen and secretly want to steal her gold and eat her eyeball.

Sign Guestbook View Guestbook

Captain Stinky and First Mate Pyewackett teach an enthusiastic undergraduate class

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[Index] [Return to School of Swashbuckling]
[Pirate Economics] [Sex and the Seas] [Recreational Violence] [Drunkenness]
[The Practicalities of Piracy] [Women and Piracy] [Punishment] [The Philosophy of Piracy]
[Final Exam] [Biography] [Patron Saint] [References]

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