 |
|
| "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." "Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose" Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason." Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!" Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone." "Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!" "Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with your fist...it's more effective!" "If you don't like my driving - STAY OFF THE SIDEWALK!" "Everybody is somebody else's weirdo" "You can't eat your friends and have them too" "I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person" "Now kids, don't take drugs. Drugs are for adults. So anybody under 12, GO TO BED NOW! As for parents... your kids are on drugs!" "You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT" Teacher: "Now we shall read. Start off where we left off yesterday." Pupil (reading): "Thee leetle sheep_" Teacher: "Not 'thee' say 'the'" Pupil: "The leetle sheep_" Teacher: "No! 'the little ship'" Pupil: "The little sheep_" Teacher: "Not 'sheep', you ass, but 'ship'" Pupil: "The leetle ship_" Teacher: "Damn it! Are you deaf? I've already said 'little ship' not 'leetle sheep'. Start over again." Pupil: "Thee little ship_" "I laugh in the face of danger and then I hide until it goes away" "But Bertie never lived down the reputation he earned as a cook when he approached Ernie with a sizzling frying-pan in which an egg gaily cavorted from side to side. The shell was brown in patches, black in spots and cracked all over. He said: "Ernie! I can't seem to get this egg to fry properly. Can you help me?" "Rehab is for quitters" Tina: "Am I a ghost?" Tay: "Yes.. duh.. you're not a zombie" Tina: "So... is Macbeth a ghost?" Tay: "No, he's a leprechaun" "I'm going to hang myself!" "I'll go get some rope." Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it! |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |