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| The Apocalypse in near, the end is near, fear, fear, FEAR!!! Mwuhahahaha. This is my little thought archive. Let the meyhem begin...now! Also, if you were wondering if I ever talked about a certain subjects just press F-Ctrl. Thats the F key and your keyboard and Ctrl is the most lower and left key on your keyboard, unless you are using a macintosh, in that case set your fingers on fire. Also, type in the subject and press enter when that box comes up. Enjoy! June 30, 2005- June 29, 2005- June 28, 2005- June 27, 2005-I'm really diggin' this job thing. It rules. Being able to order stuff online, for the best deals, I may ad. It's just fantastic. Having to work is going to suck once school starts up. Ah well. Moving on, I've been helping people making a wrestling game come up with ideas. I thought of tons of neat ideas. A lot of them were good. Lets just see how many are used though, lol. Later, like 2006 later, lol. I am going now. In my weakened state I must depart. Bye. June 26, 2005- I really don't know what to put. There is a lot I could put. The headline of my shitty weekend would have to be, people who left me behind to have fun. Oh wait, thats like 8 people,so thats cool. I mean, I'm not a person I guess. I don't deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity. Everyone who is going to ask me later, are you talking about me? Yes I am. I ask you to go somewhere thatis out of kindness, and I get slapped in the face. I know where I'm not wanted, and that is here. Anywhere really. You think you're fucking evil, try not being wanted anywhere on earth. Imagine people literally making plans just so they don't need to hang out with you. Then fuck off, because I don't want you here. I'm sick of being walked on and abused. If you're going to abuse me, we might as well be fucking. No reason to waste it. I haven't turned a lot of people down lately to hang out. I've also had to turn down everyone that asked because they must do it before work to piss me off. It's sad when the people at work pay more attention to you than your own friends. I'm close to declaring I have none, because this is bullshit. My life is bullshit. I work a long day, to get home, and nobodys there to talk to. When I finally figure out what I'll do the next day, nobody wants to do it. Everybody says I'm a nice guy, but they don't like nice guys I guess. If people liked nice guys, I'd have been hanging out sunday, instead of sitting at home alone, and board. No one was even online, and that makes me feel like shit. I knew something was going on, apparently a party. Hope you all had fun at the fucking party, while I sat home wishing I had friends. Bye. June 25, 2005-I have a lot on my mind right now. More than anything it is really my thoughts on certain people. Oh yeah. I'm going to stop cencoring the site. Wanna know why? Fuck yahoo, and their policies. This is my site, I've had it for almost 2 years. Why the hell should I censor it? Exactly. I shouldn't. I'm done. Having to comb through everything I right for a little swear word is stupid. It is also a waste of time. Time that could be spent updating, which I haven't done in god knows how long. Ah well. I must go. These revalations hurt my head. June 24, 2005-I reserved this wrestling game is full. I threw down 40 bucks for it, and wont get it for like a year. I expect a year, although they said 9 months. I hope it is a year, because I want tons of moves in it. They issued a news letter and a poll, so that means something's going down. I can tell. Hopefully it will be a kick ass game, can't do much worth than Smackdown! vs RAW. They could shit in s bsggy, and it would be more fun to play than Smackdown vs RAW. That game was the biggest letdown. I wasn't expecting much from Wrestlemania 21, so it was about the 4th biggest letdown. Every time I go on the message board of pwx I feel a little hope come back to me. It's weird. All the hope these shitty wrestling games drained from me, its coming back... Yay. June 23, 2005-Official 2 week mark of not being a jobless bastand. I kick official ass. A am losing weight from work too. I am also losing weigt from having more time to work out cuz of no school. It's cool. I'm around 145 right now. I'm also composed of more muscle than before. Now taking into account muscle, my BMI is 23.6. It's cool. It's healthy, and best of all its going down, lol. I am wiped out after work though, gosh. Maybe I should sleep, or maybe I shouldn't. Oh yeah. Option number two equals the one I like more. I'll go with option two, bye. June 22, 2005-I basically poured my heart out to the girl I love yeserday with that. I wrote it, or thought of it at around 4am while thinking about her. The second I came home I wrote it down. The synthesis of thoughts to action is not lost on this one. Lol. I wan't even in a bad mood*thinks back* I FEEL LIKE SHIT!** Maybe I was... Sorry brian, lol. June 21, 2005-The moon was ablaze tonight, quaking in the sky. Our love burns like a fir, so strongly the moon grew orange. It did that, because, for the first time in a while we grew even closer. In reality we bridged a gap that plagued us, a distance separated no more. The distance left though, is a walking distance, and the distance beyond that, can be bridged by our hearts. I want to grasp you in my arms, and feel your heart beat ever so softly, faintly, yet strongly against mine. You say relationships are not what you're interested in, you say you and you're friend are going to use men for sex, and that's all? What am I to you, just another man? You said I was one of the only ones you loved, but does that mean one, or ones? Is it him or me I ask? You allude your way away from these questions and many more with the response, you don't want relationships. Is it all relationships, or me? Is a love so strong it set the moon ablaze not enough for you to give in, let my clutch you, and make everything feel fine? I guess this is an ultimatum, and a letter of affirmation. You will not have me crawling back to you every minute of every day anymore. I better myself despite you. I lose weight, I treat people and myself right, all to show you I can. I yearn for you, yet you cannot let our love be. Why I ask? Is it me? You know who you are my dear. My sweetest treat. You very speakings are the trinket of my love. I write like this for sanctuary, as you will be the only one to understand that cat scratches I do and have always done for you. Respond to me, talk to me, be with me. Let our hearts unite so you and me, in fact, may become we. I'd give my hand in marriage for you, I'm give my hand for you, I'd give my heart and soul, all my worldly possessions for you. You don't love me so. My heart fills with indignation at the fact ,you in fact, don't have that fire in your heart I have in mine for you. Let your heart guide you true, and let this letter ignite you, with the fire that burns in me, for our love to be ablaze all eternity. June 20, 2005-Hi. I was remembering back when I took karate with master yu. He was awesome. He wasn't too strict, and he never raised his voice. Before that I took karate at the Green Dragon. It wasn't horrible, but I didn't like it. It was infact bullshit karate which didn't help me at all. Master Yu was relitively bullshit karate. You learned karate, but he was rather laxed in who he let go forward. I basically combined what I learned from Tang Soo Do and what I've figured out from Jeet Kune Do, and combined them together. Once I become an insane DDR master I'll combine that to it, lol. I also know some Brazilian Jujitsu. I had so much fun practicing Tang Soo Do though. I don't feel I can get over that when transgressing into a new style. Leaving those people behind that I gained a bond with. It's natural evolution though I guess. Neyhah(guess?) and Kevin were the only people I really bonded with. We were all around the same belt. The one month my dad didn't feel like paying for testing, so he didn't. So I didn't move on, and they moved up. I still miss it to this day. I miss a lot of friends that I don't know where they are. Edwin Livingood is another one of em. I knew him from 4th grade until like 7th. Me, Eddy, and Gio would mess around during class so much that the next year they split us up. Me and eddy were in the same class. It's pretty sad that in basically my whole life I only miss 4 people that way. I've left a lot more people behind. I remember someone else. Videl. 1st and 2nd grade. Then he moved. I used to dream about him, not in a perverted way, like, me and him would be on adventures and shit. I don't really miss him since I only remember how he looked and his name, as well as our relationship. I wonder if any of these people are still around. i wonder what happened to these people. I'd love to meet them and have that uncomfortable, tear jerking, and surprising reunion. I've changed a lot since then. I weigh about 40 pounds less than when I was 13. I am about 6 inches taller as well. I still fit in the clothes I wore back then, and I even wear some. Then are baggy on me. I have like 27 inch hips. I'm probably exagerating. At the most they are 30. Thats like size 11 in girls. I can sqeeze my ass into size 6. I'm petite I guess. Lol. I found out I've 5'5" too. Still short, but taller than I thought. I'm ashamed, because I told a lot of people I'm shorter than that. It's rather sad being taller is bad to me. I am still a person of short stature. I feel the need to sleep. It is rather late, or early. Full moon tomarrow, so I'll be out, lol. I am going to sleep though. Bye. June 19, 2005- June 18, 2005-Hey. My kitty is asleep on my lap. I feel like falling asleep. I have work tommarow. Kitty got my sleepy... Lol. I get tired rather easily. It is like a habit but cuter, lol. I'm thinking of getting dance dance revolution, could I be any more of a loser? Lol. I'm going to get it with the thick dance pad, lol. And plsy it in my room alone, lol. I'm kinda hungry but it's too late to eat. Someone make me food without calories. I don't want to get fat. I want to be thin and beautiful. My hair smells like strawberries. Yum. My shampoo smells like perfume, but after a half a day or so it turns to oranges or strawberries. It smells good no matter what. People tend to like the smell of my hair. I guess I'm metrosexual, but I don't dress snazzy, lol. I wear all black. Soon i'll have tighter clothes. I love my tattoos. I think I'll be getting more. I feel good about myself, why else would I reveal my DDR secretfetish to everyone. I'm gonna get going now. Bye. June 17, 2005-I wanted beatles, they gave me elvis, aol is still okay. Lol. I like elvis. Now I'm listening to surfrock. Now I'm listening to acid jazz. I am a random person. Okay, aol has a black metal station now. I love them. AOL has earned my respect. Holy fuck. My wrists have gotten thin. My bones stick out in my hands as well... I think I may finally be a nice size in my eyes. I look in the mirror and don't want to gag. When I eat veins pop out of my arms though. I dunno how healthy that it. It looks weird since I shave my arms. If I were to dress in drag I wouldn't eat. It's not becoming of a lady to be a veiny mess, lol. I gosh I'm in a good mood. I was talking to the one who makes me happy. She worked her wonders, but when will she be mine to cuddle for eternity. I'll cuddle and cuddle until she can't breath, nor can I, then we will cuddle more! Like in the movie cube. Cuddles are fun, wee. I ama relitively muscular chap, I could cuddle someone to death. It would rock, Death by Cuddles! I'm going to make a Death Metal band called that. Everyone will love us cuz we rock, and just say I'm listening to DbC. DEATH by CUUUUDLES!!!!!! Rawr! I recognize a lot of these bands on the Black Metal station without trying. I knew the last band was Venom. The one on now is Children of Bodem. Death by Cuddles is going to reign supreme though. I think I'm going to the china buffet tommarow. Kickass. I haven't been there in 8 days. Oh gawd! @me. I hope that cute person that remembers what sauce I like on my noodles is there. I still heart my muffin more. Such muffin heartage going on. I'm like, moving on to the next stage of my life now though. I got a job, a bank account, money, soon a permit. I'll be getting new clothes soon. Small t-shirts, tight jeans, and a leather vest. Also I want a tight hoodie. Lets see, I want slut boots too, that go up high, like to my knees. I also am gonna get laser eye surgery when I turn 18. My dad says he will get it for my,but I'll buy it myself if he wont. I got half the money for it. I have it faved from working. Come this week I'll have more. I should be getting about $130 from my pay check wednesday. I'm so excited. It'll go towards my new clothes. I'll use my old clothes for work, and some of my shirts in my new wardrobe. I am also going to buy a suit. I am going to show up the first day of tech in a suit. It'll be cute. I'll rent a tuxedo, lol. That would be sad. Yeah! My favorite band... Graveworm. They are italian. I'm going to sleep now though. Bye. June 16, 2005-The girl of my dreams called me pretty today... I wish she would just tell me she loves me and we could be together forever. When I talk to her I feel the love. A love no one else can give me. Every aspect feels complete. I just feel life for me wont feel complete unless I have her. I feel I wont have her. I'll just die cold and alone. Probably at the age of 26. It's a feeling I cannot shake. I'm not even sad, I just think this is what is happening. My fate. They say you can't change your fate. I guess we will see in 9 years. I just am in a deep mood. I admitted my feelings to her. Not in a joking way either. Seriously did it. It is the hardest thing to do. I feel different right now. My deepest feelings truly revealed. But are they appreciated? I dont appreciate them. The reason she don't go out with me is cuz she knows I'd smother her. I am bad with that. I always want to talk on the phone and be with the people I date. I cant help it. With her life is different. Right now it is like a bad movie, you have paid a lot to get there, so you don't want to just leave without getting your money back... I think she does appreciate it. It's been a while since I listened to the beatles. I only do that when I'm happy. It feels good. I think it's been a year. It's been since Febuary 14th, 2004. That is too long. I think I'll take a picture of me wearing my hair back before work tommarow. So everyone can bask in my beauty. June 15, 2005-I've come to the realization that pretty much no one is going to be nice to me unless they want to get in my pants. If someone out there doesnt think that goes for them be nice to me! If you do want to get in my pants say so, because you probably can, I have very low standards. I'm sick of being lonely, which I am. I think I'm getting my hair dyed soon. Red, Blue, and Purple. I'm also getting it cut even. I'll be the prettiest one at the ball... What ball. I don't know. I... washed 106 peoples dishes, got complimented on my looks by men and women... was told I look older than I am... messed with my mom who I also happen to work with. I want to take a shower very badly. I need to wait untilmy hands wont get water logged. They should be fine now. I need to shave any everything, so i'll be in for like 40 minutes. Better wait. I want to relax. That means very hot water. Like 95 degrees. The tempurature of the kitchen I work in, what a coincidence. lol. It's cool. It wouldn't be unless I liked the people I work with, and I do. I'm getting a shower in a bit, so bye. June 14, 2005-The power went out today. I do not like that. I hate change. It came back on though, obviously. I am very tired though. I wish I had a girlfriend so I could just talk to her on the phone and whine about how tired I am. I think I am going to get some more tattoos. I really like the ones I have now, and a few more wouldn't hurt. I was thinking tribal designs going from my chest to my collar bones. Since they really stick out. I had my last day of school today. I didn't even realize it until today, at like 7:25. I got there on time, and was out by 9:40. It's cool. I have work tommarow. I can't really say I don't wanna go, cuz I do. I work with my mom all day. Lol. Friday too. I'm going to lay down now. I am wiped out. Bye. June 13, 2005-It is the 1 year, 11 month anniversary. Put on your party hats. It's awesome. One more month and it will be 2 years. 2 years ago I was 15. I was fat. I was very short. I was unpopular. I was hated. In two years I've gotten thin. I'm 17. I'm taller, like 5'5". Not very tall, but I'm pretty, lol. I'm pretty muscular. I have a job! I don't have a car. Ouch! On the 1 year, 11 month anniversary of my site I... washed 106 peoples dishes, got complimented on my looks by men and women... was told I look older than I am... messed with my mom who I also happen to work with. I want to take a shower very badly. I need to wait untilmy hands wont get water logged. They should be fine now. I need to shave any everything, so i'll be in for like 40 minutes. Better wait. I want to relax. That means very hot water. Like 95 degrees. The tempurature of the kitchen I work in, what a coincidence. lol. It's cool. It wouldn't be unless I liked the people I work with, and I do. I am going to go now. Bye. June 12, 2005-My friend doesnt like the thought of danny divito with a vagina. This makes me sad. That is what i think of when I want to lose weight, because I don't want to eat with that thought in my mind, I wont be able to get the food down. I think I'll write my senior thesis on it. the Danny Divito with a Vagina Theory. Better than the black hole theory, but not as popular as the Meg Ryan with a huge Dick Theory. Oh well... I wonder if Danny Divito gets a lot of action, I mean, he is fat and ugly, but he is rich. He probably doesn't even need to pay for his action either, because he is danny divito, a movie star. I wonder if anyone ever sat awake at night touching themselves thinking about him. They are just sitting in a puddle of their own sexual juices thinking oh danny. That is the nastiest thought to have entered my mind. Some hot chick rubbing hersewlf and a thought bubble appearing over her head of danny divito with a vagina. I'm going to sleep now, and hopefully wont have that thought ever again. Bye. June 11, 2005-I suirvived. Just barely, but it's cool. I washed like a hundred peoples dishes. Its so bleh. I probably got the nastiest e-mail the other day. It was a porn spam e-mail. It was all about the scat stuff. People using other people like toilets. Not a good thought. It is unsanitary, and rather ew. I'm a germophobe I guess, but whathas already been digested will not end up on my chest. No way. It would take some hard liquor for that to happen, enough to where I'm barely awake, and don't remember it. Alcohol blood level .3, yay! I hate to cut it short, but this isn't a good topic, and I'm going to sleep, bye. June 10, 2005-Hi. I helped my sister today. I'm a good boy, lol. I'm watching ghost shows. Right now is when I wish I had a girlfriend. Lol. Nothing would be cooler than being held while watching ghost shows. Theres someone I like, but I doubt they like me. She barly talks to me anymore. Oh well. I have work tomarrow. I wish I'd at least get cuddled after work, maybe just till I fall asleep. So, my friend was supposed to be here at 10. No go on that. I don't care. I have a long day at work tommarow. I work from 3:30 until 12. Ha. Maybe longer. I'm going to go. Bye. June 9, 2005-I got the job. I'm the new dish washer at maxies. I don't know how much I'm making an hour. I do know I'm working 7 hours today. I don't haver a full day of school. I have my finals, and then like an hour on tuesday yet. I'm going to be working 3-4 days a week for 7 hours a day. That's like 21-28 hours. Even if I make 6 an hour, that 130 to a 170 dollars. That is nice money. I think I get paid every week to. Plus at the end of the year I get a big fat paycheck. I will get my first paycheck before fathers day. Good. My dad wants this one drill. It's like the king of all drills too, lol. I'm going to be buying the things I want to. No more depriving myself and hording all my money. I don't need to anymore. I'm one of those people, that I'll want something for like a week, but then the trill goes away if I don't get it. If I get the thing in that week I'll use it till no end. Thats how I am with video games. That's not hwo I am with anime though. For years now I've wanted the 3rd outlaw star dvd. Haven't gotten it yet. Soon though. Next paychech maybe, or now. I have money. I always have money. The cool think is I get paid on wednesday. Yay. I hope I get pretty much. Time will only tell. Time for me to go take finals I guess. I grabed some grapes. Hmmm... I just realized. I'm a productive member of society now. I'm not going to get home until around 11pm tonight. Lol. I don't usually do anything until then anyway, so it's cool. Who wouldn't want to be as cool as me. The prettiest dishwasher. Yes. Exactly. Everyone thinks it. It's true. I need to get a hair cut. I want to get it evened out. It's a little longer in the back. I don't like that. I'm going to go take finals now. Bye. June 8, 2005-I may have a job. I can't wait. Actually having money. That is new. Not really, but I like the though of having more money. I'll be working 20 hours a week at least. I like the thought. Now no one can bitch to me about getting a job. I'll say," I got one stupid." Then I'll shoot them with a cannon and sell their body parts in the black market. I just did the weirdest work out. Pilates. It is very weird. Almost like the tantric exercises. Not that I ever did them*cough cough*. Not that I am*cough cough*. I'm still sick, coughing, lol. I'm bored. I just took this quiz and I think I'm ready to take me test for my driving permit. I'm going to bed. i am really tired. bye. June 7, 2005- Hey. My computer is running a bit slow... I'm running a adware scan, then a virus scan, and then I'm going to defragment. Basically, I'm going to clean up the trash, then rearrange the stuff, and then throw away what ever isnt really wanted. I haven't done this in 40 days, and since I just installed a huge game, I should. When I saw this computer is running slow, it really isn't. It is a good computer. When it's running slow it is running like most computers. I just preffer for my computers to be running at full blast allthe time. That is especially true because all I do is go on the computer. I would like for all I do to be great. Lol. This computer, I have probably used it like, 3000 hours. It is still running strong. It's C drive is almost filled though. I transferred some stuff over though, so it should be working better. When one drive is full and the other one is almost empty it makes the computer act slow. Its because of how I have the computer. I really want to build another computer. I think it is funny. Wow. I'm waiting for my Viruscan thingy to get done so I can defragment my computer. It would cost $2,878.11 to get every part I want from this website, and get it to my house. That is not much. Considering the computer I'm using cost almost $2,000 2 years ago. My sony vaio is running strong though. It is a kick ass computer. Haven't had one problem with it. Finals are in 3 days, or however many days there are left until thursday. Oh yeah. It is Tuesday now. It is getting late. This viruscan needs to finish up. There we go. I'm going to sleep. Bye. June 6, 2005-I'm eat breakfast again. It is crazy. What am I thinking? Lol. Actually, It's probably better I eat since I have no money left at school to eat, and I just remembered now. Lol. I don't eat there anyway. I just get teas and occassionally fruit. I think I may have some. I need to eat so I can take my antibiotic, or it gets me really out of it. I got Half Life 2 yesterday. I've been playing the hell olut of counterstrike source. I'm not very good right now. I'm getting better. The people aren't complete assholes like in most other games. Socom is the sameway. I love socom because the people are cool. It's why no matter how many games I play, socom is still better. Counterstrike may have beaten it. I still am going to play socom, but for the people. Really, counterstrike and socom aren't alike at all, so socom is fun in its own respects. Just not as realistic as counterstrike. I am going to get going. I'm just going to sit back for 10 minutes and relax. I've come to realize I need to do that sometimes. Bye. June 5, 2005-Hey. My eyes hurt like hell, but other than that and a cough I feel good. I got to watch someone fall off of a moving vehicle. That is right, off. Couldn't make it up if I tried. They fell off the hood of the moving vehicle. The second the car starting going I knew it was bad. By the way buddy, put some peroxide on those wounds. Other than that everythings normal, just wish I had someone in my life. Dont, so it's cool. I feel lightheaded, woah. My antibiotic really is kicking my ass. It's awesome. I got a few more days of happyness. Then if I'm not better, I'll just cry of something, lol. I know a few people that would get off on that. Lol. Sheesh it is hot in my room. I'm going to go lay down. It's a bit early for me, but I feel like crap. All lightheaded and whatnot. Bye. June 4, 2005-Hey. I got out again today. Then tommarow I am getting out more. It kicked ass. I went to Chucker Chubbs. It was a benifit for the Special Olympics. Some dude was starring at me the whole time. It was weird. Very weird, lol. Uncomfortable as well. Anyway. I go to Dorney Park tommarow. It's cool. I feel like shit though. I'm so tired and sick. When I let gio on he better be quiet so I can sleep. I need to get up at 6:30am. I need to go to sleep, so I can wake up early. Bye. June 3, 2005-Had fun at votech. I watched Fruit Basket. It is a great anime. Hopefully we can watch the rest today. School are starting to leave already. My school doesn't stop sending to vo-teck until the 8th, but then I have half days all the way until the 14. Many days I don't have to go because of finals and holidays. I'm guessing a lot of federal holidays fall during June. I mean, for me to get out so much, that must be it. I'm going to eat a small bowel of cereal I think. I just need to poor it. I got a bowel and poured cereal and milk in it. I win. I'm going to go eatitnow. Bye. June 2, 2005-I made the MP3 Cd. It is 17 hours, 19 minutes, and 40 seconds. I accomplished my goal today. It has 11 different bands, and 217 songs. A few people want copies. Ah well. As long as they get the CD's they want me to burn. I feel like I want to watch a kund fu movie, haven't in a while. Maybe I will sometime. I could use some relaxion. My nerves have been bad. Less sleep then usual, less everything than usual accept food. I both love and hate food. Gosh, don't know what to do. Maybe I should start dieting again, because I still want abs. I'm thin, but not thin enough for abs. I figure I'll get em by the end of summer if I keep working out. My body looks different from me working out. A welcome change. More welcome will be later, when I have abs. Can kind of tell I want them, lol. I am going to get going now. Bye. June 1, 2005- Hi. I actually went somewhere today. I went to Berkshire Mall with my friend Tina. I needed to get out. Saturday I go to dorney park. It's the last time I'll see some people. That makes me kind of sad. I think I'm gonna be up a while. Maybe I'll play my bass. I ate something. I really don't think I shouldn't have. My antibiotic has been making me almost black out. Slayer kicks ass. The innovators of evil. I just coughed with banana in my mouth. I think I have a future in that business. So, only one of my ears work. The other has cotton in it. It was so horrible. Me mom put peroxide in it. I can hear kinda when I take the cotton out. My one tooth hurts as well. Really bad. I can only chew with the one side of my mouth. I feel free to ramble. I have been rembling today. I'll be quiet for 3 hours, then start rambling. I haven't needed cough syrup yet. Crap. Right when I say that I cough. My body hates me. I think the banana I ate had melenoma. It was covered in brown spots. They looked different every day. I figured out I like gardening. Maybe I should have gone to votech for horticulture. I figured my grades sucked when I filled the form out, so it's fate that brought me to Visual Imaging and Design Technology. If there is one thing I love it is my current computer. My sony vaio. It is so awesome. I can't wait until summer again. I wanna go outside and lay in the grass starring up at the stars. I think more people like me now. Okay. Maybe I need the cough medicine. Eh. I'm listening to a band called Kalmah. They rule. My friend is urban. She is listening to hip hop. As long as I dont feel good that is all that matters, because in the end the blood of the innocent is the blood of the wicked. Bye. May 31, 2005-Hey. Today I actually feel like writing. I've been writing all day though. So it's like, I want to, but I don't know what to write. It's alljumbled in my head. I think I'll listen to music. Maybe black metal, maybe 80's rock. Who knows? I Don't know what to do. I'm supposed to go to Dorney Park Saturday... It says it is supposed to rain. I wonder if it will. I don't like that. I hope it doesn't. I doubt my parent want to drive me to my votech. It is like a 35 minutes drive. That is a lot. I knew it. I don't feel like writting now. Shouldn't have worked out I guess. I feel beat now. Ah well. I'll end it there. Bye. May 30, 2005-I feel my love for this site renewed with the closing of the school year. Lol. I've spent hours on this MP3 ?CD. Haven't burned it yet. I'm optimizing the sizes of the files. It helps. Have 88 files on one cd so far and it isnt even half filled. A lot of these are cradle of filth songs so they are long as hell too, lol. I dunno how many bands I want to put on. I got 4 so far, but like 10 songs need to be added tsome bands. All free MP3's of course. I'm not a theif. Never have been, never will. I didn't have school today. I feel like I did a lot. I woke up at 9, and got 7 hours of sleep. Holy crap. More than 7 actually. Like 7 and a half hours of sleep. I converted and renamed all these files. Gosh. I also made a vow. I am going to shadow box every morning I have the time. Better than sitting here falling asleep in the morning. Lol. I just noticed the band Saint Vitus wasn't the first doom metal I listened to. The first doom metal I listened to was Candlemass. I have realized I am host to a great deal of psychic energy. Several people have told me for a while, but it is really starting to show. As I improve my body, I realize that I'm improving my temple. I wonder what the difference is between 94 bitrate and 128 bitrate. Right now whenever I cough it sounds like the begining of Sweet Leaf by Black Sabbath. Hahaha. That's so sad, but funny. I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight, lol. Sad... Ahh well. I'm over it. Lol. I'll sleep during school. I don't have anything to do. Why am I not tired? Lol. I am tired. Just not sleepy tired. I'm going to try laying down. If it works, I'll be happy with 2 hours of sleep. Bye. May 29, 2005-Hi. I'm just sitting here. I ate a salad. Don't know what else to say, lol. My friend burnt his had on reheated pizza. That's hilarious. Not many of my friends have been talking to me. I don't know if there is a reason, but I'm fed up. I was worked up enoughto say some serious things the one day, then I apologize. Story of my life. Not for long. I've decided if people can get away with stuff they do, I can. Maybe people will like me more. When people act like self sufficiant asses people seem to like them. I care what people think. I'm just sick of being abused. I'm really in the mood to work out. The music on outlaw stars dvd menu gets me pumped to work out. I am pumped to work out. I'm going now though. Bye. May 28, 2005-Ick. My nose is stuffed up so bad. I think I should go to the hospital. I develop new health problems every week. I have reaccuring throat problems. Shit is just wrong. Only way I can reall put it. I'm drinking Green tea. Hopfully the honeywill help. Hopefully but doubtfully. Ahhh well. I know monday I'll be eating two huge meals. I have off that day. I'll be working out sunday for like 3 hours, then monday for a few. I have pretty much energy. Hopefully it transfers over. I don't know if it will though. I feel like crap, I need to sleep soon. So it is time to go. Bye. May 27, 2005-I really want to learn to read tarot cards. I don't know why. I just think it would rule. Wow. A new Onimusha is coming out. I really used to love that game. I love martial arts games. No truly innovative ones have come out since Way of the Samurai. I'm really wanting to get a PSP now. They got such awesome graphics, and even very fun looking gameplay. Only problems arise when I think... I also want a memory card so I can have plenty of songs on it. It would be my MP3 player, as well as for movies. Lol. Oh yeah. I just reminded myself. I need to put a CD in my bag to take back to my moms. I have none left. My sister bought me 50 of them 2 years ago. That was a good 20 dollars. 10 dollars a year, lol. Time to go, lol. Bye. May 26, 2005-I saw Billy Idol today. Insane. It was great. One of the greatest concerts I've ever seen. I don't know if it was better than GWAR. GWARs guitarist didn't play with his teeth, even though he should have, lol. Maybe I should learn guitar. I could. I'm natuarally a talented bassist, and my dads a talented guitarist. If I owned a guitar, I might pick it up. I may buy one, or a PSP, or just save my money for an xbox360. If I get 1000 dollars together, I'll be good, lol. I'll be good for 5 years, until new systems come out. Lol. I have a good deal of money saved up for xbox360. Almost enough I think. Then comes playstation 3, and then nintendo revolution. I need to go now though, all these systems. May 25, 2005-I have finally found a belief system in which I can believe. A system which validates everything I have been trying to formulate in my head for years. The belief is simple. We all are one. We all have spawned from a huge ball of energy, where, when we die, we will return. When we die our traits are dispersed to other people being born. Reincarnation is a part of this, but it is almost like legos. You take apart the creations that broke, and you rebuild something better. It this system, good and bad will always prosper. Almost randomly being spawned. Fate is then assigned to the person created. Fate is just the major events of your life which have been predetermined. Such as me having to get an operation. When I got it I died, and I felt incomplete for a long time after that. I still do. I don't feel complete. Part of me was actually lost. That part was given to someone. Almost like a gift from me. Maybe my sisters baby will have that part of me I lost years ago. That part of me I miss. I've been searching for three years, will a baby have that part of me I'm searching for, when I was caught in that revolving door to the mass or energy? Will it be a lover? Who ever it is I will feel an attraction to this being. I'm not saying a sexual attraction, just an attraction that says I love this person and want them to prosper. Obviously that person I want to prosper would be part of me, so I would hope they would. It just makes sense now. I'm going to sleep. Maybe I'll be able to tonight. May 24, 2005-Hi. Okay. First time in a while I got to relax... I'd like to say sorry for some of the people I've been mean to. Everyone that got treated mean did something to me, but I probably over reacted. I've worked hard all week. I've helped turn a run down home into the future home of my sister, her boyfriend, and my unborn neice or nephew. Hopefully in a few weeks we will know what I'm going to have! I've been aching too. I was aching because I couldn't work out in a week. I would get home, bitch to people for about 20 minutes,fall asleep infront of the computer, and wake up about 30 minutes later. Then I'd go lay down. That was every night this week. I was sick, and coughing up blood too. I feel a lot better now. I got an okay work out, and am not aching. I'm in the process of painting my nails. It's been about a month. For some reason it holds on my nails really well. There. I did my nails. They came out pretty nice. Barely had to touch them up. I'll just give them a few minutes to dry, then I'll go get ready for bed. I am not even that tired. My metabolism must be going after my workout. My tooth is bugging me. It is really messed up. I should go to the dentist for it. Ahh well... Pfft.... I am afraid of going to the doctor or dentist, dunno why. Lol. I'm gonna sit back and listen to music a little. Buh bye. May 23, 2005-I really need to burn a new MP3 CD. I haven't in a long time. It is really just a new copy of my other one. I am adding more to it, and optimizing other songs so more fit. I play on having a lot of songs, lol. Not going to have the fricken album art on it either. They are small, but its like a thousand little pictures on my current cd. Not gonna fly, lol. It is going to be 100% songs. Probably 500 songs at least. I love variety. I can't help it. Variety is my spot of life. I'm going to get going now though. Bye. May 22, 2005-I've been helping my sister out a lot. The house is coming together well... Drywall master right here. Learned the art. Next is electric. I already know how to do it in theory, just never did it. That will happen soon. Hooking up electrical sockets, and light switches. The most guyish thing I can do. Construction is a mans sport, but women are good at it too. I don't know how good my sister can throw boxes off a roof, but I'm the master of that. I am great at that. God, lol. I'm thinking of getting Half Life 2. That game looks really good. I get don't want to spend the fifty follars right now. I have a good chunk of money saved up, and I haven't been able to go to work lately. Hopefully that will change soon. I am going to go now though. Bye. May 21, 2005- May 20, 2005- May 19, 2005-Hi. I'm still helping my sister out. It is hard work. Yesterday I had to climb in a tree and cut branches off. I had to paint part of their kitchen, clean the up stairs, mow their lawn, and more. The house was in bad shape when they got it. It is looking better already. It's not like I'm the only one working. My dad, sister, and her boyfriend are all working too. We just need to finish primering and then we can pain the kitchen, livingroom, and dining room. I figure secondly we will end up painting the baby's room and their room. My sister is very stubborn though, lol. She has this dream house in her mind, and her boyfriend is a nice guy. It seems like he wants that house to be her dream house. Looks like me and him will be building a deck. The house looks like it is almost meant for one. I can justify my ass out on a roof making a deck. Why not? Lol. I'm still sick. It is getting old. Going in to school every day out of it. I'm about to take the MucinexDM and the Tylenol shit for sore throats. Well. Here we go. This Mucinex pill taste like shit. The tylenol stuff isn't bad, but it isnt good. I'm going now. Bye. May 18, 2005- May 17, 2005- May 16, 2005- May 15, 2005-Hi. I helped my sister and her boyfriend with their new house today. We smached this wall down. It kicked ass. I am thinking about getting into construction. Lol. I do have fun doing it. Destruction actually. Manlyest thing I've even done and enjoyed, lol. All I know is I'm not looking forward to school tommaorw. I'm just going to get through the day, coughing up a storm. Then I'll go help them out with the hosue. They only havea month. It kind of sucks for them. T heir house theybought was trashed. They need to fix it u p and make it livible in a month. I think with her boyfriend, me, and my dad working on it it will come together pretty quick. I'm going to go and help them every day this week, except wednesday. That is their day off thery said, lol. Her boyfriend is going fishing. I think I could get into fishing, but not right now. My coughing may scare away the fish, lol. I think thats funny. I don't know why. I must have head problems. I'm going now. I'm going to read things about video games. I'm actually in a good mood because I feel I'm doing constructive with myself. I am going now though. Bye. May 14, 2005-I have to take these really nasty pills. They taste like crap. They are the most discusting things I have ever tasted. On the bright side they are strong, so I only need to take one every 12 hours. I'm still sick. It sucks. It really sucks. I don't know what to do with my-self, lol. I am coughing and hackin'. Nothing to do about it. I keep getting worse to. A long dark little road. Thats all being sick is. Some parts in the roads have dips, and some parts of the road have people wanting to kill you. I swear I'm at the part with people wanting to kill you. I helped my sister with her house. I'm going back tommarow. I think it is kind of fun. If I would die from what ever this sickness is I have, I would like to leave them with a livable house, lol. See... I'm an optimist... *whistles* Lol. I need to get going anyway. Bye. May 13, 2005-The webhost I was going to use shut down... I still have all the files. I only has apocalypse completed. I lost a few different index layouts and suff, which sucks. I can move on. I need to find a new free web host with pretty much space... At least a 150 megabytes of space. I would like that. A nice amount of bandwith. Like maybe 1000mb/month. That really isn't asking for much. Okay, it may be. It isn't asking for very much. I don't know. I think I may start developing my site offline, but I use a css file, so it makes things harder. Oh yeah. My throat is worse today. It is spreading. My ears feel infected. Not a bad infection, but not a good one. I need to work tommarow though. I need at least $400 for the xbox 360 launch. It's my goal. I'm so sick. I'm coughing more. I'm glad in a way I need to work tommarow. I forgot my medicine at my house. I can go take it tommarow. It's necessary to get better. Musinex or what ever. It makes me cough more, but cough up green stuff. At first my mom told me the name of it and I thought it was like, windex. They are pretty nasty tasting pills. They taste like crap covered in garlic, broiled in puss, and lightly salted.. Salt of DOOM! I am going now though. Bye. May 12, 2005-Wow. My throat took a turn for the worse today. It spread. Now my ears hurt. Considering I'm listening to one of my favorite bands, Graveworm, this is a bad thing. I want to headbang, but I cant. On the bright side I get out of school at 10am. I shouldn't even go, but I will... 7:45 am to 10 am. I can do that. I may not sleep. Not sure. Sleep isnt a top priority. I'm hyper, dizzy, hopped up on cold pills and caffeine, cold, warm, in pain, stuffed up, having fun, and my mind is blown by xbox 360. I also realized I am actually becoming pretty slim. It's awesome. I'm dizzy as hell now, so I think I'll lay down. Bye. May 11, 2005- I am so pissed. I now have to suffer all day because of my ferrit. It hid all but 5 of my cough drops while i was sleeping. I woke up so dilerious I couldnt figure out how to turn off my alarm. I dont think I should be going to school today, but I might as well. At least tommarow is prom, so I get out at 10am. I'm not going to that dumb shit. It is a waste of money and time. I'm only going in 12th grade. Plus I don't have anyone to go with. Why go? I worked out the longest I ever did yesterday. I worked out 3 hours and 45 minutes. It weird, because I just started at 7:30 pm and kept going until past 11 pm. I'm so dizzy. Leaning forward is hard. For that reason I need to go get ready to collapse in school. Bye. May 10, 2005-Hi. It is the morning. I'm falling behind. Actually, I ate a lot, and slept a decent amount, so I actually am hyper. I mean through the roof. I can't talk though... Talking is a bad thing for me right now. I should just stay home. Hopefully this hyperness lasts until I get out of school today so I can work out. If not I'm working out anyway. I ate like a pound of chinese food. Literally. I also at a lot of cotton candy at votech. They gave it to me for perfect attendance. I don't know how I pulled it off... I think I may be able to pull an absence off every votech students record. I'm talking to the votech nurse. She said she may be able to get the school to get rid of that statement saying we were supposed to be there the 15th or April. I think she likes me because she said," Now I know your a good student and are always here, so I know you wouldn't have just walked out. I'll see what I can do." That means she is going to argue with my school! Not more than me. My principal fears me. Poor woman. I walk around with a choker on and don't get yelled at, but a 7th grader wears a shirt that shows 1 centimeter of her stomach, she gets yelled at by two people at once. Oh my gosh. I just coughed. My voice is so bad. I took Flu and Cold Pills, Robitussin, and I have these strong ass cough drops. Not really helping. Oh well... I am in too good of a mood to care right now. Bye. May 9, 2005-Hi. My throat... It feels like someone punched me as hard as they could in it. I've been trying to keep my mind off my throat. I worked out today for like 2 and a half hours strait. Sweat the sickness out, lol. Then I got a nice long shower. My hair isn't dry yet and it's been an hour. Oh well... Only my throat hurts, and I can be thankful for that. Some people have prostate cancer and shit, and all I got is a little throat thing. I'm still going to be a baby about it. Give me attention! Please... Thank you. I also played video games a bit. I've been playing this driving game a lot, and I don't usually like driving games. I'm more of a cut-zombies-in-half-with-chainsaws kind of guy. Lol. Violence is fun. So is being good at something. I am good at this game... How? I got like 94th on the scoreboards out of 50,000. Probably more, but the lowest I got was 12,000 something. I could go for chopping a zombie in half. I go to wrestling tommarow! I get to see JBL, the Big Show, John Cena, hopefully Scotty 2 Hotty. That guy, so awesome. Someone is gonna get choked out infront of me aswell! You get what you pay for basically. Lol. The 26th is billy idol time. As in, creme yourself time. Billy Idol is so great. I'd have his babies if I could. Twins even. I'm still dilerious. Don't judge me... Lol. Bye. May 8, 2005-Hey. I'm still sick. Maybe worse. I scarfed down yogurt and salad today. Not much else. Not as if anything else was possible. I am considering not going to school tommarow, and sleeping in, but the latest I can sleep until is 9am. In the summer that will change. I preffer seeing the sunrise before I go to sleep. The sunrise is so beautiful, but the stars are way more beautiful.Heh. I still miss some poeple. Some people have quenched my thirst for them today, lol. I just got a shower. I worked out 2 hours aswell. I am above my weight limit for myself. Lol. I want to get to 120 pounds. Maybe 125. I got like pretty much to go yet. Considering I was 210 at one time. Last june... And now I'm in the 140's. I realized I only use this one smily with it's toungue sticking out on aol, except I use more with one person. I only use the smiling ones with the one person, lol. That person knows who they are. They are the only person who brings me true happyness anymore... It's cool though. At least I get to feel it sometimes. Some people I know don't get to feel true happyness... I feel so bad for them, for they make me realize I'm rich. Not moneywise. I spent every cent I had on my mom today. Azalyas or how ever thats spelled. They were white. I think thats the traditional color for em. My dad got his mom purple azalyas. I have finally come to the conclusion I have shoulder length hair. It rules. I remember everything about everyone I used to date. Birthdays and everything. I almost got the whole year covered, lol. I dated a girl whose birthday was January 10th, and a girl who had december 22nd. Crap... I am missing 22 days. Hmmm... Any december 31st? How about January 1st? New years. Pretty much was said. now I must go. Bye. May 7, 2005-I just saw the cheapest ad ever. The had this picturew of a girl, and instead of getting two girls to pose the flipped the other over. Some exact pose. Holding some poker chip of something. Cheap bastards. God. I feel so lightheaded. I'm really sick, dare I even, hella sick. Lol. Really though... I need to lay down soon. If I don't I may die. I'm about the go collapse over on the couch with a half gallon of green tea, watch wrestling, and fall asleep a few hours. My throat is killing me. I think I coughed up blood earlier. Can flem be dark red/ brownish? If it can maybe it wasn't blood. If it was blood, maybe I can donate it to the hospital. I know there is a blood shortage. Maybe they would use it. Maybe I should save my spit for them. Nah. The toilet can keep my spit. I noticed I put the seat up to spit, lol. I'm going to make some lucky girl proud, because I always put the seat down. On that note I bid farwell... May 6, 2005-o-tech was awesome today. It was even better than some of the days last year. In a way I still kinda miss Stacey, but I miss Krissi way more. I haven't seen Krissi since the last soundwaves show. That was a long time ago. Since then I've lost weight and become a lot more muscular. Somehow, I still have no muscle on my wrists, but my forarms are musclular. How the hell does the forarm hog all the nutrients to make muscles. It's all,"Intercepted!" It's probably why my hands areso thin. I only know a few people with thinner hands. I'm actually pretty thin when compared to most people now. I can pull of a muscle shirt. My stomach is weird. I got abs like, when I stiffin them the top shows more muscle, and the bottom shows more fat. I think it's the fact my skin is loose. As in you can pull it pretty far, not like it hangs. That would be discusting. I am going to go, bye. May 5, 2005-Hi. I miss ECW. I remember seeing Rhyno gore someone through the ropes. They both flew outside. The one thing Pennsylvania could always be proud of was it's extreme wrestling. Now what is left? Nothing. Nothing at all... It is sad. OOO! Pennsylvania can be proud I live here. I'm a role model. A good one. A great one. I am the perfect role model for little kids. Ultra perfect. No one tops my role modelness. No one. I need to go now though. I'm tired. Bye. May 4, 2005-Hey. I feel so lazy today. It was the hardest day to make me workout that I actually did. Somedays I'll skip it and rationalize it. Really though it may do more good then harm. Muscles need time to heal, and even though I do lean training they still need it a bit. Lean training is working out for long periods of time with smaller weight to get youtself looking more cut. It you want to look bigger you must use big weights. For looking more muscular its little weights. Right now I can do like 5 pull ups apposed to the 1/2 of one I did last year. That is 10x better. That is a good improvement. I'm currently using 40 pounds on my dumbbell I think. Something along those lines. I am going now. Bye. May 3, 2005-Okay. Today I am sick. It isn't a pleasent feeling. Tommarow I know I'll be sick. I'm a hypocondriac. I doubt I'm sick, even though I think I am. I could swear I'm sick. A lot of that stuff is in my head. That's why I don't stay home from school. I decided a while ago It would be better not to stay home, or else I would be home a lot. I'm pretty healthy, I should be sick as often as I think I am. So I have come to a hard conclusion a while ago. I'm not staying home, even if I go to school sick. Well... Of to school, and then school sick. Bye. May 2, 2005-Okay. Today was probably the weirdest mood I've been in. I was perfectly happy, yet I had absolutely no aspiration to do work. None what-so-ever. So I make an honest attept to work, and nope. Nothing happens. yet in math I sat down, and did a whole quiz in 5 minutes and got it perfect. I didn't even get the quiz back yet, and I know it is perfect. So. I got a 60 on the math test. I also happened to get liek the 3rd highest grade in the class on it... Hmmm... I didn't even try. I don't think anyone tries. Not anymore at least. Lol. So... Android Lust is clwing its way to being my favorite band. I like, idolize the lead singer. She so beautiful and passionate. Passion is so great. I love passion, I have a passion for passion. I am going to get going now. Not much happened today as you can probably tell from this post. Bye. May 1, 2005-Hi. The chapstick worked. Thank god. My lips looked horrible. They were becoming on of those features of my body I just didn't like people seeing. The problem is talking is a nice way to show off your lips, and I like talking. I do it a lot. Holy crap. This song Kingdom of One by Android Lust is so weird. I want to play it. This song Visceral Stimulation just sounds weird. It must excite my insides. It's named after that. Wow. I really miss myfriends. Not a lot of them have been on. Hopefully some of them will be on today. They know who they are. So far on person I really wanted to talk to was on today. Only for a short time though. Not cool. I like talking to people for hours on aol. Its cool to learn about people, and people are usually more open on aim. Very few people are as open offline as they are online. I know I am only open to a select few people I know. Even that is not a fact... I am open to less than a select few, lol. Only a few people will ever be graced with me being truly open in their pressense. Those who are, know they are. Right now I'm obviously listening to Android Lust, lol. They are slowly becoming my favorite band. So much passion is in their music. I can appriciate that. I am going to go now. Bye. |