The Question

Many people, over many years
Have died to give me the life
That I have today, sitting here
At this desk, blankly staring at
Fifteen hundred dollars of
Plastic, metal, and glass, while
I daydream of mountains that
I will never climb, sun that
Will never touch me, and
Laughter that will never be
Heard.

So I ask you, was it worth it?

Thoughts of an Insomniac

Itchy steak knives rip the flesh
Out of his forearm and sweaty calf.
He imagines himself sleeping,
With drool dripping from a smile.

Under blankets, icy feet and silence torment him.
A red light illuminates the room,
Like a spotlight in his eyes
Announcing to the awake,
11:51 p.m.

His limbs begin to flail uncontrollably,
Begging him to turn.
How can he fall asleep?
When every part of his body is screaming to be scratched.

But he dare not move.
Sleep is a secondary priority,
Her soft chin rests neatly on his shoulder.

The Unnamed Game

When I was in kindergarten
I would cry before recess.

But as soon as the bell rang
I would run to the rear of the school.
Far beyond the rusted baseball fence
To play the unnamed game.

We started in a triangle
Watching each other's eyes.
When the whistle signaled
We would run at each other.

The rules were easy to learn.
You lost when you were thrown to the ground.
Or when your nose began to bleed
From an unseen fist to the face.

When our bruised bodies tired
The triangle would reform.
I wanted so badly to play tag
Or sit on a swing in front of the teachers

But I was scared the bullies would beat me up
If I did not play the unnamed game.
And to this day and all the rest
I continue to play the game that is unnamed.

A Final Goodbye

Slowly, the smell of silence has started.
All of the wall clocks have stopped
For the first moment I can remember.

There must be ice below my unstable feet
Because I take baby steps as I approach the old man.
Waiting for my last smile, before being placed back into the earth.

I look behind to the crowd.
The tip of my tongue tastes salt. My face is numb.
A failed birthday wish from so many years ago.

My lungs full of smoke from the candle still burning on my cake
Before I can wipe the tears and smile, I am greeted by one.
Like the smile of a sleeping newborn.

It is fake, but it allows for me to thin my lips and take a deep breath
Of roses and carnations
Which have been placed in floral arrangements at his feet.

Dying, yet more alive with smell and sense
Than in their entire short lives.
As I.

Journal of a Dead Man

Everyday in every week
Blackened nights and blacked days
Only a ray of light I seek
My mind is like a darkened haze

Every day the hope leaves fast
Blackened nights and blackened days
Full of fear that will not pass
My mind is like a dead end maze

Every day I lie back down
Blackened nights and blackened days
And listen for a little sound
Without the hope to try to raise

Everyday is just the same
Blackened nights and blackened days
Soul removed and filled with shame
Buried under lifeless praise

A slow walk up somber stairs

I walk across the brown grass
Avoiding the wind
I weave through a crowd
Uncomfortable
I arrive at the door
Out of breath
I push with my right arm
Hand frozen
I take a step up
Alone
And I begin to climb

Unstable

The man I see in the window is looking into my brain
Full of ideas, full of nothing
I look into the glass and see a reflection, see nothing
I see total darkness, but it comes back into love
I need to see the colors, the black
I need the keys, need to wash my hands
The way into my brain is blocked
It's all gone, nothing on the ground
Are they going to know the truth inside me?

Desent into Madness

Will it ever stop
I don't know what it means
But it needs to stop

The future blocked by questions
The past long forgotten
I don't know how I got here and I don't know how to leave
While I stand ashamed in a doorway to nowhere, my mind has started to melt. Oh, and the cold. Stop the cold, my arm has fallen off. You expect me to continue, I have no arm and my brain is running out my nose. I can't think. My eyes. torn out by evil thoughts which have invaded my empty skull. a one armed, blind, hell spawn am I destined to walk a barren earth beating non-conformers with my arm as I decay and turn to ash.

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws