Blaine digs up dusty Picks strategy and unleashes it to topple rivals

Locked in an iron vault deep underground was a dusty old strategy on how to consistently pick the winners of NFL games.  Blaine used this secret method for many years in the 1980s, racking up title after title in the Sunday Football Picks.  He was truly unstoppable with this powerful resource, forcing all competitors to yield to his incredible records time and time again.

But Blaine abandoned that dominant strategy in recent years, thinking he was brilliant enough to achieve the impressive level of success strictly on his own.  He packed the confidential document away in a sturdy wooden chest, wrapped in heavy chains and dropped into a secure vault far beneath the Earth's surface.  It was out of sight and out of mind.

Blaine won Picks titles in 1998 and 1999, but has been mired in a terrible slump ever since.  After finishing in last place in 2003 for the first time in his 24-year career, and then falling to last place in the first week of 2004, Blaine knew something extraordinary needed to be done to restore his dominance in the Picks.  He contemplated the ugly situation, and finally remembered the buried treasure that held the answer.

Last Wednesday, Blaine drove to the undisclosed location with a highly paid excavation crew that fortunately accepts the Discover Platinum Card.  After a three-hour flurry of shovels and bolt cutters in a massive and muddy hole, the vault was opened and the strategy retrieved.  The paper was barely legible, but the valuable directions could be read.  It was like Indiana Jones locating the lost ark.  This was simply huge for the embattled Picks veteran.  The 2004 Picks would now be everyone else's Temple of Doom.

Blaine announced the return of the mighty strategy later that week, but few seemed to believe his words of warning.  After all, the current members of the Picks were not around 20 years ago to experience the powerful method in all its glory, demolishing challengers like branches sliding into a wood chipper.  Everything was about to shift in Blaine's favor.

On Sunday afternoon with the strategy in full force, Blaine's victories began rolling in like a gambler collecting a Las Vegas jackpot.  His 10-5 record was tops for the week, beating his five rivals by a combined 19 games, just five short of a Picks record.  Mark was 9-6, QT and Nicki were 6-8, and D.J. and Ali were 5-10.  Blaine was propelled from last place to second place, narrowly missing first place when Cincinnati kicked a last-second field goal to claim its first win over Miami in 27 years.