LYNDELL'S MINI - REVIEWS!!!
out of a 5 star ratings system!!
Aberration~ ***1/2
On the run from her criminal boyfriend, a girl takes refuge in the cabin she lived as a child and soon finds herself trapped in the cabin with a wild life expert by a horde of flesh eating mutant lizards. A fun little movie that features some good gore scenes as well as being absolutely hilarious. Oddball as well as it features some of the creatures actually burrowing themselves into people's skin. Stars: Pamela Gidley(Mafia!) and Simon Bossell. RT: 93 minutes
As a child, Joel Winter meets a vampire while out in the woods. The become friends until she leaves him to pursue her vampiric needs whenever he is an adult. Joel is now sucked into the vampire world as he meets another sexy vampire and finds death all around him.A dissapointing film. It was apparently shot on video and im sorry Kevin Lindenmuth but you need to work on your directing skills for any upcoming films. The film did have good gore(albeit fake looking) but tedious and boring nonetheless. Followed by 2 sequels. Not much in the nudity area but the film does feature one of the hottest women I have ever laid these eyes upon, and that woman is Sasha Graham....Why couldn't she have shed some of those sexy clothes off?? Stars: Sasha Graham(Bloodletting). Directed by Kevin Lindenmuth
Students in a Fear class get together at their teacher's house to tell scary stories while meanwhile another angry student waits in the basement with an axe to bear.
~The stories include: a couple's car breaks down and they go into an abandoned house to use the phone...but there may be a killer in the house as well. ~ A group of teenage girls are pursued through an inner city neighborhood by a pervert and his trio of ferocious dogs. ~A telephone operator is harassed and then stalked by a serial killer. My personal favorite! This is a very fun movie with some good performances and creepy stories. While not as fun as other anthology movies such as Tales from the Crypt or Creepshow, it's still great nonetheless. Especially the superior "telephone operator" segment that will surely elicit chills. Stars: Jillian McWhirther(Progeny), Marg Helgenberger(Species). Directed by: Jim and Ken Wheat
A young girl is stabbed to death during a church ceremony and the obvious suspect is the sister's odd sister. Whenever even more stabbings occur, the sister is suspected of these crimes as well as she knew all the victims. Is the sister crazy enough to do these things? Or is someone else out there....waiting. While it wasn't AS good as I had been hoping, it is still a decent slasher flick with some very well directing. The film also features a very creepy looking killer and it keeps you guessing as to who the killer is until the very end. Stars: Brooke Shields(her film debut). Directed by: Alfred Sole
After recieving a distress signal from a desolate planet, a crew on a spaceship go to the planet only to have a strange creature attach itself to one of the crew and lay alien eggs in his chest. It then hatches and the crew must hunt down and kill this acid-blooded alien before it kills them.~ A classic scarefest from brilliant director Ridley Scott. The film features top notch FX and has some of the scariest "jumps" ever seen. Was followed by 3 sequels with only the first sequel surpassing this one. Stars: Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skeritt, Ian Holm. Directed by: Ridley Scott
Ripley awakens from Cryo-Sleep to discover that her vessel has crashed onto a prison planet with no way off. What's worse is that it seems that another pesky alien has snuck onto the planet. Ripley must band together with the murderous inmates to survive. A couple steps down from the greatness of the the first 2 Alien films but is still good in it's own right. One problem i see is that only having 1 alien this time is going to lose some of the audience that loved Aliens. David Fincher does a credible job directing but the fx are pretty bad and not many of the characters are likable in this one. If you want to see the TRUE version of this film, check out the longer Producer's Cut out on DVD now. Stars: Sigourney Weaver, Charles Dutton, Lance Henrikson. Directed by David Fincher (Fight Club, Se7en)
One sunny day, a group of people are having fun and drinking on a boat when all of a sudden, it explodes....turning them into flesh-craving zombies. The roam the small town killing it's residents. It is up to a small group of people to stop them and survive this hellish nightmare. The only reason I would recommend this film is because of it's "so bad it's good" factor. The acting, directing, and FX are all laughable. Im surprised I came up with that many words to describe the plot as there is no plot. The ending is the biggest insult. But hey, at least it doesn't bore you. Stars: Buster Crabbe, Linda Lewis. Directed by Fred Olen Ray (Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers)
After Ripley's death in the third film, she is cloned by "the company" so alien dna can be extracted from her body. The reason is so the company can breed a species of the aliens for themselves. Well the aliens soon escape and Ripley along with a few of the unorthodox doctors and a group of space pirates must make their way to the escape ship while not becoming lunch for the drippy sloppy aliens. While it doesn't reach the heights of the other films in the series, this one features a shit load of aliens with plenty of gore and some breathtaking fx. The characters are all a bunch of badasses and director Jean Pierre Jeunet makes the film as strange and offbeat as possible which breathes some fresh air into the series. Stars: Sigourney Weaver, Winona Ryder, Ron Pearlman, Brad Dourif, Leland Orser, J.E. Freeman. Directed by Jean Pierre Jeunet (City of Lost Children)
After a mining colony on the planet that the original aliens were found go missing, a squad of marines are sent there to find out what happened. Along for the ride is Ripley as she knows what to expect from the aliens. But soon after arriving they are stranded and being hunted by the hordes of aliens. One of the greatest action/sci-fi movies ever made as James Cameron shows his brilliance of directing, years before Terminator 2. This film takes every element of the original and brings it up a notch. Tons of creatures, tons of victims, great fx, and great characters. Stars: Sigourney Weaver, Bill Paxton, Michael Beihn. Directed by James Cameron (Titanic, Terminator)
Yet another match-up over 10 years in the making to come out within the past year. The first was Freddy VS Jason which was a dissapointment. Now its the big boys' turn. Despite all the negative talki and review this film is getting, i thought it was a blast. Sure, it's just a big dumb action movie...but it's a good one. The main thing to remember is that this is not an ALIEN movie...so dont go in expecting the same kind of tone as that classic series. It's also not a PREDATOR movie. This is a PG-13 version of both creatures beating the fuck out of each other. What else can you expect from a movie like this? The FX are great and although the characters are all dumb and say the stupidest things....who cares! Thats not what we are here for. So i give i hearty thumbs up.
Stars: Aliens, Predators, Sanaa Lathan, Ewan Bremner, Colin Salmon, and Lance Henrikson
Directed by Paul T Anderson (Resident Evil, Event Horizon)
After the retirement of the head psychiatrist at a mental institution, his successor finds him and his family trapped in their house by his new psychotic patients who arent particularly happy about the change. Entertaining and creepy movie with some fun characters and scary and original moments such as one particular scene involving a character named "the bleeder"....if you saw the recent slasher flick VALENTINE, you might recognize a scene that was basically stolen from this film. Tits are good in this film as there is a pretty sweet sex scene just before the couple are killed off by the nutties. This girl is extremely hot with a nice little body. Thank you! Stars: Donald Pleasance, Martin Landau, JAck Palance. Directed by Jack Sholder (The Hidden, Nightmare on Elm Street 2)
After a woman's child drowns in the bathtub when she wasnt looking, she breaks down and is put in a hospital. Months later, she is let out and her friends take her on a trip to cheer her up but when their plane runs out of gas, they find themselves stranded at a house of murderous religious nuts and killed off one by one. Such a great and excellent movie that it was actually my favorite film as a child growing up. The performances in the film are top notch, most notably from the entire kooky family led by Rod Steiger and Yvonne Decarlo. The direction is good and there is some pretty good gore as well. The ending is so offbeat it is great. YOU MUST SEE!! Stars: Rod Steiger, Yvonne Decarlo, Michael J. Pollard. Directed by John Hough (Legend of Hell House)
Patrick Bateman is a wall street yuppy who just wants to fit in with everyone else. But there is a dark side of him that likes to inflict pain on others. Great direction and Christian Bale is perfect as the homicidal Bateman. The murder scenes are brilliant with Bateman axing and chainsawing his victims while meanwhile discussing the new Huey Lewis album. On of the best horror films to come out in the past decade. Unfortunately a sequel is out there with a murderous girl....and William Shatner is the detective after her! Watch for the hilarious 3some scene in which Bateman has sex with 2 prostitutes...while flexing at himself in the mirror. Stars: Christian Bale, Samantha Mathis (yummm), Chloe Sevigny, and Willam Defoe. Directed by Mary Harron
2 friends are backpacking through London when they are attacked by a beast...a werewolf. One friend is killed while the other is just bitten. While in the hospital, the man falls in love with the nurse and he stays at her house. His dead friend shows up to warn him that he will turn into a werewolf at the next full moon but only believes that he is going crazy..but low and behold he has soon become a werewolf and is murdering people on the streets of London. With the help of his doctor and his girlfriend, he must find a way to stop this murderous rage. This is thee greatest werewolf ever made, easily surpassing The Howling in my opinion. The FX in the film are flawless as no computer fx had been used to show David's transformation into the lunar beast. The film also has a great sense of humor with it and features the scariest opening 10 minutes in films history as the 2 friends are stalked in the moors by the wolf...also, sufficed to say that a pub they visit, shortly before getting attacked was The Slaughterd LAmb!!! Stars: David Naughton, Griffin Dunne, Jenny Agutter. Directed by John Landis (Animal House)
Andy and his 2 friends travel around the world, performing stunts. While in Paris, Andy becomes entangled with a strange girl who he discovers to be a werewolf. One night he is bitten by another werewolf and must find and kill the werewolf who bit him which will turn him back to normal again. It is a shame that Anthony Waller chose to make this movie after his brilliant Mute Witness..He was a director on the rise and now because of this film he has not been heard of since. The film is pretty much garbage. They fuck up everything that was great about the original film. The great FX is replaced by horribly shitty computer effects. The characters and dialogue is retarded but i will say that Waller makes it VISUALLY interesting with his directing. Stars: Julie Delpy, Tom Everett Scott, Julie Bowen. Directed by Anthony Waller (Mute Witness)
A family of 5 move into a lakeside house in the town of Amityville but little do they know is that years ago, a man killed his entire family in the house and the evil still lurks in the house. The father, James Brolin, finds himself slowly being taken over by the evil but can they escape before it is too late and the evil has destroyed this family as well? A great and classic tale of scares and horrors with great direction and a memorable performance from James Brolin as the slowly deteriorating father of the family. The house itself is very creepy looking and the director makes the house itself look compellingly evil. It is it's own character in the movie. Stars: James Brolin, Margot Kidder, Rod Steiger. Directed by Stuart Rosenberg
A writer for a magazine moves into the infamous Amity house with his daughter, refusing to believe all the "nonsense" about the house being haunted. But he soon discovers he may be wrong as he becomes entangled in supernatural activities. What starts off like it may be an original take on the Amityville story, soon turns into a complete rip off of Poltergeist...and badly I might add. The movie become too boring and convulated and gorehounds will be dissapointed as there is non in sight. Go rent Poltergeist again if you want to see a better version of this story. Stars: Tony Russell, Tess Harper. Directed by Richard Fleischer (Soylent Green)
A man brings a clock home to his estranged family but it just so happens that this clock once resided in the HOUSE in Amityville. Soon the evil spirits are taking over the family and killing and torturing everyone around them. It is up to the teenage son to stop the evil and save his family. Definitely a step in the right direction for the Amityville series. Gorehounds will be pleased to see buckets of gore thrown throughout this imaginative movie. And guys looking for "eye candy" will definitely be pleased by the gorgeous Megan Ward as the teenage daughter. Entertaining movie for horror fans. Stars: Megan Ward, Shawn Weatherly, Dick Miller. Directed by Tony Randel (Hellbound: Hellraiser 2)
A documentary crew floating down the Amazon,making a film on an ancient indian tribe ,find themselves being stalked by a 40 ft Anaconda snake after they pick up a mysterious snake poacher stranded in a storm. Sure the plot isn't much and sometimes the acting is poor...but who cares! There's a giant snake eating people whole. At times the FX are laughable as you can clearly see wires hooked up to the snake at times, but during the moments of CG, it looks great. A fun "popcorn" movie. Stars: Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Jon Voight. Directed by Luis Llosa
Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid ~ ***1/2
I gave this killer snake sequel the same rating as the first Anaconda but ultimately, the first film comes out a little better. While most people complain "Who the hell wanted a sequel to Anaconda??", I say bring it on. Sure, the original is no classic...but it was a fun campy ride. This sequel actually passes the original in many ways, but ultimately it's the horrible CGI snake effects and lame snake-attack scenes that bring this down a few notches. This sequel follows a group of people going to the wilds of Borneo to find the Blood Orchid, a flower that may possess the ability to act as a "fountain of youth". Of course, their boat ends up crashing and the flower is right in Giant Anaconda territory..oh and it happens to be Anaconda Mating Season as well....these guys cant catch a break. There's nothing too new or original in this film but like the original pre-J-LO classic, its a movie that you will have FUN eating popcorn while watching. Not great cinema...just entertaining.
Stars: Johnny Messner, Morris Chessnut, and over a dozen horny Anacondas.
Directed by: Dwight H. Little (Halloween 4: Return of Michael Myers)
A beautiful girl goes off to a prestigious medical school but instead finds terror as the students are disappearing one by one and the young girl suspects that they are being used for deviant medical experiments. Stylish and well made slasher movie from Germany that stars the immensely beautiful Franka Potente from "Run Lola Run". While there isn't much gore and no nudity, the films makes up for these flaws with style and a creative story. I definitely recommend picking up the DVD as it contains a lot of great extras including a music video by one of the beautiful young co-stars of the film. Stars: Franka Potente. Directed by Stefan Ruzowitzky
The film starts off with deranged son and his equally strange mother who hypnotizes him daily to keep him under control. He soon goes berserk and makes his way to a movie theater where he proceeds to cut out the eyes of the patrons.....but then we realize that this is all just a movie...being watched by an audience at a real movie theater..but little do they know is that there is a real madman in the theater! Absolutely excellent and hypnotic horror film that is so original in it's storytelling that it's hard to take your eyes off of it. The performances are great, most notably from Michael Lerner and Zelda Rubinstein who play the screen's mother and son. I highly recommend this film. I think it is the closest to Hitchcock that we can get nowadays. Stars: Michael Lerner, Zelda Rubinstein. Directed by Bigas Luna
A group of friends go to their rich friend's secluded house on the lake for a weekend of fun and relaxation. That is soon all over as they are being knocked off by a deviant madman...or woman...one by one. This film is usually considered a favorite among horror fans of the slashers of the 80's. While it is a decent movie, the ending kind of ruins the movie for me as it makes the film unable to show any good gore. But dont get me wrong, the film is good as the actors are fun to watch and the script is very funny but overall it was a disappointment. Stars: Amy Steele, Deborah Foreman. Directed by Frank Mancuso Jr.
A young high school student discovers that an ex-Nazi is living in hiding in his town and blackmails the old man to tell him of his days in concentration camps..or else he will turn the man in. But the more the boy hears, the deeper he begins to fall for the evil of hatred.
This movie based on a story by Stephen King is an original and creepy film thanks to Bryan Singer who chose to direct this film after being successful with The Usual Suspects. All of the performances are incredible in the film such as Ian McKellan as the old Nazi, and Brad Renfro as the curious boy. One of the better King adaptations. Stars: Ian McKellan, Brad Renfro, James Karen. Directed by Bryan Singer (X-Men)
During an expedition down in Venezuela, a photographer is killed by a deadly spider. His body is shipped back to his hometown but unbeknownst to everyone else, the spider has hitched a ride with him. It mates with a local spider and breeds a hord of killer spiders onto the town. A man and his family have just moved into the small town and it seems that the spider has chosen their barn as it's nesting ground. The man along with the local exterminator and a few others must find the mother spider and destroy her before the entire town is killed. Excellent and fun as hell movie that will creep out anyone with a fear of spiders(such as myself). The movie is non-stop thrills from start to finish and has a very intelligent and humorous script with John Goodman being the standout as the hilarious Exterminator. Stars: Jeff Daniels, John Goodman, Julian Sands. Directed by Frank Marshall
A group of teens are each given a prototype of a new Virtual Reality game but there is one catch..when you die in the game, you die in real life. It is up to Megan Ward and Peter Billingsley to beat the game and stop the deaths. Well made movie from Full Moon that features good VR effects as well as good direction and a good cast, most notably the gorgeous Megan Ward. No gore in the film but still an entertaining ride for horror or non-horror fans alike. Stars: Megan Ward, Seth Green, AJ Langley. Directed by Albert Pyun
After being sucked into the portal at the end of Evil Dead 2, Ash now finds himself back in midieval times where the humans are troubled by deadites. The cowardly Ash must find a way back to his original time which means partaking in an all out war against the Deadites. While this film is not as good as either of the other 2 Evil Dead films, it is merely because this film takes a different approach. Where as Evil Dead 1 and 2 were more horrific, Army is more humorous, mostly focusing on Ash's cowardly ways. The film is all fun and never lets down although fans of the original film's horror elements will be sadly missing it here. Stars: Bruce Campbell, Embeth Davidtz, Ted Raimi. Directed by Sam Raimi
A cop takes the assignment of heading a police precinct that is in the midst of closing down. Whenever a man runs in for help, it seems he is being chased by a vicious emotionless gang. They attack the Precinct and the people trapped insed must defend themselves against the easily outnumbering gang outside. While not exactly horror, one can definitely call it horrific. Carpenter has made a great and classic movie here. The gang is the best part of it as they attack with as little emotion as a group of George Romero's living dead which MUST have been an inspiration here. The movie is exciting from start to finish. On eof Carpenter's best in my opinion. Stars: Austin Stoker, Charles Cyphers, Nancy Loomis. Directed by John Carpenter
After a strange explosion while in space, astronaut Spencer Armocost returns home to his wife. But she senses something different about him. She soon becomes pregnant and begins to fear that the lives inside her may not be human. A unique spin off of Rosemary's Baby that is only mildly entertaining. The ending is quite good but the rest of the film as a whole gets rather boring. The most interesting aspect of the story is crazed ex-NASA employee Joe Morton trying to warn the wife (Charlize Theron) about her husband. Adequate film at best. Stars: Charlize Theron, Johnny Depp, Clea DuVall, Joe Morton. Directed by Rand Ravich
At the opening night of a Spook House on Halloween, a crazed killer returns to the abandoned prison (where the spook house is located) and begins a killing spree while dressed like popular genre characters (such as Jason, Myers, and the Crow). Obviously shot on home video, it is definitely better than what it should be but that still doesnt make it good. It tries to inject a little plot by showing apparitions that the killer imagines but fails and loses the viewer's interest. The killings are decent, at least for what the budget probably was. I recommend watching it if there is absolutely nothing else for you to do on a rainy day.
The world is under attack by killer...flying...rolling..and screaming....tomatoes! The movie achieves what it was working towards which was a spoof on low-budget sci-fi flicks and does feature some pretty funny scenes. But ultimately it doesn't live up to the cult status that preceeds it. One thing is for sure though, you wont be able to not smile everytime you HEAR the tomatoes! It was followed by 3 sequels....the first sequel featured actor George Clooney! Stars: David Miller. Directed by John De Ballo