THE END TIMES

VOLUME IV || ISSUE 3 || MARCH 14, 2007

The Most Wonderful Time of the Semester Has Arrived!

2008 Presidential Candidates Unveiled!

Word on the Quad

Forum Disputes Lead to New Gladiator Event

New Products at JBU Bookstore Cause Risqu� Scandal!

Cold War Chills Campus

Climate Control Added to Bubble

To the Little Man

END TIMES HOME

Cold War Chills Campus

There is a new cold war taking place in this new millennium. It is being battled across university campuses throughout the nation all the way to your local post office. Lloyd McLittlestonstoppolus, a leading expert on the new cold war, has said in a recent interview that this cold war could rip the fabric of the world as we understand it. Door openers are being one-upped by trash can holder openers. This one-upping by the trash can holder openers is creating an opening of doors and trash cans cold war arms race. Innocent bystanders who just want to walk through a door and throw their trash away are being threatened by this opening of doors and trash cans race. Door openers say that they are just trying to be nice. While trash can holder openers also say the same thing, the door openers say that the trash can holder openers are in it for selfish reasons. The trash can holder openers also contend that the door openers have always open doors for selfish reason. The trash can holder openers and the door openers are trying to prove who�s right by who can open doors and trash cans the most, the longest, and the best. Civilians are being caught in the opening cross fire. If nothing is done about these zealous door openers and trash can holder openers then the death toll will go up. Lloyd McLittlestonstoppolus is advising that we have trash can and door opener watch groups to watch out for these trash can and door openers, and catch them in the act as to imprison these despicable scoundrels. Hopefully this tactic will save innocent civilians.

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