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THE END TIMES VOLUME IV || ISSUE 3 || MARCH 14, 2007 |
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The Most Wonderful Time of the Semester Has Arrived! 2008 Presidential Candidates Unveiled! Forum Disputes Lead to New Gladiator Event New Products at JBU Bookstore Cause Risqué Scandal! |
New Products at JBU Bookstore Cause Risqué Scandal!The JBU Bookstore will soon be stocking a wider variety of licensed clothing and merchandise ranging from scented candles to a controversial selection of John Brown lingerie. Protests from university officials were outweighed by the leverage and ‘sleazy’ business practices of eFollett, the supplier of the bookstores’ wares. Junior Alora Fishmaze is concerned about the reputation of the school and the mixed messages being sent by offering such products as the “Golden Eagle Brassiere” and the pending “Sundown on the Soccer Field” line of panties. “I find it in poor taste, particularly the edible underwear,” Offered Fishmaze. Freshman Ezekiel Finklestein voiced a differing opinion. “Despite the inherent dangers, tassels and sequins make for great attire to romp through J-Alvin in.” Beyond the obvious issues with the risqué nature of the various men’s and women’s undergarments, there are other complaints as well. “Even if we could burn candles in our rooms, who would buy the scents ‘Greasy Noodles and Pork Chunks’ or ‘Sweaty Chacos’?” wonders Senior Rubella Withernosen. |
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