Tel-Aviv, 15 May, 2000
I , the wife, the undersigned, accept all
what's written in this contract.
1. In the impossible case I will not reach orgasm after
you roll on me drunk as Lot, while brething as an old man,
I will fake it.
2. In order for you not to feel that I faked it, I will use
declarations such as: Oh' my god, it was bigger then life...
and will meow like sex kitten.
3. I will never ask again for FORPLAY
4. I understand that a woman role in any relationship is to
admit guilty in any situation, hence, when you hammer
your finger or your favorite football team lost, I agree
that due to woman's uncomprehending scientific equation,
it will be my fault even though I am not / was not there.
5. In each opportunity I meet my girl-friends I will tell them
that you are well equipped and even an elephant would have
been proud to have such tools.
6. I will mention how good you are in bed as often as I can.
7. After sex (I will never call it in disgraceful names such as
making love) I will not wait for you to hug me for hours
or until your arm is num.
8. In bed, I will be eager to experience all new positions you
could just think of, especially those positions when I do
all the work and you just lying in bed and enjoy yourself.
9. I will question all my girl-friends and will let you know
in case one of them has B-sexual tendency. I will invite
her to dinner, hide her key car, so she would have to
spend the night with us.
10. I here by, promise to exercise 2 hours every day, in
order to keep my body sexy and fit, even though your
beer belly reached the size of a 9 month pregnant
woman.
11. I here by, promise to never mention your big hair's
migration towards your back or that your head is in
the shape of a melon.
12. I promise to shave every cm/inch in my body and to
love your thistles during each week-end.
13. In case of separation, I here by declare, that I will never
go to bed with one of your pals or people you met / will
meet and when a man will approach me I will announce
that you were the best, hence, I am not able to be with
anyone else.
14. I understand that all mechanical objects, such as cars,
computers, games, remote control are beyond woman's
understanding, and I will make a fool of myself in trying
to use them, therefore, you are responsible for all tech /
mechanical items.
15. All other objects which listed here are exceptional: irons,
washing machine, dryer, oven, hoover, toilets, diapers,
garbage can.
I , the undersigned, declare here by, that while signing this
contract, have good and outstanding mental state of mind.
______________
The undersigned (wife)